Today is a sad day. Harry is leaving because his tour starts tomorrow. Its a moment we have been dreading but I think we knew we couldn't just act normally. I've been trying to keep a happy face for him but its hard, I'm going to see him only one weekend every two weeks, I'm going to miss him.

At least, the last couple of days have been very therapeutical for me. Miranda has helped me accept my pregnancy and my problems, in fact I'm going to see her today after he leaves for the airport.

Yesterday, we had kind of a "goodbye" day, even when its not technically a goodbye.

I thought about going out to the beach, the three of us and have a picnic. He agreed, I also convinced him to leave his phone at our place so we didn't have any distractions.

We went to Jeff's place, he's out of town so we borrowed his house. His house is right in front of the beach so its like a private beach just for us. We arrived in the morning, food in a basket, towels, drinks and toys to hang out in the sand the whole day. We set up an umbrella to have a little shade for the baby.

Jack knows to sit by himself now and he really likes to play with the sand, it was funny because he tried to eat it a hundred times. He also tried to escape from us and go near the shore a few times, he's becoming so agile crawling. He looked so cute in his little red bathing suit.

We played, had a swim and just had fun overall. Yesterday I forgot about my problems, our problems. It was wonderful.

There was one specific moment that I want to rewind and stay there for the rest of my life. It was right after having a small lunch.

We had veggie tacos that I prepared earlier, Jack was sleeping in a towel next to us, and Harry was laying next to him with his head in my legs. He was touching the small bump in my stomach, so small its barely there.

"Have you wondered what it could be?" He asked lowly, his eyes so bright and lips dark pink from the sun.

"Of course." I responded, moving my hand to his tangled locks of hair. His hair is getting pretty long. "I think... Its going to be a boy."

"Another little boy?" He smiled, hope in his voice. "Can you imagine another little angel like Jack?"

"Another little blessing." I smiled with him. It was the first time in a long time that I felt happy, truly happy.

Step by step I've been accepting the idea of being pregnant again. I'm comfortable in my body and the thought of having another baby its starting to bring a smile to my face, not tears like it used to.

"But what if... It's a girl?" He moved his hand over my stomach, tracing his fingers over it, right next to the H in my pelvis.

"You want a girl." I said, stating the fact.

"Busted." He softly laughed, coming forward and placing a kiss on my belly. "I do want to have a girl."

"It would be awesome to have a little princess with us. Jack would protect her." I closed my eyes, I felt so much joy inside of me.

"She would be the light of my eyes." He said, making me smile. "But... Whatever the little bean turns out to be, would make me the happiest in the world."

"Me, too." I said, enjoying every single detail of that moment.

The dry sand in my feet, his head near my stomach, his curls tickling my legs, his fingers caressing the skin of my pelvis, the warm feeling of sun in my cheeks, Jack sleeping right next to us after playing the whole morning with us, it was a little paradise on earth.

But now, minutes from saying goodbye to each other, I just want to rewind time.

Harry is in the couch with Jack on his lap, they're watching the end of Toy Story II, when they introduce Jessie to the other toys. I know Harry likes this movie only for the animated bloopers at the end. When I come closer I notice Harry is typing in his phone, but after discussing about it a few times this past week I realized he's just busy, I understand.

I look at them and can't help but smile. They're perfect. My baby is perfect and so is his father. Jack is getting so big with each day that sometimes I feel like every time I blink he's doing something new.

Finally the bloopers come and Harry puts his phone down and starts laughing almost instantly. I decide to join them and sit next to them. Jack moves to me right away, leaving Harry's lap.

"Mrs. Potato is the best." He says in a chuckle. "You remind me of her."

"Okay, I know you're saying this because I made you pack the sunscreen." I look at him.

"Babbabba." Jack babbles, I move my hand over his head.

"Yup. It doesn't make sense, I'm not planning to go tan." He says in a tone.

"Okay, you're going to really warm places. Argentina, for example. Its summer over there." I say as a matter-of-fact. "You'll thank me."

"Aha." He rolls his eyes playfully at me.

Just in time his phone starts ringing. When he answers he confirms is the car that is picking him up. Shit. He's leaving.

We both stand up, Jack resting in my hip as I walk behind him to the door. He has a bit of my hair in his mouth, I gently pull it out, all wet. Harry only has one bag, the rest of his stuff is already with the rest of the crew stuff. They travel with like, six enormous boxes with everything they need, its crazy.

Harry stops at the door and looks at me. His eyes are sad, gleamy.

"Two weeks. Only two weeks." He says, moving his hands to hold the sides of my face. "Okay?"

"I know." I nod, feeling the tears form in my eyes but I push them back. "Just two weeks."

