“Excuse me, what?” Hawaki asked, yet again. Him and Haru stared at me with bewildered expressions while Kaname just watched the scene unfold, taking a swig of his liquor.

I sighed, putting some more vegetables onto Kaname’s plate. “C’mon you guys, it’ll only be here and there. We’ll still be moving along with the plan, I’ll just have to leave every now and then for a little bit of time.”

Haru’s brow furrowed as he looked at me with a quizzical expression on his face. 

He shook his head a bit. “That’s not what he was asking. Why? I thought you only met with him when you were relaying information. Now you’re going to be dropping in periodically?” I rubbed my head, staring at my half empty bowl of empty rice.

After what happened, I had to leave before the others noticed. Because of everything that happened they didn’t even bother to question the look alike.

But it wouldn’t last long. So I came back here. “Does this have something to do with those injuries I treated yesterday?” Hawaki questioned.

As the only one of us who actually knows how to do Medical Ninjutsu I immediately went to him. Luckily he and Haru were still at Kaname’s.

I nodded. “Yeah. Deidara had to go and left me alone to train. But . . . something felt wrong so I dropped in on Shikamaru. He was facing some of the Akatsuki.”

Haru’s eyes widened and he went rigid. “Which ones?” I sighed, grabbing some rice with my chopsticks. “Hidan and Kakuzu.” Haru’s eyes remained wide as he looked at me as if I were insane.

“What the hell? What happened? Is the plan exposed?”

I shook my head, eating rice. “No. I transformed into Shikamaru and didn’t use any of my signature jutsu’s. Kakuzu knew I wasn’t a clone, but he didn't know it was me.” He breathed out a sigh of relief before shooting me a look.

“That was dangerous, and it had to be them. No wonder you were skewered. So, what does that have to do with seeing Shikamaru?”

Yeah. That. Shikamaru has never lost someone close to him before. This was his first and that’s not going to leave him in the best state.

I’m worried. He’s not the type to look for or accept help. While I’m not sure how to comfort him, the least I could do is be there for him. Check in on him. Talk to him. I don’t know, something.

When . . . when Sasori died I would have liked someone to be there. Not to talk about it, I’m not exactly the most open person but it didn’t mean that I didn’t want someone there for me. 

Sasuke couldn’t know. And even if he could, how can I let out my problems when he’s dealing with his own.

Sasuke has grown a lot more closed off so he refused to share his problems. And his stems from anger. Not sadness. I can’t comfort anger. Only try to soothe it. But every time I tried it seemed to have the opposite effect.

So I couldn’t really tell him. Or even explain it. Haru was busy with the task I gave him and I don’t think I could show actual weakness to him. He’s one of my best friends, but I really don’t think I could. 

And I had burned down all of my bridges back home. 

While I can’t exactly comfort Choji or Ino, I can comfort Shikamaru. He’s one of my closest friends and I can’t just let him be.

“Hidan killed his Sensei. I just want to check in on him from time to time.”

At this, all three of the guys blinked, genuinely surprised. Even Kaname? “What?” I asked. They all glanced at each other, making my temple throb in annoyance.

“Well?” I was beginning to get agitated by their behavior. “Uh, well, it just surprised us.” Haru scratched his cheek.

What? How so?

“Well, you’re pretty set on the mission.” Hawaki chimed in, helping his friend. Kaname nodded, finishing his plate again. “And having me teach you.” He added. 

My eyes squinted a bit. “So? My plans are always changing, the goal is always the same.” I deadpanned.

Haru looked at me carefully, as if trying to find something. “But this isn’t something that has anything to do with the goal. Not saving Itachi, Naruto, or the Leaf. It doesn’t affect the plan at all.”

Oh. Well I guess they’re right. But this is in a way part of the plan.

The whole point of me doing everything was to protect my friends, those I cared about. Protecting people doesn’t necessarily mean from physical harm. Mental, emotional.

And that’s what I’m doing.

“I am though. Anyways, I’m going now. I believe today is the funeral. I wanna see if he went.” 

I stood, collecting my dishes and heading for the sink. I could still feel their gazes but didn’t pay it mind. Doesn’t matter.

As I cleaned my plates I thought about what I’m going to do. Right now it’s just to be there for him until he figures out how to express what he’s feeling. And once he does I can’t imagine him standing still.

He’ll probably go after Hidan. Choji and Ino won’t let him go alone though. 

Neither will I.

If that’s what he wants, so be it. There’s nothing I can learn from Hidan. Losing Kakuzu would be a blow to my mission, but it’s not vital. Besides, I’m not too thrilled with him trying to kill me. And if it brings Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino some closure . . . then it’s worth the loss.

I imagine this is going to be a little more than a couple of days. 

