Reminders:

↝ This is unedited so please excuse the errors that you will definitely meet as you read.

↝ Lahat ng mababasa mo dito ay opinyon ko lamang patungkol sa gawa mo. They are subjective but there are also parts na objective.

↝ Make sure to do all of the payments for this. I trust you.

↝ Feel free to correct me if I have said something wrong.

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Werewolf's Lullaby
written by wintertelle

Genre: Werewolf / Romance
Language: Filipino-English

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i. Book Cover

Wow! No comment sa book cover. It is stunning. It suits the story well. One look and I know what's the story about. And those details! They are perfect! That glowing blue eyes and that necklace. A big applause to the editor. Naset din nang maayos yung mood. I could feel chills just by looking at it. The text is on point. Very visible and of course, readable.

Napakaperpekto niya para sa gawa mo. It is already showing a sneak peek of your story. But one thing that I noticed is that the name of the trilogy is not clearly seen. I just hope na sana maging visible siya dahil nakakadagdag din 'yon ng impact. The placing is good kaso lang natambunan ng mga dark layers. Let it show dahil kasama siya sa dapat na makita sa pabalat. Bukod pa doon ay wala na akong masasabi. The cover is catchy enough to get readers lalo na sa mga interesado sa mga werewolves.

ii. Story Title

Napakaganda ng title mo. It is something unique. Ang sarap ulit-ulitin at mahirap din siyang tanggalin sa utak. Napakaelegante niya kasing sabihin. Maganda ang pinili mong salita. Swak na swak ito sa kwento. There is really something behind that lullaby word.

But, I am afraid na baka masyadong maging maliit yung title mo para ihug yung plot mo or yung buong story. There are a lot of things happening and I could really tell na hindi lang yung kanta o yung lullaby 'yon. You actually enumerated them in the trailer part. Ang daming kailangang iconsider. Nandyan yung kwintas tsaka yung scar. And if I am not mistaken, lahat ng mga iyon ay konektado sa past nung lead just like the lullaby.

Well, I can't give an exact suggestion on this one kasi hindi ko pa alam ang buong kwento. May nabubuo naman sa mind ko pero ayaw kitang pangunahan. Who knows? Baka malaki talaga yung role ng lullaby sa kwento. If not, then try to open up your mind. Iconsider mo lahat ng elements na nasa loob ng kwento tsaka mo pagsama-samahin hanggang makuha mo yung right word na yayakap sa kanilang lahat.

iii. Story Description

Great description. Naipakilala mo agad yung mga characters. You explained the story well pero you are still keeping the mystery of it. Sobrang nakakacurious dahil na din sa maganda yung kwento. Magaganda yung mga points na nilagay mo sa description. It is not just a simple introduction ng mga characters. Ipinakita mo yung connection nila which makes it more exciting to the readers' part. Also, it is not hard to understand.

May part lang na medyo nagkulangan ako. It is the connection between the 1st and 2nd sentence. Hindi sila masyadong magkatugma at parang may dapat ilagay doon. Sa unang sentence, you said that she was thrown out then yung kasunod na sentence is about sa palagi siyang nananaginip about sa past niya. Nawawala yung context. Naputol bigla yung flow. Pinalayas siya tapos bawat gabi binabangungot siya. Saan siya napunta? May nawawala na sentence doon. It's either you add another statement or revise it. Just make sure na maayos yung transition. Medyo hindi din sila magandang pakinggan dahil magkapareho yung pagkakaconstruct nila.

Raise with violence,
Every night,

If you read it, ang pangit ng tempo. I can't explain it well. Basta try reading it. Nasisira yung flow nang dahil sa pause na ginagawa nung 2nd sentence lalo na at same yung rule na ginamit sa kanila. Nag-uulit yung tone. Try reconstructing it. Show variations when it comes to sentences para maganda yung labas ng isang paragraph.

iv. Prologue

I can't see the difference between sa prologue and chapters mo. Hindi yung content okay. Yung prologue o yung simula mo kasi ay parang chapter lang. Konektado siya sa unang chapter kaya hindi ko siya feel na prologue. Parang simpleng chapter lang siya. It doesn't really sound like a prologue to me. Mas babagay nga siya na maging chapter one (for me).

