Reminders:

↝ This is unedited so please excuse the errors that you will definitely meet as you read.

↝ Lahat ng mababasa mo dito ay opinyon ko lamang patungkol sa gawa mo. They are subjective but there are also parts na objective.

↝ Make sure to do all of the payments for this. I trust you.

↝ Feel free to correct me if I have said something wrong.

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Serenity in the Rain
written by SnowCrownxx

Genre: Teen-Fiction
Language: Filipino-English

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i. Book Cover

I like the cover. Very minimal lang pero nandoon yung emotions. It's good na you made the title really stand out. I love how you darken the image. Nakakadagdag ito sa drama feels na pinoproject ng cover. Even the series name and your username is visible. I can see no problem with your current cover. It suits the story so much.

ii. Story Title

Napakahusay ng pagkakabuo ng title mo. You see na napakasimple lang niya pero it is actually more than that. Napakameaningful niya. I was really amazed nang malaman ko yung meaning behind that title.

It is also interesting. You put words that somehow contradict each other — serenity and rain. Rain doesn't usually calm people. Minsan nga nakakakaba kapag umuulan lalo na kapag malakas. It can make the readers wonder kung bakit mo nasabi na there is serenity in rain. Also, your title gives a very heavy atmosphere. Tunog bigating novel.

iii. Story Description

I find your description too plain. I mean napakaganda ng kwento, kung paano mo ito ginawa pero hindi ko siya makita sa description. The description doesn't give justice to your work. Nagkukulangan ako. I need something more powerful— more emotion and more information. The only sentences that prick my attention is the last two. Pwede naman sa dalawang sentences na 'yon iikot ang buong description mo. Mention mo yung dalawang ibig sabihin ng rain pero not to the point na naspoil mo na yung kwento. Or, just revise the other sentences.

Rain and rain. Same word but different feels. One brings serenity while the other disrupt everything in peace.

Just a suggestion. Napapa-on the spot ako hahaha! With that (↑), may naintroduce na agad ako na potential conflict and also, it's very intriguing. What's Rain and rain? Who is who? Hindi din ako lumayo sa title. Nandoon parin yung connection.

iv. Prologue

Oh girl! You nailed it! Compliment lang lahat ng masasabi. Nilagay mo yung kahahantungan ng dalawang characters. Napakawitty. It was delicately made. The emotion is there. The narration is on point. Napakahusay! It is a very great way to start a story. May naipakain ka na agad sa mga readers. It just makes them eager to know more about the backstory of that scene. Nice job!

v. Characterization

I'll be direct to the point. Limang chapter lang ang nabasa ko pero sa limang 'yon, hindi ko nakita yung pagiging pluviophile ng bidang babae. Pwedeng nasa latter chapters yung part na 'yon pero I do think na mas maganda na sa una palang ay naipakita na 'yon. This is to support the info that you put in the description. Focus kasi agad kay taong Rain.

Other than that, wala na akong nakitang problema. I love the attitudes of the characters. Sobrang relatable nila. Naibigay mo din yung mga details na kailangan in a very smooth way. Hindi yung tipong sinabi lang out of nowhere ng character. You always incorporate the new information about them with actions at ang labas, napakanatural lang. Yung sa pagiging in love lang sa rain ng bida ang nakikita kong nawawala. If ever nasa latter part pa yung scene na 'yon, maybe pwede mong isama sa narration (sa mga naunang chapters) yung weather para atleast nakikita yung pagiging interesado nung bida sa ulan.

vi. Writing Style

→ Dialogues and Narration
Walang problema dito. The dialogues are realistic. I could really imagine them saying it. No errors when it comes sa dialogue tag. Actually mayroon akong nakitang isa pero I think nalito ka lang doon. It's normal.

Very fun and light narration. Actually kinikilig ako hahaha! Sobrang relatable kasi ng mga kagaguhan ng mga friends niya. Maganda din kasi ang pagkakanarrate mo. Hindi awkward at cringy. It sounded natural at hindi over acting.

Maganda ang balance between sa pagiging descriptive at sa pagbibigay ng emosyon. Napakasmooth ng daloy ng kwento. Hindi din nakakabored basahin since tamang-tama lang ang haba ng mga chapters mo. Masyado kasing nakakaoverwhelm kapag sobrang haba ng mga chapters.

→ Language
Problems lang when it comes sa capitalization ng mga kinship terms o hindi naman kaya yung mga mama, ate, kuya and even ma'am. Kapag ang isang term ay nagtuturo sa iisang tao lang, automatic na nakacapitalize ito. For instance, yung 'mama,' it's very obvious na iisang tao lang yung pinapatungkulan ng term na 'yan so i-capitalize natin. Isa pa is that kapag may naka-attach na name, capitalize din (Ma'am Rose, Sir Rain, Ate Zen). Pero kapag generalize o di kaya ay sinusundan ng mga possesive pronouns (niya, ko), small letter lang Check out 'Be Aware' for more details.

→ Grammar
Malinis. Wala akong nakitang mali dito.

♡ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ♡

Hello, Lyra! Sana may naitulong ako sa'yo kahit papaano. Sobrang ganda ng gawa mo. You deserve more. Keep writing! May God bless you and always stay healthy!