This morning we landed in our next destination, Argentina. It was a long flight but I guess we are already used to it. Jack now sleeps almost the entire flight, maybe the sound of the engines help him sleep better. But right now, I can't wait to arrive to the hotel and get some proper sleep. We all are tired.

I have joined Harry for a week and a half now, it has been really fun but exhausting. I never expected it to be so tiring. Every single day you have to keep moving, literally moving. From hotel to hotel, or a tour bus, or taking a flight. You have to pack morning and unpack later that same day. It's crazy.

It's not an environment I could get used to. Not while being pregnant. 

And also, I need to solve some things back home, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. 

Right now I'm his dressing room, I have my feet in cold water, they were very swollen from all the walking we did today.

"Do you really want to go home?" Harry asks me, he has Jack sitting on his lap.

"Baby, look at me." I say, moving my hand to point at myself. "I need a proper rest. I thought I could handle it, but it is a hard work I can't keep up to."

"I understand." He says, he looks sad but even if I wanted to, the health of my baby is all I care for and right now, the stress of joining him is not helping. "I just wish to have more time with you."

"Me too, just two more months and you will be back home." I say, holding his hand in mine. "Alright?"

"I can't wait." He gives me a smile, Harry is back to normal and for that I'm glad. "you will be almost six months when that happens."

"Bean is going to be so big by then." I smile back, touching my belly.

Suddenly we hear a knock on the door, but even before Harry stands up to open it the person enters the room. Jen enters with a rack of clothes, she has two shirts in her hand. Harry stands up, Jack resting on his waist.

"It's really hot outside, so, plain shirts for you unless you want to use a button up." She says, I have learned to tolerate her in this past week. I still don't like her, but I can tolerate her.

"Nah, that would ruin them. White is fine for me." He says, taking the shirt from her hands. "Leave the golden boots, please."

"Golden boots? Babe." I stare at him in surprise, he glances at me for a second and chuckles.

"What? They're amazing." He says, placing Jack next to me while he takes his shirt off.

"You're welcome." Jen says, moving the rack out of the room. "Laters, dude."

"She was the one that showed them to me." Harry explains to me, taking his shoes off.

I stay quiet, taking my feet out of the water and drying them with a towel. I put on my sandals again while Harry dresses himself. I stay on my seat, I don't really feel like going out this concert. I'm not sure if I want to be out with all the screaming. It's really fun to see them perform but I'm stunned right now.

"So?" He stands in front of me, fully dressed now, wearing the golden boots he asked for.

"You actually look great." I say, seeing his simple outfit that suits him so well. "My handsome golden man."

"Only yours." He says, leaning closer to me and pecking my lips. I smile, he separates from my lips and goes get his ear monitors from the dresser. "Are you joining us today?"

"I don't think so. I need silence in my ears." I say, taking Jack with me as I stand up. "I'm going to pay Lou a visit while we wait."

"If you get too tired you can go to the hotel, I'll meet you there." He says, coming to me and placing a kiss on both of our foreheads. "Show time."

"Good luck, love." I say, staying inside of his dressing room.

"Thank you." He winks at me before leaving.

Some minutes after he leaves, I hear the music starting, even from the inside of his dressing room. I get my things and Jack's and go straight to Lou's, she was brushing Lux hair when I walk in.

"Hi there." I say, coming inside. "Any special occasion today?"

"Not today. But-" Lou glances at me, like trying to speak to me with her eyes. "The little lady here accidentally put gum in her hair."

"It was an accident, mummy." Lux says, she pouts sadly and moves her hands to her mouth.

"I know, darling. It's nothing that mum can't fix." Lou says, taking the scissors from the table. "I'm just going to cut your hair a bit, okay?"

"Okay." Lux says lowly, still pouting.

"I bet you're going to look incredible, Lux." I say, coming a bit closer to them. Jack suddenly rests his forehead on my shoulder, this little monkey is going to fall asleep on me.

Lou starts cutting little pieces of her hair, finally getting rid of the gum of her hair. While she cuts she glances at me while she runs her hand and lengths her hair.

