Reminders:

↝ This is unedited so please excuse the errors that you will definitely meet as you read.

↝ Lahat ng mababasa mo dito ay opinyon ko lamang patungkol sa gawa mo. They are subjective but there are also parts na objective.

↝ Make sure to do all of the payments for this. I trust you.

↝ Feel free to correct me if I have said something wrong.

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Beautiful Escape
written by TentenDC

Genre: Romance
Language: Filipino-English

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i. Book Cover

First of all, I love the image. It reflects the story—the sea, sunset and the girl. Bumagsak lang nang dahil sa text. Okay naman yung font kaso bakit may spacing in between letters. Calligraphy yung font and as much as possible, stick together sila. You see, na-cut na yung word na 'beautiful.' That a no no. Pati yung name ng series is putol. Please fix that.

ii. Story Title

Interesting. Pinagsama mo yung dalawang salita na somehow contradictory. 'Beautiful' and 'escape.' Ito yung mga tipo ng title na hindi basta-basta nilalaktawan ng mga mata. It sounds dreamy and witty. Bagay na bagay din siya sa plot ng kwento since both of the characters were escaping from their past. Great job!

iii. Story Description

Ayos naman ang thought ng description mo pero wala dito ang hinahanap ko. You talked about destiny. Nagfocus ka masyado doon. Parang humiwalay siya sa title. Make sure na connected ang dalawang yon. More importantly, dapat sinusuportahan ng description ang title. What I suggest is that introduce your characters. Sabihin mo yung pinagdadaanan nila tsaka mo ipasok si destiny.

He wants to forget. She wants to disappear. Two problematic being finding an escape.

Together, would they heal or worst, be each other's another downfall?

You have to support the title. Ikonekta mo lang siya sa title para hindi mamislead ang mga readers.

iv. Prologue

Nice choice of scene to put in prologue. It's a short back story of the male lead. May naipakain ka na agad sa mga readers. Found a problem when it comes sa punctuation marks sa dialogue and also problems in dialogue tag. I'll explain this later.

Problema lang sa writing ang nakita ko. Maganda yung scene. I just wished na sana dagdagan pa natin yung emotion. Careful lang tayo dahil nasa perspective ng lalaki yung kwento. Hindi pa naman masyadong showy at open ang mga lalaki when it comes sa emotions so isang challenge 'yon para sayo. Nonetheless, it's a great start.

v. Characterization

As what I have said, ang narrator ng kwento ay lalaki so panindigan natin ang pagkalalaki niya. Wala naman akong nakitang kahinahinala sa mga characters mo. Actually, walang problema. I love how they met. Yung similarities nila and all. Nang dahil dito ay masasabi kong may chemistry amg dalawa. Kailangan ko lang na maging mas open sila. Give the readers a clear image of your characters.

vi. Writing Style

Too bad but I can't explain everything. If you want, you can check my writing guide, Be Aware. Nandoon mostly yung mga mali mo.

→ Dialogue and Narration

1. Punctuations in dialogues
    Make sure na mayroong end marks ang mga dialogues. Be it comma, period, exclamation point or question mark.

    Kapag naman may patawag effect, make sure na may comma (,). Huwag kakalimutang maglagay ng pause. Try said it loud.

"Hijo, kakain na."
"Halika na, hijo."

2. Dialogue Tag
    "Tara!" sigaw ko.
    "Ayoko," sagot niya.
    "Bakit?" tanong ko.

Kapag ang kasunod ng dialogue ay phrase na nagpapakilala sa speaker (said, sabi ni, etc), kasama parin siya sa dialogue. Small letters lang, regardless of the marks (!/?) at hindi magne-new sentence. Kapag naman period ang end ng dialogue at mayroon itong tag, change it to comma (,) then continue.

When it comes to narration, be more descriptive. Show rather than simply telling. Huwag mong sabihin na malungkot siya. Show and describe how sad he is. Pay attention sa mga small detail, especially movements and expression ng mga characters. This could be a great help in painting a picture in a reader's mind.

Read and read. Observe mo yung mga narration ng mga known authors. Sobrang laking tulong ng pagbabasa.

→ Language

Take note all of these:

1. 'i' not 'e'
    - saken, saket, uwe, kame, kakaen
    - sakin, sakit, uwi, kami, kakain

2. Dash sa mga paulit-ulit na salita.
    unti-unting, butil-butil

3. Capitalization for proper nouns.
    Names: Joanna
    Days: Sabado, Linggo

4. Others
Muka - Mukha
Kaidaran - Kaedaran
Pag aalala - Pag-aalala
His into law - He is / He's into law

Reread lang before publishing para nababawasan yung mga errors natin. I am not putting burdens on your shoulder. I know you can improve. I believe in you. Let's be patience.

→ Grammar
Reread lang din. Wala namang seryosong problema dito.

♡ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ♡

Hello, Ten! How is it? Sana may naitulong ako sayo. Just keep on writing. Malakas ang potential mo dito. Kailangan lang magtyaga at magkaroon ng mahabang pasensya. Godbless and stay healthy!