Word count: 4.7k words

The last of the birthday fics! To my friend Avery @/skylilac on tumblr! Marelliana and pining, inspired by a fanfic, which was inspired by a movie I never watched

Marelliana and pining <3

Warnings: swearing

It was no secret that Biana liked Keefe. It was as clear as day. The longing stares that contained awestruck eyes, the truth or dare that ended in a near-kiss. It'd been the case for years, so really, Marella should have known better, but, she couldn't help but fall for Biana anyways.

Whenever it was just the two of them hanging out together, she could live in her own delusions. But of course, fantasies couldn't last forever.

It was during English class, when their poetry assignment had been returned.

"What'd you get, Marella?" Biana asked, putting her own paper on Marella's desk. High eighties, a good mark.

Marella herself had always been average at English, but she proudly took out her paper that had been marked with a 98.

"Oh, damn," Biana said, "can I read it?"

She let her read it, taking a delight at the impressed smile that graced her face.

"I didn't realize you were so good at poetry," Biana remarked.

I wanted to be good at poetry so I could write letters to you, Marella very carefully did not say. I wanted to be able to put my feelings to words, she also didn't say.

Instead, she said, "It was a recent hobby."

Biana looked at her with a complicated expression that she couldn't decipher.

And she wouldn't be able to figure out why until later that evening, while they hung out in Biana's room.

"Marella," Biana said, looking at her with a serious expression. "I want you to help me write a love letter to Keefe."

They'd had never had the best friendship, they'd gotten off to a rocky start, making petty jabs and insults, and when they got along it didn't take long before one of them would say something to let them drift apart.

But no matter what they'd say to each other, they'd always come right back to each other, they'd never truly leave the other's orbit.

After all of those years they've known each other, at this moment, all Marella could think was, you have never hurt me more than you have now.

She shook off the thought. Obviously it wasn't intentional, and obviously she didn't even know. Still, it doesn't hurt any less.

Any delusions that she'd had were shattered like glass. Biana wasn't in love with her. She probably never would.

"Marella? You don't have to if you don't want-"

"I'll help you with it." The words escaped from her own mouth before her brain could even think.

Biana's face brightened. "Thank you! I'll do as much as I can, I don't want it to feel disingenuous, and I'll even pay you for it if you want-"

"You don't need to pay me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm your friend," Marella told her, "I can do this for you."

Refuse to do this, it wouldn't be too hard. Aren't you the one who usually ends up having to be the one to give in, to suck in your pride? a traitorous part of her brain told her. Why do this to yourself? You'll only get yourself more hurt.

Marella held back a sigh. I love her too much.

Biana pulled her in for a hug, and her damned heart beat rapidly in her chest as she tentatively returned the embrace.

"I'll start writing it later tonight, I guess," Biana said, pulling away. "I'll text you when I share the doc with you."

"Alright," Marella said with a nod of her head. She probably just got rid of her last chance of backing out of this.

•~•~•~•~•~•

-- I shared the doc with you! Biana texted.

"Dear Keefe Sencen,

From the very moment I met you, I've fallen in love with you. Not just for your looks (though I can admit it definitely doesn't hurt), but your fun personality, for the jokes that I hear that bring a smile to my face. For your presence which lights up the room whenever you walk in. I just couldn't help but fall for you. Maybe I'm a coward, for not being able to tell you this straight, but I wanted you to know.

Love,
Biana"

-- for someone who reads and watches so many romantic dramas, youre surprisingly shit at love letters, Marella texted.

-- What's wrong with this?

-- not charming enough

-- too forward

-- want something that captures attention. have an air of mystery

"Dear Keefe,

I'm sure you get letters like these all the time. Maybe to you, this piece of paper will be like all the rest. But to me, this mere piece of paper holds my heart and soul.

I'm a fan of yours. I have been, for many years. From the moment you walked into my world, it's been lit up in a kaleidoscope of colours. I can't help it, my heart is drawn to you, I can't stop myself from looking your way, seeking out your smiles, listening to your jokes.

You're as warm as sunshine. Your presence is blinding, I'm captivated. And like the sun, you're so high up in the sky, it feels as if you're unreachable. I'm too much of a coward to tell you all this in person, I'm much too afraid to come too close. All I can do is bask in your radiance, and hope that this letter might mean something to you, even just a little.

From one letter alone, I don't expect you to make a decision, or to even fall in love immediately. But if you'll allow me, I'll offer you my heart, again and again, until you are sure that you can make your choice, whether it's to accept me, or reject me.

