Lots of Jaeyong these days ;-; it makes me too fluffy inside. Uwu.

time for some angst

-

Taeyong inhales as smoke fills his breathing way, and he breaths out clouds of it. He sits alone in a apartment, beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. He sighs as he watches meaningless cartoons and his eyes feel droopy, he knows he's drunk, but he doesn't care.

He's been like this for awhile, drinking and smoking all night. He didn't notice that he was slowly just giving up, giving up on love, life, and everything else.

He keeps drinking, and smoking. Thinking of a certain someone, and waiting for them to come home.

Jung Jaehyun.

The man who he's fallen in love with when they were in high school, but they've been best friends since grade school. He didn't know how to feel as he heard about Jaehyun running around with girls, getting laid every night. So he didn't feel, he just started drinking. He's been smoking for awhile, ever since he was under peer pressure in high school and was also diagnosed with depression and anorexia. He didn't know what to do after, so he dropped out and watched his friend finish high school without him, even though Jaehyun begged him not to go.

He remembers that memory. They were so young, scared of the outside world as they were always in their comfort zone and never had stepped into the darkness. Taeyong was the first who stepped into the darkness, and made sure Jaehyun stayed out of it as long as possible. After awhile, his protection died as Jaehyun grew older, smarter and bolder. Taeyong never did, he always stayed in his shell, but joined Jaehyun along the way anyway.

He sometimes wonders to himself, 'How did I let this happen to me?'.

He hears the door handle fumble and he then watches a broad and tall figure step into the apartment. He then burns out his cigarette, as Jaehyun didn't like him smoking, and put his empty beer bottle on the table.

"Finally your home." He slurs out in a drunken whisper, and tries to stand up on his wobbly legs. He uses the couch for support.

"Your drunk- and have you been smoking again?" He hears Jaehyun ask, and could only crack a drunk smile as he staggers over to him. He fails and almost falls if strong arms hadn't catched him.

"Only a little bit~" Taeyong slurs out and hiccups. He hears Jaehyun gives a sigh in frustration.

"Taeyong what have I told you about drinking? And smoking too!?" He hears him raise his voice, and flinches. He then tries to stand properly, but only felt himself being lifted off the ground.

He gives a high pitched noise, but lets Jaehyun carry him into the bedroom anyway. He feels his body go numb, and lets himself go flimsy in Jaehyuns arms. He then feels sad all the sudden, thinking that one day Jaehyun won't come home. To take care of him. He'll be gone, with another heart and soul, he'll be changed and forget all about him. He shivers at the cold thought.

He feels himself being sat down on a bed, and immediately falls back as he gives a sigh.

"Taeyong. You have to stop this." He hears Jaehyuns voice speak again.

"I won't always be here to take care of you." He hears and instantly sits up to look at Jaehyun, whose taking off his business clothes.

"What do you mean?" Taeyong asks, scared all the sudden at the thought of Jaehyun not coming home someday.

"I mean- what if I get into an accident Taeyong? What if- something happens at work and I have to go places? What will you do then?" Jaehyun asks.

"I'll wait of course." Taeyong says mindlessly.

"Taeyong, you cant always wait. If you wait now you'll be waiting forever." Jaehyun says as he walks out of the room and into the bathroom.

Taeyong thinks about that phrase. He thinks of how long he's been waiting to tell Jaehyun how much he loves him. How much he wants Jaehyun by his side, to show him love and peace.

"Jaehyun.." Taeyong slowly starts. His heart race is now beating so fast he could hear it in his ears. "I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" Jaehyun asks as he stares at Taeyong.

"I've been wanting to tell you for the longest of time I've just been- to scared to do so." He whispers. His head is leaned down, and he feels his stomach rise with anxiety.

"What's wrong Tae?" He hears.

"I'm..." He starts but feels as though his mind keeps telling him 'no' 'stop you'll regret this'.

"Taeyong what is it?" His voice speaks a little louder now and Taeyong cant take anymore of the tension.

"I'm in love with you!" Taeyong blurts out, and immediately feels sick afterwards.

Silence takes over them and he can't get that one ringing tone out of his head.

'Your gay. Nobody will love you. Give it up. He's gonna leave you too.'

He feels tears prick his eyes as the silence is now too quiet for him.

"Say something." Taeyong pleads in a whisper.

"Taeyong...I..I'm sorry I don't..."

Taeyong hears what he never wanted to hear. He hears that nervous wracking inside his head as he hears those broken words. He couldn't think and felt like he couldn't breath.

Rejection.

That same feeling coming back to him to haunt him. All his life he's had rejection, and here he is. Getting rejected by own best friend- his love.

He gets up and pushes past Jaehyun as he paces out of the apartment. He doesn't forget to grip the hoodie on his way out.

He hears yelling for him but he doesn't listen as he runs down the road. It's raining, so hard that he can't even hear his own sobs. He keeps running, now feeling tears run down his cheeks getting washed away with the rain. He feels himself break down on the spot and drops to his knees as he runs into an empty alleyway.

He keeps crying. He lets the rain soak him and feels his whole body shaking violently from the cold and aggressive sobs.

How could he be so stupid? Who could love him? Who could take care of him?

Nobody.

Taeyong took it in.

Rejection.

Nobody.

Alone.

Taeyong then lied on the wet concrete and let the water fill his mind. He let it take over his cold and exhausted body. He could hear nothing but the rain.

He slowly closed his eyes as he felt himself go sleepy.

And let the darkness take over.

-

I don't wanna talk about it.