A/n: Y'all already KNOW that now I know this information I'm making a dramatic onehsot about it. For those who didn't see, I found out L is 22 FUCKING KILOGRAMS UNDER WEIGHT FOR HIS HEIGHT. MY POOR BABY. So you bet your ass imma make a drama oneshot. So if you get triggered by eating disorders, maybe skip this one. This is long so buckle up.

Hc: you notice that L's way too skinny for his height, and you intend to find out why.

L was always a little worrying to you. He was always so pale, so tired, so overworked. But what worried you the most was just how thin he was. He was past the point of being naturally skinny, for being 5.10" he was just... so small. At first you just thought maybe he was actually just naturally skinny, or he just had natural twigs for arms. Some people have small wrists and such while still being a good weight.

But that idea went down the drain when he got into that fight with Light. He may be strung enough to fight back but he was so exhausted after. That... and when Light grabbed him by the shirt, you gat a glimpse of what's under his oversized shirt, and the fact you could slightly see his ribs was very concerning.

But weight was such a sensitive topic for people, you didn't know how to bring it up with him. L was rather closed off from his emotions as it was, you didn't want to come off as mean, or worry him. How do you go about telling someone clearly underweight to gain weight without making them feel bad?

That, and you didn't know exactly why he was so underweight. Was it an natural high metabolism? Was it his diet? Was it another health problem? Or... something worse?

Since Watari was his legal guardian you thought about asking him, but he seemed oblivious. Plus, he was the one supplying L with all his cakes, he probably had no idea. With the amount of sugar L ate, it was almost impossible to believe he was underweight. Someone like him who eats all those carbs and sugary foods would be at a pretty normal weight right? So that's why you were that extra amount concerned. He ate, lots. But he was so thin...

So you came to conclusion you had to dig for answers yourself. You knew that digging around for people's medical records was intrusive and not something you could be doing, but you were just that worried. L would have some kind of medical record in with the taskforce, under an alias probably. Everyone in taskforce had medical records available in case of emergencies. It was just a matter of where to find them.

So in the dead of night, you avoided the cameras as best as you could and went hunting in filing cabinets for medical records.

You knew his height, it was 5.10" someone his height should be about 72-75 kg. That was what you were hoping you'd see. After going through several drawers, you finally found them. You looked at yours, just to see if they were recent. Everything about you was spot on, so it must be pretty recent. You dig through the taskforces names until you found L's at the back. Labeled at Ryuzaki of course.

You pulled the paper out, it over. Correct height, pretty common blood type, insomnia, all normal.

But when you finally saw his weight your heart sank.

50kg. That's almost 22kg under what he should be. You knew he was underweight but not this underweight... quickly putting everything back, you closed the drawers and went back up to your room.

You had no idea what to do. You were so worried, but weight was SUCH sensitive topic to people. How on earth do you tell L he needs to gain at least 22kg! How do you tell him and make it seem nice? Like you cared? Like you weren't being insensitive?

This was such a big worry, there's no way someone can naturally be THAT underweight. There was definitely something else going on here as much as you didn't want it to be true. Now that you really thought about it, you'd never seen L wear something that wasn't oversized and long sleeved. Even in the summer he was completely covered.

What if he was insecure? What if he was dysmorphic? What if he was unknowingly harming himself trying to be pretty?

So many questions and worried ran though your mind. And it got the point you just couldn't keep any of this in anymore. You had to tell him how worried you were, even if it hurt him. Sometimes you have to hurt someone because you love them, for the better.

You got up, walking down the halls to the monitor room where he should be at this hour. Watching the security footage and stuff. But when you got there he wasn't sitting at his desk as usual. You checked the offices, and he wasn't there either. You went back to monitor room to check the cameras. The only floor that didn't have cameras was his, and no one but him was allowed up there. So when you saw he wasn't anywhere to be seen, you knew that's where he was.

Starting to get anxious, you made your way upstairs and up to his floor. You knocked, hoping he'd reply. But you got nothing.

"L?" You called out.

Nothing.

You put your ear to the door, the lights were on, you could see that through the cracks in the door. So he was in there, but not close enough to hear you.

It was silent for a moment. Deathly and anxiously silent.

But after a moment everything you'd been worrying about came crashing down around you.

Coughing, choking. Followed by hyperventilating and quiet sobs.

You were right, your suspicions and worried were right all along.

He was throwing up everything he ate.