"Did you tell him?" She asks me, I have been talking a lot with her. She supports me, she knows how it is to be pregnant and on tour. Even when I'm just three months so far.

"Yeah. He didn't look happy." I say, accommodating Jack on my waist. "But do we have a choice?"

"It's difficult, I know. He will get his mind around." She says, returning to Lux hair. "And about the other thing?"

I know exactly what she means, but I haven't. I don't have the guts yet. She has been supporting me through all this time, but I'm not ready yet.

It's a difficult subject, even for me and I'm still not ready to talk to him about this. 

"No. I can't right now." I press my lips together, I don't know how is he going to react if he ever knows that I'm hiding something from him. "I need him to be in a safe environment. Maybe when he goes home to visit I can tell him."

"You have to, girl." She stops, brushing Lux hair. "He's not going to be happy but he will understand. It's a serious manner."

"I think I'm safe for another three weeks." I say, even when I'm scared to be highly wrong. "He is being very quiet on the subject. He's not ready to open up."

"Let's hope for the best." She says, I shrug.

I still don't know if is right to be doing this behind his back, but I felt bad just staying with arms crossed. It's even something I'm not ready to put my mind to, but I need to go back home. I will decide from there. 

After seeing the final result of Lux new bob haircut, I said goodbye and left for my hotel. This city is very beautiful but sadly I will not have time to look around Buenos Aires. I go straight to the hotel, I'm the first to arrive from the crew. I go straight to our room and rest Jack down. He fell asleep in the car.

I then take a shower and change, jumping inside of the bed and checking my phone. There are no messages from him so that means he's still on stage. I put my phone aside and almost instantly, I zone out. Falling asleep.

-

I wake up hearing the chant of people, a lot of people. Teenage girls to be exact. They are singing a song, I check the clock to see its two in the morning. I grab another pillow and put it on my head, trying to suppress the noise.

But while I try to go to sleep again, I notice an empty bed next to me. That's even more weird than the fans outside at this time of the night.

I check my phone and once again, no text messages. The weirdest thing. I try not to overthink, I'm more tired right now to even put a thought on it, so I roll over and go back to sleep again.

-

In the morning I wake up with the sun coming inside the curtains. I stretch my arms, this is strange, the room is quiet. But when I finally open my eyes I see Harry feeding Jack, he already has two plates with food in front of him. Impressive, I didn't hear a thing.

"Hey." I say, scratching my eyes.

"Good morning, babe." He says, glancing at me for a moment.

I stand up, already getting my things I left on the chair last night and pack them. The same routine I have been doing for the past week.

We both stay in silence, it's a weird silence, one that I'm not used to. I keep on doing my things and after some minutes I sit down to eat, but when I sit down he stands up, getting Jack's diaper bag to change him. I eat alone, I don't know what is going on with him.

After another few minutes of silence, when he is focused on dressing himself, I decide to break the silence. 

"Harry. Is there something wrong?" I ask, gaining his attention from my seat. My plate is almost empty. 

"No. Why are you asking?" He glances briefly at me, continuing to button his shirt. 

"You're awfully quiet." I point out, grabbing the toast in my plate and biting on it. "You're never this quiet." 

"It's nothing." He shrugs, looking at himself in the mirror while he finishes with his shirt. 

I sigh, I know there's something going inside of his mind. I know him a lot and I sense it. 

"Harry." I call for him. I glance at Jack, he is distracted watching Peppa Pig on the iPad, so I stand up. "Don't lie to me." 

"Okay, alright. Yeah, there's something bugging me." He says, turning around, sighing. "I just don't understand why you want to run back home." 

"Baby, I already told you. It's too tiring for me." I say, it's also true. I sit down on the bed. 

"But next week we are going to be in Europe and it's going to be much easier." He says, he looks tired also. It's not that I'm remembering I didn't see him last night on the bed, it was very late. 

"Wait." I stop, frowning in deep thought. "Last night. Where were you? I woke up in the middle of the night and you weren't in bed." 

"I- I was having a drink with the crew." He says, moving his eyebrows up. "In the bar downstairs." 

"With the crew." I nod my head, turning around to finish packing. 