They’re right, it won’t benefit my goal of finding Itachi and saving him and Sasuke. But it is what I want to do. Helping those that I care for.

It’s not the wrong choice.

I will never believe that it was the wrong choice. Those three are precious people to me. So it’s okay.

“Kaname, do you have any more blood pills?” I asked, finishing washing my dishes and turning to him. He was still watching me while the boys were eating again.

He nodded, standing up from his seat. “Yeah, come with me.” He began to head to his room and I followed after him. There was a chest by his desk and he rummaged through it before pulling out a couple of things.

One was familiar, more of those pills. But he also had an old looking book and, what is that? A tanto blade? 

He pulled out something else. A chain with a golden ring on it. He turned to me, the same bored expression on his face as he handed me the items.

“That notebook was something my father gave me to read whenever the Frenzy tried to take hold. It’s helped me understand it a bit and usually calmed me. And the necklace was my lucky charm when I was a ninja. As is the blade.”

What? He’s . . . giving me this? Seeing my confusion he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re gonna end up dead the rate you’re going. So it should help on this trip. When you . . . when you get back . . . I’ll show you a couple of things. It’ll keep you from dying too soon.”

My breath left me as something blossomed in my chest. This overwhelming urge to hug him nearly got the best of me.

I smiled at him teasingly. “Oh? Are you finally going to teach me?” He shot me a look.

“Shut up. I’m only doing it because you’ll die otherwise and then I’d have to go back to shitty frozen dinners. That’s it.”

I chuckled, staring at him with admiration. He’s going to teach me. Because he’s worried about me, he’s even giving me his lucky charm. I guess he’s gotten used to me.

Well, I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t growing on me. Spending time here feels homely. And it’s the most relaxed I’ve been since leaving the Leaf.

It gives me the same feeling as I did back home. I won’t say it though. Not until he admits he likes me. 

He frowned. “Quit staring at me like that. It’s annoying.” He turned his back to me, but his ears were tinged pink, making me giggle. “Okay.”

I slipped on the necklace before sheathing the tanto onto my belt and putting away the pill and notebook.

“When I get back, I’ll make sukiyaki and we’ll open up that new bottle of saki I bought. Thanks. Sensei.”

Before he could say or yell at me, I flash stepped away.

Hold on Nara. I’m coming. 

~

“When did they put a garden here?” I grumbled, stepping away from the tomatoes I accidentally squished. This used to be an abandoned alcove behind the tea house near the Nara residence.

I used to come back here a lot and make bets with Choji and Nara about little things with our fellow Rookie Ten.

It’s been nothing for so many years, I never thought they’d do anything with it.

Whoever’s garden this is I’m sorry about that. 

I closed my eyes and concentrated on nearby chakras. The faint scent of them assisting me. Like I thought, mostly everybody I’m worried about running into are nowhere around, most likely at Asuma’s funeral.

Only one is nearby and I sighed. Figured as much.

Reopening my eyes, I began to head in his direction, careful not to be seen by anybody else. Soon I spotted him.

Shikamaru is wearing all black, funeral attire. But he’s heading back to his house. So he’s not going, huh?

I stepped out from the shadows, behind him, he didn’t turn, he didn’t even sense me. “Hey.” He stopped, glancing over his shoulder.

His eyes were steel, hiding his emotions. But no matter how well he’s doing it, I can still see the sadness in them.

He glanced around before frowning at me. “It’s not safe to be here without a disguise.” 

I shrugged, and the two of us began to walk back to the Nara residence together. I didn’t know what to say. And I’m not sure if he’s ready to hear anything.

I’ve known him a long time, but I’ve never seen him grieve. This is the first. Probably for him as well.

When Sasuke grieves he tends to lash out at everything and everyone around. He doesn’t really like anyone near him. I stay, but it’s not always the best. But Sasuke has always been angry.

Shikamaru? He’s not really good at expressing himself so he always plays it off half assed.

We made it to his house and he sat out by the garden, staring at the sky like usual. I sat on the roof of the hall above him, keeping myself concealed. Can’t have his father or mother know I’m there.

But I didn’t know what to say. And even if I did, who am I to tell him anything?

Before I knew it the sun was beginning to set, casting an orangish glow over the scenery and reflecting in the pond.

It was quiet. So quiet. But if the silence were to be broken, I’d be concerned on how he’d react.

Shikamaru didn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to talk, that much he’s made clear. But he’s not objecting to my presence. He hasn’t told me to leave. Maybe he doesn’t want to be left completely alone.

A lot of people expect him to be cool and collected. To be someone who will have it together. But he’s not that at all. Shikamaru is human. A normal human.

I’ve known that for a while. And I guess that’s why he hasn’t rejected my presence yet. 

