Friday finally came after a couple of days of doing the same things we always do. Harry going to the studio, I went with him the night before Anne left but they were too focused on the music so I didn't go with him the next days. We went out to eat, like we always do. We took care of Jack and just stay in the routine. Harry's been busy a lot lately so I'm the one mostly taking care of him.

I've been trying to keep myself busy, I found myself alone a big part of this week so I needed something to stay focused on. With Harry here but coming home late and leaving early in the morning to the studio, it was like he wasn't actually here.

I bought some books and been reading again, I missed it. I used to enjoy reading before I got pregnant and I realized I never do it anymore, so I decided to do it again. It really entertains me, specially mystery novels where you just want to keep reading and reading until everything is solved.

But, if I have to be honest, I'm happy Friday is finally here because I have my second appointment with Miranda, my therapist. I really liked talking with her last time. It... It was good to talk with someone so easily, not feeling judged or anything. Its like a safe space for me.

And I know I have plenty of people who I can talk freely, like Harry and my mom, Molly, even Anne. But, its different to talk with an specialist, share literally every thought in my mind not having to think twice.

My appointment is set to begin in an hour and I'm already planning on leaving. For my luck Harry is still home but is about to leave as well.

"Are you sure you have everything in the diapers bag?" I ask Harry, checking my surroundings to see if something's missing. "Bottles? A change of clothes? Diapers? A toy?"

"Yes, yes, and yes. Don't worry." He says to me in a chuckle. "I have everything under control."

"Just checking." I say, moving my hands up. "Are you sure you can take him to the studio?"

"I guess so, he's quiet most of the times." He says holding Jack on his waist. "Do you want to... Go for food after your appointment? Maybe greek?"

Yup, always the same.

"Yeah, sure." I say, grabbing my purse. "See you then. Goodbye my boys." I peck Harry on the lips and smooch Jack before I go to the door.

"Bye love." He says bringing a smile to my lips before I close the door behind me.

I get in the car and start driving, the LA traffic awaiting for me. It took me forty minutes to get to the clinic when it should have taken twenty minutes. When I step outside I think about what questions will surface today, last time it was mostly focused in my past and not so much in my present.

The reception area that looks like a living room is empty, only me and the assistant focused on some papers. I let her know I arrived and she told me to wait for the doctor's call. I sit patiently, looking around the room.

I wonder how many people have been in this room before, with many different problems than mine. Where they excited to meet with Miranda, too? Where they afraid?

"Sienna?" I hear my name being called and I see Miranda outside of her office, looking at me.

"Yes." I say, standing up. She signals me to follow her inside and I do as so.

She receives me just like the last time, asking me to sit down wherever I feel more comfortable and offered me a drink, that I gently refused. This time, she has a notepad in her hand, taking my attention instantly because she said she didn't use notepad during the interview.

"You have a notepad." I say, pointing it out.

"I do. Does it make you uncomfortable?" She looks up at me. "I can put it away."

"No, I don't mind. It's just... The last time you said..." I start saying but she continues for me.

"I know, I just don't want to miss a single thing from this interview. Is that okay with you?" She smiles at me, and I nod.

"Yeah." I say, crossing my fingers together over my crossed knees.

"We can start then." She says, moving her glasses from her head to her nose. "How are you today, Sienna?"

"Good, I guess?" I bite my bottom lip, now realizing I haven't thought of what to say when I arrived. I was hoping for her to ask me something more, deep.

"What about the past few days? After the last session?" She digs, still with that voice that invites you to keep talking.

"Great. Same as always." I look down at my hands. "Um... Do you... Do you sometimes feel like you're trapped in a routine? And... Like... It tires you?"

"It happens often, to everyone in fact." She adds, a pen in her hand.

"I've been feeling like that a lot lately." I explain, thinking. "Its always the same, its tedious. Waking up, feeding Jack and making breakfast for Harry and me, or sometimes he cooks. He leaving for the studio, me staying home with the baby. Me staying the whole day alone, doing whatever comes to my mind. Him coming home late when I'm already sleeping. Then, one of those days we decide to do something different and still end up doing the same things, going out for dinner or just watching a movie the two of us when Jack is sleeping."

