A week later

Feels strange to say it, but I'm used to my life once again. The doctors signed my release papers five days ago and I had the chance to re-learn how was my life. Little by little I have come to terms with me being a mom, I enjoy it. It's tiring though. Just imagine waking up and being a mom of two babies out of a sudden, it's a hell of a ride.

Jack behaves so well, I don't think he understands what is happening around him. Still, he just wanders around the house playing. He's an angel. With Ivy, it feels as if I'm learning to be a first time mom. From changing a diaper to making a bottle for her, putting her to sleep and waking up in the middle of the night for her. Being a mom its a tiring job but I have to say, it's beautiful.

Each day Harry tells me things of my past. He is making a board in our living room with pictures and places we have visited, so its easier for me to remember. There's pictures of me and Jack, pictures with him. Some things that he tells me sound like good memories, but there's one in particular that broke me. He told me that my dad died, my mom was with us that day. We both cried, I couldn't believe it. But there's nothing I can do about it, it happened long ago now. I'm still sad, to know that my dad is not around anymore.

I learned that I named our baby after him. So, I do have something that reminds me of him with me every day. 

Also, there's still no signs of having the chance of recovering my memory. I see the pictures and it feels like someone else is in them, not me. I'm getting used to the feeling. I'm forcing myself to think that that's me, period. I have to keep on living.

Right now, he is showing me footage of his tours and the process of recording his songs. I actually like their music, it makes you feel good, young and carefree. Some of them make you want to start dancing.

Instead of being focused on what he's showing me, I'm focused on him being all excited about this. He looks very proud of what he has accomplished, and I have to say, he is very talented. But not only as a musician, as a father, too. As my partner, also.

This whole week with him has been something I hope I never forget. For me, it was weird to come to a house that I don't really know, to be living with a boyfriend that I don't really know. He understood when I told him that I wanted my own space, and with that I mean, my own bed. He wakes up everyday with the purpose of helping me. He makes a lot of effort so I can be comfortable around the house. I think that he is trying to help me, little by little, grow feelings for him again, even if that's not the main reason he's doing this for.

But deep down, I have. Each time I look at him, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Each time I look at him playing with Jack or holding Ivy, I feel something, I'm still not sure what it is yet but it's something. By looking at him I know why I fell in love with him in the past.

I think love is a very strong feeling that is not easily forgotten. It can help you get through anything. I think it's our case.

And since I have been living in my own space, that means, we haven't kissed, yet. He has been so respectful of my space. But... I have thought about it. 

Sometimes I just stare at his lips while he tells me a story, and I get lost. Sometimes I get lost in his eyes instead. Or his hands, the way he always move them while he speaks. And he always touches his lips. Always.

I don't remember what falling in love feels like, but this could be it. Hell, I do feel butterflies when I look at him.

"This video, this is from San Siro, in Italy." He tells me, glancing at me and turning his eyes back to the screen. "It's of course edited, we did a two night show to make this movie. Do you want to watch the whole thing?"

I stare at him. Right now, we are both sitting on the floor resting our backs on the foot of the couch. Both kids are taking their afternoon naps, it's just me and him right now.

"Earth to Sienna?" He says moving his hand in front of me, waking me up from my daze.

"Sorry, what?" I blink a couple of times, focusing my eyes again, looking at his eyes.

"Do you want to watch this?" He asks with a smirk on his face. I turn to look at the TV, his friends are up on a stage, it's paused. I shake my head. "So... What do you want to do?"

I turn to look at him, I try to hide my smile.

"I... Nothing." I say, blushing. This is stupid.

"What?" He smiles, looking for my face as I hide it . "Tell me, don't be shy."

I turn to look at him. I just feel all giddy inside. I'm sure we have done this a million times but it feels like the first time for me. It's just a kiss, right?

"I wasn't paying attention... I actually was thinking of..." I say, biting on my bottom lip afterwards as I feel my cheeks flushing. "Kissing you."

He widens his eyes jokingly, placing his hand on his chest.

"Kissing me?! Sienna!" He jokes, making me laugh. "I'm offended. You haven't even taken me on a date!"

"Harry!" I laugh, he is just too much. He's adorable.

He chuckles, getting quiet after some seconds.

"Are you sure you're ready?" He asks, this time being serious. 

I actually don't know, but it is killing me. I nod my head shyly.

He scoots closer to me, I feel so nervous. He places a hand on the small of my back, scooting me even closer to him. Just his touch makes my skin burn. He then moves his hand to hold my face. He look at me, deeply. The same loving eyes that I have seen for the past few days. My lipst part just a tiny bit to get some air, I feel my heart accelerating on my chest.

I look down at his lips, they darkened in color. His pupils are also dilated.

But out of a sudden, we hear the slight crying of a baby. 

Ivy.

Harry chuckles, biting on his tongue.

"Don't worry, I'll go." He says, placing a kiss on my forehead instead and standing up, leaving me there, all heated up.

