I sighed, stretching my sore muscles as I walked towards Kaname's little house. So many stops were made because I didn't have the energy to do a long distance teleportation.

So it took me a while to return back to Kaname's. Although not as long as it took to clean and remove my disguise. Man that's always a bitch to do.

When I go in disguise the stuff is practically molded onto my face and it's impossible to take off. Of course it's like that so my identity will never be revealed. It won't come undone in a fight or in interrogation. So it's only natural that it's difficult to take off on purpose.

I'm glad to be back here after all of that.. I walked up the steps and swung the door open. "I'm back." I called loudly through the house.

"Welcome back." Haru, Hawaki, and even Kaname chorused. Kaname is slouched on the couch, reading some book. But he's not drinking, so that's surprising.

Haru and Hawaki are in the kitchen and from the smell I see they've been practicing cooking. Good. They're not bad at it, and they need to learn how, it's basic life skills. How they've gone this far without it is beyond me. I've been cooking since I was a kid. Naruto may be able to live off of ramen but I cannot.

I plopped down next to Kaname and sighed. Finally, some comfort. "Seeing as how you're in one piece I guess it went well." Kaname noted, glancing at me briefly before going back to his book.

"Was there any doubt?" I asked. Haru walked into the living room and handed me a bowl of stew. Smells pretty good.

I took it gratefully and began to eat. "Nope. None whatsoever." He chuckled, going back to the kitchen.

I almost forgot that this was my norm at the moment. Kaname's place is much nicer than Orochimaru, that's for damn sure. It kind of feels like . . . home.

Here I'm not really concerned with the constant danger that's clutched onto me. It's refreshing.

I glanced at Kaname and smirked. "So, we're gonna train today?" I asked. He groaned, rolling his eyes. "Of course you'd go straight to that. We'll do it tomorrow, when your chakra replenishes." He grumbled, peering more into the novel in his hands. I snickered, continuing to eat.

Works for me. I'm tired. Really tired. A good night's rest should do me some good.

I haven't heard from Deidara in a while, so I'll probably head back to the cave in a few days. I imagine he's still busy with his work. And god forbid that damn man child is there.

He pisses me off and he's too much to handle. And then there's that strange feeling about him. Something about his chakra seemed almost familiar to me. And his eye. I only saw it briefly, but it kind of reminded me of Sasuke and Itachi.

I'd question if he was an Uchiha, but the only ones left are the brothers. I've checked over and over again nonstop in efforts to subside Sauske's immense hatred.

I thought maybe if he had some other family out there, anywhere, then maybe he could feel something else for once.

Oh Sasuke. I really should check on him. His actions and thoughts are concerning, he's nothing like he was before and I'm worried he's going to turn into something far more sinister.

"I know that look, Uzumaki. Whoever you're wanting to check on will wait. Rest up and then train with Kaname tomorrow." Haru and Hawaski sat on the floor across from us on the other side of the small table. Haru's dark eyes narrowed on me in warning, and even Hawaki was staring me down.

I blinked before rolling my eyes. "I know, I know. I wasn't actually going to go anywhere I was just thinking."

Hawaki snorted at that. "Uh-huh. Sure." He spoke doubtfully. Jeez, I get where they are coming from but c'mon. I worked too hard to get Kaname to teach me, I'm not throwing that away.

Unless I have to. And that's if it's an emergency.

"I'm serious. Anyway, any word on Itachi?" I questioned the boys, setting my half empty bowl on the table.

Hawaki tossed a message scroll on the table. "Word is two men matching their description are somewhere between the Land of Fire and Wind. Possibly near the Rain Village, though we're not sure." I grabbed the letter, scanning over the information.

Hawaki and Haru were responsible for gathering intel on Itachi and any of the Akatsuki. As well as keeping me updated on Sasuke's group's movements. "And Sasuke? Is he still in the Land of Lightning?" I asked, remembering that's where I sent him to look for Itachi.

