The translation is: When we do not have what we love, we must love what we have. It wouldn't fit in the title lol.

Disclaimer: Small amount of cursing. Merlin having not-so-good thoughts. He'll be gucchi soon enough tho. ;)
//

How could anyone know?

How could anyone know of Arthur?

Merlin had never mentioned him. Never mentioned Merlin-himself. Never.

So how could anyone know about him? About Arthur?

How could anyone know where he lives?

How could they-

He realized what was happening once he heard his ragged, unsteady breathing.

He was having a panic attack.

And he couldn't stop.

He saw Gwaine, apple and woman-loving Gwaine-
die after being tortured.

He saw Lancelot, Percival, and Elyan die, again ad again,

and then, he saw Arthur.

Standing next to him.

He put his hand out, mouthing, "'Help me Arthur, help me, "

only to see him shake his head and walk away.

Always walking away.

//

Eventually, Merlin recovered and prepared for the most dangerous stunt he had yet to do-

he was going to jump off the Empire State Building and then prevent his death by fall. Not that he could die, anyways. But his fans didn't know that, so he said he was to save himself from death by fall.

It was a fairly easy spell he had to perform to transport himself. He, along with Morgause, had used it many a time. It was only five words, but the spell wasn't his concern.

He was afraid he wouldn't want to say the spell.

That he had waited far too long for Arthur. That he would decide it was time for Merlin and Emrys to come to a end.

His only problem was that he couldn't die, and if he din't save himself and he survived, it would only reveal his immortality and he would be poked and prodded by scientists for the rest of his immortal life.

Because the idea of that, frankly, sucked ass to him, he knew he would save himself.

//

So here he was. standing on the edge of the Empire State Building, thousands of cameras flashing and recording all around him. Frenzied whispers and shouts of, " Will he make it? " " Will he survive? " " Will he die? "

Of course, he could answer those questions but he deigned not to respond. Without further ado, he let himself fall to the call of the void: L'appel du Vide.