Kung Puwede Lang Sana
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
©2023 Ataraxiakka_
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"You can now be discharged, Reign."
Lumiwanag ang aking mga mata noong narinig ko iyong anim na salita na binigkas ng aking doktor. I was excited to leave the hospital because I have been confine here for more than three months.
The doctors told me that they had to monitor everything before discharging me. Naging stable na kasi ang vital signs ko, sleep schedule, eating habit, and such.
"If you experience those kinds of episodes again, as well as symptoms like hypersomnia, overeating, hallucinations, and disorientation... Don't hesitate to give me a call, or go straight here at the hospital, and find me."
My Mom already fixed all of my things. I doubt that my clothes fit me, because I don't usually eat here in the hospital because of my sleeping schedule. I usually sleep for about twenty-two hours minimum.
Minsan nga umaabot pa ang tulog ko nang apat na araw, at wala akong nagagawa no'n.
"Puwede na ba 'ko pumasok sa school, Doc?" I asked, hopeful.
He then smiled at me, "Next week, Puwede na." Pagka-sabi niya noon ay halos mapa-talon ako noong narinig ko iyon.
I never had a normal life. When I was a kid, I usually had a hard time learning. I loved being in school, but I couldn't live a normal life because of my condition. Parati akong nasa ospital saka bahay.
I wasn't allowed in joining any extra-curricular activities that could drain me.
Ayaw ng mga doktor na sumugal ako sa mga gano'n na activities dahil may posibilidad na... Hindi. Hindi iyon importante.
While we were on our way para bumalik sa bahay, kinausap ako ni Mommy. "Sigurado ka bang kaya mo na ulit pumasok? P'wede namang 'wag muna para makita natin kung talagang okay ka na," she suggested with a worried tone. I smiled at her before shaking my head as a response.
"Ma, over the past years, we all know that my life is on the line. Araw araw akong nakikipag-patintero kay kamatayan, and so far... Nagwawagi ako. Hindi mo kailangan mag-alala sa akin dahil kahit ano man ang mangyari ay gagawin ko ang lahat para manatili pa ako sa tabi mo."
She pulled me in for a hug, and I saw her wiping the tears that escaped her eyes. "Don't cry, Ma. Habang nandito pa ako... Lalaban ako para sa atin. I'll take my meds every night before bed. Don't exhaust myself too much," I assured her.
Tumahimik naman kami sa loob ng kotse pero nawala ang katahimikan noong narinig ko na naman ang mga hikbi ni Mommy. Sa lahat ng mga ayaw ko ay ang makita siyang iniiyakan ako. I don't deserve people's tears. Hindi naman kasi nila kasalanan kung bakit ako ganito e.
"Anak... Sorry ah? Pasensya na kung isinilang kita sa mundong ito nang ganito. Pasensya na kung n-nararamdaman mo 'yong sakit na dulot nito sa iyo..." Hindi ko na napigilang hindi rin umiyak.
This was always a routine for us.
Everytime I get discharged, there won't be a time where we won't cry about my condition. "Hindi niyo naman po kasalanan. Nagpapasalamat pa po ako dahil binigyan niyo po ako ng pagkakataong mabuhay sa mundong ito kahit wala akong kasiguraduhang manatili kinabukasan."
That's why I always lived in my rarest yesterdays. The times where I could still enjoy running, and dancing under the rain... Doing things I love that requires energy. Ngayon kasi halos imposible ko na iyan magawa.
My illness has been monitored, and observed thorougly. The doctors still can't find the right treatment for this, they only have the medication to slow the process of me dying. In every pill I take, there adds an extra hour to my life.
Kaya minsan ay naisip kong inumin, at lunukin lahat ng tableta na kailangan kong inumin araw araw nang isahan para magkaroon pa 'ko ng mas matagal na panahon dito.
When we arrived at home, agad akong naligo at nagpalit ng damit to get ready for... Bed. "Reign! Hindi ka ba talaga kakain ng hapunan?" tanong sa akin ni Mommy bago ipakita sa akin ang plato na may laman na ulam at kanin.