If you should wish to write back to me, in the back of the field is a tree. On that tree is a piece of flaky bark, and underneath is a little cranny large enough to fit a letter. Deliver it before 3:30 pm, and every day, I'll check there. Any letters I write I'll slip into your locker at 8:30 am, so I request that you please do not try and uncover my identity.

Your greatest fan,
Anonymous"

-- Isn't this also extremely forward?

-- You took out my name? Why? And also this was... more than I was expecting

-- I thought it'd just be one letter

-- you think hed fall in love with one letter???

-- dont be naive

-- its not a romantic drama

-- the anon is to prevent any bias

-- if hes gonna fall in love it needs to be done right

-- trust me

-- I guess. It makes sense

-- Thank you Marella. Ilysm

Marella smiled despite herself. She had Biana's love in this way, it was fine.

-- ilyt

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Huh?" Keefe asked as he opened his locker.

"What's that?" Fitz asked, pointing at the envelope.

Marella snuck a glance at Biana, who was standing on her toes, fidgeting with her fingers.

She elbowed her. "You're being too obvious," she hissed.

"Is that a love letter?" Tam asked. "For you?"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean? Who can resist the Keefester?"

"I can," both Marella and Tam both said in unison, and then they smiled at each other and high-fived.

"Uh-"

"You sound very cringe when you call yourself that," Sophie said, a hand over her mouth.

"Foster!"

"Are you..." Fitz said, "are you going to read it?"

"It'll be rude if I didn't. I'm wondering if I should read it now or at home."

Before Biana could do something like get more nervous and give herself away, Marella replied, "Read it here. In a hallway with no one else, and we'll be quiet and respectful towards whoever wrote the letter."

As they settled down and began eating in one of the school's hallways, Keefe took out the letter from the envelope. He read it out loud as everyone else stayed silent.

"So..." Fitz began once Keefe finished reading, his voice slightly off, "what are you going to say?"

"It's quite the heartfelt letter," Keefe said, "I like that they're willing to respect any boundaries that I might set."

"Are you going to write back?" Biana asked, eyes shining.

"I think I will. What do you think, Fitzy? Should I write back and see what this person is like?"

"It's... your love letter. Do what you want."

"I think I'd like to see how it goes. Who knows, maybe I'll fall in love with the person who wrote the letters."

Marella felt her heart writhe, her nails digging into her palm. She never actually got the vibe that Keefe had a crush on Biana.

Who could resist her? Of course he'll fall in love. That was the whole point of this.

•~•~•~•~•~•

It was decided that Marella would send and collect any letters, just in case anything happened. She knew a lot if people, and even more of the gossip, so it wouldn't be unreasonable if someone had asked her to help out. And unlike Biana, Marella was very good at lying.

At Biana's place, they opened up Keefe's reply letter.

"Dear Anonymous,

You're right, I have gotten a few love letters. But none quite like the one you've given me. It read as very sincere and heartfelt, and I like that.

To have your heart offered to me like this, to trust that I'll either treasure it or return it to you back safely, it's an honor. I'll continue writing to you, I hope to get to know you a little better.

Sincerely,
Keefe"

"Damn, he can be really eloquent when he wants to," Marella said with an impressed whistle. "A shame that he ends up talking the way he does."

"Hey, it's charming," Biana defended. "Besides, you're the same. I've never seen you write the way you did."

"You also have barely seen the way I write in general."

"That's true, I guess."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Marella read Biana's next reply, this time, on paper, since they were with each other.

"Oh my god, you're so lucky you have me here to fix this."

Biana made a half irritated pout, one that Marella had to admit looked really cute. "What's wrong with it?"

"The stuff you say is fine, but the tone, the tone is just lacking," Marella said, crossing out some words in favour of some better synonyms. "Did you just pick words out of a thesaurus?"

She huffed. "And reuse basic vocabulary?"

"You're going overboard. You've gotta write like you're actually in love."

"Are you in love, that you can do that?"

Fuck. She walked right into that one.

It seemed that she didn't mask her panic fast enough, because Biana noticed.

"Wait, Marella. You're in love? And you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't think I needed to," Marella said, and even she knew that it sounded way too snappy.

"We're best friends, Marella," Biana said, taking a hold of her hand. "You let me talk about Keefe, what about you and your crush?"

"It's unrequited," she said, hoping Biana would then drop it.

"Oh. Seriously? Are you sure?"

"The person I love is in love with someone else."

"Who wouldn't fall for you?" Biana asked, looking at her with a strange expression.

