Victor slid up from the portal, ears assailed by distant honking cars and roaring engines. A single light above the stairwell door flickered, flashing against flat concrete.

"You weren't hard to find," he called across the rooftop.

The figure in blue and red spun around, fists expanding to triple in size, the scarf around her neck fluttering. Cast in the light of a skyscraper, she gaped at him. "Y...you! What--how did you find me?"

"The name's Victor," he strolled forward. "And it wasn't that hard. I found your Herowatch profile."

She blinked, fists shrinking. "Oh. Right. I'm uh, just waiting for Squirrel Girl! So we can go patrolling," she smacked one fist into the other. "Gotta, uh, take out those bad guys!"

"Look," he stopped halfway across the roof. "I need your help. Remember that Dante kid?"

Her arms fell to her sides, dark sneakers tapping back and forth on the concrete. "The one who kept blowing things up and you were chasing him down to help him?"

"Yeah, him," Victor nodded. "Except--"

"I don't think he needs your help," Kamala said. "He sure seemed eager to run away. From you. Not blow things up."

"Hey, you mentioned blowing things up, not me."

"So, what, you want my help to...bring him to your organization?" she folded her arms. "Since Dante won't run away if I talk to him?"

"No! Look, this is a lot more complicated than that. I work for the kree."

"Who?"

"Alien race, blue-skinned, intergalactic empire..."

Kamala stared blankly at him.

"They're the ones responsible for the terrigen mist," he explained. "They brought it to my planet years ago, and they brought it here. They're making an inhuman army with it. I didn't know why, and I was helping recruit inhumans--"

"--That's why you wanted Dante."

"Yes. But then I found out the army is being used to expand the kree empire. I don't think they care about what happens to us, or care about giving us better lives, like I thought they did. And now..." he hesitated.

"Now what?"

"I got Dante stuck on our spaceship and I can't get him out without painting a target on my back. I'd be punished if I helped him."

She raised an eyebrow. "So you want my help fixing your mistakes? I don't even know you!"

"I know, okay? But I have a plan, and it'll work because I was supposed to recruit you next, after--"

She took a step back. "Whoa whoa, what? No way. This sounds like a trick to get me into your inhuman army too!"

"No!" Victor waved his arms. "Listen, I was supposed to get you next, after Dante. But that only meant I could track you down without looking suspicious. You're the only one I could think of who could help."

"No way," she shook her head, glancing over her shoulder to the street below. "I don't trust this. Figure it out yourself, Victor."

"Wait!" the stairwell door burst open, releasing a red-cheeked girl with a whirling, furry tail. Victor stared, arms ready to pull a weapon from the shadows. "I was eavesdropping inside," the girl exclaimed, glancing between Kamala and Victor. "Ka--er, Ms. Marvel, this is our chance! This could be the biggest baddie we've ever taken on. The whole kree empire? That's nuts!"

Chittering squeaks rang out from the fuzzy creature on her shoulder.

"Tippy agrees," she planted her fists on her hips.

"I'm not sure you overheard very much, SG," Kamala shot back. "He abducts inhumans. That's what he did with that kid who made fire. He's tricking us and trying to abduct us too."

"I," Squirrel Girl held up a finger, "am not inhuman. So there."

Victor frowned.

"What's that got to do with anything?" Kamala asked.

"Well, he can take me to his evil kree lair. He can't abduct me, because I'm not an inhuman. I'm girl, and I'm squirrel, and those kree will eat my nutty wrath."

Victor clenched his hands into fists. "That doesn't work. I was told to take her," he pointed toward Kamala, "and if I show up with anybody different I'll still have to hunt her down."

"See?" Kamala glared. "He admits he was trying to abduct me."

"Besides, you probably couldn't survive," Victor gruffly told Squirrel Girl. "The healing tech, the diet...it's not designed for a...you."

"Ahem. If you don't injure me, nut face, I won't need healed!"

"Squirrel Girl, this is a bad idea. We should just leave," Kamala said, creeping towards the stairs.

"No, don't go," Victor raised his hands, sighing. "Okay. I can take Squirrel Girl to the spaceship alone, and she can look around, and then we'll come back. Would you come with us then?"

Kamala folded her arms. "Squirrel Girl, I don't think this is safe. What if--"

"Oh, I am in," Squirrel Girl exclaimed. "What do you say, Tippy?"

"Actually, the...Tippy should stay," Victor said.

"Alright. Tippy, you stay here," Squirrel Girl pointed and the creature darted down her arm, hopping to the rooftop. "This is spaceship business, not, er...never mind."

Kamala sighed, "fine," nibbling her lip, she glanced at Squirrel Girl. "You be careful. And Victor, I'm warning you. If you don't come back, I'm telling Shield. And they'll come after you!"