I shook my head, "Soft food diet muna ako, Ma. Next week na lang ako kakain ng proper meal," I told her before lying in bed, while looking at my ceiling.
Every night, as I lay in bed, I feel a deep sense of fear creeping up on me. The thought of not waking up the next day fills me with terror. I know that death is an inevitable part of life, but the fear of it happening suddenly and unexpectedly keeps me up. It was that kind of life threatening fear at the back of my mind, gnawing away at me.
The nightmares that my mind conjures up when I'm fast asleep don't help either. They're so vivid and intense that I often jolt up from my slumber with a cold sweat, heart pounding in my chest.
I've tried everything to combat my fear of sleeping. Meditation, reading, or even watching calming videos before bed, but nothing seems to work for me. Sometimes, I just wished to stay awake forever. But I know that's not healthy or a sustainable solution. Sleep is a very important factor for our physical and mental well-being. With my kind of illness, I can't keep depriving myself of it.
Sa kabila ng aking takot, sinusubukan kong paalalahanan ang aking sarili na ang paggising sa mga susunod na araw won't be a guarantee for anyone, regardless of whether they're afraid of it or not. But that realization only provides a temporary relief. The fear always come back, stronger than ever, and I find myself unstable to shake it off.
Minsan, napapaisip ako kung ako lang ba ang nakakaramdam ng ganito. Siguro, para sa aming may ganitong kondisyon ay kagaya ko... Pero paano kung kinakaya nilang 'wag isipin ang mga gano'ng bagay? Am I just being irrational and overly anxious?
I know that I need to confront my fear so that it won't haunt me anymore. But the thought of facing it head-on is almost as terrifying as the fear itself.
For now, all I can do is hope for the best, and wake up the next day. I know it's not a fullproof solution, but fuck it, do I have any choice? This is the only thing that gives me a sense of comfort and control in the face of the unknown.
"Rise and shine, Reign!"
I slowly opened my eyes, expecting to see a hospital ward, but no. Nandito pa rin ako sa kuwarto ko at nakahanda na ang strawberry smoothie ko. My favorite!
"How many days have I been sleeping?" I asked Mom, and she just chuckled. "Ano nakakatawa?"
"You've been asleep for about nine hours 'nak. Ayos na yata ang sleep schedule mo e!" Nagulat naman ako roon, usually kapag galing akong ospital, at least 24 hours pa rin ang tulog ko. First time 'to ah!
Baka ito na ang sign ni lord na gagaling na ako. Habang nasa kama ako ay nag-tingin muna ako sa cellphone ko kung ano na ang mayroon. I still saw the usual messages I have in my inbox.
Get well soon, Reign!
Hope you feel better na
miss ka na namin, balik ka na sa school
And so on. Hindi naman ako masyadong gumagamit ng social media. I think it's just a waste of time. Sabi ni Mommy huwag daw akong maging klase ng tao na dependent sa teknolohiya kasi masama raw iyon para sa akin.
Siya ang matanda sa amin kaya kailangan ko lang sundin ang kaniyang gusto. "By the way, Reign. Your Dad will arrive from Bangkok in two days, he's been dying to see you."
Tinaasan ko si Mommy ng kilay, "Hindi po ba niya 'ko dinadalaw?"
"Dinadalaw ka noon pero dalawang beses lang sa loob noong tatlong buwan. Busy siya sa trabaho niya pero 'wag ka mag-alala, lagi 'yon tumatawag sa akin para makita ang hitsura mo sa kama," sagot ni Mom sa akin at tumango naman ako sa kaniya.
"Alam mo, Reign..." Mom said softly, at doon pa lang hinanda ko na ang sarili ko dahil baka magka-roon kami ng iyakan session ng ganito kaaga. "You look so peaceful when you sleep. It makes me wonder what you're feeling during those days or weeks of slumber."
It feels as though a weight is settling on my chest, making it difficult to breathe. My mind was always racing, as I try to make sense of what was happening. I always feel trapped, unable to escape the sensation of suffocation.
After my mind was active during my sleeping hours, exhaustion eventually takes over and I fall into a restless sleep. But even in my thoughts, mind... The feeling of suffocation remains, like a dark cloud hanging over my every thought.