"And does that make you feel tired, Sienna?" She looks at me. "Tired of the routine? Or tired of him?"

"What?" I blink a few times. "Tired of the routine, of course." I say like its the most obvious thing to say. "I just wish things were different sometimes."

"How would you like things to be then?" She moves the notepad away, crossing her legs.

"Well..." I uncross mine, relaxing on the sofa. "Sometimes I wish we were like normal people. Okay, we are normal people but, you know, like people with normal lives." I chuckle, this must sound insane. "I don't think I'm explaining myself. People with normal responsibilities, like, with normal jobs. Do you know what I mean?"

I start thinking about the pressure I feel every time we go out. The pressure of getting caught by paps or just running into some fans of him. Hiding Jack, hiding our faces. Hiding. Even if we don't have to hide anymore.

"I understand." She nods her head, looking pensive. "You told me last time that he was a singer. Is that right?"

"Yes." I respond.

"And do you think if he had a 'normal' job your life would be less tedious, less like a routine?"

"I..." I open my mouth but realize she does have a point. Nothing comes out of my mind because it has me thinking. "I don't think so."

"I think he has a pretty interesting job, don't you think?" She says, just like a friendly remark.

"I guess you're right." I chuckle again. I may sound insane saying that I wish he had a different life.

"What about you, though? You have never mentioned a job." She points out, moving her glasses up holding her hair back.

"Uh, its because I don't have one." I shrug, closing my mouth.

"When was the last time you had one?" She looks interested in my answer, it really is easy to talk to her.

"Um, I think before I had Jack, it was something provisional, just to save money for the baby." I say, trying to remember.

"Would you like to go back to having a job, Sienna?" She grabs her glass of water, taking a sip.

"Yeah, of course but, its not like I can." I push my hair back off my shoulder. "I have Jack and I'm pregnant again, I don't have time to look for a job."

"I see." She says, taking her notepad and writing something down. "But... What about something that you can do at home?"

"Like what?" I ask while looking at her hand moving the pen.

"I don't know, there are plenty of things you can do from home." She says, moving the pen in the air. "You can counsel, sell, manage, rent, and more."

I stay quiet, none of those things look interesting for me.

"What hobbies do you have lately?" She asks, bringing my attention back to her.

"I... I bought a few books this week. I have always loved reading." I grin, having something in mind. "I... I always wanted to be a writer, actually."

"What's stopping you?" She smiles at me. "You can do that from home, its a job like every other."

"You're right, I can start writing." I say, feeling confident.

Out of a sudden, there's a knock on the door and it instantly opens, Miranda's assistant steps inside with the phone in her hand.

"I'm sorry to interrupt Miranda, but we have a 1-4-6 happening with Jackson, he's at the emergency room." She looks worried while Miranda looks totally calm.

"It was just a matter of time." She says, sounding more like a 'I-Told-You-So' phrase. "Sienna, I'm so sorry, but I have an emergency to attend."

"Oh, okay, I understand, yes." I say as she stands up and I do right after her.

"I'm really sorry, we can continue some other time, okay?" She says professionally. "Jenny will call you to set an hour and a date, alright?"

"Alright." I say, taking my purse. "So..."

"Take care, Sienna." She gives me a smile, taking her white coat from her assistant. I start walking to the door when she says, "Oh, and work on that writer thing. It looks interesting."

"I will, doctor. I will." I say, right before leaving her office.

-

Just like he offered, we went for food after my appointment with Miranda. He was at the studio as a quick run so we decided to met at the restaurant, I had to wait for a bit because I left too early from the appointment. He arrived with Jack in the car seat, he's peacefully sleeping. A long day for him too.

We ordered our food and our drinks as soon as he arrived but he received a call, so I've been more focused in the straw of my iced tea instead of his conversation.

After some long minutes he hangs up, returning his attention back to the table.

"I'm sorry, they keep calling..." He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. "A rough week of recording."

"I understand, don't worry." I say, moving my hand over the table to hold his hand. "How was your day?"

