Kyle's first comprehensive thought was that he was dead.

His second thought was that death was a lot more than he thought it would have been. His eyelids were too heavy to open and maybe perhaps death would always be darkness. It wasn't just darkness and his thoughts though. There was a heaviness in his limbs and his mouth was very dry, the unpleasant feeling tickling feeling going down to his throat. Was this a punishment in the afterlife? An eternal sense of discomfort?

As his awareness slowly sharpened so did other feelings. He could feel a pillow under his head and a thin blanket over him. There was the slight murmuring of voices – other people in the afterlife? – and he strained to listen but focusing made his head hurt more. He didn't like this; it was scary. As his panic peaked his heart pounded painfully in his chest like a bird trying desperately to escape. Then icy dread as the true situation settled into him.

Dead people do not have heart beats. No. No, no, no. NO! With panic his eyes flew open, showing him the horrible truth that he wasn't dead. He was in a white room on a bed similar to the ones in the Horde but a lot comfier, no lumps digging into his back. There was a sharp medical smell and it only took a few moments to realise this was something akin to the Horde's medical wing but less grimy and with less people yelling at his weakness for getting hurt. It was scary. It was different. It wasn't natural. The unfamiliarity wasn't the worst part of it though. The worst part was he was not alone.

The first person he noticed was Bow who looked stressed but also strangely relieved. The next was...the sparkly one? She was really scary so he didn't look at her for more than a second. The last was an incredibly stressed looking Adora who seemed to have been crying. He wondered if somehow Catra had done something. The few times he had seen her cry was because of that. The pain from who knows how many injuries shot through him and he hoped that one of them would suddenly worsen and kill him. Life was never that simple or that fair.

"Kyle...You're finally awake..." Adora said, sounding incredibly relieved.
"Um...?" Kyle didn't know what to say so he decided to not speak.
"Kyle? Why?" Adora asked. Kyle stared blankly at her. Why what? "Why did you...jump?"
"Why are you pretending to care?" Kyle retorted bitterly. Speaking causes his already sore throat to ache and the pain in his ribs to positively burn. Adora flinched at his harsh tone, eyes widening with hurt.
"Adora was your friend! She's allowed to be worried about you!" the sparkly one snapped. Kyle flinched. He didn't like loud voices and even if it may kill him which would be a positive he didn't want a blast. Everywhere hurt enough as it was. He turned his gaze downwards. He felt distinct panic at seeing his bandaged wrists. They knew then. They knew everything. He swallowed hard, using all of his efforts to not start crying. They probably already thought he was completely pathetic.

"Anyway!" Bow said with such enthusiasm Kyle could tell it was fake. "How ya feeling?" Kyle looked at him but he didn't have the energy to emote. What emotion was he supposed to feel besides crushing disappointment that he was not dead. He almost...felt dead though. There was nothing to look forward to. Nothing to care about, nothing to look forward to, nothing to want. Bow looked...down at his lack of a response. Normally Kyle didn't like to cause anyone to feel bad but he couldn't help but not.

"Um..." Bow continued; he clearly was trying to think of something or anything. "Are you hungry or thirsty? You have had tubes the last week but they don't do as much." A week? Kyle didn't even care that he had been out a week but he supposed that gave maybe a little bit of useless grounding context. He was hungry and thirsty but he didn't want to eat or drink. He didn't want to do anything. He didn't even react to the words. What could possibly be the point. When he had made his desire to die perfectly apparent Bow had completely disregarded that.

"You can't keep ignoring him! He saved your life!" the sparkly one exclaimed again, face angry. Kyle hated himself for flinching, more than he did already.
"Glimmer, it's okay, " Bow said, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Kyle...Would you like something to drink? Or eat?"
"No."
"Painkillers?" Bow asked. Kyle didn't know what those were but he didn't particularly care. "Bow...? Those who don't rank high enough don't get those. Or are even allowed to know about them," Adora said. "Kyle, basically they reduce pain." Useful as that was...no he didn't want it. He shook his head but the movement, aired with adjusting his position such white hot pain through him to the point that he let out a tiny pathetic whimper. He wanted to slap himself for it. He was being far too pathetic.

"Kyle...I think you need them," Adora said. "Especially with my healing powers not working on you for some reason."
"Healing powers?" he repeated, dully. Whatever... at least it wasn't working. Infected injuries that would quickly kill him seemed improbable.
"That is a long story," Adora muttered. "You need them though. You have so many broken bones and you were nearly dead. Bow said your stopped and if Sea Hawk didn't know CPR then you would be-"
"Dead like I wanted to be?" Kyle said. He wanted to shout it or sob or it or anything but the only thing he could feel was pain and a twinge of disappointment.

Kyle refused the painkillers and turned to complete silence. He pulled one leg up to his chest, the other too injured to move. He shifted it and paled at the white hot agony. Pain was hardly anything new to him though. He then stared downwards and tried to ignore the three.
"Glimmer, maybe you should leave?" Adora whispered. "I know you mean well but...well I think he's scared of you." Kyle couldn't help but glance up then quickly redirected his eyes when a purple gaze met his.
"You're right," the sp – Glimmer agreed. "Oh...Kyle? For the record, even though we've fought before, Bow told me what you did in the Fright Zone. So...I'm glad you're not dead. And thank you." With that she turned around and left.

Was that a compliment? It sounded like a compliment but it didn't seem very in character for someone who would certainly hate the Horde. Kyle couldn't bring himself to accept it though and for someone who never received a compliment he didn't feel anything still. That was worrying...or would be. He just felt numb.

There was a long silence, broken only by Bow trying to talk to him. Kyle only responded with one word answers and silence. It lasted two hours and the pain was becoming agonising. It was when he yelped with the slightest movement that Adora sighed.
"Kyle...I'm sorry. I know you said no but..." She pressed a button and there was a weird cold feeling from one of the tubes. "Painkillers. You need them, especially as the healer is otherwise preoccupied for a few hours. She said if you woke up to make sure you had them within a few hours or the amount of pain could be detrimental."

The pain began to numb far too quickly. His head became foggy and slightly his head swam slightly. He wanted the pain back. It was horrible, it made everything harder, it was a clear indication that he was alive. The problem was without the pain he didn't have something to ground him.

The world seemed to turn even more greyscale. He gave Adora a flat look and turned away. "Kyle...Say something? Even if it is you hate me?" Adora pleaded. Kyle didn't say anything though. There was nothing to say, especially not to Adora. Not to anyone.