"I feel nothing," I lied. "It's just complete darkness. I sometimes hear people, sometimes I just lay down into a bed in my thoughts"
Noong umalis na si Mommy ng kuwarto ko, tumayo na ako at nag-inat bago dumiretso sa CR para maligo. I have to motivate myself into doing something productive today. Hindi ako puwede mag-work out, tumakbo under the sun or simply be under the sun.
Bumaba na ako para puntahan si Mommy sa sala, I plan on reading a book today.
"Mom, can I go out later?"
"No." Agad niyang sagot sa akin. "It's too soon, Reign. Next week ka pa raw puwede lumabas ng bahay 'di ba? Hindi muna ngayon."
I sighed heavily before going back upstairs para magpa-lipas ng oras. Usually, tatamaan ako ng antok tuwing malapit na mag-lunch time kaso wala talaga e. I was already so bored inside the house.
E kung tumakas kaya ako mamayang gabi kapag tulog na si Mommy? It looks like my energy today would still last me fore more than ten hours pa e.
After a few hours, I was already ready for bed. "Anak, drink this before going to bed, okay?" Nilapag ni Mommy 'yong gamot ko roon sa bedside table. "I'm going to sleep na pero if you'll be needing anything, don't hesitate to wake me up," she smiled before giving me a kiss on the forehead.
Noong lumabas si Mommy ng kuwarto ko ay tiningnan ko ang orasan.
10:20 PM
I have to wait until eleven before sneaking out from my window. It didn't take long because time flew by real quickly. Nagpalit ako ng damit para hindi ako lamigin sa labas. I wore a hoodie on top of my tank top.
I opened the window of my room at lumingon lingon muna ako bago lumabas doon. I felt the cold breeze that hit my face kaya napangiti ako bago umupo muna sa bubong. I looked up at the stars, and I saw the ones that were shining the brightest tonight.
The brightest stars are two hundred to three hundred million years old. They look so beautiful during at night. Sometimes, I wonder kung napapagod din ba sila kagaya nating mga tao. Then again, one hundred million stars tend to explode, burn out or turn into a supernova a day.
I smiled by the thought of living for more than a hundred million years. Kung puwede lang sana mabuhay din ako nang gano'n katagal.
Oh to be one with the stars.
Noong huminga ako nang malalim, bumaba ako galing sa bubong. I already knew where I was going. I want to go to a lake, and just enjoy my own presence. It was a ten minute walk to go there.
My heart was beating with anticipation and excitement. I felt a surge of defiance as I bravely stepped out into the cool night air, knowing that I would be betraying my mother's trust in myself. My mind was racing with fantasies and adventures as I made my way to the lake. I felt alive and invigorated, like I was finally living a life of a normal teenager.
The sound of my footsteps crunching on the gravel path only added to the excitement. It felt like I was on a secret mission, and the thrill of the unknown was exhilarating. As I arrived at the lake, I couldn't help but gasp at the beauty of the shimmering water under the moonlight. I was in awe of the tranquility and serenity of the place, and the feeling of being somewhere I wasn't supposed to be made it even more thrilling.
I sat down by the edge of the lake and took a deep breath, relishing in the feeling of being free from the constraints of my condition. For a moment, I forgot about all my worries, and just enjoyed the simple pleasure of being alive and experiencing the world around me. I wish to experience things I couldn't back then.
I stayed there for thirty minutes, as I was about to get up... I saw a figure approaching me. Gago, baka magnanakaw? Mamamatay tao? Putangina, naman... Mamamatay na rin naman ako bakit kailangan ngayon agad?
When I saw him clearly, my eyes widened in astonishment as I took in his chiseled physique, broad shoulders, and confident stride. I couldn't feel but attraction towards this guy. For eighteen years of being alive, siya lang ang nakita kong ganito ka-guwapo.
My mind raced with thoughts about who he could be and where he came from. Was he in college? His feautures look old and mature enough for him to be in college. His mysterious aura only added to his appeal. Not to mention that he looks good wearing all black.
