\ˈskrü-tə-ˌnīz\

verb

: to examine (something) carefully especially in a critical way

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A presscon.

Flashing cameras. Scrutinizing gazes. People talking. Asking. Gossiping.

Mga tanong tulad ng 'Bakit mo iniwan ang dati mong record label?' at 'What made you want to sign a contract in SmEntertainment?'

Hanggang sa maliliit na tanong kung bakit ganon ang buhok nya, "Is that for a new concept?" o "Are you trying to change your image?"

For the first time in a presscon, he didn't smile, didn't try cracking up jokes, didn't try to mask up his dying image.

And the dreaded question came.

"Krytal Jung is a part of SmTown. Does signing a contract in the same label means you're already in talking terms?"

Inabot nya ang mic atsaka tinignan ang katabing CEO. Tinanguan sya nito, reassuring him that everything he said will be alright. Basta wag lang mababahiran ng kahit anong issue ang kompanya, ayos ang CEO sa magiging sagot nya.

"Aware naman ako dyan. Krystal Jung is a great woman. Work is work. Hindi naman kailangan mainvolve ang personal life sa trabaho. It's work ethic—"

"WORK ETHICS MO MUKA MO! MAMATAY KA NA!"

Kasabay ng sigaw na yon ang malakas na tunog ng itlog, hitting him directly on the face.

Malagkit.

Malansa.

Masakit.

Jongdae immedietly covered him ang made him stand up. Maraming tao na ang nasa stage, covering the CEO and him from any further harm.

Mabilis silang inakay papasok sa loob ng waiting room. Habang nanlalagkit sya at nanakit ang muka. That was one hell of an impact. Mas masakit pa yon sa sampal ni Luhan.

Pero hindi sya umiyak.

Hindi sya nagrant.

Hindi sya ngumiti para sabihing ayos lang sya.

He let all the feelings sink in but he won't break down. He's strong enough. Itlog lang yon... and basically some threaths that will never happen. Bakit naman sya magpapaapekto?

"Ayos ka lang?"

Umiling sya.

"Tissue." Kinuha nya ang inaabot na tissue ni Jongdae at saka dahan-dahan yong pinunas sa malagkit nyang muka.

Napaigtad sya sa sakit. Fuck. Fuck that egg. He never would have thought that one day he will experienced the egg throwing party na napapanuod nya lang sa mga drama.

Sya palang yata... sa history ng mga singer ang binato ng itlog sa isang presscon.

Epic.

Nagulat sya ng bumukas ang pintuan ng waiting room at pumasok ang isa sa mga staff ng presscon. Saying sorry and that they will take full responsibility with everything.

Wala na syang pakialam. Nangyari na ang dapat mangyari.

Everyone inside the presscon saw it.

Later tonight, there will be articles, reports, tweets, hashtags, saying that he deserved what he got.

Noon nga may nabasa pa syang "Sana bigla nalang syang bangungutin para mamatay na". Hindi na sya magugulat kung may magsasabi man ngayon na "Sana C4 nalang ang ibinato mo para namatay agad." Sa huli, magiging bayani pa ang taong makakapatay sakanya.

Yeah.

He had seen worse.

Edited funeral piture of him. People mocking him instead of mourning for his death. Oo lagi syang pinipigilan ni Jongdae na tignan ang mga yon. But what difference would it make? Magbabago ba ang tingin sakanya ng mga tao kapag hindi nya yon binasa?

Kapag nag panggap syang sya parin ang dating Kyungsoo? Yung maraming kaibigan? Yung maraming kasangga? No.

It won't change anything except for being absolute stupid and clueless about the whole situation. Mas mabuti nang alam nya kung anong tingin sakanya ng marami kaysa muka syang tangang walang alam.

"I think we should go home Kyung."

Tumayo na sya pero bigla ulit bumukas ang pintuan, and to his surprise, standing in front of him was Lee Soo Man himself, wearing his signature smile as if nothing happened.

"Congratulations on your first successful pressconference under my label."

What the effin fuck is this old man saying? It wasn't even near okay and the CEO's already calling it successful.

