Reminders:

↝ This is unedited so please excuse the errors that you will definitely meet as you read.

↝ Lahat ng mababasa mo dito ay opinyon ko lamang patungkol sa gawa mo. They are subjective but there are also parts na objective.

↝ Make sure to do all of the payments for this. I trust you.

↝ Feel free to correct me if I have said something wrong.

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Ang Simlula ng Kwento Nating Dalawa
written by FrancescaDcn

Genre: Romance
Language: Filipino-English

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i. Book Cover

I love the cover. Sobrang minimalistic nito. Simple pero eleganteng tignan. The color scheme is very pleasing to the eyes. The text is good except for the placement of your username. Medyo out of place siya doon sa gilid. You could just put in inline sa title, sa may ibaba. Other than that, wala na. I love the simplicity of it. It is not the usual covers that you could see and because of that, mas nangingibabaw ito. Mayroon siyang sariling spot light kumbaga.

ii. Story Title

Wow. Napaka-unique ng title mo. Wala akong masabi. Simple lang siya pero grabe ang impact nito. Nakakaintriga din. Ano nga ba yung simula? Ano bang mayroon? Ang daming questions mind ko and that's a good thing. Very relevant din ito sa mismong kwento. It's perfect!

iii. Story Description

Excellent work! Punong-puno ng emosyon ang description mo. It is really catchy at it makes me very eager to dive into the story. Ang lakas ng impact ng mga tanong na inilagay mo sa umpisa. Even the dialogues na nilagay, very powerful. You played the words really well. You supported the title really well. Napakaganda nito. Tamang tama yung mga nilagay mo.

When it comes sa format, I suggest na inext paragraph yung 'Ah! Naalala ko...' para mahighlight ito at magseparate sa mga questions.

Some clarification:
• nagsimula (one word)
• palayo nang palayo

iv. Prologue

So wala kang prologue o yung simula. Pero nang mabasa ko yung chapter one mo, akala ko prologue siya. Your first chapter really fits to be a prologue. Ipapaglalaban ko 'to hahaha!

First, it happens before the real start of the story. Obvious naman na flash backs o retelling lang yung kwento. At ang prologue ay naglalaman ng kaganapan bago mismo ang kwento. Parang patikim lang siya o hindi naman kaya ay back story.

In short, the prologue and the first chapter have (somehow) a different settings. Sometimes, ang ginagawang prologue ay yung end game ng character o hindi naman kaya ay sneak peak ng climax. Pero ang totoong prologue talaga ay yung mga nangyari before the real story starts. And that is your chapter one (lol).

If you did change it into prologue, I'll be really happy (lmao). Napakaganda nitong maging simula. Realllyyyy interesting! Did I tell you that you have a very creative mind? Napakakakaiba ng simula mo (if ever). Naalala ko bigla yung Titanic hahaha!

v. Characterization

Another splendid work! The characters are constant. May kanya-kanya silang ugali kaya napakadali nilang idifferentiate sa isa't isa. I can tell who is who. Next is napakarealistic at relatable nila. Isang factor siguro doon is that there are some parts na nangyari sa totoong buhay. Kahit na nahaluan ng fiction, nandoon pa rin yung feel na makatotohanan. Great job!

vi. Writing Style

→ Dialogues and Narrations

Dialogues are realistic though may mga nakita akong minimal mistakes sa dialogue tag. Alam ko na alam mo na din naman 'yon. Reread lang tayo before publishing para maitama yung mga 'yon.

Pagdating sa narration, mayroon lang akong isang concern. May part kasi sa story na 'chat' at tuloy-tuloy ito. Ang dry kasi nung part na 'yon. Purong text/chat lang siya. I suggest na mag-insert ka ng mga narrations. Hindi enough yung puros chat lang. You have to consider yung character. Anong reaction niya nung nabasa niya yung banat? Namula ba siya? Natawa? May iba ba siyang ginagawa o naghihintay nalang ng reply? In this way, mas mapipicture ng reader yung nagaganap kaysa yung palitan lang ng messages nila.

May isa pa pala. There are some narration na napakahaba. Pwede naman nating icut 'yon. May tendency kasi na mabored o kaya naman tamarin yung reader kapag ang haba ng paragraph. Pakiramdaman mo lang kung saan magandang icut ang paragraph.

→ Language

Use dash in between the prefix and rootword lalo na kung ang rootword ay nag-uumpisa sa vowel at ang prefix naman ay nag-uumpisa sa consonant.

• nag-enjoy
• mag-ayos
• napag-usapan
• nag-abala
• nag-aabang

Kapag naman yung rootword ay nag-uumpisa sa consonant, walang space in between.

One word
• nagkkwentuhan - nagkukwentuhan
• naka sarado - nakasarado
• mag-salita - magsalita

Heto naman yung mga ibang clarification:

• pano - paano
• asan / nasan - nasaan
• san - saan
• di - hindi / 'di
• pag - kapag / 'pag
• dun - doon
• wag - huwag / 'wag
• ganun - ganoon
• kela - kila
• tas - tapos
• eto - heto
• padin - pa din (separate)
• parin - pa rin (separate)
• la mesa - lamesa (la mesa is Spanish word, lamesa is Filipino)

Capitalize ang 'I' kahit anong mangyari. Always check the capitalization of proper nouns (Pilipinas).

Lastly, written in words ang numbers from 1 to 10.

→ Grammar

No problem with this one. Konting ayos lang sa mga words. Reread lang before publishing.

♡ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ♡

Hello, Naffy! Pasensya na kung ngayon ko lang naibigay ito. Sana may nakuha kang something dito hahaha! Thank you for trusting me. Your work is great. Keep writing! God bless!

Note: Please don't forget the reminders!