The puppets were attacking each other, the blades of their weapons glinting in the morning sun as they swung in high arches.

"That's not creepy at all." A sarcastic voice spoke from behind, nearly breaking my concentration and the threads that connected to my fingertips.

I glanced behind me to see Kaname leaning against the rail of his porch, his tired eyes resting on me while I practiced my puppetry.

I gave him a flat look but couldn't really argue with him. Puppets are kind of creepy. "From your personality I took you more as a Taijutsu type of girl."

I nodded, looking back at the puppets as I made them evade and take off into the air. "I am. But my Sensei was a master at puppetry." My thoughts drifted to Sasori.

There was sadness in my chest, but like all emotions, I shoved it to the side.

I promised him I'd work on it everyday and also expand my knowledge and try other styles.

I could feel his eyes still on my back but he didn't say anything. I snapped the strings and let them fall, turning to him. "Since I've been practicing on it for a while, how about we work on Blood Release."

His face didn't change and he headed back inside. "Nope."

I scowled at his retreating back before holding up my favorite finger to him.

"It's been a week. How much longer are we staying?" Hawaki asked, appearing on the roof behind as Haru, who stood next to him,  snickered at me.

I rubbed my head, looking at the house and willing Kaname to come back out. It's been a week since we started living here with him, and I haven't even gotten close enough to get him to teach me.

Maybe I should leave for now, I still have things to do.

Seeing where my thoughts were going, Haru's face turned serious. "As long as it takes. Remember, this is for her mental health." Hawaki sighed but his eyes found mine and held his own concerns with my mentality.

We can't leave yet. One of these days the blood lust will become too much and the other me will use that chance to snatch the reins from me.

I don't want to be like that. I don't want to kill every person in my sight. And I don't want to enjoy it like she does.

I hate how muggy my mind becomes. How dissociated I feel. It starts like I'm watching through someone else's eyes. Then I start forgetting things, then people. Then I feel the bloodlust tha has been creeping on me. And soon enough I start to crave it more than anything.

It disgusts me.

I haven't seen Sasuke in months. And it's hard to keep up with him in letters. He writes like he speaks.

Barely.

And that's a huge problem. I miss him and I hate being away from so long. His protection is Karin for crying out loud!

Not to mention that nitwit and a mentally unstable weirdo.

I winced a bit at my thoughts of Jugo. It's not like I can talk. And to be fair I've never met Suigetsu. But Karin? Girl can barely use her chain's.

"I need a favor from you guys." The boys glanced at each other before looking back at me wearily. "What is it?" Haru asked skeptically.

I nodded to Hawaki. "Introduce him to Sasuke. Regroup and exchange information. Then come back." I shrugged.

By the end of my favor they were both scowling at me. They opened their mouths to argue but I interrupted them. "You either go, or I go with you and abandon this." I gestured to Kaname and his house.

Their mouths shut but they still looked upset. Hawaki isn't a fan of Sasuke and neither of them really like parting from me since I'm their ally, but they also care about my mental state.

And let's face it. Without Kaname I'm only going to continue to decline.

"Fine." Haru grumbled. I nodded with appreciation and bit my finger before weaved the familiar signs.

"Summoning Jutsu!" Smoke filled the air obstructing my view before revealing a large hawk.

I grinned at the bird. "Hey Kazeya." I greeted him. He lowered his head, his large beak coming close to my face.

"Hello Mistress, I'm glad to see you've been doing well." I nodded, but didn't really mention how I'm not doing well.

My hand rested on his beak as I smiled at him. "Can I ask you to deliver something?" He nodded once without any hesitation.

"Of course Mistress, what is it and who do I deliver it to?" I jabbed my thumb back as the boys jumped off the roof and landed behind me.

He tilted his head a bit, studying them. Mostly Hawaki. "Hello Haru. Who's the other one Mistress?" He asked curiously.

He's never seen him before so I see why. "This is Hawaki, he's an ally. Like Haru." The last part caught him off guard.