"Yeah." He gives me a one sided smile, coming forward and rounding me with his arms. "Two long fucking weeks, though."

"Language." I whisper, hugging him back with only one arm.

When he finally releases me he holds Jack and gives him a tight hug, kissing him on the head and giving him back to me.

"Be good to mummy, alright? You're the man of the house while I'm gone." He says jokingly, muffling the bit of hair on his hair. "Take care of her and your future sister."

"Or brother." I give him a smile. "We'll take care of each other."

"I'm going to miss you, babe." He says, moving his hand to my face and running his thumb down my cheek.

"Me too. Only two weeks, two." I reassure him, my free hand holding his shirt to move him close to me. "Have fun and give the best of you. Keep me updated, okay?"

"I will, I promise." He says, his face close to mine. "Facetime every night?"

"Done deal." I say right before he moves forward to kiss me.

Its just a peck, a strong deep kiss that neither of us want to let go of. When he finally moves back he rests his forehead in mine, my eyes still closed.

"I love you. With all of me." He whispers, I want to cry but I'm not letting myself cry because of this.

"And I love you." I open my eyes, looking directly into his eyes. "More than I'm capable of."

We hear a hunk and that's our cue to separate.

"Alright." He breathes, taking his bag and hang it on his shoulder.

He kisses Jack one more time and then he kisses me on the cheek, he knows if he kisses me on the lips again it will take him more time to go.

"Go conquer the stages, Styles." I say, his hand on the doorknob.

"I will, princess." He winks at me, opening the door. "Two weeks."

"Two weeks." I smile at him, seeing him step outside.

We don't say goodbye, I think its better that we don't because its not a goodbye.

He leaves and in less time that I expected, I'm alone in this big house. I take a deep breath, everything seems so quiet already.

Two weeks. I repeat in my head, trying to reassure myself that its going to be just a short time.

-

In the afternoon I prepared myself and left for my appointment with Miranda, Jack is with me this time for obvious reasons. I'm actually excited she's going to meet him, maybe that would give her some inside on my motherhood side.

Its been a few days since our last meeting. We were discussing how to work on my relationship with Harry, because I told her we were having communication issues, he was always on his phone and when we were together he was always distracted. She made me realize he's busy but she also gave me advice on how to deal with it. Like yesterday, when I gently asked him to leave his phone. It worked, and we had an amazing day.

Finally Miranda calls me in and she looks happy when she notices I'm with Jack.

"Oh my Lord, look who's here!" She says with sincere excitement in her voice. "Is this Jack?"

"The one and only." I say smiling, the baby on my hip. "Say hi monkey. With your hand!"

He's learning how to wave, sometimes he do it and sometimes he don't. He's distracted right now, every time we're in a new place he gets distracted.

"He's so dreamy! Look at those eyes." She motions for me to come inside and I do, going to my usual seating spot.

"His father eyes, what can I say." I giggle, sitting down and placing the diapers bag on the floor.

She offers me a drink and I accept water. Then, she sits down, this time she takes a seat closer to me. She has no notepad this time, she's starting to write things down in our appointments. Officially this is the fifth visit I give her, I really feel like she's helping me.

"So... How are you today, Sienna?" She asks me, I give Jack his toy, it plays a piano melody he really likes and keeps him distracted.

"I'm actually fine. I'm... relaxed. A bit sad but not as much as I thought I would be." I say, looking at her.

"Did Harry leave today?" She asks, crossing her leg.

"He did. It wasn't that hard." I say, meaning it. "I think I can handle two weeks by myself."

"What did you arrange for the baby?" She asks interested. I mentioned to her that I was going to discuss it with him the last time I was here.

"Well, he's going to stay with him two weeks after we meet and then he's coming with me the next time we do." I explain. Harry was not in favor of doing this arrangement but he had to understand that I also need time for myself. He called Lucy and she was more than happy to help him while he performs and everything. He finally agreed, he knows its his responsibility to take care of him, too. "If I decide to join him for a few days then it'll be easier."

"I'm glad you two are working things together. Its very important for both of you to be involved." She says, really caring for us.

Then she moved the conversation and started asking me of my plans for these upcoming weeks. I told her that I got a new laptop, only to work on my writing. I told her that I wanted to join a reading club and maybe a writing club as well. I'm excited to start this new 'job', if we can call it that. She gave a number of a friend of hers, he teaches English literature and she thinks he could help me. Then, we ended up talking about my progress and how I've been dealing with my pregnancy lately.

"I'm actually impressed because with only five meetings you have come a long way." She smiles at me, a truthful smile. "You only needed a bit of advice and guiding here and there, I'm really glad to be helping you. You're a strong woman, Sienna."