Despite my initial shock, I tried to compose myself and act as if I was unbothered by him. I couldn't let him know how much I was affected by his presence. But as he got closer, I felt the rush of excitement and nervousness at the same time.
Nasa tabi ko na siya, at nararamdaman kong sumisikip ang dibdib ko. Baka kinakabahan lang ako? Confident naman akong hindi ako mahihimatay sa tabi niya!
I felt him looking at me, "You're Reign, right?" he asked me. Lumingon naman ako sa direksyon niya kaya nagtama ang mga mata namin, and I felt this some sort of electricity building up between us waiting to spark once our skin touches.
"Paano mo nalaman?" I asked.
"Is that even important?" He fired back.
I let out a sarcastic laugh before looking at the water in front of us, "Oo. Malay ko ba kung pumapatay ka ng tao o hindi," I said sarcastically before rolling my eyes at the guy beside me. I heard his laugh, at agad naman akong nabihag no'n.
Pati sa pagtawa pogi? "Hindi ako pumapatay ng tao, don't worry." Natahimik naman kami dahil hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko sa kaniya. Should I leave? Baka naman kailangan niya ng oras para sa sarili niya.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Nagpapahangin. Ikaw?"
"Walang magawa sa bahay, ito... Napadpad dito," he answered. "Do you have anything else to do tonight?" The moment he asked that, several thoughts came running in my mind. Ano kaya gusto mangyari nito?
"Wala naman, bakit? Are you planning on kidnapping me?"
"Just for the night," he grinned.
Huminga ako nang malalim bago humiga sa damo. "Kung puwede lang sana..." I whispered. I was scared that my Mom would find out I left the house at night, almost midnight, and not asked for permission.
My eyes widened when I felt his hand on top of mine, "Come on... Only for a couple of hours." It made me look into his eyes, and it felt like I was in a dreamy trance.
Tumayo ako, "Tara."
It took him a few seconds to process what I've said. Siguro nagulat siya dahil pumayag ako sa request niya. Ngumisi siya sa akin bago tumayo. Agad akong nagulat noong hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinila ako papunta sa direksyon paalis dito sa lawa.
We were running like were being chased, and I can't help but laugh while we were in the process of doing so. Noong lumingon siya sa akin, my world turned slowmotion. The wat he smiled at me... Putangina.
Ang pogi niya pala talaga.
When we arrived at his car, hinihingal ako pero na-enjoy ko 'yong takbong ginawa namin kanina. Noong napansin niya akong hiningal, inabot niya sa akin 'yong aquaflask na galing sa kaniyang kotse.
Before I drank from it, tiningnan ko muna siya. "Are you laway conscious?" I asked, and he shook his head. I squinted my eyes at him, mukhang nagsisinungaling siya ah. I slowly placed the mouth of the tumbler on mine at bago ko pa malagok 'yong tubig, nagsalita siya.
"Do I have to kiss you to prove that I'm not?" Nasamid ako sa sinabi niya.
"Hindi mo kailangan..." Natulala ako noong bigla siyang lumapit sa akin, leaving our faces inches apart. Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata, expecting him to kiss me. But I heard his soft chuckle kaya bumukas muli ang mga mata ko.
"You're cute, Reign." He whispered before caressing my face. Naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng aking pisngi while looking at him. "Don't be shy, Reign. I don't bite."
Nanlambot ang ang aking mga tuhod pero buti na lang ay nakahawak siya sa aking bewang. Nakasandal na ako sa kotse niya habang siya ay nakaharang sa akin. "Aren't we going somewhere?" I asked.
"Right," he licked his bottom lip before opening the door for me. Noong nakasakay na ako ng kotse niya ay umikot naman siya sa kabilang side para sumakay sa kotse. "Where do you want to go?" he asked.
"Kung saan tayo mapadpad," I answered.
"So if I take you to London right now, you won't complain?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at natawa naman ako sa kaniya.
"I wish you could but I didn't bring my passport with me tonight."
Tinawanan niya lang ako bago kami umandar. It only took us thirty minutes before he stopped again. I looked out the window and we were in a bay. For sure malamig sa labas nito.
"What's your name?" I asked para naman may mapag-usapan kami.
