As more time passed (Y/n) got to know the other Blades better; she had long chats with them whenever Kolivan was busy, which he usually was. However, after having a few conversations with Regris, Thace and a few of the younger members she was unnerved when they told her about what happened if someone was late to the rendezvous point during missions; if someone was late they were left behind, even if it meant whoever was left behind was killed. She remembered when Ulaz told her that the mission was more important than the individual and it made her upset. (Y/n) tried her best to not let it bother her but after one particular mission one of the younger Blades was missing, meaning that he had been left behind because he didn't make it to the rendezvous point on time. It saddened her that the one young galran man would never be seen again and in a way she felt angry with Kolivan for leaving him behind.

It was very subtle, but Kolivan noticed a slight change in (Y/n's) behavior after he and a few of the other Blades returned from a nearly failed mission. He couldn't read the young woman's mind and didn't know what was going on, although it made him feel concerned for her. (Y/n) tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling each time she thought about the poor young male who died, even though it kept popping into her mind every so often. Eventually she decided to confront the Marmoran leader about the protocol of leaving behind anyone who was late in hopes of getting some answers and perhaps convincing him to stop leaving people behind. (Y/n) made sure Kolivan was alone in his office when she decided to have a very serious talk with him, suddenly feeling a little nervous as she walked towards his desk.

"Is there something I can help you with, (Y/n)?" Kolivan asked when he saw the young woman walk towards his desk, putting his datapad down so that he could give her his full attention.

"Yes, there is. Why do you think each individual isn't as important as the mission they go on? And why can't you wait at least a few extra ticks if someone's late getting to the rendezvous point?" (Y/n) questioned as firmly as she could while looking him dead in the eye, wondering if he actually cared about the others or not.

"Because if each team waits around too long they might get caught and tortured for information; that's something we cannot afford to happen, and everyone who joins the Blades knows that they might die while trying to stop the Galra Empire. It's something that doesn't concern you." Kolivan answered as he squinted his eyes a little, unsure of why she was bringing up the odd subject so suddenly.

"But what about the operatives that get left behind? How do you think they feel when they're left behind by the people they trust? Don't you care about the people you lead every day?" (Y/n) inquired with desperation; she refused to believe he was that heartless.

"We have to do what we must to survive even if it means leaving one of our own behind. I understand that most humans are against it but that's the way we do things here." Kolivan sternly replied with a slight growl, not liking how (Y/n) was getting too involved in things she shouldn't.

"How can you be so heartless? I don't know how many Blades that have been left behind but they're all dead because of your stupid protocol!" (Y/n) accused with an upset tone, her voice wavering for a moment.

"It doesn't concern you, now I think you should leave my office. Now!" Kolivan growled with anger, pinning his ears against his skull and bearing his teeth a little; to be fair he was stressed, but (Y/n) bringing up the fallen Blades pushed him over the edge.

Tears sprang up in (Y/n's) eyes before she turned around and quickly left Kolivan’s office, saddened by the fact she thought he was actually heartless; what she didn't know was that he did feel bad about the Blades who died on duty, but he pushed those feelings deep down. The young woman stood in the hallway once the door to Kolivan’s office slid shut behind her, wiping her tears away as she began to cry. (Y/n) felt distraught and confused about Kolivan; she wasn't sure if she could trust him nor did she understand why he was letting her live in a habsuite within the main Marmoran headquarters. On the way back to her quarters she crossed paths with Antok who was heading to the training room, looking down at the floor while she walked. Antok was meeting up with Thace in the training room so they could spar together, although he wasn't expecting to find (Y/n) leaving Kolivan’s office while crying.

"What’s wrong, (Y/n)?" Antok queried when he stopped walking, looking down at the weeping young woman with concern.

"It's nothing important." (Y/n) muttered quietly after she stopped walking, speaking in a barely audible voice; she was too embarrassed to look up at Antok because of her tear stained face.

"It's something Kolivan said, isn't it?" Antok asked her with a knowing tone; he had a feeling that it was definitely something Kolivan told her.

"He's cruel and heartless, just like everyone in the Empire. How can someone not care about the lives of others, especially those they lead?" (Y/n) questioned when she finally looked up and made eye contact with the huge male, hoping that she wouldn't make him angry.