"Come on, don't be like this again." He says, moving to be in front of me. "Why are we even arguing about this? Everyone was there." 

"It's okay. I don't mind." I say, truthfully. "You have all the right to go for a drink."

"But-?" He looks at me, I sigh, returning the stare. 

"But it was very late." I say, I'm tired of fighting with him. It has happened a lot lately and I don't understand why. "I seriously can't keep up with this lifestyle. I need to go back home." 

"Sienna. Can I ask you something?" He says, stopping my hands from folding Jack's clothes. "I need you to be completely honest." 

"Of course." I say, looking at him. He looks somehow, sad. 

"Am I not making you happy?" He asks, the question takes me by surprise. 

Why is he even asking me this? 

"What?" I chuckle, moving my head back. But when I open my mouth to respond, I take a moment to think. 

Am I being happy right now with him? 

"Please answer me." He looks at me, holding me with both of his hands in my shoulders. 

"Right now, no." I say, lowly. I hate to say it to him. "I love you. I love what you do, you're amazing on a stage. I love that you have a supportive crew and a lot of loving fans. And I thought I was able to join you and have fun around you, but- I'm not having fun. I'm actually very tired." 

A few months ago, when I didn't know I was pregnant, the thought of joining him on tour was an amazing idea. I loved the fact of visiting multiple cities and having the chance to live it with him. But right now, seeing him distracted with everything happening around, actually not being present most of the times, is not as fun as I thought it would be. It's tiring, also. 

I really need to rest, he needs to understand that. And I support him, I do. But I constantly see Jack getting more tired at the end of each day, and I haven't rested well in the whole week. I have another reason that keeps me awake, but it's not just that. It's the constant moving. It's very tiring.

"Then. What do you want me to do to make you happy?" He run his hands down to hold both of mine. "All I want in life is to make you, and Jack, and this future bean, the most happiest people on this Earth." 

I grin to a side, he is seriously the cutest man. 

"I can't ask you to do anything, Harry. This is your job, you have to stay here and finish the tour." I say, holding his hands and moving them to my chin. "I will go back home and I will wait for you there. It's better for the three of us-" I point down to my belly and to Jack laying on the bed. "To be settled in one place. And that place is our home."

He smiles, moving my face closer and placing a kiss on my forehead. 

"Okay." He whispers, staying close to me. "It's just two months, baby. I will go visit when I have the chance. But it's going to get harder to do that." 

"I know, and I understand." I say, I know it's going to get hard. Before Europe he is going to Asia, it's going to be difficult for him to go visit from there. It's a long journey. "But we can go through this." 

"I know. I'm-" He stops, smiling and pulling me into a hug. He looks down at me. "I'm just going to miss you. All of you." 

"We are going to miss you too." I say, giving him a reassuring smile. He places a kiss on my lips, and then, he kneels in front of me. 

I tilt my head to a side, but then he moves my shirt up, looking directly at my belly. 

"Hey, bean. I know you're there and you're too small to respond to me." He says, still staring at my belly button. "But be good to mummy, okay? Don't make her get dizzy or get her puke. She doesn't like that." 

I chuckle, smiling widely at him. He then continues. 

"And don't grow too much. Well, no- Yeah, please grow a lot." He smiles, I'm really going to miss him. "I want to feel your kicks the next time I see you, okay?" 

"I'm sure bean will kick the next time you see us." I respond for the both of us, placing my hands over his in my stomach. 

"And please, be a girl." He says, smiling and coming forward to place a kiss on my stomach. Then he whispers to it, "I love you." 

"Come here." I make him stand up, holding his face close to mine. "You're going to make me cry." 

"I love you." He says now to me.

"And I love you." And with that I go forward and kiss him, deeply, and getting lost in the kiss. 

I don't know what I'm going to do without him, I'm going to miss him tremendously. But we both know this is for the best. He needs to stay on tour and I need a peaceful environment to be able to rest. I'm glad he now understands. 

I'm really going to miss him. 

