dedicated to EXOYul_Lover. BELATED SAENG. HAHAHAHA!

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He never once thought that someday all the feelings he had before will came crashing back to him like waves in a vast ocean.

Nagising sya ng madaling araw, feeling a different kind of wave-a wave of heat pooling down his belly, downwards, down towards his tip. Goodness, why now? Nang tingnan nya yon, halos mapa-mura sya sa inis. It was towering inside his boxers.

Great.

It's because of that fucking dream. That fucking tan man named Kim Jongin. Why does he have to haunt him even from his dream?

Bumangon sya sa kama at saka kinuha ang towel sa loob ng cabinet nya. He never touches himself. That's just plain gross and awkward, and he doesn't have someone to do it for him instead. Kaya ang naisip nyang solusyon sa problema ay ang maligo ng malamig na tubig, right now, at 3 am in the morning.

He doesn't have Jongin to satisfy his needs.

He entered inside his bathroom and immediately tore off his remaining article of clothing. Mabilis syang pumunta sa ilalim ng shower at hinayaang pakalmahin ang sarili ng malamig na tubig.

The water drips from the shower and kisses his flaming body. He moaned, remembering the dream while it's still vivid.

He was riding like a fucking cowboy, drenched with sweat, while Jongin was humming a sound, making music with his moans, accompanied with the sound of their skin slapping, with the squelching of their connected flesh.

"Fuck."

God he wanted someone to touch him. He wanted those familiar large hands to touch him. He wanted him to do wonders to his body.

But he's gone.

No one can give it to him anymore.

He sighed from the cold.

It wasn't helping at all. The water didn't do any justice to his erected member. Kaya naman sinabunan nya ang kamay at saka iyon hinawakan, slowly stroking it up, and then down, up and then down.

He was flicking his wrist while the cold water continues to cascade down his body. It was so awkward and unimaginable. He was sighing from sudden surges of pleasure until his body submits to his own touches.

It took an hour to tame his raging body.

Paglabas nya ng banyo, halos mangitim na ang kuko nya sa lamig. Fuck it. He needed it more than anything.

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He woke up with a blaring headache and an itchy throat. Agad na bumangon sya para sana uminom ng tubig pero muntik na syang matumba sa ng biglang umikot ang paligid. Fuck.

He pulled himself up and tried clearing his view before trying to stand up again. Napuyat yata sya kagabi. When he successfully did, agad syang lumabas sa kwarto.

Nakit nya agad si Jongdae na nag-aayos ng gamit para sa flight nila mamayang hapon.

"Good morning." Bati nito sakanya.

"Morning." Sagot nya at tutuloy na sana sa kusina ng pigilan sya ng manager.

Mabilis na umangat ang tingin ni Jongdae sa alaga ng marinig ang boses nito. Nang magtama ang mga mata nila, muntik na syang mapamura.

"Goodness. Okay ka lang?"

"I'm fine." Sagot nito sa maliit na boses saka itinuloy ang paglalakad papasok sa kusina.

"You look very very sick." Sinundan nya ito at saka sumandal sa counter habang hinihintay si Kyungsoo na matapos uminom ng tubig. Pag harap agad nyang nilagay ang kamay sa noo nito.

"You're burning. Ano bang pinaggagawa mo?"

"Wala."

"Anong wala? Nilalagnat ka, may flight ka mamaya, at may concert ka mamayang gabi, kung hindi mo naaalala."

Pabagsak na inilagay ni Kyungsoo ang baso sa lababo. His manager is overreacting, konting lagnat lang akala mo mamatay na sya. Gininaw lang naman sya dahil sa pag-sh-shower ng malamig kaninang alas tres ng madaling araw. Mawawala din to.

"You're not going to the concert."

"Yeah, and what, ruin the trust that the teacher is giving me? Ganon ba?"

"Kyungsoo, kung alam mo lang kung anong itsura mo ngayon, you looked like shit."