Immediately starting to freak out, you knocked on the door louder, trying to open it.

"L! Open up!" You called out.

You still didn't get anything back. You'd have to pick the lock and hope he didn't get angry at you. Taking one of the hair pins you always kept on you, you jammed it into the lock. That's something you were always taught to do in police academy, always be prepared to pick a lock.

Screwing around with it for a minute you managed to get the door open, bursting in and looking around the halls, trying to find the bathroom where you knew he was.

"L! We need to talk right FUCKING now!" You exclaimed.

Your presence now known to him you spotted one of the doors lock.

"(Y/n), you're not meant to be up here!" He replied, shakily.

You skidded over to the door, shaking the handle.

"I know what you're doing! I'll pick the lock if I have to!"

"Just go awa-"

His voice was cut off by the sound of him coughing, proceeding to throw up again. His gag reflex obviously still active.

"I'm not leaving! This whole time I've been so worried about you but had no idea how to bring this up! Please just let me in!"

Jamming the pin into the lock again, you fiddled around with it until it opened. When you opened the door you found the detective leaning against the side of the bath, looking weak, sickly and tired. He was defeated and he knew it. Dropping to the floor, you wrapped your arms around him and held his weak body close to yours.

"Why? I just want to know why..." you said, getting upset yourself.

He didn't reply, just leaned against you, trying to find the words to reply with.

"You really think I wouldn't notice? You hired me specifically to read people, I could see this. I didn't know how to bring it up because weight is such a sensitive topic... and mental health with men isn't something people talk about that much, I didn't know how you'd react. If you'd be mad at me or even fire me for bringing it up. But I'm just so worried. When Light threw that punch at you I was so worried you wouldn't be strong enough to fight back... I was always worried this would be the case, but... why? Just tell me why..." you said.

It was a tragic sight seeing the most powerful man in the world this weak. The worlds greatest detective with an almost fairy tale like legacy wasn't even able to look himself in the mirror.

"I'm not worth this (y/n)" he said, in such a flat tone you could tell he was emotionally numb now that you knew.

"What do you mean?"

"I'll never amount to anything if I look like this... people only want a pretty face and tiny waist, I don't see people enough as it is with this job, but when they do see me, all I get are disgusted looks..."

What he was seeing want disgust, it was worry. Anyone who sees someone so skinny would be worried. There's the type of skinny people strive to be, and the type that's worrying. L was the latter.

To him, he wasn't enough. It was obvious he'd binge all that sugar and throw it back up every night. He was barely getting the nutrients and other important things the food provided because he wouldn't even be able to have it all fully digested before his fingers met his throat.

"People look at you because they're worried, L. You get all those looks not because they think you aren't pretty, it's because you looks so malnourished... people aren't usually this thin for your height, they aren't disgusted, they're worried. I'm worried" you said.

"You're lying"

"I'm not"

"YOU'RE LYING!"

He pushed you off of him, slipping away from you. His eyes were red from tears, his cheeks puffed from throwing up. He was weak, tired, stressed. It was a sad sight.

"Just listen to-"

"NO! YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME I LOOK FINE WHEN I DON'T. I JUST DON'T (Y/N)"

Something about his outburst just made you snap.

"YOU KNOW WHAT L? YOU'RE 22 FUCKING KILOGRAMS UNDERWEIGHT, AND I'M NOT ALLOWED TO BE WORRIED? THIS IS'NT HEALTY AND YOU KNOW IT. IF YOU WON'T BELLVE ME WHEN I SAY YOU LOOK FINE THEN GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU LOOK THIN- TOO THIN"

He looked up at you, horrified.

"Listen to me L. Your appearance isn't a fucking issue. It's your weight. Your hair is so cute and fluffy, your eyes are gorgeous, your skin is clear and pretty, you dress simple but it suits you so well. Your height isn't an issue, it's your weight. It doesn't make you look bad, it makes you look sick. You don't look bad, you look amazing. UP TO THE POINT WHERE I'VE A FUCKING CRUSH ON YOU ALL YEAR! But you're so thin it scares me. Every day I'm just waiting for you collapse and have to be hospitalised. Everyday I worry you'll faint, you'll break something, you'll slip into a coma, you'll die! It's not Kira getting to I'm scared of! It's the fact you might unknowingly kill your self!" You exclaimed.

Your words were hitting him like bricks, he had no idea he looked that way to you. He had no idea he was scaring you. He'd only ever seen himself as worthless and unattractive, not worrying.