Hawaki snickered and even Haru smirked. "Oh yeah. And he's pissed. Can't find him. Asked if the information was correct. Told him if you're doubting Miyu I can let her know. He was mad at me for it, but hey, he's still there double checking."

Good. I'm glad.

I purposefully sent him where I knew for certain he wouldn't be. I'll deal with the aftermath of it later.

A part of me should feel bad about lying to him, and I used to, but not anymore. Not really.

He knows my feelings on this mission. He knows that I'm not sure if I can handle him facing off with Itachi. I don't want to think what would come if he succeeded. Because thinking of a possibility where I must live in a world with Itachi gone is too heartbreaking.

I love Itachi.

I love him so much. He means the world to me. I just want things to go back to how they were before the massacre. And I think it can happen. There's no way Itachi did what he did.

At least for a reason as selfish as testing power.

That was never him.

My memories of him are warm and filled with peace and tranquility. Itachi loved his family. He loved me. He loved the village. All he ever wanted was peace. Even seeing that night, I can still only see him in a warm light.

There has to be a reason.

If there wasn't Sasuke wouldn't be alive. And neither would I.

I'll ask him. Demand to know. And once I do, I'll go to Sasuke. Explain it and have him calm down some. Then I'll have them meet so he can hear it from the man himself. Then Sasuke can finally be himself again.

Who he used to be.

Well, he doesn't have to be who he once was if that's not him anymore. But I can't bear how he is now. It's crushing to see someone you love completely wrapped in nothing but darkness.

He may not be who he used to be, but that's not him either. I'm sure of it.

That is one of my main goals. And it's as important as the second. Keeping Naruto away from the Akatsuki. I've gathered enough info. All that's really known is that they go after Jinchuriki's. The reason being is they want the Tailed Beasts sealed within them.

Why I'm not a hundred percent sure. But from my time with Sasori, I get the feeling it's not something we want to find out.

The image of my Sensei flashed through my mind. Yeah, he was a crazy bastard wasn't he? He was a slave driver, I barely got any rest, almost died a few times, and the man had no empathy.

It was always fight, kill, create. But despite the harshness of it, I did grow fond of him. Because even if he was a villain, he wasn't evil. And he helped me find Kaname here. Without much in return other then continue to work for him.

He even knew I still cared and loved my friends. He told me where they'd be, he gave me an out of this mission I put myself on. A chance to return home with my loved ones.

I cared for Sasori. A great deal.

And he is one of my regrets.

Letting him die.

You killed him. A voice whispered in my ear and I whipped my head to see nothing. "What is it?" Hawaki asked absent-mindedly, eating his food. He and Haru didn't seem to think much of it, but Kaname gazed at me from the corner of his eye.

Just like how you'll kill all of them. The voice whispered again. My jaw clenched briefly and I looked forward, ignoring it. "Nothing." I answered easily.

It still surprises me, but I've gotten used to this part at least. The whispers of tragedy and even the dark impulses that flare.

I can shove it back easier than the hallucinations. The screaming. The sight of blood.

Still, it nags at me. And I know that it's not healthy. I do. I just don't know what else to do.

Kaname slurped the rest of his stew, setting it down. "Come on. We'll start with some study material." He stood, heading off to the small storage room. The three of us stared after him, relatively surprised. He's very lazy, he doesn't even want to do this. He just said we'd start tomorrow too. But now he wants to? And to go straight into it after eating? That's new.

"There's going to be an ice storm tomorrow." Haru whispered loudly to Hawaki. He shook his head in turn. "No Poochi. It's going to rain blood." He also whispered loudly.

Kaname didn't glance back but threw senbon needles back, grazing the boy's cheeks. They yelped, tumbling backwards, making me chuckle. "Shut it, brats. C'mon." Kaname grunted entering the room.

Not one to miss an opportunity I quickly followed after. The room is actually picked up.

Of course I cleaned before leaving and the boys have been doing a good job on keeping things tidy, Kaname is still rather reluctant. So I was sure he'd neglect this room. Go figure. In the room is a small table in the center where I've been reading documents and writing letters to Sasuke and Shikamaru.