Wala syang paki. Hindi naman si Jongdae ang kakanta sa harap ng maraming tao. He can handle himself. Lagnat lang to, mas matindi pa nga yung death threats ng mga tao. Fever won't kill him.

Atsaka he have to attend. He can't let the CEO down.

"Ano ba kasing ginawa mo kagabi?"

Naalala nya ang urge na naramdaman kagabi. All the heat depositing itself down his belly. Hindi nya naman sasabihin kay Jongdae na nangailangan sya ng kagabi at hindi sya marunong mag-jack off kaya natagalan sya sa shower.

What? It's not like Jongdae will suck him if he knew what he's going through.

"I had to take a cold shower."

"Cold shower? Ano ka teenager? May kamay ka, 23 years old ka na. Ano, hindi ka marunong ng salitang masturbate?"

"Shut up."

Jongdae raise both his hands in the air.

"Hindi ka pupunta sa concert. Tatawagan ko ang kompanya."

"Will you please stop overreacting? Kaya ko ang sarili ko."

Bumalik sya sa sala atsaka nahiga sa couch. Konting tulog lang at saka gamot. Makakapunta sya sa concert.

Pag pikit nya, naalala nya ang panaginip. That dream was so intense, he felt the intensity of it even now. Iyon na yata ang pinaka-makatotohanang panaginip nya. Na hanggang pag-gising, ramdam na ramdam nya physically ang nangyari. It's like Jongin was touching him and it made him feel amazing.

Oh god.

Kelan ba sya titigil?

Snap out of it. Pinaglaruan lang sya nito. Laruan lang sya nito.

"Kyungsoo. Tell me the truth. Did you had another urge last night?"

Hindi sya dumilat. And what if he had? It's not like his sex addiction is relapsing. Isang buwan na syang magaling. He's been active with other activities and sex is long gone in his system.

Hindi na sya sex addict.

Ayaw nya nang maging sex addict.

"Jongdae please..." Inilagay nya ang kamay sa muka at sinubukang bumaling sa kabilang parte ng couch.

"I just need to know."

"I'm not sex dependent anymore if that's what you're thinking."

Seven years ago. He became alcoholic.

With the help of alcohol, he can manipulate his thoughts and his feelings.

Death is just a simple matter of loss. Iyon ang naibibigay sakanya ng alak. It kept him from remembering the pain. It kept him from seeing the past.

The crash.

The remains of his family.

It guarded his failing heart. It guarded his broken self.

But Chanyeol doesn't want him like that. Kaya gumawa ito ng paraan para itigil nya ang paglango ng alak. Chanyeol gave him another kind of sensation he never felt before.

Sex.

When having sex, he forgets everything. His mind is blank. Pleasure lang ang patuloy na dumadaloy sa katawan nya at mas fulfilling yon kesa sa alak. Mas nakakawala sa sarili. Mas nakaka-adik. Mas masarap.

Oh god. He wanted someone to touch him.

Chanyeol gave him what he needed. Kasi obligasyon yon ni Chanyeol. Kasi guilty sya sa nangyari. Kasi alam nyang kasalanan nya lahat. Kasalanan ni Chanyeol lahat. Kung hindi nito pinilit na pumunta ang mga magulang nila, kung hindi nito pinilit na sumama ang mga magulang nya.

Tumanggi na sila. But Chanyeol was so stupid, he was so persistent kaya kahit ayaw ng mga magulang ni Kyungsoo, napilitan silang pumunta.

Fuck. They might still be alive right now.

Kaya hindi nya alam, kung anong karapatan ni Chanyeol na iwan sya at sumaya kasama ng iba. Ang kapal ng muka nyang iwan sya para sa iba.

Dapat parehas silang miserable. Dapat mas miserable si Chanyeol sakanya. He wanted Chanyeol to fucking touch him right now. Goodness. Anyone. Anyone will do.

"Oh God." He moaned.

Nababaliw na sya. He needed the same sensation.

Hindi nya alam kung bakit nandito nanaman ang urge na to.

But he fucking needed someone to touch him.

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sehubo