"Great, awful, fine." He opens his eyes, holding my hand as well. "We already finished rehearsing and recording, we're just doing touch ups here and there."

"Sounds great for me." I say, feeling his thumb caressing my skin.

"I think we're ready to start the tour next week. I'm really excited." He smiles, looking at me with those eyes that kill me every time.

"I'm glad to hear that." I return the smile, even when the idea of him leaving for tour doesn't seem that appealing to me.

"How was your appointment today? You seem to really like Miranda." He says, moving his hand away from mine to take a piece of bread into his mouth.

"I do, she's really nice and... Professional." I move my hand to my drink once again. "Even though, our session was interrupted by something she called an emergency from another patient."

"An emergency?" He asks with a chuckle.

"A 1-4-6 said her assistant." I laugh, remembering that monster from Monters Inc. yelling the numbers. "But its okay, it was still a very helpful session."

"Yeah? What did you talk about with her?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Um, things." I say, thinking about everything I said about the routine being tedious. "I... I think I'm going to start writing."

"Writing?" He asks, just when his phone starts ringing again. "Um, I'm sorry."

He holds his phone and looks at it thinking if to answer it or not.

"You can answer it, I understand." I reassure him, giving him half a smile. "Work is work."

"Thank you, babe." He says, standing up from the table and answering the phone, walking away from the table.

I sigh when he leaves, this is hard. Having him here but at the same time not. How is it going to be when he's on tour? I'm not planning on going with him to every city, its tired. How am I going to take care of Jack on my own?

The food arrived to our table while he was taking the call so I started eating alone, just like every other night this week. I eat only half of my food, I feel like if I eat the second half I'm going to get sick, its been happening lately. Perks of being pregnant. You feel hungry all the time, but you can't eat all the food you want because you end up throwing up.

After ten minutes he arrives to the table, I already finished eating, thinking of having my leftovers to go.

"I'm sorry, again." He sits down, placing his phone in his pocket. "No more interruptions, I promise."

"Okay." I say, forcing a smile on my face.

"What were you saying before I left?" He grabs his knife and starts cutting his beef, taking small bites like if he's rushed.

"Um, I don't remember." I say, even when I do. "Can I ask for the check? I... I want to go home, I'm tired."

"Yeah, I agree. Me too." He says, leaving almost all his food untouched. "We can go now if you want."

So, we leave. He grabs Jack and we pay for the food, leaving right away. The drive is silent, simply because I don't know what to say, and because he's being quiet, too. When we arrive home I take Jack and lay him down on his crib, leaving his door half open just in case he wakes up.

When I enter to our room, Harry is writing something on his phone while sitting on the bed. I walk directly to the closet, taking off my clothes and grabbing the first shirt I find and putting it on, going to the bathroom to wash my face.

Still, not a single word is pronounced in the room.

As I said before, he's here but at the same time, he's not.

I return to the room and he is still focused on his phone, I sigh and get inside of the bed, getting his attention.

"Hey, babe. Didn't see you coming inside." He says, moving his phone away and putting it on the side table.

"Um, well..." I lay down, accommodating the pillow in my head. "I'm going to sleep now."

"Hey, stay up a little bit more." He scoots closer to me, laying behind me. "I haven't seen you much this week."

"Harry, I'm tired." I say, not being that tired to go to sleep but tired enough to just want to remain quiet. "Let's sleep."

"Is something happening?" He asks me lowly, right to my ear.

I shake my head, my eyes looking down.

"Baby..." He turns my body gently so I can face him. He moves a piece of my hair out of my face, so delicately.

"Nothing's happening. I just... Want to sleep." I try to sound convincing, and I think I achieve it.

"Okay." He half grins, coming forward and pecking my lips. "Sweet dreams then."

"Thank you." I say, smiling and closing my eyes.

-

I'm rushed to the hospital, I've been bleeding the whole night. I had to drive myself, there was no one at home when I noticed I was bleeding in the bed. I took Jack with me, running inside of the emergency room with difficulty, screaming for help. They put me down in a bed, taking Jack away from me.

