Reminders:

↝ This is unedited so please excuse the errors that you will definitely meet as you read.

↝ Lahat ng mababasa mo dito ay opinyon ko lamang patungkol sa gawa mo. They are subjective but there are also parts na objective.

↝ Make sure to do all of the payments for this. I trust you.

↝ Feel free to correct me if I have said something wrong.

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Just One Drop
written by MissBluePen

Genre: Fantasy-Romance
Language: Filipino-English

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i. Book Cover

The cover is great. Saktong-sakto siya sa kwento. That image that you used is on point. It gives that thrilling effect. Napakamisteryoso. Also, you didn't use any portrayer. Magaling kasi iponokus mo doon sa bagay na'yon which is really the focus of the story. Nagkulangan lang ako sa text especially doon sa may title. It's too dull. I can't feel the Fantasy vibes within those fonts. Ayos naman yung 'Just One' pero yung 'Drop,' literal na dinrop niya yung mood ng cover. Explore tayo. Since may pagka-Fantasy ang story, doon tayo sa mga fancy na font style. If not, yung mga serif styles tapos pwede nating i-embed or emboss. Here are some examples:

May pa wow effect kasi yung mga ganito. Nakakaakit yung hitsura kaysa doon sa mga plain styles lang. It will make your story stand out than the others. Marami namang cover shops dito sa Wattpad na makakapagbigay sa'yo ng mga ganiyang style. Ilevel up lang natin yung current cover ng very very light.

ii. Story Title

I love the title. Naisip ko agad yung mga kontra bida sa mga Disney movies lmao. Ang ganda niya. It suits the story well. Napakasimple lang niya kung tutuusin pero iba yung impact niya lalo na at tumugma pa siya sa cover. They worked so well. They supported each other.

The title is enough to generate curiosity to the reader. Anong mangyayari sa isang patak na'yon? It generates critical questions that could push readers to open your work. Very simple yet catchy. It also suits the story well. Swak na swak. Hindi siya masyadong revealing to the point na ikinuwento na ng title yung buong kwento. Nandoon yung pahiwaga effect. You could smell something fishy. Yung tipong 'di ka makakalma hanggat hindi mo nalalaman kung ano ba yung tinutukoy ng title. Great job!

iii. Story Description

Very nice description. Umapisang umpisa palang ay umappeal ka na sa emotion. You threw out queries that are very relatable and interesting. Next, you gave enough information. Nilagay mo yung mga magagandang points na siguradong makakakuha sa atensiyon ng mga mambabasa. Kita agad yung conflict pero it is unclear so hindi naspoil yung kwento. That emphasis on the third paragraph is amazing. I love it so much.

Pagdating sa ikaapat na paragraph, mayroon akong nakitang medyo off. Ang dami mong nilabas sa part na'to. You revealed Audrey which is good kaso yung sa sumunod na sentence, medyo nawala. Heto yung entrada ni Chase, the guy. Medyo off lang yung pagkakaintroduce mo sa kaniya at hindi siya bagay isama sa kung ano mang nangyari kina Ross at Macey. It's either you put another sentence that could introduce Chase or just remove him from the description. Ayos lang naman kahit wala siya. Ang magandang ipokus talaga dito sa description ay sina Ross, Maurice tsaka yung Audrey. Pahapyaw lang naman ang kailangan dito at hindi naman necessary na ipakilala lahat ng characters.

iv. Prologue

I guess yung unang part yung prologue mo. I suggest na ichange ang title nito into 'Prologue' or 'Simula.' May possibility kasi na laktawan lang 'yon dahil baka akala nila random page lang siya kung saan inilagay ulit yung description o kaya baka akala ni author's note lang. Mas maganda na na alam nila na prologue nga 'yon.