"Dylan Salvador," agad niyang sagot. "If you're going to add me on social media you're not going to find me there."
"Why not?"
"I don't like social media," he straightforwafrdly said. Shit! Walang social media presence, p'wede ko bang i-mine na? "But if you really want to talk to me through the use of technology, you can add me on discord. That's what I use to communicate with people I'm comfortable with."
"So you're comfortable with me?" Tanong ko sa kaniya, and he chuckled.
"Aren't we both?" Pagkasabi niya iyon ay lumabas na siya ng kotse para pagbuksan ako ng pinto. Noong nakalabas na ako ng kotse, pinanood ko siyang may kinuha roon sa backseat. He took out a picnic mat, chips, as well as a sketch pad?
"Ano naman gagawin natin diyan?"
"Shh, don't spoil the momengt, Reign," he whispered.
He locked his car and throwed his keys at me kaya tinago ko iyon sa aking bulsa. Nilatag niya 'yong picnic mat saka siya umupo. Tinapik naman niya ang tabi niya para senyasan akong umupo.
Inabot niya sa akin 'yong chips kaya naman napilitan akong kumain noon. I wasn't supposed to eat that, but then I thought... I was already breaking a lot of rules tonight so fuck it.
Nilabas niya 'yong sketch pad niya bago magdrawing. We both sat in silence while he was drawing. Habang nasa tabi ko siya, I felt alive. Pero inaantok na ako kaya sinandal ko 'yong ulo ko sa kaniyang balikat, and I felt him stiffend for a second before continuing to draw.
Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata at wala na akong paki kung kinabukasan ay nakahiga na naman ako roon sa kuwarto ko sa ospital. Basta masaya ako ngayon dahil matutulog ako katabi si Dylan.
Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal natulog pero pag gising ko'y katabi ko pa rin si Dylan. "You're awake," he said. I checked my watch, and it was five am.
"Sorry for sleeping. Maybe you had other plans for us tonight," I apologized. He shook his head before helping me stand up.
"It's fine. Here," inabot niya sa akin 'yong sketchpad niya. I looked at the drawing he just made, and it was the both of us looking at the stars. Mayroon pang isa na nakasandal balikat ko sa kaniya. How cute!
"Itago mo 'yan. Remembrance of our one night together."
Hinatid niya ako sa bahay, and when I climb back up my room... I felt like I was floating.
Dylan Salvador.
Just by the thought of him makes me smile. Tumalon talon ako sa kama ko for a few minutes bago umayos.
I hope to see you again, Dylan.
"Klein-levin syndrome."
"After a series of tests, ayan po 'yong lumabas."
"Ano po 'yon, Doc?" Tanong ni Mommy. I was nervous because there was many machines connected to me. I'm scared that if I budge, my health could get even worse.
"It is a rare neurological disorder that can cause recurring episodes of excessive sleep, altered behavior, and so many cognitive changes."
Hearing those from my Doktor gave me mixed emotions. I was confused because how will this diagnosis affect my life?
"Ano po ang cause nito?"
"As of the moment, the cause is still undetermined. Some scientists thinks that it can be from a serious head injury, flu, or even infections. In Reign's case, she had a recent infection to the tissues near the brain. The infection gave changes in her consciousness, fever, trouble in moving, and seizures."
"How long does my episodes last?" I asked.
"It can last a few days or even weeks. The worst case scenario that could happen to you is enter a coma and be declared as brain dead."
I was very scared, but somehow... I was relieved because after weeks of not knowin my condition, I finally have a diagnosis.
"Reign, here's your lunch for today. Good luck sa school," Mom kissed my forehead.
I was excited to go to school. Miss ko na kasi mga kaibigan ko e!
When I arrived at school, agad ako binati ng mga kaibigan . They all were happy when I returned to school. Hindi pa rin sila nagbabago, at mukhang masaya sila ngayon dahil completion week na in two weeks. Patapos na kami, and we are graduating in two months.
"Reign, mamaya raw class picture at graduation pic. Buti na lang hindi mo na kailangan ng makeup para magmukhang maayos, jusko!" Sabi ng isa sa mga kaibigan ko at nagulat naman ako.