Being around him is relaxing. I’m not someone he’s dependent on like the others. And the same goes for me. I’m not someone dependent on him. I’m not Ino or Choji or even his other comrades.

I don’t look to him for leadership or advice in a level headed perspective. Maybe that’s why he’s not opposed to it.

Footsteps sounded; too loud and light to be Shikaku’s. And there’s little chakra presence. “Shikamaru. Dinner’s almost ready.” His mothers voice broke the silence.

Because it’s been so quiet for so long, it sounded so loud. She said it gently, aware of her son’s grief, but with no sounds for the past couple hours it reverberated in my ears, probably Shikamaru’s too.

“I’m um. Not really that hungry.” His mother didn’t say anything and after a moment of hesitance she walked away. 

I waited until I couldn’t sense her before speaking. “Skipping meals is unhealthy. You really should at least try to eat something.” I spoke, laying down on the roofing. “I’m not hungry.” He repeated.

I sighed a bit and rolled over to peek down at him. I wanted to talk to him. To tell him that it’s okay to feel angry. That it’s okay to feel sad. That losing someone is a rollercoaster of emotions and it’s okay to feel those emotions. That he isn’t alone.

But those are all typical responses. And while they should be heard, hearing them would bring anger.

It would to me.

And in this sense, we’re a lot alike. We push down our feelings. He . . . he shouldn’t do that. It’s very unhealthy. I know I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t push down my emotions because eventually they will come out in the ugliest way possible.

It’ll take a big toll on my mental health even more so than it already has. Telling him would only make me a hypocrite.

More than I already am. 

I’ve never had to comfort anyone. Sasuke is a closed book no matter how hard I try. Naruto is the optimist of the two of us.

And the others . . . well I’ve never really had to comfort them. A little joking and threatening to beat someone up usually did the trick. It won’t in this sense. 

So I just stayed silent. Resting above him as we watched the sky turn dark. Only the moon offered any light as the rest of the Nara residence seemed to go to sleep.

But someone other than Shikamaru hasn’t.

An easily recognizable scent, similar to his sons. He made his way down the hall before stopping in front of Shikamaru. I held my breath, smothering my presence.

Shikaku is a Jonin, and a good one at that. “Shikamaru. Come spend time with you old man.” His voice, like always, has a husky rasp to it.

Nara didn’t respond for a while but the two went into the room next to them where they lit a lamp and set up what I can assume is a Shogi board.

As often as Shikamaru and I played when we were bored and waiting for our teams, it became a pretty identifiable sound. Of course he probably didn’t just want to play a little game with his son because he’s in the mood.

It seems while I don’t know how to comfort his son, he does. So I shut my eyes and just listened to the click of the pieces on the board and their breathing.

How will you go about this I wonder.

“Your game is a little off tonight.” Okay. Probably not the best thing to say Papa Nara. Hope you know where you’re going with this. “You’re not going to win like that.” Really hope so. 

“Whatever dad.” Shikamaru responded, clearly in no mood for this. But the two kept on their same pace as they played the game. “The Akatsuki. They’re strong, aren’t they?” Shikaku asked nonchalantly. A calm air about him.

“Yeah.” His son responded. I’ve never heard Shikamaru like this before. So . . . defeated? No, that’s not quite the right word.

He’s upset, but there’s more to that. “So, what’s your plan?” This time Shikamru didn’t respond.

But Shikaku didn’t stop. “If someone like Asuma couldn’t handle them, what shot do you think you’d have?” He has a point.

Asuma was strong, not as strong as Kakashi or Pervy Sage, but he was definitely one of our stronger shinobi’s. 

Shikamaru’s a brilliant ninja. But . . . he can’t take down the Akatsuki. At least not by himself.

If . . . if he wants to, I’ll help him. Take them out. Hidan and Kakuzu. If it’s what he wants I’d do it.

He’s one of my best friends. And revenge is a stony path. I don’t necessarily believe it should consume you though. I don’t want it to consume him like it did Sasuke.

It’s painful. But I would help him. I will if it’s what he wants. “Sarutobi was a hell of a guy.”

“I know.” Shikamaru finally responded, but his tone didn’t change. “Not so hot a shogi though.” That did earn a chuckle from my friend.

Well at least it’s a nice change. Maybe things will go a little smoother. “You know what you’re doing?”

Oh no, that can’t be good. But I guess it’s not supposed to. I think I understand what he’s trying to do. “Look, you play your way and I’ll play mine.” Shikamaru began, thinking it was about the game.

Of course it’s not. “No son. I’m not talking about shogi.” There was a long pause in the game before who I assume is Shikamru placed a piece down a little harshly.