When it comes sa content, very good. You made a very different prologue. Kinuha mo yung part na very interesting. Yung part kung saan nagmula yung conflict. It's very clever. Napakawitty. It makes the readers eager to read more kasi you already show them the complexity of the story. Mapapa 'Omg what's this?' yung mga readers. You're showing the very critical part of the story. Ang lakas din nung pabitin effect niya kaya bet na bet ko ito.

v. Characterization

Hand's down. You did justice to the characters. They are very realistic lalong lalo na yung feelings nila. I could feel them. Nararamdaman ko din yung nararamdaman nila lalo na yung sa female lead. They are full of emotions. Maganda din ang pasok ng ibang characters. Hindi sabog at biglaan. You are giving them small exposures every now and then kaya hindi mahirap para sa mga readers na distinguish sila. They have their own traits and very consistent din. Maganda yung diversion ng ugali nila. Hindi nakakalito.

I only read the first five parts pero naipakilala mo na agad yung mga tao na may significant role sa buhay ng bida. I love how you inserted that small magic show ni Audrey (yung nadapa si Macey). Ang ganda ng pasok noon. Same goes with the guy Chase. It good that you are doing everything slowly and surely. Maingat yung mga characters. They only come out kung kailangan. Hindi sila makalat. Wala din akong nakita na kakaiba or suspicious. Keep it up!

vi. Writing Style

→Dialogues and Narrations
I have noticed that the narration is focused on the emotions of the characters. Maganda 'yon at sa tingin ko ay tama lang dahil feelings naman talaga nung bida yung kwento. You conveyed their emotions very well. Dama ko yung bigat na dinadamdam ni Maurice. Malinis din. Maayos yung daloy ng narration.

When it comes to dialogues, may mga nakita ako na may maling punctuation. Nasobrahan ka sa paggamit ng comma sa mismong dialogue. Minsan pati sa narration din. Learn to stop. Use period.

Nagkataong pareho kami ng pinasukang university ni Ross. Nagkataon rin sigurong pareho kami...

If the next sentence expresses a complete thought, inext sentence mo nalang siya. Minimize na'tin yung mga ganitong situation. Tama naman yung mga gamit mo sa comma kaso medyo nasobrahan at ngayon, nawawala si period. Napakahaba tuloy ng ibang paragraphs mo tapos isang sentence lang pala siya. Icut natin siya kung kaya naman. Kaumay basahin kapag tuloy tuloy.

"Of course! Come on! Wala namang mawawala sayo kung susubukan mo, hindi ba? ..."

That 'Maurice' in the middle of dialogue ay medyo out of place. Ayos lang naman maglagay ng ganiyan pero make sure na maayos parin at hindi weird kapag binasa. Napuputol yung flow ng dialogue. Mas magandang ilagay yung mga pangalan sa huling part o kaya naman sa unahan. Very tricky kapag sa gitna. Also! Lagay din tayo ng mga marks such as exclamation. Let their emotion be also seen in their dialogues.

May nakita din akong kaunting mali sa dialogue tag lalo na kapag may kasamang action, kapag trail off yung word etc. You can check my other work, Be Aware. I posted a short explanation about the dialogue tags doon (if you are interested). Makakatulong 'yon sa'yo if you wanted to learn more about playing dialogues.

→Language
Nothing serious with this one. Pulido ang pagkakagawa mo ng mga chapters. Balanse din ang dalawang lenggwahe na ginamit. Hindi harsh ang transition and you are using the right words. Malalaman at may sense. Walang patapon. Just be careful sa mga punctuation lang. Also, kapag 1-10, spelled out sila. 'Yon lang! There are some misspelled words but that's fine. Typos are inevitable. Hindi naman sila nakakasira sa kwento.

→Grammar
No errors found. Maayos at malinaw ang pagkakaconstruct ng mga sentences. Malinis. Maganda yung daloy. Wala naman akong naencounter na part na nagcreate ng confusion sa akin. Nice work!

♡ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ♡

Hello, Ate Dimi! I just found out that you are sick right now. Please take care of yourself. Anyways, kamusta naman 'tong ginawa ko? Hahaha! Sana may naitulong ako sayo, ate. I enjoyed reading it. I love your story so much. Ang ganda ng kwento. Very unique and interesting. Keep writing po. I'll be cheering for you! *cheers*

Get well soon! ¡Gracias, mi amiga!