I've been awake for an hour now and I can't sleep any more.

Chris is asleep with his arms around my waist and his head on my stomach.

I run my hand trough his dark hair. He looks so vulnerable in his sleep. Now I know why he loves watching me sleep. A sleeping person is the most beautiful sight.

I don't think I want to go to school tomorrow, cause I'm too tired. As much as I hate periods, I would be delighted to have it now.......I think.

The fact that I haven't seen it in tree months makes me anxious and I will remain restless until I know what the problem is.

Is something like that normal when you get on birth control? I don't think so....

What makes me more anxious is the fact that Dr Reed is gone and the person who is supposed to help me, is some sort of molester or abuser. However you want to call it.

I don't even know his name. He's so mysterious.

Is that how he treats all of his patients?

I don't think so. If that was the case he would have lost his license a long time ago.

I remember his expression when I snapped back at him. He was shocked. He wasn't expecting me to talk to him like that.

At least that's what I think happened.

Maybe he's a control freak. The kind that talks to people however they like and actually get what they want.

What if he's not that bad? Maybe he was just lost in the moment.

Will I ever see him again? Do I want to see him again?

I sigh.

I shouldn't. There is something about him, something mysterious and I want to find out what it is.

"NO, DON'T!!" My subconscious screams at me flashing a red light.

He was so demanding, he sounded impatient and he looked like someone who likes to be in control, but he sounded soft and kind at some point. Loving even....

Maybe he didn't mean any harm and even if he did I'm sure he's learned his lesson and he won't do it again.

"Stop being so naive" my subconscious rolls her eyes.

I sit there with my thoughts going wayward, my fingers in Chris' hair.

The alarm startles me and I jump out of my thoughts.

Chris is in the same position he was an hour ago and as a reaction to the alarm he tightens his grip on me.

"Turn it off" he says.

"Wake up Chris" I say trying to push him of me, but he doesn't budge.

"Chris you gotta go to school" I say a little louder.

"I don't want to go" he whines. His voice is thick of sleep and oh lord it sounds so sexy.

A guy's sleepy voice is seriously the sexiest shit you'll ever hear.

After trying to get out of his grip for ten minutes without any luck, I hear a knock on the door before my mother walks in. She's already dressed for work.

"Aren't you two going to school?"
Shit! She won't let us stay at home without a good reason. I need to think of something fast.

Uuuhh.....got it!

"I'm not feeling so well. I feel a little down because of yesterday. You know....uum...with the doctor" I whisper the last words to give my acting a little effect.

"Yeah, she's been up all night crying and I want to stay home to comfort her and be here for her. She really needs me and she can't stay home alone" Chris ads.

The idiot's been awake all along. Asshole!!

"You're my children and I can definitely tell when you're lying and not, so it's no use trying. You can stay at home this once, but this is the first and last time I'm letting this happen. I do have two conditions"

"Thank you!" Chris and I say at the same time.

"On what condition?" I ask.

"You'll cook me food today, because Cordelia is at her mother's and you have to get up and shower right now, cause you stink"

"Pancakes!" Chris exclaims.

"Pa...what.... I said food!!" My mom says in an arrogant tone.

"Great! Chris will cook and we will shower after Chris let's go of me, besides we don't stink"

"You do smell like the gutters. Now come on baby get up, you need to shower"she says running her hand trough Christian's hair.

"Jus five more minutes mommy" he whines. He's always such a baby when he's sleepy. My mom spoiled him way more than she did me.

"But I'm off to work. Won't you give me a hug before I go?"

He immediately let's go of me and gets to his feet to hug my mom. He held on to her for so long it felt like hours. He let's go and grabs my hand.

"Shower" he commands pointing to the bathroom with his other hand.

I give my mother a brief kiss on her cheek before she and Chris leave me alone in the room.

What in heavens name will I do at home all day?!

I was hoping to have some alone time, but now Chris will be home too......

I walk into my bathroom and turn the water on before I undress myself.

The water is warm and soothing against my body and it presses the upcoming headache back down.

I close my eyes and enjoy the moment.

Suddenly two strong arms wrap around my waist and I feel a hard chest against my back.

When I turn around Chris and I are looking each other in the eye.

"Looks like we have this giant house all to our self for now"

"I didn't hear you coming in here" I say and he chuckles while saying "I noticed"

Ten minutes later we're in the kitchen looking for something to eat.

Or let's just say I'm looking for something to eat, cause Chris has already helped himself to a big bowl of cereals.

"Won't you make me breakfast?" I ask sweetly while bathing my lashes at him.

"Hell no! Help yourself"

"Moron!"

I open the microwave and spot some sandwiches in there.

Hmmm....Lucky me!. Sandwich it is then.

I take them out and grab the peanut butter, the strawberry jam and a box of pineapple juice.

We eat in silence before Chris decides to break it.

"So what did the idiot of a gynecologist say? Did he find the problem? Are you pregnant?"

"For the millionth time Chris. I. Am. Not. Pregnant." I roll my eyes.

"Oh...... I wouldn't mind a mini you or me"

I was just taking a sip of my juice and I spit it out in shock. What the hell is he saying!!

He has a small smile on his lips.

"You're not serious" I state, my voice is low.

"Actually I'm very serious" he says looking me deep in the eye.

Oh my God he's serious! What am I supposed to say to him? Is he crazy or something? I think he's had too much cereals.

"Christian...... I don't... What the fuck are you talking about?.....I mean...we're..... We're not ready to become patents........you're twenty three years old and I'm just twenty two, you do realize that right" I stutter trying to find the right words.

"I'm twenty three, so and? 15 and 16years olds become parents every day" he shrugs.

Oh lord he's running mad. He's going nuts.

"Christian we're not a couple.... We're not in a relationship"

"You know what forget I ever said any of this........I understand what you mean"

I nod yes and an uncomfortable silence takes over.

"I need to pee" I say and rush out of the kitchen.

This is too much. I led him on to thinking I wanted more.

I walk into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

I made him think I want what he wants......a real relationship, but I don't want that.

This wasn't supposed to turn out like this. He definitely wants more than I can give him.

I know he has feelings for me, but I never thought they were this serious......hell!! I never really took him seriously.

"I wouldn't mind a mini you or me"

I'm giving him false hope. Hope in "us". No wonder he's never done anything with other girls than just dating.

He loves me so much, but to me he's my best friend in the whole wide world.

"Who you're sleeping with" my subconscious adds.

He's been so serious about all of this, while it was all just a fun game to me.

He gave me his love and I'm actually toying with it.

Guilt courses through me when I realize I've been using this guy for my own pleasure and I ignored all of his feelings.

There are three people in my life I care about, those are the only people who I'm not heartless to.

My mother, Christian and Megan.

This is Christian we're talking about and I can't keep doing this to him.

I'll never forgive myself if I settle down some day and he walks around regretting all of this.

Now that I think about it we've both never had anyone else in our lives, even though we agreed that we won't stop each other if we saw someone else we liked and wanted something serious with.

He's dated some girls, but it only went as far as a kiss or maybe more....I don't care....

A light knock on the door abruptly pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Yelle is everything okay in there?"

I need to stop this thing. I need to set him free.....and it's now or never

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love❤ Nicky