He stayed quiet though. “Well, you wouldn’t do anything stupid I suppose. I’m lucky in that respect.” Shikamaru still didn’t respond but made a sound of displeasure.

Shikaku is mostly having a one sided conversation, but he’s expected that. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Shikaku is almost there. “Who wants to go to their own son's funeral? You’ve done well for yourself. I’m very proud to be your father. You’re as sharp as they come with great talent. Someone the Leaf can depend on in the future. But now, Asuma is dead.”

That did it.

Shikamaru made an angry grunt and the sound of a fist slamming into something silenced the crickets as the board and it’s pieces went flying and crashing somewhere.

Because of the sudden movement the candle inside went out and the moon once again became the only source of light. 

“Just what are you getting at here?” Shikamaru demanded. Shikaku didn’t hesitate. “Only the truth.”

The sound of someone standing reached my ears before Shikamaru’s shout. “Will you shut your mouth?! All this talking is making me sick. Say what you want. I’m still nothing but a useless coward!”

Useless coward? Oh Nara, is that what you think?

“You’re wrong.” Shikaku is quick to come to his son's defense, against himself. “What do you want from me?” My friend demanded.

It was quiet before Shikaku stood up himself, but with none of the anger his son had. “Let it out boy. All of the anger, the sadness, and the fear. Everything that’s brewing inside of you. You’ve got to let it go.”

His words hit deep. For Shikamaru. And for myself. As simple and few words as they were, they were the most true and sincere thing I’ve heard in a while. Shikamaru felt the same.

His angry sounds were more familiar. The sound of angrily trying to keep the tears from coming out. I’m familiar with that myself. “It all starts from there, son.”

Footsteps sounded as Shikaku exited the room and closed the door to give his son privacy. Only when the door closed did Shikamaru finally let out his painful cries.

Shikaku hesitated for a moment, mumbling; “Remember, I’ll be here for you.” Before he walked to the other side of the residence and disappeared, leaving his son to let out all of his pain. 

Good. Cry Nara. Do not hold it in. Let it out.

I remained up there, listening to my friend cry and scream out at the world for taking away his beloved Sensei.

After a moment, I Flash Stepped behind him, to see him sitting on the ground, his crying had died down some, but he still continued to do so.

I didn’t say anything. Not a word. Only turned and sat down behind him, pressing my back to his. He didn’t move. Didn’t say anything, just continued to cry.

And I stayed there, not saying a word as I listened to his heart cry out. 

We stayed there like that. For a while. Even after his cries had stopped neither of us had moved. Neither of us had spoked. We just remained there. Leaning on each other in comfortable silence.

“Your dad is wise.” I finally broke the silence after an hour had gone by since he had stopped crying. “Yeah. He is.” The corner of my lip twitched up a bit and I leaned more into his back before letting up. He returned the gesture, making me feel a little better about him myself.

"Have you ever seen someone you knew die before?" He asked me. An image of Satori flashed through my mind.

While I've seen many deaths, most of which shouldn't have happened, Sasori's cut deeper into my heart. "Yeah. I have." He hummed, still keeping his back to mine. He didn't ask more but I went on anyway. "He taught me a lot. Helped me. And I . . . I couldn't do anything but watch as he died."

I could have. I chose not to. And I will have to live with that. As cruel as he was he was still my Sensei.

"It's tough. I know. But you're not alone.  I don't think you'll ever be alone. Not with all those idiots who stick to you." I teased, thinking of the old Rookie Ten and even Lee's team. I close my eyes and tilted my head up. " You'll never be alone. They don't understand the concept of personal space."

He chuckled at that. "Yeah, they seem to have trouble with that." I snorted at that. "You think. Can't go five feet without one of them bounding over and hanging off of you. All loud and excited."

I say it like it's an issue but a smile slipped onto my face. And I know he had one too.

"Yeah. But despite it all, even you're like them. Here you are. You really didn’t have to stay here with me the entire day. I know how important your mission is.” His voice is still hoarse from all that crying.

He probably should hydrate. 

I shut my eyes and leaned a little more gently and into his back. “Nothing is more important than being there for my friends.” I whispered softly.

Images of Nara, Choji, Sakura, Ino, Lee, Hinata, Kiba, even Shino and the rest of Lee’s team. Naruto and Sasuke weighed heavy on my mind, as well as Haru and Hawaki. 

Nothing is more important than my friends and family. 

"I'm here Nara. I'm not going anywhere. I’m right where I need to be. So you're just gonna have to grit your teeth and bare with it. Leaf ninja are stubborn as hell."

My tone is haughty but my intention is clear. Nara's back leaned more into mine and he tilted his head back, meeting the back of my head with his.

"Thank you, Miyu."