-

 We said goodbye in the airport in Brazil, Harry had to stay there for his concert tomorrow. And me, I landed an hour ago in Los Angeles with Jack. I headed back home as soon as we landed,  I was extremely tired for spending almost twenty hours in airplanes in the past day. But I'm happy because I know it's the last flight I will to take in some time. 

Last night when I arrived home, I took a warm bath with Jack and after feeding him, we both fell asleep almost instantly. We were both very, very tired. 

And this morning, I decided to get ready to finally face that something that has been bothering for the past week, one of the reasons I needed to come back home, apart of being tired of moving around. 

It's better if I just face it. 

I dress Jack and myself, take the car and drive to his rehabilitation center. It was kind of the long drive, more than forty minutes, but everything here is a long drive. 

I finally arrive, I take Jack out of his chair and take him with me, along with his diaper bag. 

"Are you ready to visit an old friend, monkey?" I ask him while I walk to the entry, he is in a good mood today, maybe he got a good night sleep last night. 

In the reception area I say I come to visit a friend that's is a patient here and they make me fill a form. They ask a few questions just to see if I have anything dangerous on my bag, but I only have baby stuff in here. The nurse behind the desk tells me to follow her to his room. And I do. 

We arrive to his room, I stand behind the door seeing him through the little window in the door. It pains me to see him like this, I never thought it was going to get so serious for him. She asks me if I'm ready to enter and I nod my head. She opens the door for me and enters with me. 

"Good morning Jake. Look who came to visit." The nurse says to him, he moves his face to look at me. He looks very pale, big black spots under his eyes. 

"Sienna." He smiles, I smile back, containing back my tears. This is difficult for me, but I needed to face it and do something to help. He's alone, he doesn't have anyone else. 

"Hi." I go, and sit in the chair next to his bed. I sit Jack on my lap, and when I go to hold Jake's hand, I notice the bandages around his wrists, I stop my hand from holding his. He is also tied to the bed, it's strange to see him like this.

"It's okay, it doesn't hurt that much." He says, moving his wrists showing me he has full movement on both of them. 

"Careful there, Jake." The nurse says, checking the serum attached to his needle. "You're still sore." 

"I know, Janice. I know." He says, he gives her a smile. 

"I will leave you guys alone." The nurse says, going to the door. "There's a button next to the bed if you need me." 

"Thank you." Jake says, letting a sigh out. 

I remain quiet, now holding his hand and looking at him. He looked so normal the last time I saw him at the party. I knew there was something bothering him but I never expected him to be depressed, that he wanted so bad to end things and that he felt like he didn't have another escape than this. 

I feel so bad for not answering his calls last week, he needed help and he was asking me. But I never answered until it was too late. 

He did it on Sunday night, while Harry was on stage. I had the chance to answer the phone but for my surprise, it was the hospital calling me. Apparently he did it in a hotel, he was playing loud music and someone put a complaint. Someone from the hotel went to check on him and when he didn't answer the door, they came in and found him in the bathroom floor with the door open. He was unconscious, he lost a lot of blood.

He put me in his emergency numbers. I needed to do something, I can't leave him alone when he needs someone. 

"How are you holding up?" I ask, giving him a reassuring smile. "No lies." 

"I'm fine, really." He says, looking at me. He moves his eyes to Jack and smiles. "He is so big. I'm glad you're here, Sienna. Thank you." 

"It's the least I could do." I say, stopping and glancing at his hands again. Poor Jake. I can't even imagine his pain. 

"You're the only one that has come here, you know?" He says, moving his eyes away and looking at the window. "Not even my family." 

"I'm here now, let's focus on that. You're not alone anymore." I say, pressing his hand in a reassuring way. "And I'm not going anywhere." 

He looks at me and we both share a sad smile. 

I really don't know how is Harry going to react to this when I finally build the guts to tell him. I hate to hide things from him, but this time it's different. I don't have a choice. I really hope he can understand. 

He has to understand. 

-

A/N: Phuck this chapter was a rollercoaster. I actually got so stressed writing it and so sosososo so sad. 

I watched Loving Vincent the other day and thought about Jake and, I don't know, felt inspired by it 

(Jake is Douglas Booth, if you didn't know) 

Well, I love you all. Have a great weekend!