Of course he and Katsu are well aware of my plan. The plan that only Haru and I are supposed to know outside of them. "I see. And you are sure of his allegiance? He isn't with the snake boy."

My eye twitched at the dislike in his voice when he spoke of Sasuke.

He really needs to get over it.

I didn't have to turn to tell that both boys have looks of amusement on their face. "Yeah, he's never met Sasuke but he likes him about as much as you." Haru spoke up, standing on my right and propping his arm on my shoulder.

Hawaki appeared on my left, hand on hip as he stared at the hawk with curious eyes.

Kazeya smirked, well as well as a hawk can smirk. "Then you have good taste." I frowned at my companion, but he and the boys chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at them. "Whatever. I need you to take them to Sasuke." He made a face at that but quickly covered it up. "And what of you Mistress?"

As if on cue, Kaname came out, putting on a wool hat as he did. "I'm going to get more liquor." He mumbled, not even doing a double glance at the summoning animal.

"I've got a problem I need to work with." Kazeya nodded and we watched the slouched man as he strolled in the direction of the small village.

"I see. You always seem to keep . . . odd company." My head dropped at his words. He's not wrong. Even back at the leaf they're all rather strange.

"Can you?" He nodded, lowering his body to the ground so the boys could hop on. "Alright boys, see you later. Be safe, and look after one another. And please, for the love of god, don't start fighting while you're with him." I gave them a stern look to which they avoided my gaze.

Cheeky brats.

With a sigh I took a step back. "Thank you Kazeya." He nodded and took off into the sky. "Be well Mistress."

I watched as they flew off into the sky and the direction where Sasuke should be. Haru knows the general area and Kazeya is a hunting bird, he'll find him.

Now then.

I flash stepped next to Kaname who jumped. "What the? When did you put a seal on me?" He asked with some annoyance.

I shrugged nonchalantly as I walked beside him. "It's not that hard when you pass out drunk all the time. I swear you're as bad as Granny." He blew out a large puff of air but continued walking nonetheless.

The village is small, and relatively quiet and peaceful. As always when I go into town with Kaname, there are some stares.

At first I thought they may have recognized me since we're so close to the Land of Earth, but they were curious stares. Not those of hostility. And I only get them when I head into town with Kaname.

"We need to stop by a normal store for groceries, Haru and Hawki demolished what was left in the fridge." I spoke aloud, mainly to myself rather than Kaname.

Strangely enough, as tense and upset I am about the situation I'm in, this is the closest it's felt to normal in years. It's kind of like being back home, living with Naruto.

Except there's two.

And instead of Pervy Sage or even Grandma Tsunade, there's him.

At least the other two have been known to show some affection. The only thing he gets remotely excited about is alcohol.

He's not even a happy drunk. He's basically a depressed old man. Well not really that old, but the way he drinks? Yeah. Small difference.

He didn't look over at me, only continuing heading towards the liquor store. He's about to walk past the actual market for food. They have it there too.

Glaring at the back of his head, I snatched the back of his shirt and began to haul him inside before he could fight back. "Let go of me brat! I need my-"

"They sell alcohol here too. Chill out, we need food, and if you're going to eat the food I buy and make, you're damn well going to pull your weight and carry the bags." I left no room for arguments and he sighed heavily, allowing me to drag him through the isles.

I grabbed a basket and thrust it in his arms before beginning to fill it up with ingredients for dinner and lunch. The boys won't be back for a while but it's best to fill up the house so they can eat when they get back.

Besides, if they do the shopping they won't buy actual healthy food. All Haru buys is snack food or pellets like we use for missions.

Hawaki is a little better, but just because there are veggies in fancy instant food doesn't mean it's the same.

And Kaname's the worst. He lives off of takeout.

Naruto, Pervy Sage, Granny, Haru, Hawaki, Kaname, every last one of them are terrible living alone. All Haru's got going for him is his weird cleanliness thing and Hawaki, well he's lived in labs. He can last anywhere.