"Thank you, Doc. I'm glad we found you, I also feel changed, in a good way." I say, taking the toy out of Jack mouth.

"I'm glad to hear that." She stands up, that means our time is over. "I think you're ready to go a week by yourself, Jenny will call you to set a meeting two weeks from now but if you feel the need to meet me sooner don't hesitate to call me."

"I will, don't worry." I stand up as well, remembering to bring the bag with me. "I think two weeks from now sounds great."

"Take care then, Sienna. See you soon." She smiles while walking me to the door.

We say our goodbyes and in no time I was in the car driving back home.

-

Having to take care of Jack on my own actually takes a lot of my time. Now that I have to keep an eye on him all the time I get a little to no time for myself at all.

After giving him a bath and a bottle, in just minutes he fell asleep. He's been agitated the whole night but it always helps to sing him a song. I may not have Harry's amazing vocals but he seems to like my singing, it calms him too.

Now, after taking a shower myself, I go to the kitchen to get something to eat. I have my phone and the monitor with me. I haven't heard a word from Harry since he stepped inside of the plane.

He must have landed at least two hours ago, if not more, and still not a word. I try to keep in mind that he's busy, he has a lot of things to do in every country they visit. Interviews, promo, signings, etc. A lot of things.

After waiting the whole night for his call, or even a text, I fall asleep, the phone next to me on the bed.

-

I wake up in the middle of the night with my phone buzzing in the pillow. I sleepily check who it is and it's Harry, a facetime call. I answer, even when its this late.

"Harry..." I mumble, turning the lamp on. "Its one thirty in the morning."

"Shit, I forgot about time- zones." He says with a stop in the words. "I woke you, did I?"

"Mhm." I say, scratching my eyes. "What time is it there?"

"Late, I don't care." He smiles to the camera. I smile back at him. "I missed you. You're not here in bed with me."

"Are you in the hotel?" I ask, before yawning.

"I'm drunk." He says, he's not answering any of my questions and that explains it.

"Oh." I say, fighting a smile. "Why? What did you guys do?"

"Everyone wanted to go out to a club here after our endless interviews and I joined them. One drink led to the other aaaand... It was F-U-N." He looks up. "There's a fan on the roof."

"What?" I ask, not quite understanding all of the things he's saying.

"A fan!" He repeats, moving the camera. At first I thought about a girl, a fan girl, but this is a literal fan. "Why would they put a fan in here if... If there's AC?"

"Um, to use it instead of the AC to save energy?" I say just because I don't think of a better reason. I yawn in the middle of the sentence.

"Babe I miss youuu!" He sings ending with a high note, even drunk he sounds amazing.

"You should go to sleep, handsome." I say looking at him, his eyes look tired. He looks at me for a second and smirks.

"Handsome?" He bites his bottom lip. He rests on his side, his phone arm length on the pillow next to him. "Don't flirt with me, please."

"Why not? I can't help it." I grin, feeling like a young teenage girl talking to her first boyfriend on the phone.

"Well, because you are one ocean away from me and, fuck..." He chuckles, in a hot way, if that makes sense. "Now I'm ashamed. Booze makes me..."

"I know." I bite my bottom lip playfully, remembering the last time he was drunk and how touchy he was. We didn't do it that night but, he's always horny when he's drunk.

"Fuck, babe..." He throws his head back, closing his eyes. "Don't do this to me."

"You know, now that I'm thinking of it, when was the last time we had sex?" I ask, straight to the point.

He yawns before answering. "I can't even remember... That means..." He still has his eyes closed. "That you got to get your ass here in the next flight."

"I think we can wait." I say, he looks too cute being sleepy.

"Babe..." His voice sounds lower, almost like a mumble. "We need to... Do the spanky..."

"The spanky?" I laugh, I can almost hear his calm breathing through the phone.

"Harry?" I ask after a couple of seconds of not hearing answer. "Harry...?"

I stare at him and realize he fell asleep with the phone in his hand, he's even snoring very softly, like he always do. I look at him for long seconds, I want to imagine that he's right here with me. It's strange to not have him here in the bed with me after being so used to it.

Closing my eyes, hearing his breathing, I start to drift away easily. It feels like he's right here with me and that gives me some peace to of mind.

And then, suddenly, it hit me. An idea.

A writing idea.

I sit up on the bed, our call still going.

"Thank you babe. I love you!" I say even when he's sleeping. I end the call and stand up, getting my laptop from the desk in our room.

I open it and start writing, words coming out of my fingers easily. I have never been this inspired before. I hope it turns out good, I really do.

-

A/N: kind of small chapter but I needed to write and yeah, I needed a calm chapter wby

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