"Ha? Graduation picture? Gago, hindi ako ready."
"Tanga, okay lang 'yan. Ay alam mo ba, may exchange student na transferee two months ago?" Tanong nito and I was intrigued. Sana guwapo!
"Sino?" I asked, at narinig kong bumukas ang pintuan at nakita ko ang pamilyar na tao na pumasok sa classroom.
Si Dylan?!
Nagulat ako sa kaniyang appearance pero noong napansin niya akong nakatingin sa kaniya, he grinned before placing his things down and approached me. "I'm Dylan, and you are?" he asked at kumunot naman ang noo ko. Magkakilala naman kami e.
Ah! Is he playing the I-don't-remember type of scenario? Or does he don't want to let everyone know about our secret rendezvous.
"Reign Ianna Medina," I smiled.
"Nice to meet you, gorgeous," he winked.
Noong nagsimula na 'yong klase, nakinig lang ako dahil na-miss kong mag-aral sa school. Noong break time, tinawag ako noong president namin.
"Reign, can you ask Dylan to pay for our ambagan? Para raw sa student council since may graduation fee," she said, and I hesitated at first because I saaw him busy drawing at a piece of paper.
"Bakit ako?" I asked.
"I saw how you stared at him kanina. I think you like him, kaya go. Shoot your shot," ngumisi siya sa akin at natawa naman ako.
"Dylan!" I said, almost shouting. Baka kasi hindi niya 'ko marinig dahil maingay ang mga taong nakapaligid sa amin. I feel a lot of eyes staring at me when I approached him pero wala akong paki sa kanila.
Tinanggal niya 'yong headphones niya bago tumingin sa akin, "Hmm?" Biglang bumilis ang tibok ng aking puso. Nakakakilig naman boses niya? Putek.
"Sabi ni pres magbayad ka na raw ng graduation fee," I said.
Mukhang hindi niya narinig because he leaned forward, at muntik nang magdikit ang mga mukha namin. "Ano 'yon?" Tanong niya ulit.
"Bayad mo raw para sa grad fee," I said bago umiwas ng tingin. Noong ibinigay niya sa akin 'yong pera, bumalik ako kay pres at nagulat ako noong sinabunutan niya ako.
"Malandi ka!" She said playfully, and I rolled my eyes. "Halatang gusto niyo isa't isa. Grabe ka na, Reign. Tirador ng exchange student." Hindi ko na siya pinansin at hinintay na lang na tawagin ang section namin para sa class picture.
Noong nakahanda na ako, may naramdaman akong kamay sa aking braso. "Reign..." Lumingon ako sa likod ko at nakita ko si Dylan na gulo gulo ang buhok at hindi maayos ang necktie.
"Ano'ng nangyari sa 'yo?" I chuckle before turning my full attention to him. "You look like you just made out with someone pero nabitin kayo." Umiling naman siya sa akin.
"I'm a mess," he pouted, and I chuckled before fixing his necktie.
"Pogi pa rin," I smiled and I swear I caught him blushing. Noong naayos ko na 'yong necktie niya, I combed his hair using my fingers, and he groaned.
"That feels nice," he whispered kaya hinila ko naman siya palapit pa sa akin so that I can massage his head.
I was smiling while doing that to him pero napatigil ako when I noticed that all of our classmates where staring at us. "Para kayong mag jowa!" Sigaw noong isa sa kanila pero hindi ko na lang sila pinansin.
After our class picture, inaya ako noong kaibigan ni Dylan para mag picture. I was already looking at the camera nang harangan ako. Naramdaman ko naman kamay ni Dylan sa braso ko. "Halika rito, baka hindi ka makita." Bulong niya sa akin bago hilahin ang aking kamay.
After our picture, hinintay ko na lang matapos ang klase namin.
Sobrang saya ko talaga ngayon.
"Ano discord mo, Dylan?" I asked him. Sinulat naman niya ang discord tag sa isang sticky note bago ibigay sa akin. I immediately added him kaya may communication na kami!