The rest are hopeless cases.

"I hate leeks." Kaname finally spoke after I placed a bundle of the green veggies in the basket.

I gave him a flat look. "Too bad. They have plenty of vitamins and iron. Besides, they go with everything." I shrugged, continuing my quest to fill the basket well over the capacity.

"You better be grabbing my liquor." He warned. I rolled my eyes and headed towards the area he wanted more than anything. "Yeah yeah. You can either get two bottles, or a bottle and a six pack." He rolled his eyes and ventured further in as I waited.

"Um, excuse me." An older woman's voice spoke up. I glanced behind me to see an older plump woman with graying brown hair and a slightly younger man next to her.

They're not ninja so I lowered my guard. "Yes?" I asked politely. Her soft gaze went to Kaname before back to me. "Are you related to him by chance?" I hesitated.

We look absolutely nothing alike. But it would be strange for two total strangers to be together a lot. "He was an old friend of my fathers, but he passed a while ago, but he always talked about him so I came to visit." I lied flawlessly.

Well my dad did pass away a long ass time ago, so that parts the truth I guess.

"I see. Well I'm glad that you came to visit him. He's a very quiet and private person. I don't know what sorrows he holds, but he only ever drinks, he never takes care of himself. But lately he's seemed . . . better."

My eyebrows screwed together in confusion. He is still a drunk, depressed, mess. Seeing my look, her smile softened. "He looks healthier, and he's cleaner, even his skin is better. I don't think I've ever seen him in a store that didn't only sell liquor."

Now that she mentioned it, I have been forcing food down his throat and even limiting his alcohol intake. I've also been making him take care of his body more.

It wasn't really intentional, it's just my natural reaction when I'm staying with someone. "Well, he's still about the same, I can't quite get past his shell." I admitted, running my hand on the back of my head.

She nodded and gazed back over at him. "Nobody really goes up to him because he has that feeling he gives off. But I've seen you around him lately and I can't help but admire you, young lady. It's not easy to approach him but you do it without any hesitation."

Well it's because I want something out of it from him.

She rested her hand on my shoulder. "I hope one day you'll be able to get him to open up. No one should be as sad as he is. Come on Kakeru. We better get home and make your father some food." She urged the man to follow her and I watched them leave.

Nosey old lady isn't she? But she seemed to be genuinely concerned with Kaname. Yet she didn't make the effort to do so herself. I can't exactly blame her, Kaname surrounds himself in a thin veil of darkness mixed with hidden bloodlust.

Normal people always have trouble approaching shinobi.

"Who were you talking to?" I blinked and turned to Kaname, who held two different kinds of bottles of sake. I recognize one of them. It's Granny's favorite sake.

"Just some housewife. C'mon, I gotta start on the stew as soon as possible."

~

I finished the last of my bowl of stew, completely satisfied. Kaname also finished and grabbed one of the sake and a ceramic glass, starting on his after dinner drink.

I watched as he downed the first cup, before sipping on the second. "Can I have some?" He looked up at me, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Why?" He asked carefully.

I shrugged, going to the kitchen and grabbing another cup. I sat across from him and held out my empty glass. "You said to find a way to numb it. I'm numbing it."

His face smoothed out as he observed me before pouring some for me. I brought it to my lips and tasted the bitterness. But there was some sweetness to it. Still bitter and burned on the way down, but it wasn't the worst.

Every now and then Pervy Sage or Granny would give me some, usually if I won them money and they were celebrating. But I never made a habit to drink a lot. I need all of my senses to be sharp.

However tonight I'll make an exception.

I tilted my head back and let the rest of the liquid pour down my throat, leaving a burning fire in the pit of my stomach. I poured myself another glass and sipped on it.

My mind drifted naturally to my old life in the village. From my childhood I hated so much to the reclaimed memories of Itachi. Even to the friendships I cultivated. Sasuke and his dark times, my betrayal, the faces of those I hurt, I killed. And of course Naruto.