But on the usually empty table are some familiar scrolls and different books. Kaname sat on one side so I sat across from him.

"What were you thinking about to trigger the Frenzy?" I looked at him confused. "I didn't go into a Frenzy though." I told him honestly.

He slid one of the books towards me, and it was then I saw it was a journal. "The Frenzy isn't just going around slaughtering people. The Frenzy is the darkness that lurks in your mind. There are different levels to it. Just now was probably a lower level." I flipped open the book to see some faded writing, but it was still eligible.

The Frenzy

Intrusive thoughts

Hearing voices that aren't there

Hallucinations, vary in scale

Paranoia

Fear

Uncontrollable anger

Hysteria

No sense of fear

Lack of emotion

Blood lust

Memory loss

Blurred morality

Third person view

Blood frenzy

"Those are usually the symptoms of the Frenzy. Which one just happened and what were you thinking?" He asked again.

I stared at the words, feeling all of them time and time again. "The voice." I said, brushing my fingers over the worn paper. "I was thinking about Sasori, Itachi, and Sasuke." I admitted.

He nodded, leaning on the table lazily, placing his cheek in his palm. "Is it a negative sense?"

Negative? I care about all of them a great deal. But thinking about them makes me sad. "I guess." He nodded, staring at the pile of books. "Anger is a great trigger for it."

Anger? I'm not really angry at them though. "It's not that, they mean a lot to me. They're important people in my life. But thinking about them makes me sad." I explained.

He didn't seem surprised by that, just hummed. "Yeah, that works that way too. You see negative emotions, anger, sadness, fear, envy, things like that stimulate something in the mind of Blood Release users. Because having this Kekkei Genkai affects the psyche greatly. And not in a great way."

He reached over, turning a few pages to see illustrations and dried blood. It's not vibrant anymore, it's old but stained the page. Even if it isn't the luminous red, the dark brown buzzed something in me briefly.

The illustrations are of the body, more specifically blood vessels and the blood itself, words and notes etched to further explain the properties.

"We're not quite sure why, but it's always been that way. It's only with Blood Release that's impure. The only pure Blood Release belongs to the clan holding the Ketsuryugan. It is still a dangerous ability, but those in the clan who hold it don't succumb to madness like the impure. As for us, we're not sure why there's a second branch off from it. The abilities are nearly identical with far more varieties and possibilities to use with it."

"However because it isn't the pure Ketsuryugan it does something to our minds. At first it's just the violent impulses. Then they get progressively worse. But the longer we have and the more we use it the more that it digs into our mind. Because of it those with such an impure Kekkei Genkai go into madness by succumbing to the Frenzy and going on crazed spree. The line between right and wrong means nothing when you want nothing but to kill and shed blood. We're more attune to it you see."

He flipped the page going on to more writing and some more illustrations. "As users we can control the blood. Our own and those of others. It becomes a different part of us in a way. And it calls to us. When left alone and we don't answer it, our mind produces chemical imbalances that begin to eat away at us until we do."

He grabbed another journal, this one, unlike the others, is well kept, no frays, discolorations, or even wear and tear.

It was well taken care of. Kaname slid it to me and I opened the first page which had a name Dr. Shoko Koga.

I flipped the the pages, reading the first entry

April 3rd.

The start of finding out why only the Ketsuryugan can be used successfully. I am Shoko of the Koga Clan, born with this special Kekkei Genkai. I have no issues with it. In contrast my younger brother Kaname did not inherit this specific Kekkei Genkai, but the branch that our parents succumbed to.

I stopped reading, looking up at Kaname in surprise. This is his sister's journal. He only spoke of her once, the first time we shared a drink.

Even after that day we shared drinks, but he never spoke of her again. I guess I never spoke more of my brother either. Kaname Koga. I knew it because of the file I stole, but there's still something I didn't dig deep into  That surname seems vaguely familiar though I can't quite put my finger on it.