Antok felt sad for (Y/n); he knew she must have talked to Kolivan about the Blades' protocol to leave operatives who were late returning to the rendezvous point behind. He knelt down in front of her and brought her in for a gentle hug, knowing it was something humans sometimes did when someone they were close to was sad. (Y/n) hid her face in the crook of Antok’s neck, feeling comforted by the sudden hug even though it was unexpected. Antok didn't sugarcoat anything as he spoke to (Y/n), calmly reminding her that death was a normal part of war and there was nothing anyone could do about it. After a while he took the young woman to her habsuite where she could have some privacy, knowing that she would eventually get used to how the way things were while living with the Blades.

__________

After (Y/n) left his office Kolivan actually felt bad for snapping at her the way he did; he didn't like the way she accused him of being heartless, although it was never his intention to growl at her and he hoped that she wouldn't be afraid of him. He did feel bad about the Blades who were left behind but after years of pushing the regret down he felt numb when the operatives who didn't get the chance to return safely were left behind and undoubtedly killed. Kolivan had a lot of mission reports to go over, so once he was finished he decided to go talk to (Y/n) and apologize to her. He might have not started the fight but he was still going to apologize for speaking to her the way he did, feeling guilty after he let his anger get the better of him. War was never fair for anyone; death happened every day and unfortunately living for another day came at the price of the lives of some of the Blades.

Meanwhile, (Y/n) was sitting curled up on her couch in her habsuite while trying not to cry anymore than she already had. She felt stupid for going to Kolivan’s office and bringing up how some of the Blades were sometimes left for dead if they didn't make it to the rendezvous point on time, hoping that she wouldn't get kicked out of the main Marmoran headquarters. (Y/n) sighed while she leaned against the back of the large couch, knowing the fallen operatives were at least in a much better place. The young woman perked up when she heard a knock on her front door, wondering who was visiting her. Her eyes widened when she unlocked her door and it slid open; on the other side was Kolivan and he had a guilty expression etched onto his face.

"May I come in?" Kolivan inquired with a calm tone, looking down at (Y/n) while remaining stoic; for the first time in his life he was anxious about talking to someone who was much shorter than him.

"Sure, come in." (Y/n) answered almost too quietly before she stepped to the side and let the tall male in, avoiding making eye contact with him as much as possible.

Kolivan entered (Y/n's) habsuite and followed her to the couch, flinching slightly when he heard the metal door slide shut behind him; being alone with (Y/n) after their fight made him feel oddly nervous. (Y/n) had to think about what she was going to say after they sat on her couch, not wanting things between them to get worse. She was worried that Kolivan was going to send her away to live with the paladins; it wouldn't be the worst thing in the universe but she would miss living with the Blades. The two of them just sat on the couch together in pure silence, neither of them knowing exactly what to say to each other to make up for earlier. (Y/n) didn't want to make Kolivan angrier than earlier and Kolivan didn't want to further upset (Y/n), especially after she left his office while crying.

"I'm sorry for calling you heartless earlier, I should have never said that and I shouldn't have said anything about the Blades who get left behind. It's just- I know that people die during times of war and there's nothing anyone can do about it but I can't help but feel sad because those who were left behind probably died in a painful way." (Y/n) said apologetically after what felt like forever, finally looking up at the galran man sitting next to her.

"It's understandable since you're human; Keith often reacts almost the same way. He almost died when he saved both Thace and Regris. I apologize for the way I snapped at you." Kolivan apologized after (Y/n) finished speaking, forgiving her as well; it made him feel a lot better on the inside and the corners of his lips twitched upwards when he noticed her relax.

"I forgive you, it was rude of me to bring it up. You're not going to send me away, are you?" (Y/n) spoke in forgiveness before she hesitantly asked him if he was going to send her to live with the paladins.

"No, I won't. It's been nice having you here." Kolivan answered, reassuring (Y/n) that he wasn't going to send her to live with the paladins; he felt a little flustered after her question, but he didn't show it.

(Y/n) blushed lightly before she briefly hugged Kolivan, happy that she was allowed to continue living at the main Blade of Marmora headquarters. Even though it was sad how some of the other Blades had died and could possibly die in the future she had to come to terms that death was just another part of everyday life for galra. Kolivan loosely wrapped his arms around (Y/n's) much smaller form for a few seconds, still not quite used to spontaneous hugs from the young woman. He would never make her go live with the paladins but he was worried about what was going to happen when galra mating season arrived; suppressants were in stock, although they didn't completely get rid of the symptoms. The rest of the evening went as it usually did; Kolivan and (Y/n) went to eat dinner together in the cafeteria with everyone else before hanging out in the main lounge along with some of the other Blades.