Anong successful sa pagbato sakanya ng itlog?

Tumango nalang sya atsaka umalis ang CEO sa loob ng waiting room nya. That was his cue to go home too. Going home means reading another bunch of awful comments about the singer D.O.

Pagpasok sa sasakyan, agad syang tinignan ni Jongdae.

"Ngayon Kyungsoo, banned ka na sa paggamit ng kahit anong gadget sa bahay. I will confiscate your laptop and your other techy friends, para hindi ka na magbasa ng kahit ano pa."

"Pustahan tayo... gagawin nilang Santo yung bumato sakin ng itlog."

They will worship her as if she brought salvation to the world.

"Stop it. Kalimutan mo na yon." Umandar ang sasakyan. Tahimik. Kahit ilang beses nyang subukang kalimutan, lahat nandon parin.

How he became a shattered piece of his own misery. How he was alone and couldn't get up from his bed from too much pain. Yung itlog na yon ang patunay na hinding hindi na sya babalik pa sa dating sya.

Sa Kyungsoo bago sya paglaruan ng mundo.

Sa Kyungsoo bago nya makilala si Jongin.

Sa Kyungsoo bago mamatay ang mga magulang nya.

Those are far mere memories of his old self. He killed that Kyungsoo already. He doesn't need stupid Kyungsoo and pathetic Kyungsoo right now.

Kailangan nyang maging matapang.

"Overthinking again. Kyung."

"I can't help it."

"Masakit pa ba yang muka mo?" Hinawakan nya ang panga, and he suddenly winced in pain. Masakit pa rin. Baka magpasa to. 

"Gusto kong tawagan si Chanyeol."

Narinig nya ang mahinang paghinga ni Jongdae. Alam nya, alam nya naman eh. He doesn't have any place in Chanyeol's life anymore. It's all clear. Pero yung gantong mga oras, ito yung gustong gusto nya ng kausap.

Chanyeol knew everything. Maiintindihan sya nito. Hindi sasabihin ni Chanyeol na okay lang ang lahat, hindi nya sasabihing 'Wag ka nang umiyak'. Hindi nya ipipilit na lilipas din 'to. Hahayaan lang nitong iiyak nya lahat lahat.

Aakuin pa nga nito lahat ng sakit na meron sya.

But then again, he's the only miserable thing left. Chanyeol's gone too.

"You can't. Magugulo lang ulit sila."

"I know. I just need to hear his voice. Kahit hello lang nya."

Alam nyang ayaw ni Jongdae, because even if he keeps on telling that he will help him go on with life, alam nyang happiness parin ni Baekhyun ang priority nito.

If he call Chanyeol, magagalit si Baekhyun, magaaway sila, Baekhyun will get hurt.

And everything will be his fault again.

Ngayon. Hindi nya na alam kung sinong kakapitan nya. Jongdae isn't loyal to him. Chanyeol is gone. Luhan is happy. Tapos sya, tinalikuran na ng lahat ng inaakala nyang kaibigan nya.

He's alone.

With every scrutinizing eyes lingering all over him.

Every judgement that he doesn't even deserve more than Kim Jongin does.

Why him?

Everything leaves him. Lahat dinadaanan sya na para syang stop over, tapos aalis rin kapag nakuha na ang kailangan sakanya. Is he that bad?

Kahit na nagstay si Jongdae, he still feel so alone.

He always fall under the scrutinizing gazes of people who doesn't even know him in the first place. Who doesn't even know the wounds, the scars. They don't know him.

Baekhyun doesn't know him.

Luhan doesn't know him.

Jongin doesn't know him too.

And the most painful part is Jongdae does pero si Baekhyun pa rin ang priority nito. Ano nga naman bang laban nya sa limang taon nilang pagkakaibigan ni Baekhyun?

Yes.

Si Do Kyungsoo sya.

Pero hindi na sya ang dating Kyungsoo. Yung Kyungsoo na ilalaban lahat, aagawin lahat, yung Kyungsoo na pathetic.

He'll be true to himself, afterall...

...he's not the same Kyungsoo anymore.

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sehubo