Marella clenched her jaw at the irony of such a question. You. You wouldn't fall for me.

"So, who is it? Is it someone I know?"

Hesitantly, Marella nodded. After a few seconds, she sighed. "Let me fix your letter."

"Dear Keefe,

Words cannot explain how happy it makes me to know that at the very least, you're willing to give me a chance. My heart will be safe in your hands, I know it will."

Marella paused, eyes wandering to Biana for a moment.

"I feel as if for the first time, I might be able to stand level to you. That maybe, you're not so unreachable. It's so warm by you, I can't stop myself from drifting closer and closer. Maybe, by the end of this, you'll be within arm's reach.

There's so much I want to say to you, but I don't know how to say everything it is that I feel. But maybe, we should go slow about this, until I can finally figure out just exactly what to say.

You like art, and from what I've seen, the art you've made is breathtaking. I make little crafts on occasion, maybe I'll make you something."

"What are you doing?" Biana asked.

"Helping you woo him? Who doesn't like gifts? Besides, it doesn't have to be much, just a little bracelet. I know you love making them."

Marella would know, she was wearing one of the bracelets that Biana had made at the very moment.

"Would he wear it?"

"Probably."

"If I ever make you a bracelet, I hope you'll like it.

Love,
Anonymous"

•~•~•~•~•~•

"What is that?" Fitz asked.

Keefe held up his arm proudly, a bracelet made up of colourful beads on his arm. Marella hated just how easily this was working. "My secret admirer made it for me!"

"And you're wearing it?"

"Why not? It's really pretty!"

Fitz's voice was slightly off again, but once more, Marella couldn't pick up on what was off. Marella looked towards Biana, who was giving Keefe incredibly obvious heart-eyes.

"I'll go make sure our eating spot isn't taken," Linh said, taking Biana by the arm as they started chatting away.

The others followed, and Marella turned to follow.

"Hey, Marella," Keefe called out.

She turned around to face him, and Fitz was also there too.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about the secret admirer, would you?"

She forced on a grin. "Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."

"Of course, of course," he said casually.

"Do you... want to meet this person?" Fitz asked.

"It'd be nice to meet them, whenever they're ready. My heart is quite moved by the letters I've been receiving."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Even though Marella would read through Keefe's replies with Biana, she couldn't stop herself from trying to catch him whenever he was writing back. She needed to know. That love-struck expression, was it on his face whenever he was writing?

Sometimes, Biana would slip the unedited copy of her letter in Marella's locker, because she said that handwriting made it easier to think.

Biana and Marella actually hung out more than ever because of this whole thing, Biana seemed insistent on trying to write the letters herself, despite Marella telling her that she'd be able to do it better.

"If you had to write a love letter to your crush, how would you write it?"

"The things I helped write to Keefe, many of them are my genuine feelings. My crush is unreachable, I long to see them smile at me, I want to be the reason why they're happy. All sappy stuff."

"You say your crush is unrequited, but how come you won't tell me who it is? It's someone I know, you confirmed that much."

"Don't feel like saying, that's all," Marella said casually.

"I haven't even seen you flirt much lately," Biana pointed out. "This person, are they a serious crush?"

"Head over heels."

"How long have you had this crush?"

"A long time," Marella admitted. "But I only realized it recently."

"I hope this person gets to realize how much they mean to you. You're really fun to be around, they're missing out."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that you know the identity of my admirer," Keefe said to her, later.

"And why would you say that?"

He shrugged. "Just a feeling."

The two of them were walking through the hallway together, and she expected him to say more since he seemed so enthusiastic, but instead he kept his mouth shut, humming under his breath.

They passed by Fitz and Biana, and it was only then that Keefe spoke up again.

"Ah, can't get the idea that I have such wonderful admirer after my heart," he said, grinning. He leaned over, using her as an arm rest—damn his tall genes. "I wonder what I should write this time."

Marella was honestly just willing to let him do his thing, but Biana's weighted look at them had her shoving his arm off.

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Dear Bia—"

Marella sighed, scratching out the name. Biana's desk was right beside hers, she couldn't risk something like that.

"You're in my mind, more often than not. It drives me crazy, but I like it. I like being crazy for you. Just being near you, just being able to see you has my heart racing, it's exhilarating.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just stop hiding, and just tell you my feelings, consequences be damned. To tell you that you're the most beaitiful person I've ever seen. To hold you close in my embrace, to run my hand through your hair, I want to have a life filled with soft moments with you.

What do I do? What do I say to make you look my way, even though I'm so close to you—"

"Marella?"