Noong dismissal, hinintay ko pa matapos ang ibang friends ko sa ginagawa nila sa school kaya nakatambay lang ako sa labas. My phone vibrated, and I was confused kung sino nag chat pero noong nakita ko kung kanino galing muntikan na akko tumili.
Lan:
Home :]
Hindi ko alam kung ano irereply ko! Wow, kala mo naman talaga 'di kami nag usap kanina hehe.
Rei:
welcome home teh
Lan:
eating food right now
Rei:
what are u eating right now?
Lan:
bread and mayo tuna
Rei:
wow, tinapay at palaman lang yan sa amin
Kinikilig ako! Why is he suddenly updating me?
Our conversation went for so long, and I could tell that we both are enjoying getting to know each other. I found out that he doesn't play games as much as before because he's currently focusing on his studies and art.
Lan:
do you want to go out again?
Rei:
gustong gusto :>
Lan:
sunduin kita mamaya. same time, same place we met.
Kinikilig akong tumalon talon. Saan naman kaya kami pupunta mamaya?
We did the same routine. Tumakas ako, we meet up, and escape reality.
As I spend time with Dylan, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of happiness wash over me. It's like everything else in the world fades away and all that's left is the two of us, enjoying each other's company. I cherish these moments because they make me feel alive. Like I have hope in living more years.
There's something about the way he make me laugh and smile that just fills me up with joy. I find myself looking forward to our time together, eagerly anticipating the moments we'll share. Kung puwede lang sana manatili kaming ganito.
His touch, his words, his presence all make me feel seen and understood. I feel like I can be myself around Dylan and they accept me for who I am. He probably knows about my KLS, but I haven't talked about it yet with him.
I know that what we have may not be defined or permanent because I am still suffering from my condition. But in this moment, I am greatful for the light he brings into my life. I will relish in these feelings and hold onto them for as long as I can. Kasi kapag umamin ako sa kaniya... Baka iyon na ang huling pag hinga ko sa mundong 'to.
"Good night, Reign. Sleep tight," he told me. Hinalikan niya ang aking noo bago kami maghiwalay.
I immediately dozed off.
As I slowly opened my eyes... I felt a sense of confusion and disorientation. It took me a few moments to realize that I was back in a hospital ward. Shit.
"Reign?" I heard a faint voice calling my name.
"Tumawag kayo ng doktor! Gising na si Reign," I heard my Mom.
I tried sitting upright but I was too weak to do so. "Mom... Where is Dylan?"
Kumunot naman ang noo ni Mommy. "Dylan? Who's Dylan, 'nak?"
Huh? Hindi ba niya nalaman ang mga ginawa ko noon para lang makasama ko si Dylan? "The person I always snuck off with during eleven o'clock. The guy who made me feel special!" I said, almost crying.
"What are you saying, Reign? You've been in a coma with no assurance of waking up for seven months."
My jaw dropped when I heard those words from my Mom's mouth. None of it was real? I felt a wave of sadness and disappointment wash over me, and she couldn't help but feel like crying. As I tried to make sense of what had happened, I noticed that my breathing was unsteady, and heart rate had increased. It slowly sank in that I just had woken up from a coma, and that everything I had experienced with Dylan was just a figment of her imagination.
Panaginip lang pala ang lahat ng iyon.
The realization was crushing, and it felt like a part of me had been ripped away. I tried reminding myself that it was just a dream, and that I'm lucky to even wake up. I have to focus on my recovery. The pain of losing something that had felt so real was too much to bear. I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss and grief, and I knew that it would take time to come to terms with what had happened.
As I lay there in the hospital bed, I felt a sense of emptiness and sadness that I had never experienced before.
Dahan dahang pumatak ang mga luha galing sa aking mga mata. "Dylan..."
Akala ko tayong dalawa lang sa istoryang ito. Kung puwede lang sana kita makasama buong gabi. Kung puwede lang sana kita makasama kahit hindi ako nakapikit. Bakit kasi kailangan kitang makasama habang lumilipad ako?
Dylan... Kahit hindi buong gabi kitang makasama, basta hindi tayo sa panaginip ko magkikita.
Ako lang pala sa istoryang ito.
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