So much has happened. And it never seems to lessen.

The more I drank the more the repressed feelings I've hidden start to surface. An hour into drinking left me feeling rather vulnerable.

"Hey, Kaname. Did you have a brother?" I asked. Since we'd been drinking in silence I kind of startled him.

"What? Why the sudden question?" I shrugged, sipping on my drink. I'd lost count how many I've had. "I'm curious. I have a brother. An older twin." I admitted.

He raised a brow, some surprise flickering through his dark eyes. "He's very loud, and he tends to get on people's nerves. Mine too at times." I told him with a wry smile.

I miss him so much. "You don't look like it bothers you." He noted. I just nodded, looking at my reflection at the glass.

Only this time it was me, not her. My blue eyes stared back, not those vile red ones.

"It doesn't. He's a really good person, the best. And he's always helping those in need. He never lets what anyone says about him get him down. He powers through it with a smile on his face. He's a ninja because he wants to save those who can't save themselves." He nodded, sipping his drink.

"He sounds like a good kid. Why aren't you with him?" My smile slipped but I continued to stare at my reflection in the glass, the light above assisting with it.

Images of Sasuke and Itachi flashed through my mind. I took another sip before answering. "I have things I need to do. People to protect. And the easiest way to do it is to be apart from them."

Although I haven't been doing a good job protecting Sasuke. Not since Orochimaru died. Even then I didn't do a good enough job.

Sure, I opted for experiments rather then letting him do some on Sasuke. I stayed by his side and made sure he didn't die. But he's so enshrouded in his own hate and darkness. Even more so then back at the Leaf.

I failed to protect him from that.

Even with Naruto, I failed. I got close to the Akatsuki just so I could know their whereabouts and when they'd strike against my brother. To get the Nine Tails. But because of my own negligence they ran into each other. Luckily they prioritised Sasori, but he was placed in unnecessary danger.

And I still haven't found Itachi.

No matter how hard I try to protect those I care about it always backfires on me. I haven't made a change. I haven't saved anyone. Not my brother, Sasuke, Gramps, Sakura, Shikamaru, Choji, Sasori, no one.

Two years and I haven't achieved anything other than this bad reputation. Especially the one at the Village Hidden by Rocks.

The only thing I've successfully done is destroy who I am. Who I was.

At the thought, my reflection shifted and there she was. My copy with red eyes and a smug smile on her lips. Taunting me.

"You know, I actually betrayed them. My brother and friends. Only a few know I only did so to infiltrate that snake's lair, but they weren't a part of the circle. I'm even planning on betraying my boyfriend by saving his enemy, who shouldn't even be his enemy."

Referring to Itachi as the enemy made my tongue feel so bitter. Maybe it was the alcohol but it didn't feel right.

Cause even if he took away the only good memories of my childhood, even if he killed his clan, even if he betrayed Sasuke a million different ways, he's still Itachi.

The kindest soul that ever was.

Here I am blabbering to this man who won't teach me, won't tell me, won't help me. Telling him secrets that must remain a secret. That can't be trusted with just anyone.

I blame the alcohol. But who would Kaname tell? He's a man who's given up on life entirely. And himself.

"I've tried so hard to help them. To save them. I'd do anything for them. Even becoming this just so they never had to." I gestured to myself with a look of pure disdain.

"I thought I could take the burden just fine. I had all my life. But I can't. She's always in my head. Reminding me of what I've done, what I've become. Even if I wanted to go back home, I couldn't. My brother and my friends are good people. So full of light and hope. I feel like if I were to see them again I'd just taint them. I can't go into their light filled world."

I chugged the rest of my drink to rid the reflection. "I didn't have a brother, but I did have an older sister." Kaname finally spoke.

Now this surprised me. He's actually telling me about himself.

"She was a lot like your brother. Except she hated the ninja way. She never wanted a part of it, not like me who dreamed and trained to become one. But then she discovered she had the pure Ketsuryugan."