Her heart leapt, and she scrunched the paper in a ball, pulling it toward herself.

"Class is over—what's in your hand?"

Marella glanced up at the clock, and shit, class really was over, had she been doing this for fifteen minutes now?

"Helping you," she said confidently.

Maybe too confidently, because Biana raised an eyebrow. "You looked lovestruck. That wasn't for my sake."

She sighed. "Fine. Yeah. It wasn't."

"Can I read it?"

"No," she said, trying very very hard to not sound defensive. "It's too raw."

She grabbed her backpack from off the floor and shoved the crumpled ball of paper in. She ignored Biana's stare and instead walked with her out of the classroom and to their next class.

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Hey, Marella, let me do it this time."

Marella briefly glanced over the words that Biana had written down this time.

"You still need my help."

"Am I not doing better?"

Marella reread the words again. "You are." She really was. Biana was quick to learn. "Still, it's not enough."

It's easier for me, if I do this. Anyone would fall for you if they received a letter like the one you just wrote.

"I have to be able to do them on my own at some point, I think you know that. Why are you so insistent on writing all of them for me?" Biana asked.

"This is for your sake."

"They're my letters. I can't deceive him forever and use your words. I want him to fall for me, not you."

Before Marella could laugh at the idea that Keefe would fall for her, Biana continued on.

"You enjoy writing letters to Keefe, don't you?"

Marella blinked. "Wha—"

"That's it, isn't it? You're in love with him, right? You said your crush is someone you know, and I saw a little bit from when you were writing that letter. You want him to look your way, even though he's so close to you."

"Wait wait wait," Marella said, taking in a breath to calm down the irritated feeling that was building up in her chest, only for it to grow more. "You think I'm in love with him."

"I've seen the look on your face. Maybe you started this for my sake, but I know you're only continuing to be selfish."

She'd been trying to keep the irritation together, but she snapped, and irritation turned to anger. "Are you kidding me? Are you actually fucking kidding me? I took my time go help you out and this is what you have to say to me?"

You're right! I'm being selfish! She wanted to say, almost manically.

Marella picked up her backpack from the bedroom floor and turned to leave.

Biana caught her arm. "Explain, then!"

You, damn it! I'm in love with you!

"I don't owe you anything," she said with gritted teeth. "I am done. Don't talk to me."

"Marella—"

She wrenched her arm out of Biana's grip, and left the house. She practically stomped her way home, because what the hell was that? Did Biana seriously think she'd jeopardize everything over a guy?

She just couldn't believe this. They had their fights, but this? This was just nonsense, and the fact that Biana believed it for even a second...

She wasn't going to go crawling back to Biana.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Biana had sent a few messages, but Marella wasn't having it, so she blocked her. She sat with the friend group at lunch, meaning that she still did have to see Biana's face every day, feel Biana's stare on her every day. The others probably noticed that something was wrong between them seeing that they weren't talking, but Keefe's questioning gaze on hers was the most obvious.

A few days later, Marella opened her locker and found an envelope. A familiar patterned one that she knew Biana owned.

She had the urge to open it, to read it, but really, what was she going to see? All that would ever be contained inside those letters would be Biana's words to Keefe.

What did Biana think she was doing, giving her another letter to read? Marella held the envelope in her hands, ready to just tear it apart, but instead, she shoved it in her bag.

•~•~•~•~•~•

The letters persisted. Day after day, no matter how many times Marella kept shoving them in her backpack without reading them.

How many letters were Biana going to write? The pile on her desk at home was growing larger, almost concerningly. She wasn't going to read any of them though. Biana had crossed a line.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Marella was walking down the halls and into the stairwell to get to her next class, when she saw Keefe. She only saw the back of him, only saw a brown hand tangled in his blond hair. She couldn't see the other body, hidden behind the stairs, but that position was obvious.

Keefe was kissing someone. And it was pretty obvious who it was.

They were so absorbed in it too, that they didn't even notice that she'd opened the door. Or that she was climbing up the stairs.

Wasn't this what you expected to happen? Of course it'd turn out this way. Who'd reject her?

"Keefe," a voice whispered, echoing in the stairwell, and what the hell, that wasn't Biana's voice—

"Yeah yeah, I know, you gotta get to class," Keefe said with mock irritation.

Marella looked down from the railing above as Keefe came out of the little alcove behind the stairs.

—and then Fitz followed.

Marella practically ran to her next class.

Unfortunately, Biana was in this class with her, sitting in front of Marella.