Usually kasi ang prologue ay naglalaman ng mga pangyayari na naganap before the very start of the story. Pwede ding yung maikling part ng climax. It's just there to either give background information about the characters or the story or to build excitement to the readers.

Actually, ang naisip ko agad na magandang prologue sa story mo is yung nangyaring accident sa past ni bida pero I saw that you are also revealing bits of it through chapters so you have to sort out scenes non. Other choice is yung childhood niya with Midnight na mukhang nalimot niya. I think napakaganda non for prologue. Anything that is in the past na related sa dalawa. You can keep their identify hidden kung ayaw mong maspoil yung kwento. I can imagine it right now and sobrang natutuwa ako. Sure ako na magiging eager lalo yung mga readers na basahin 'yon para malaman kung ano ba talaga yung nangyari or kung sino yung mga characters na'yon.

v. Characterization

Wala akong masasabi dito. Consistent ang mga characters. Nandoon din yung chemistry nung dalawa. Hindi sila weird or awkward. Yup, I'm shipping them lmao. Also! They have their own traits and attitude kaya hindi sila mahirap i-identify. They have their own spotlight and did I tell you that they are cute? Wala, cute lang sila para sa akin. I am cat person pero parang gusto kong magkaroon ng aso na parang wolf. That just simply means that your writing is effective. You're leaving impressions to the readers. Great job!

vi. Writing Style

→Dialogues and Narration
Napakalinis ng narration mo. Descriptive. As I what I have said, you made me want a pet dog and that is because on how wonderful you describe things. Imagery at it's finest talaga. Nakikita ko lahat ng scene. Those eyes that are staring at the lead— I could imagine them. Pati emotions ay naibibigay mo. Yung pagtalon nila from fifth floor, feeling ko pati ako tumalon. I love your style so much! Hindi nakakasawa or nakakatamad na basahin knowing na third person's point of view pa ang gamit mo. Napakagaling!

Dialogues are also great. They are realistic. I could hear the characters saying them. May nakita lang akong constant na pagkakamali.

Ang mga salitang binitawan ng lalaki ay nagpabagsak sa kaniyang balikat.

May nakita pa akong ibang ganito. It's not a dialogue tag so make sure na complete ang thought na'tin.

→Language
Great balance between the two languages. Hindi harsh yung transition from English to Filipino. Wala akong nakitang seryosong pagkakamali when it comes sa spelling. Mayroong ka-kaunting misspelled words pero they are nothing serious. Unintentional naman yung mga 'yon and hindi maiiwasan.

About sa capitalization. Aren't the breeds of dogs proper nouns? German Shepherd, Chihuahua etc. Yup, capitalize sila since specific type na ito ng aso. Other than this, wala na. Pulidong-pulido ang gawa mo.

→Grammar
From the five chapters I read, wala akong nakitang mali. Perfect ka dito. Every paragraphs were delicately made. Halatang paulit-ulit na binasa bago ipublish. I can sense the carefulness that you are putting in writing. I like that attitude that you have. It makes reading hassle-free. Walang confusion na mang-iistorbo sa mga nagbabasa. Tuloy-tuloy dahil nga napakalinis ng gawa mo. Keep it up! Sana hindi ka magsawang magrecheck lmao.

♡ ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ ♡

Hello, Winter! Kamusta naman ang pagbabasa? Please tell me about it. Sana may naitulong ako sa'yo kahit paano. Sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa pagbabasa. I like the story so much and I am looking forward to it. You're a great writer, Winter. You deserve more. I hope nothing but pure success on you. I'll be cheering for you and don't hesitate to approach me if you are having trouble. I am more than willing to help. ¡Gracias, mi amiga!