-

Right now I'm giving Jack a bath, it't part of his bedtime routine. A little lavander soap, dimmed lights and a peace environment. He really likes his baths. When I finish, I dry him and dress him, I have his bottle ready by his crib. I put him on his bed and give him the bottle, I turn on his lamp and I press play so he can keep listening to Beethoven.

He stays calm, so I leave the room leaving the door opened.

When I walk outside of his room, I find Harry by the table, already served. He's pouring a glass of wine, the food smells delicious, even from here.

"What is this?" I ask, walking closer to this scene.

"Well, I had an idea." He says, placing the glass down and grabbing the other. "To have a date. I wanted to try something different, maybe go out, we are always busy with the kids and everything so... Going out wasn't an option. Let's have it here."

I shyly smile. A date? Wow.

"Okay." I say, he comes forward to me and gives me the glass.

"Sit down, sit down. I will take care of everything." He says, moving the chair out for me to sit. "I will be right back, I'm just heating the meal I ordered."

He goes to the kitchen hurriedly and serves everything on two plate. He is faking an italian acccent as he tells me our menu: A chicken parmiggiana with pasta on the side, a kale ceasar salad and breadsticks. I love breadsticks. I can't control but chuckle at him while he speaks.

Did he always make me laugh? I feel like he did.

When he comes back with the plates, we both sit down. I stare at the wine, I'm sure I have drank wine before, I just, don't remember. I take the glass and take it to my nose, I sniff it and it smells vinegary. He notices me doing so. 

"You know you're old enough to have a drink, just try it." He says with a chuckle. 

I smile, nervously. I take the glass to my lips and have a taste. I move my tongue inside of my mouth once the liquid enters. I then swallow it. 

"How can people like this?" I say with a laugh. "It's... Not sweet."

"You will learn to like it. You used to like it very much." He says, grabbing his glass and taking a drink himself.

We then start eating. I don't even know what should we talk about. So far, I eat in silence, looking down at my plate.

"You know, I was thinking..." He says, getting my attention. "We should play a game of questions. If something comes to your mind, you ask me and I answer and so on."

"That sounds great. It's helpful." I say, stopping my fork from moving. "So... I start?"

"Hm." He says, taking a bite of his chicken.

"Okay." I say, taking a sip of the wine. "What's your favorite food?"

"Mmm. I like bread. In all shapes and froms. Sandwhich, toasts, french toasts, you name it." He says, taking a bite of his breadstick.

"What's your favorite... Movie?" I ask, taking a bite.

"Right now I'm obsessed with Pretty Woman. I know, I know." He chuckles, moving his hands up. "I'm a sucker for chick flicks."

I remember that movie. I love Julia Roberts.

"I love that movie." I point out. "I... I remember watching it somehwere. I think I was with a friend. Molly?"

Harry brings his eyebrows up. He stops moving his hands. I look at him, he looks shocked.

"Do you remember Molly?" He asks, surprised. I try to think deeper.

"She's blonde, petite, like me. I don't remember where we met, but... Huh- I remember her." I say, I look at him with confused eyes. "Who is she?"

"I believed you met her at college. Babe, if you remember her, out of a sudden, that's pretty good news." He says excitedly. I smile, he called me babe and I remembered something. "Do you remember where you lived with her?"

"Uh..." I think for a moment. "I think it was an apartment?"

"Yes! You did. Where was that apartment?" He asks and I stay quiet. There's nothing. I shake my head. "Well, it's progress. Take it slow."

"Tell me more. Maybe I remember something else." I say, and he continues.

He tells me I used to live in Miami with her, during my college years until Jack arrived. He told me I moved to London afterwards, for some time. I don't remember anything that he's telling me. He adds that he was on tour, so he wasn't around much for him to tell me. Then, he tells me that some things happened that made us go back together, not giving me any detail whatsoever, and finally he tells me that eventually we moved to Los Angeles.

It feels awful to have traveled the world and not remember a thing. I lived in amazing cities, and, there's not a single memory of it.

I stop eating just a few bites before finishing my plate. I'm angry, again, at this situation. Like so frustrated.

"What's wrong?" He stops talking, I turn to look at him. How does he know something is on my mind?

"I... I can't do this." I stand up, taking my plate to the kitchen.

"You didn't like the food?" He follows right after me. I stop, leaving my plate on the sink.

"No. I... I'm just tired. I need to sleep." I tell him but he stares at me.

"Sienna, I know you well, enough to say that I know you're hiding something to me." He takes a step closer to me. "What's wrong?"

I sigh, looking up at him.

"It upsets me. Sometimes I feel as if... If you were telling me the story of someone else." I say, letting everything out of my chest. "Why can't I remember?"

"Hey, it's okay. Maybe, maybe we have to go slow." He says, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Okay? Let's forget the past. No pun intended."

I giggle, that was kind of funny.

I nod my head, moving my eyes down to his lips without controling myself. His proximity is kind of intimidating, in a good way. Of all the things I wish to remember, I would really like to remember how his lips feel.

I place my hands on his chest, shyly. He watches me, as I just look at him. At his gaze. Then back at his lips. I feel his hand touching the skin of my neck and I feel heat burning inside of my skin. He moves closer to me and as an instinct, I move back, resting my back against the kitchen counter.

