* * * * *

During the next week, I take Owen out for dinner, just the two of us. We haven't been doing that during our agreement – we haven't been dating – so it's more for a debrief. We will have one more scene at the club, on Friday, the last one of the agreement, so I ask him if he'd be willing to do it for an audience. He says yes – I think the demonstration, and my birthday dinner, has opened up some exhibitionist switch in his brain and he's excited about it now, even asking to not be blindfolded.

The audience is intentional. I like this kid and I don't want our last time together to be marred by emotion or thoughts of what might have been. It's a real shame that we aren't suited long term, because if we were I'd definitely be asking him for something more. Even though we haven't been dating in any way, we've had hours of time together, before and after scenes, and I really like him as a person, and feel a responsibility to make sure he's okay.

I know that the idea of being a submissive came to him because he's always had a life of responsibility, being a carer for his mom, who had Myalgic encephalomyelitis, from the age of six, even more so when she was diagnosed with terminal non-Hodgkin's lymphoma when he was fifteen, and looking after his younger brother at the same time. There had never been a father on the scene, and when he was twenty-four and his brother had finally finished college and was out in the real world with a proper job, he decided he wanted to give up and let someone else look after him for a change. I feel bad that I haven't been able to find him that person.

"I'm sorry I haven't helped you find the right Master yet, Owen, I haven't given up."

"It's okay, Sir, I know I'm asking for a lot," he looks up at me with his clear green eyes, "I could just give up on looking for a Daddy? There's more important things in a relationship."

I know what he's saying and my heart beats a little faster, but I calm it down. I have to be an adult about this – it's not some teen drama where we can just go with our hearts.

"I don't think you can, Owen. You could accept something that wasn't what you wanted, but you're strong – would you really want to settle for second best when your best is out there? I don't think your desires, and the reason why you got into the lifestyle, is something that you should compromise on. I don't think you should compromise on any of the important stuff."

"Yeah," and his voice is quiet, "but you offer almost all of that important stuff, and you make me feel safe and looked after."

"Only when we're playing, Bunny. You know I can't offer you that full time. I can't take away the responsibility."

And after all, I wouldn't really want to, it isn't what I want in a sub.

* * * * *

On Friday, I'm preparing to leave my office, when the quiet buzzer goes. Mariella left an hour ago, as I'm planning on going straight to the club, so no one is here. I head into the waiting room and my jaw drops when I see who is there.

"Amir!"

"Gray, it's amazing to see you."

He pulls me in for a hug, he's almost as much of a hugger as me, which I always find a little unusual in a Brit.

"What are you doing here?"

His face falls at my words and I hug him to me again.

"I wasn't doing that well. I decided to take a sabbatical a couple of months ago, well, my boss actually insisted I take an extended leave of absence, and I've just been floating around in that big empty house. It wasn't helping. So, I decided to visit my old friend Gray."

"Well, I'm glad you did. Where are you staying, and for how long?"

"I'm booked into the Four Seasons for a couple of nights. But, I'm hoping you'll help me find an apartment or something. I might stay a while."

"No way, you can come and stay with me. I have my own ridiculous space to get lost in. It will be nice to have some company."

"If you're sure? Perhaps for a week or two until I decide what to do."

"Perfect. Now, what are your plans for tonight?"

"Nothing in stone. Was hoping you might be available for dinner?"

"Well, we can do a quick dinner, but I have to go to the club tonight, I'm doing an exhibition scene."

"Oh you are, are you?" Amir's deep brown eyes are laughing, "Well, it's been a very long time since I saw you in action. Feel like inviting me?"

"Definitely," I smile, it's nice to see him happy about this.

"So does that mean you have a new sub?"

"I've been working with someone for the last few weeks, but tonight is our last scene."

"You don't want to carry on working with him?" I know Amir worries because he was there just before things went bad with Liam and saw how affected I was, even though I hate that he worries about me, under the circumstances.

"No, it's a little complicated. I can't offer him what he needs, though he really is an amazing person, and I'll be sad to see him go," I stop Amir before he says what he's thinking, "and carrying on in a casual fashion will just lead to heartache down the line. Neither of us are what the other needs."

"Okay, you know best," Amir pats me on the shoulder and I feel the warmth of his care.

* * * * *

At dinner we talk about work; Amir is a psych consultant at Greater London Hospital, and I first met him at twenty when he was in charge of a group of university interns, me included. He took me under his wing in a professional capacity and, over the year, we became friends.

I met his boyfriend, Gavin, and we spent time together, but it wasn't until I'd finished my internship that Amir admitted Gavin was actually his submissive, and that he thought I was a natural Dominant, and should give the lifestyle a try.

I trained under Amir, and he was as warm and guiding a trainer in that as he had been in the hospital. Although I have developed since, there's no doubt Amir is the reason I entered the lifestyle as a competent and respected Dom, and even my natural laid-back nature has never taken that away.

We don't talk about our personal lives though, and Amir doesn't ask me anything else about Owen. It's easy to know why. Just over three months ago, Gavin had been involved in a road traffic collision while Liam and I had been visiting London. Liam had been in the car too and was okay, but Gavin didn't make it, and Amir's life has been rocked to its core.

They'd been together for twelve years, and I have never been able to fathom the desperate, aching void that I know Amir feels. After what happened with Liam, I wasn't even able to stay to comfort him for longer – it wouldn't have been right – and I know I've been holding onto that feeling that I abandoned him since then. Maybe him being here now will allow me to move past that.

* * * * *