Keefe kissed Fitz. Had feelings for Fitz.

Did Biana know? Was she heartbroken?

Then she fought off those questions. Doesn't matter. We're not friends anymore.

•~•~•~•~•~•

The letters still kept coming. Whenever she looked to Biana, she would've thought that she'd continue to send those longing glances towards Keefe, but Biana was never looking at him every time she'd looked.

No. Biana was looking at her. Every time.

Almost as if Biana had moved on from Keefe already.

Why are you looking at me like that? Are you just gonna sit there and stay silent?

When the next letter came, she wasn't sure why, but Marella opened the envelope, holding the paper in her hands.

"Dear Marella Redek,

I know you won't read this, like I know you haven't read the rest. You said for me to not talk to you, so I won't. So until you tell me to stop sending you letters, I won't. I've realized that I can't give up on our friendship, I can't give up on you.

I'll keep writing, I'll keep desperately hoping that one day, you'll read one.

I've taken you for granted, Marella. This isn't our first fight, but this is the one I've felt most guilty for, because I've really disrespected you. I want you to know that I miss you. That I never realized how much your lack of presence makes me feel lonely. It's not the poetic letter I've been trying to write all this time, but these are my feelings, pure, raw, and unfiltered.

I miss you, Marella. I hope one day you'll forgive me.

Love,
Biana Vacker"

Sitting alone in her room, Marella felt her eyes water. Without thinking, she grabbed at the pile of envelopes and started reading through each of them.

"I revealed myself to Keefe. I thought that'd I shouldn't hide behind your words anymore. Keefe told me that he's in love with Fitz. It hurt to hear, but somehow, it didn't hurt as much as it did when I watched you leave.

I'm sorry, for what I said. I'm so, so, so sorry."

So many letters. Just how much had Biana written to her?

"I've done a lot of thinking. Part of me wonders if I'd ever been in love with Keefe, or just the idea. I think I probably was, maybe I'd be more heartbroken if I hadn't lost you. But I've done a lot of thinking, and I've decided on something.

I love you. I've told you this before, many times, but it might mean something different this time. I'm not entirely sure yet. It just feels different, compared to when I usually say it. I can't get you out of my head, I want to hold you close. I want you to look my way."

Tears were falling as she kept reading, a hand at her mouth to muffle the sounds of crying.

"I thought about things some more. You've been in love with me, haven't you? I'd thought that you liking Keefe would be weird, but I was too blinded by jealousy to see it.

I'm not sure how I came to that conclusion, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes. And that's why you acted the way you did. Someone would probably say that it was an act of self-sacrifice, to give it up to help your friend. I don't disagree, but I'm sure that you helped me so much because you were scared.

And that's fine. I'm scared too. I'm terrified, that the time when you left could be our very last conversation with each other. I'm terrified of losing you. I'm terrified of telling this to all of you in person, which is why I'm sending letter after letter."

A sob came out from her, her hand had been long dropped. She rose to her feet, blindly grabbing at her desk for a paper and pencil.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Marella stood there, frozen at Biana's locker, envelope in hand. After a few moments of deliberation, she slipped it in through the gap, then waited nearby.

Biana opened her locker, and while Marella couldn't see her face, she could see her her freeze, gently pick up the envelope, open it, then bounce on her feet. She could see Biana look around, but Marella pulled her head back.

A mere sentence was what her letter contained.

"Meet me by the tree where the love letters were delivered after school."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Biana had gotten there first, pacing around, and Marella could see her fiddling with her fingers. When Biana saw her, her face lit up with a gorgeous smile that made her heart flutter, even if she wanted to be mad for a little longer.

"You read them?" Biana asked, voice quiet.

"I read them," Marella replied. "That conclusion you came to, you were right. It was—" no, that wasn't right, "—it has been you."

Biana reached out and slowly grabbed her hand, gripping loosely. "I'm glad, that it's been me. I'm sorry."

"I know. You said it a lot in your letters."

"I know," Biana agreed, her thumb brushing against Marella's knuckles. She couldn't figure out whether to look up at her gaze or look down at their hands. "But I'll say it again, because you deserve to hear it."

"I missed you," Marella said, and she was sure that Biana could fill in the rest.

I miss you, I want to continue staying by your side. I forgive you.

"I missed you too."

"Where do we go from here?"

Biana smiled. "I don't know. But I want you with me as we figure it out."

Then she brought Marella's hand to her lips, a gentle brush, but even that was enough to leave her breathless.

"Okay," she said, heart pounding, "okay."