Victor glared. "They won't need to." He turned to Squirrel Girl. "Ready? You'll want to exhale, in case we accidentally peep out in space. You don't want a ruptured lung."

"Wha--" Squirrel Girl gasped, and Victor sunk into the void.

***

Victor opened a portal through the flexible void of space, sliding into a stretched-out part of the spaceship. He dragged Squirrel Girl after, clamping a hand over her mouth before she could utter a word.

She sucked in a breath through her nose. "Mmphh!" she yelped.

He peeked around the corner, a vent whirring somewhere from the ceiling. The hallway loomed empty.

"Okay," he let Squirrel Girl go, sighing. "We're clear."

"You could've killed me by teleporting into space?" she exclaimed. "And you didn't warn me?"

"You wouldn't have died," Victor whispered, motioning for her to be quiet. "Whenever I portal to the ship, I poke my head out for like half a second to make sure I'm clear. And we were. But even if we did pop out all the way in space, you probably would've been fine. A lack of gravity and oxygen for a tiny bit shouldn't kill you," he shrugged. "Besides, that's why I told you about the healing tech."

Squirrel Girl shook her head. "Maybe you should've explained more, Mister-I-don't-know-your-name."

"Victor," he led the way around the corner. The metal halls gave no clue as to what level of the spaceship they ended up on, so he hunted for a stairwell to situate himself. "And you were the one eager to come right away."

Squirrel Girl followed, tiptoeing lightly. "So...where are we going, Victor? Are we not just gonna pop back to earth and bring Ms. Marvel back with us?"

He shook his head. "I'm finding a stairwell. So I know where we are."

"Ah. That sounds super important."

Victor froze at the ringing of distant footsteps. Squirrel Girl bumped into him, sending him sprawling to the floor.

"Whoops," she whispered, crouching low, "sorry 'bout that. Squirrel strength, you know?"

The footsteps fell silent. He growled, kicking her ankle to silence her and dropping them into the void.

"Hey--" they hit the blacklit violet and Squirrel Girl's voice cut out.

Victor flowed through the void, tugging her behind him. Space crawled past. He located the rooftop in Jersey City, same flat concrete and flickering light, then formed a portal and floated himself and Squirrel Girl up through it.

"--ey, watch it!" Squirrel Girl finished.

Ms. Marvel's footsteps pounded over, tugging Squirrel Girl away. "What'd he do to you? What happened?"

"Nothing," Squirrel Girl shrugged. "Except kick me right before we teleported."

Kamala--Ms. Marvel--glared at him.

"Oh also he didn't warn me we might accidentally drop into space."

Victor lowered to his knees, rubbing his temples.

"But yeah, I think we're totally good!" Squirrel Girl said. "We showed up in a silvery hallway, and then someone was running towards us so we left real quick. That's why he kicked me."

Victor groaned. He thought he'd had more energy than this.

"What's wrong with you?" Ms. Marvel asked.

"I just teleported to space and back and you can't figure out what's wrong with me?" he shook his head and pushed himself to his feet. "I'm fine now, I just needed a second. Let's go."

"Whoa whoa whoa," Squirrel Girl raised her hands. "I don't want to end up in space, please. So...maybe you should rest? Or something?"

Victor shook his head. "I'll be fine." Black spots swam across his vision and he stumbled.

"Hate to break it to you, but you are not fine."

Victor's vision cleared; at his feet, a squirrel bared its teeth, madly swishing its tail. "Alright," he grumbled. "I'll rest for a bit," he knelt down, rubbing his temples.

Squirrel Girl crouched beside him. "So. I heard you say the kree took the terrigen mist to your planet."

He slowly nodded.

"...you're not from earth?"

He grimaced. "No. I was born on Volur. Or something. I don't remember clearly."

"That's gotta be pretty sad. You don't even remember your home planet?"

"I remember it alright," he muttered. "My parents gave me up to my aunt for a couple years but never came back. Then the terrigen came and my powers developed and then Hala came," he glanced up. Squirrel Girl stared wide-eyed back.

"Wow," she said softly. "That's a tragic backstory. Is that why you started...recruiting people?"

He furrowed his brow, gaze flicking to Ms. Marvel, who slowly sat on the shadowed rooftop beside them. "Why would that be why I got this assignment?"

"Because your parents abandoned you," Ms. Marvel said.

"And then Hala what's-her-face gave you a home," Squirrel Girl said, "so now you've got issues where you think other people need to join your inhuman army because they don't have a home."

Victor glared. "That's ridiculous. I don't think like that."

Squirrel Girl leaned toward Ms. Marvel. "He's getting defensive," she whispered loudly. "I think that means we hit a nerve. Code red: approach with caution!"

"I can hear you."

"I mean, super-secret-code that totally doesn't mean what I just said!"

"Look," Ms. Marvel interrupted. "Maybe SG's got a point. You did tell Dante a lot of things about wanting to give inhumans better lives, didn't you?"