"This is my sister's journal. Her study was focused on the brain. We know very, very, little about the mind. Even the most brilliant Medical Ninja's don't know exactly how the brain works. Shoko was certain that the cause of our madness with our ability lied with the mind."

"She studied it and did countless research on ways to fix the balance there. She believed it was possible and wanted to cure it. She died before she could, but her findings will tell you more about this. She studied us. Even as we continued to perish because of it. As of now there's no cure. Right now you need to understand this ability. What it really entails. The hardships, the symptoms, the effects it'll have on your body. While you may not have been born with it, it should still be the same."

He moved the paper of one book harshly across his thumb, making it bleed. As soon as a droplet fell it splattered before going backwards and back into his thumb. Then it sealed over.

"To control it, you must first understand it. Truly. Not in just normal school sense. As of now you've just been relying on instincts and adrenaline. However, using it this way is reckless. Blood is different. That's especially true when it comes to yours. Not only does it now nullify toxins, but you'll produce more than the average human. You must have noticed that at times your body temperature will be higher than normal, right?"

I simply nodded. "That's what happens because your blood is always far more active then normal. Using it as a weapon and even in jutsu's are incredible, but the more you use it the more your body struggles to produce and the more it begins to buzz. In doing so, that activates something in your brain that gnaws at you until the Frenzy is brought out. Shoko theorized that the reason we are always in a state of the Frenzy, mild or not, is because our blood keeps on creating a chemical imbalance in our brain."

I see. It does make some sense. While I'm a failure as a Medical Ninja, I do know quit a bit about the field. Between studying hard in classes or with Granny Tsunade I've picked up on useful things.

It could be. It is still a theory though. We're still unable to delve more into how the brain works.

It's far too complicated for what we have available. Even Granny admits that it's a confusing aspect. To think his sister dedicated her life to research is incredible.

I flipped through the pages to see very long and detailed notes. Quite a bit too.

"What I need you to do is read these. The first step to learning how to keep from going off the deep end starts by understanding what's happening to you. What this Kekkei Genkai really is. The good and the bad. I can't make the voices and hallucinations go away, even with training. But I can teach you how to use it to protect yourself and those you care about. Just know, the more you use it, especially during a Frenzy, the more lost you will become. I don't want you using it in battle. Ever. You're strong enough as it is."

He did mention that before. That's why he can only numb himself to keep it at bay. But I've only had it for a short time. With all this knowledge I may be able to find some way to triumph over it. I need to. For my friends and for my brother.

"I understand. I can't promise I'll never use it if I'm in a tough spot." I told him bluntly. I can't make that promise. Kaname didn't flinch. "I know. But you need to understand that this isn't a gift. It will destroy who you are."

That may be true. But . . . "I've already destroyed who I once was."

The one who has done the most damage to me isn't Orochimaru or even the Akatsuki. Not even Sasuke. They sure as hell didn't help but ultimately the one who destroyed me is . . .

Me.

Kaname's eyes stared into mine, seeing the truth in them. And in turn he let me see his as well. He knows all too well what I mean. The one who's destroyed his life the most is himself.

Himself and the cursed Kekkei Genkai that he was born with. He never had a chance. He never even had a choice in the matter.

But me? I did. And this is what I've done.

"While that may be true, you're still someone with a good heart. Despite everything you've done it was never done for yourself. You're not an evil person, kid. But the more you go into this, the more you'll lose that part of yourself. That's why I'm doing this. Because you are losing who you are . . . I just don't like it, okay? Now, let's start with the basics of what blood is and how it affects us."

He unraveled a scroll and we began our studying. I kept stealing glances at Kaname, a warm feeling bloomed within me.

He's a sourpuss of a man but he's not bad. He's probably the only person who can understand what I'm feeling. I sure as hell don't.

I want to say he feels like a Sensei, a teacher, but that's not quite right. I'd say a friend but even that's not it. He's like . . . I don't know.

But it's nice. In this house with him, Haru, and Hawaki. It makes me feel something akin to home. Oh. I know this feeling.

It's familial.