"I don't want to make you feel bad for this... I'm not trying to make you worse. I just want you to be better. I want you to eat that strawberry shortcake you love so much and keep it down. I want you to be able to look yourself in the mirror and think you're at least decent. I want you to be able to wear short clothes in summer and not panic about your skin showing. I wish I could just tear my own eyes out of my head and replace your obviously broken ones with mine. Maybe that you'd he able to see that the way you look isn't an issue" you sighed, finishing your rant.

Even if L was a bit detached from his emotions, he knew what shame felt like. He knew you didn't intend to hurt him, but sometimes pain is a wake up call. The wake up call he needed sadly had to come from your words hurting him.

He felt shameful that he'd been scaring you, one of the few people he could actually call a friend. He has no idea that you actually cared, he didn't even know exactly how under weight he was. It would be like cutting his legs off, that's how much he was missing. He knew what he was doing wasn't good, but he couldn't stop, every time he looked in the mirror he didn't see a body worthy of anything.

He didn't think anyone would find out. He didn't think it was that big of a difference for people to notice. And now that someone knew he felt... bad about what he'd done. Too many conflicting emotions filled his mind, shame, sadness, anger... but, happiness that someone actually cared about him.

He just sat there, looking up at you with tears, and fear in his eyes. He didn't know what to do now.

You ducked back down to where he was sitting to look him in the eyes.

"Look, get up and brush you teeth to get the taste of stomach chemicals out of your mouth. I'll get some water and we can figure this out. If you think this is bad enough we can get you to a hospital. If not we can just figure out how to get you out of this habit" you said.

He slowly nodded, standing up to do as you said. As you went off to get some water, he picked up his toothbrush like you told him. Toothpaste tastes better than everything that was once in his stomach. Looking at his bloodshot eyes and post-throwing up state as he brushed his teeth was really making your words sink in. This wasn't a state he wanted to see looking back at him.

This wasn't what he wanted people to see him as.

Even being a normal weight was better than this, he saw that now.

Sitting on the end of his bed next to you with a glass of water in his hand and tissues by his side wasn't how he though this night would go. But here he was.

"We can't do anything unless you're willing to heal..." you said.

He was silent for a moment.

"Am I really scaring people..?"

"All those looks you think are disgust, are worry L. Yes, you're worrying people"

"I don't... want to scare people" he said.

"So, what will you do about it?"

You looked at him, starring at the ground as he turned the gears in his mind.

"Stop"

"Good, that's the first step. Tomorrow I'll make you breakfast, something small to start with. And you'll stay with me tomorrow night so I can make sure you don't immediately relapse back into it" you explained.

"What will you make?"

"Pancakes. They're filling but won't be too jarring. Recovering from these things means you have to start slowly or you can make yourself more sick"

"Ok..."

You sighed, pulling him into your arms. You hated seeing him like this so much. You loved him, you didn't want to see him suffer so much. This time he actually accepted the hug and weakly wrapped his arms around you in return.

"Did you mean that?" He asked.

"Mean..?"

"That you've had a crush on me all year? Even when I look like this?"

"I wouldn't lie about something like that. That's part of the reason why I've been that worried. I don't want to see someone I love so much suffer"

Breaking the hug you gave him a smile, hoping he'd understand. He gave you a small, weak smile back. All this emotion in one day was new for him. But this one was warm and fuzzy, and he liked it. Bringing a hand up to caress his tear stained cheek, you sighed.

"You put on this strong exterior but inside you're so fragile... I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. I just want you to be happy" you said.

His weak smile grew stronger, he never thought he'd see the day someone fell in love with him, but here you were, right in front of him.

You gently pulled him in, placing your lips on his. A kiss made him knew that you really meant this. If it was for you, he'd try. The kiss broke, his cheeks going red and his mind now making him shy.

"I love you, don't forget that" you smiled.

"I... I love you too... thank you for everything..."

You really wished you didn't have to ruin this moment. But there was still something important you had to address.

"Does... Watari know?" You asked.

L's smile dropped.

"N-no..." he replied.

The man that raised him, and the only father figure he had... he still didn't know. He would now have to tell him that all the food he'd been bringing his basically foster son... wasn't even being properly eaten.

"You have to tell him you know?"

The detective dreaded it, but he knew he had to. If he wanted to heal, his father figure would know.

"I know..."