"That's beside the point," Victor growled. "Why are we talking about me, anyway? My home planet doesn't matter, I hardly remember it. What about your sad lives?"

"My life isn't sad," Squirrel Girl perked up. "I have two parents who make homemade nut bars for all my squirrel friends, plus I have plenty of human friends."

A squirrel chattered from her shoulder.

Squirrel Girl glared, green eyes narrowing. "Just because I'm superhero partners with a hundred percent of them--"

"Yeah," Ms. Marvel nodded. "I don't have a tragic backstory. I mean, the terrigen mist was weird, and my powers go wacky sometimes, but I'm a superhero because I can use my powers to help people. And catch criminals and stuff."

"And all this time Hala was telling me what I was doing was helping," Victor pushed himself to his feet. "So maybe you're not as helpful as you think."

"Well," Ms. Marvel huffed. "That was rude. We save people's lives. Like when you and Dante blew up that apartment and then just disappeared. We got all those people out before the building collapsed. I didn't see you doing anything to help!"

Squirrel Girl tugged her sleeve. "We do help people. We don't have to prove that to know it."

Victor ground his teeth together, pacing to the ledge. The dark street flashing with car lights made him squint. "I've been trying to prove that to myself for a long time."

***

"Here's the plan," Victor tapped the communicator in his ear, projecting an image of the spaceship onto the rooftop. "The inhumans are taken from their rooms here," he pointed to the fifth level, "down to the training rooms," he pointed to the fourth floor. "There, they battle each other to show Hala who's worthy of advancing to the more important positions.

"They go there every day, after first meals, and stay until second meals--"

"What time's that?" Ms. Marvel interrupted. "Do we have to wait until morning?"

"We don't follow earth time," Victor prodded the communicator again, tapping into the kree tech system in the apartment. A clock appeared in the blue image's corner. "First meal will be in about two hours, earth time."

"In the middle of the night?" Squirrel Girl muttered.

Victor glared at her. "They're on a spaceship. Orbiting the planet. Day and night are irrelevant."

"Right," Squirrel Girl straightened up, Tippy tumbling off her head into her lap. "Got it, commander."

"I will take Ms. Marvel in like any other inhuman--" she narrowed her eyes at him, "--except willingly, which means we'll skip the bio scan and drugging you and depositing you in your quarters until you wake. I'll take you straight to sparring practice."

"You're just going to escort me to the..." Ms. Marvel waved a hand over the projected image of the spaceship. "The training rooms? Where I'll have to fight somebody and then free myself and Dante and all the other inhumans unwillingly taken?"

"What do I do?" Squirrel Girl piped up. "Kick some kree guard butt?"

"And won't that seem suspicious if I show up willingly, then promptly break everyone out?"

"Right," Victor muttered. "that could reflect onto me for taking you there..." He rubbed his eyes. This was just supposed to be about breaking Dante out, not every inhuman.

"Oh, I've got it!" Squirrel Girl leapt to her feet, Tippy climbing up her side. "We pretend like we're fighting, see, and you just narrowly make a portal and snag Ms. Marvel in your evil little clutches," she grinned slyly, wriggling her eyebrows and tapping her fingers together. "Except I lunge into the portal after you, unsuspectingly, and when we pop out in the spaceship I pounce on you and Ms. Marvel runs off, to go free everyone from the training rooms. Then us two make a good fight out of it and you roar all angry-like and I make fun of your...uh, I don't know, your super medium-sized nose?"

"You can hardly make fun of that. What about his boots?" Ms. Marvel asked. Victor scowled. "Or his eyebrows?"

"We can work on that," Squirrel Girl waved a hand. "I can run off to the escape pods or something--your ship does have escape pods, right?"

Victor slowly nodded.

"Great! I run there, Ms. Marvel and all the inhumans escape there, and then we're home free!"

Victor nibbled his lip, studying the image. "The escape pods line the starboard side--There's a handful on each of the even-numbered levels. That could work...the only problem is I can't control where we end up. So if we arrive here," he tapped the armory, in the highest level, "or here," he tapped the command deck, "you may get caught before getting to Dante."

"What's wrong with this place?" Squirrel Girl motioned to the command deck. "It's practically right beside the training rooms."

He glared at her. "That's the command deck. Where Hala spends most of her time."

Squirrel Girl and Ms. Marvel exchanged looks. "Who is Hala, exactly?" Ms. Marvel folded her arms. "You keep mentioning her like--"

"She's kree," Victor stared at the glowing space of the command deck. "She leads the army, is an insane warrior and commander. For the past decade at least she's been training inhumans and...apparently wants to use them to conquer galaxies."

"Wants to use you to conquer galaxies, you mean," Ms. Marvel said.

His jaw hardened. "Yeah."

***

Author note: vote if you've ever not been used to help conquer galaxies