L had sat on the matter for a while now. It was now clear to him that you were upset but he still didn't know his own feelings. He did care for you, but his trust issues were looming over him and he didn't quite know a way around it. Yes he did want you to be happy and if being with him was what it took, it wasn't that bad of a price to pay. But his skeptical mind and lack of understanding about his own emotions was making things hard.

He had issues to work through and as Misa said, heal form. But he didn't know where to start. He truly was a broken man, that just swept the shattered glass to the side and repressed it. But it was clear that something had to be done about it. He'd never had someone to trust, to love, to hold. He was so touch starved, and lacked contact comfort. And he was so out of it emotionally he didn't even understand his own sometimes. And in all honestly, a relationship with you like you wanted would open doors to have that support. It was just a scary thing to do for someone who's never had that before.

Now that it'd been bought to his attention, he could see that you were indeed gloomy and upset about the fact nothing you did got through to him. And he realised now that you had good intentions and would never hurt him. But it was hard to just let someone in like that, one wrong thing said and everything would ruined. If you accidentally spilled any information about him to anyone, it'd be over for him. That's just the catch of his job. But seeing you so upset made him feel genuinely guilty, that was a feeling he did understand.

He didn't know how to express his feelings in words. He did care for you, and he was willing to have a relationship with you, he was just... scared.

But as they say, actions speak louder than words. So he had a risky idea.

You'd been on nightshift together and it'd been silent the whole time. There was an awkward tension between the two of you now. But you had to speak at some point. Eventually it got past midnight and it was your time to go to bed. Tired and gloomy you stood up, turning off your computer.

"I'm going to bed... goodnight" you sighed.

You turned to leave, but L grabbed your wrist. You stopped, turning back to look down at him. He hesitated for a moment. But after a second of thinking he pulled on your arm, making you lean down. He placed a gentle kiss on your cheek, catching you off guard and making your heart skip a beat. If it was anyone else you would have slapped them, but this L, this was different.

"I...I know. I'm sorry. But... I don't even understand myself, I need to work on that first" he said, a quiet and guilty voice.

You let those words sink in. He'd just confirmed to you that he knew about your feelings and somewhat returned them. And while he was willing for a relationship, he just... wasn't completely ready yet.

"Well, I understand. Thanks for finally acknowledging this... just know that when you're ready I'll be waiting. It doesn't have to be official until you understand yourself first" you smiled down at him.

It was like a weight lifted off your shoulders, a storm in your mind cleared. You were ok with waiting, as long as it meant one day he'd be yours. You turned to walk away, getting to the door way when his voice stopped you again.

"If it isn't official... does that mean I can't, you know... seek out contact comfort in you?" He asked.

He stopped in your tracks and giggled under your breath. That was basically L code for 'can I still cuddle you?' 

"I'm always here sweetheart, I'm ready when you're ready" you said.

You left for upstairs where you got ready for bed and slipped under the blankets, turning off the lights and trying to fall asleep. It was silent for a while, as your mind slowly shut down and prepared for slumber. But after about 15 minutes you heard the door open, and could see light from the hall behind your eyelids.

"Hey... (y/n)?" L's voice rang through the room.

You knew what he wanted. You didn't say anything, just lifted the blankets and let him crawl in. Bringing down the blankets and your arm around him, allowing him the much needed inter-human contact.

"I love you, but you don't have to love me until you're ready sweetheart" you said.

"I do love you... I just don't know what to do..."

You knew full well that he had to figure out his own emotions and his own life before engaging with another. It could cause lots of pain and confusion if he didn't. He had to open up first, and heal first. You'd be there to help him, and you'd be bummed that he wasn't yours, sure. But you knew that one day he'd be ready. One day he'll figure it all out.

And you'll wait for that day, as long as it took. Staying by his side, no matter how long.