Your all eating at a hot pot restaurant that the guys love.

They are all laughing and talking about their highlights of the tour.
The restaurant is closed to everyone but the staff and the guys. You can hear the background dancers laughing about an incident on stage.

Your picking at your food almost feeling guilty that you're here enjoying this moment with them when you know Army's would give their right leg to be where you are. They deserve to experience this too.

Jungkook sees you lost in thought and asks if your ok.

"Hmm? Oh yeah I'm fine just thinking about the concert."

"Wasn't it the best?" He says as his face lights up.

"Yes kookie it was amazing."

Namjoon asks you your favorite part. Jimin chimes in.
"My solo obviously"
You chuckle.

Taehyung asks "no really noona what was your favorite part?

You look at them fighting the lump in your throat.
"The purple ocean"

The guys all look at you and smile nodding in agreement

"Isn't it amazing Y/N. I try not to cry everytime I see it." Taehyung says

"Yeah it's definitely something!"

They all go back to eating and talking. You try hard to act like your happy to not draw attention to yourself.

Deep down this guilt is creeping in.
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You're back at the hotel and jungkook just finished his shower. He comes out wearing a white towel wrapped around him drying his hair with another towel as he sweeps his long hair out of his eyes after to look at you.
You're in your pajamas already sitting up in bed watching all the photos armys posted of the concert. Their excited comments, their video with tears, and more.
He puts his sweats on and crawls in the bed over to you and kisses you on your shoulder.

"What are you looking at?" He asks looking at your phone.

"Army's posts of the concert"

"Really, anything interesting?"

"All of it! every single one is interesting kookie!" You say almost annoyed.

He tilts his head and looks at you trying to gage where this is coming from.

"Let just go to bed" you roll over and turn off the light.

"Noona, did I do something wrong?"

"No kookie, I'm just tired."

He doesn't say a word and instead just kisses you on the forehead and cuddles next to you.

"I love you baby. Goodnight."
You don't say anything back. In fact 3 minutes go by before you say something.

"Why me kookie?"

"What do you mean?" He says as he lifts his head up to try and look at you.

"Why did you choose me to fall in love with? Why not someone else? Like a true army that's been there from debut."

"I don't know I can't help that I fell in love with you. Where is this coming from?"

You turn over to look at him. Tears welling up in your eyes.
"When I seen them today I felt guilty, like I don't deserve you, like I'm not worthy enough. I almost feel like the other Army's were there first. They've always been there, And here I am, I just come in and steal their man, and I feel like we're having an affair. The sneaking around so they don't find out, the fact that you have their named tattooed on the hand you fuck me with. It just doesn't seem right. I love you kookie, but not like this."

He lays back on the bed. Almost shocked at your words.

"So what do you want me to do? Do you want me to remove the tattoos, do you want me to fuck every army In the crowd?"

"NO! not that."

"Then what do you want Y/N? What do you want me to do, i'll do it."

"I don't know kookie, I need time to think"
You roll over and try to sleep.
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Its been a week since Japan.
You're now in the US, in New York for the final day before you head to Texas then LA. You're debating on staying in LA when you get there. You love jungkook with all your heart but the guilt is too much.
You have a separate hotel room you're staying in, and you try to avoid seeing jungkook so you cook the food and leave back to your hotel room right after.

He's been sending you flowers and cards but you can't bare to look at them. You just lay in bed crying yourself to sleep most nights.

Army and people have been noticing jungkook's not the same, they notice he's sad and somethings off, but they don't know what. They are asking what's wrong with Jungkook. In fact it's trending on Twitter #kookiescrumbled
This convinces you more to leave the tour before you hit LA.

All of sudden you get a call from jackie.

"Hey girly, how have you been? I've been seeing the Twitter posts are you and jungkook ok?"

"no. I may go back to California. Me and kookie have not been talking for a week. I feel guilty like I don't deserve him and I feel like I'm the other woman with him and Army's."

"You shouldn't feel like that. True armys want his happiness and whatever makes him happy if that's you, they will understand.
Also what happens when he wants to have a family. They have to understand he has a life outside of this.
But I called cause I seen the Twitter feed and seen the video from tonight's concert just now."

"What video?" You ask her confused.

"I'll send it to you"

"Ok Jackie. Thank you for listening to me I love you"

"No problem Y/N I love you too and so does kookie."

You hang up and a few minute you see the video she sent you.

It's jungkook crying. He addressed the questions of armys asking about him. He said

Hi Army I love you all and thank you for your support and concern. I know recently I haven't been myself during this tour and I apologize for not giving you 100% of me. It's just hard cause I recently lost someone very close to me that I love very much.
I just ask for your patience and understanding during this time. Thank you and I'm sorry. I love you.

You start crying harder seeing him cry. You wish you could stop your stupid guilt and just go to him and hug him tight.

You grab your phone and run to his room. You see the light still on so you knock on the door.

He opens the door with tears in his eyes. You grab him and hug him.

"Please don't cry kookie"

He lifts you up and lays you on the bed. And starts to kiss you but you pull away from him.

"Kookie, I just came to tell you i love you but I'm hurting you more on this tour so when we get to LA I'll be staying there. Its best for us both. And later after you're done with the group if you still want me i'll be there."

"Please baby, I love you I always will. I'll quit today if that's what it takes, just please stay with me."

"I would never want you to quit. Army comes first don't do that to them."

He tries to calm his tears from falling.

"Please just stay the night with me?"

You agree to lay down with him.
He holds you tight and nuzzles into your neck.

"Please don't leave me noona, I love you"

You silently cry yourself to sleep.