"Harry?" I say, in only a whisper, my hand reaching his face.

"Yes, love?" He breathes, I feel the air of his lips hitting mine.

"Kiss me." I say, and if it was a command, he obeys.

He kisses me for the first time for me. His lips feel so soft against mine, I close my eyes, closing my hand on his chest. He separates our lips after a moment, I open my eyes only to find him looking back at me. Why didn't I kiss him sooner? 

This time, it's me the one that closes the gap between us.

I kiss him again, his hand moves behind my neck as if to get more of my lips. I can't resist him. I feel his tongue against my bottom lip and I do the same thing, our tongues connect and I feel a million things. I think I moan, in the kiss. I run my hand through his messy, long hair, just wanting to... To get more of him somehow.

His hand moves to the small of my back and he pushes me against him, never separating our lips. I open my eyes in the mid of the kiss, because I have a flashback.

It's him on top of me, on a bed somewhere. The bed was so nice. I remember him looking at my stomach. Looking at my tattoo on my stomach. We were about to....

With one kiss he stops at my hipbones, opening his eyes and widening them.

"Sienna... What is this?" He says moving his finger over the ink in my left hip bone, tracing the outlines of the tattoo, I start giggling and blushing. This is going just as I planned. "Babe!"

"Surprise!" I say just when he pulls me down from my legs so our heads are facing, he has an enormous grin on his face, looking at me with his glowing eyes. "I wanted to do it for you, my first tattoo."

"It's an H." He says looking down and touching the tattoo again. "It's... It's an H!"

"For Harry." I take his face in my hands, moving him closer to kiss him. "My Harry."

"I love you so much." He says kissing me, rounding my body with his arms tightly. "So fucking much."

"And I love you, my birthday boy." I say, getting lost in the kiss. He hugs me like never before.

As an usual thing, I run my fingers in his long locks of hair, running my other hand down his naked back and stopping at his bottom, moving down the elastic of his sweats exposing him.

"Harry..." I stop him, moving back from the kiss. "My tattoo. It's an H."

I say, he looks at me with his pupils dilated, I feel like a prey under his gaze.

"What?" He breathes, I blink a few times.

"I remember, my tattoo... You, me, on a bed." I move my eyes away from him. "I tattoed an H for you. For your... Birthday?"

"Do you... Remember that?" He looks at me, his eyes go back to normal.

"We had... Sex." I say, suddenly remembering the feeling of it. Sex. It's too strange.

"We have two babies together." He laughs without controlling himself. "I think that was already clear."

"You know what I mean, that day. Your birthday." I say, excitedly. "I remember."

"Yes, baby." He looks at me. He comes closer and pecks my lips. "You're remembering, little by little."

"I am." I say with a smile on my face.

Suddenly, a phone starts ringing on the table.

"That's weird, no one has called me in the entire week." He says, leaving me in the kitchen to go answer his phone.

I stay in the kitchen, trying to compose myself.

"Jeff." He answers his phone, coming back to the kitchen. I look at him, he is frowning. "No. I don't know anything about it. What do- What?"

He turns around, resting his body against the wall.

"I don't understand. Why?" He closes his eyes, moving his hand to press his palm against his forehead. "Take care of it, I don't want anyone, specially her, to know."

I look at him, not understanding what is happening or what he's talking about. Judging by his posture or his face, I'm sure it's not something good.

"Whatever it takes." He says, and with that he hangs up the phone.

He doesn't look at me, he looks incredibly angry.

"What was it?" I ask, trying to get his attention.

He lets a huge breath out, shaking his head.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." He says to me, turning my way. He walks towards me, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Don't worry about anything."

"But what happened? You... You were angry." I look up at him. I may not remember our past but I still can worry about our present. He has been so nice to me, I'm only doing the same.

"I'm telling you, you don't have to worry." He simply states, his voices turns serious.

"Why? What was it? Just tell me!" I say, in the same tone.

"For Christ's sake Sienna!" He spats, moving away from me. "You wouldn't even understand because you don't remember anything, okay?"

I stay on my spot, it's the first time that I hear him yell and it isn't a nice thing to feel. 

This is the first time that I remember feeling angry at him or at someone. My eyes start to water, it's enough not knowing the past to make me feel useless in the present.

"Fine. Yell at the weirdo that lost her memory. Very cool of you." I say, walking out of the kitchen.

He groans at himself, following right behind me.

"Wait... I'm sorry. I... Sienna, please." He holds me by my arm but I move it away from him.

"Don't. I want to be alone." I say to him, reaching my room.

"I... I really am sorry." He says, standing a step from me. "Please trust me with this. I don't want you to worry."

"Don't worry about me. I wouldn't even understand, right?" I say and with that, I enter my room and close the door behind me.

I don't remember our past together to know if we used to fight like this, all I know is that it's a horrible feeling. I really feel lost, now more than ever.

How can I be so mad and so hurt by someone that I feel I know from just a week ago?

I hate this feeling.

-