That's what Orochimaru tried to give me. But it's not exactly what I have. I've studied, but mine is slightly different. Of course it's a different derivative of the dojutsu.

I just thought it was something he was experimenting with, cross breeding if you would.

"Your clan wasn't the Chinoike, was it?" He shook his head, pouring both himself and myself another. "No. We were a different branch of them."

I see. There aren't anything like that in the documents I had found. Not in the Hokage's office nor Orochimaru's studies. "What happened after she discovered her Ketsuryugan?" I questioned, hoping he wouldn't stop talking.

He stared at his glass, face void of any emotion. "She was hated for it. The reason why she never enjoyed fighting or the reason she never went truly insane was because she was blessed with a purer Kekkei Genkai then us. One that wouldn't warp her mind like ours did. Even I hated her."

He stared off into space, like he was in a trance. "Despite this, she never thought less of us. And she worked harder to become a shinobi. A shinobi who studied mostly Medical Ninjutsu. So she could find a cure to her family's curse. Despite how we treated her, she never really changed."

I didn't say anything in fear that he would snap out of his trance as he reminisced. But he had trailed off, not totally here.

"What happened to her?" I asked. He pursed his lips and took another swig of his drink. "She died a few years ago. She had gotten the hopes up of another of the clan and he killed her."

The way he said it seemed impassive, but I could tell by how his jaw and fists clenched that it bothered him. Upset him even.

"And you killed him? You're the last, aren't you?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "There are probably a few more of us. But of the clan there are only three that I know that are still alive, myself included. The rest died off. And I killed the last few I knew of. Because the anger of her death made my bloodlust spike, I killed him and the others who were with him. The Frenzy took a hold and all I wanted to do was kill. That just left me alone though."

I see. So his blood lust, The Frenzy, made him lose control. Just by anger, not even the sight of blood. That must be hard. Strong emotions triggered it and he was left with no one.

Maybe that's why he doesn't get close to anyone. He could end up killing them. Maybe we aren't so different after all.

The only person I've gotten this close to was Sasori. And he died. Who knows when my dangerous mission will take Haru and Hawaki out. They'll follow me anywhere, and as flattering as that is, it's frightening.

I'm afraid they'll die.

"Who are the other two?" I questioned him, pouring us another round. Oh, we're almost out.

"My sister's kids. She has a girl, who's about eleven, and a boy who's eight. They're off with their aunt on their father's side, but they have my clans blood. You have our blood too, but not from birth. Transfusion. So I guess you count. Question is, how did you become this, Uzumaki?" That's the first time he's called me by my last name. And by the look in his eyes, he knows of the Uzumaki clan.

I sighed and looked back down at the reflection. Only half of it was me, the other being her.

"I told you, I betrayed them to protect them. Have you ever heard of Orochimaru?" His nose scrunched up at the name. I smiled a bit at that.

"He wanted to take the body of Sasuke Uchiha, my boyfriend. And in doing so put a curse mark on him, making him seek out power from him. Sasuke was adamant about going, I couldn't change his mind. So I joined. And while I was there I'd pass information back home. But the thing about Orochimaru is he liked to experiment. And since I'd survived so many and managed to survive in even the most deadliest battles, he thought I'd be a subject that wouldn't die this time. And voila. He succeeded."

All of his experiments were excruciatingly painful. I didn't think I'd survive them.

Especially the one regarding Wood Release. I thought I was going to die.

There were only two things keeping me going. Spite. And the need to protect my loved ones.

Kaname tilted his head a bit, a dry smile making its way onto his face. "Well brat, looks like we're both a little screwed up." I scoffed but a grin made its appearance. "Yeah, we are, aren't we?"

He filled our cups one last time, making the bottle empty. "To our pitiful existence." He held his glass up. I bumped mine into his. "And our spiral to madness." I added.

As we downed the last of the sake, I finally felt like maybe Kaname and I had come a little closer. That the two of us aren't so different afterall.

And even though the alcohol flowing through me contributed, I finally had a small bit of peace.