"We'll take care of him, miss." A nurse says to me, while a doctor is checking my pulse. I feel like I'm going to puke and pass out. I feel horrible.

"It hurts so much, doctor." I ask, feeling cold sweat all over my body. "Am I going to be okay? Is the baby going to be okay?"

"The baby? Are you pregnant?" They ask in a rush while I go inside of countless rooms.

"Yes! Tell me I'm going to be okay." I beg, feeling tears already leaving my eyes. I feel frightened, weak and confused. What is happening?

"Do you have anyone we can call to notice?" A nurse asks me while another one is inserting a needle in my arm. "A family member? A friend?"

"I... I have a boyfriend... My phone!" I say, feeling a tremendous pain in my stomach, flinching in the act. "My phone, I left it in the car!"

"We have to check on the baby first, it must be in danger." The doctor says to the nurse, bringing a machine rapidly. "Pressure is too low, she's about to pass out. I need cold water!"

"Miss, I need a name, please." A nurse asks me, her phone in my hand. I try to breathe in and out, trying to focus on not passing out. I feel weak, too weak. I try to mumble, but nothing comes out.

"H-Harry..." I say, but I'm not sure if it comes out. "Harry..." I say again.

"Sienna, Sienna! A name!" The nurse shouts getting my attention. "Sienna!"

And I wake up, Harry shaking my shoulders calling my name for me to wake up.

"Sienna! Sienna wake up!" He shouts, moving me.

I'm covered in sweat, when I finally wake up I sit up instantly, screaming and checking if there's blood between my legs, but for my luck everything's in order, it was just a dream. It was just a a dream. I'm okay. I'm at home. I'm okay.

He hugs me when he notices I'm shaking, running his down up and down my shoulders.

"Shh, shh. I'm here, I'm here baby, I'm here." He says, holding me tightly. "It's okay, I'm here."

After some minutes I calm down, realizing it was just a dream. I'm breathing normally now, my body temperature and heart rate are back to normal. Harry doesn't let me go and for that I'm glad, I need to feel close to him.

Its been a long time since the last time I had a nightmare, it doesn't happen often and when it does is because I'm worried about something. And I think I know exactly what this nightmare means.

"You weren't there." I say when I feel ready to speak. "In the dream, you weren't there."

"But I'm here now, okay?" He moves my face too look at him. "What was it about?"

"I... I had to go to the hospital, it looked... It looked like a miscarriage." I say, the words bringing pain to my chest. "And you weren't there, I was alone with Jack. I was bleeding so much, Harry. I was scared and alone."

"It was only a dream, okay? That's not going to happen." He says, taking my hand in his and surrounding me with one arm. "You're fine."

"I know but..." I look down, still feeling fright in my heart. "But what if something happens while you're not here? While you're on tour and I'm not with you?"

"What are you talking about?" He asks, turning to look at me.

"Its a possibility. Nothing's going to happen but, what if." I look at him with worried eyes. "I don't want you to be away, Harry. I don't want to be alone..."

"You're not going to be alone, ever. I'm always gonna be here." He reassures me but he still doesn't understand. "Even if I'm away, I'm always going to be here for you."

I stay silent, remembering the dream and the dinner we had, he was barely there. I remember the past week, even if he's here, he's not completely. I don't know what is happening to me, or why I'm feeling this way, we have been through this before but I have never felt him so distant or distracted by work this much.

"You're right." I decide to just push my thoughts away, I'm mentally tired to face it right now. "You're totally right."

"Let's go back to sleep, okay?" He places a kiss in my forehead, laying down again with me and rounding me with his arms. "We can still sleep for a few hours."

I don't say a word, I just lay there with my eyes open not being able to fall asleep again. I feel his embrace, and his breathing in my neck and it doesn't relaxes me like it used to in the past. Something's happening inside of me, and I don't like it.

-

A/N: Well, as you can see, this book is going to be a lot more focused on both of them rather than the band or anything else. In these chapters I want to give as much inside in their relationship as possible and focus in Sienna at the moment, because she's going through some problems inside and she will solve them eventually. We'll get there :) bare with me.

Love you! x