"You are my life now."

-Edward Cullen

14.

"Where the hell are they?"I grunt as me and Clarke walk down the halls. My gun stays up as we look around.

Clarke sighs, "I don't know, Bellamy." We walk to the area we had left Raven and Sinclair at but they are no where to be seen until we step closer to the rover. There's a body in front of it. Sinclair.

"Oh my god." Clarke quickly kneels down and puts her fingers to his neck but I understand she doesn't find a pulse when she shakes her head. I clench my teeth together from lashing out and punching something. If he did this to Sinclair, how is Octavia and Taylor? How are the others?

"We're too late." I say. Too late to save them and now he has either killed them or he has them somewhere.

"No, we're not. If he would've killed Raven and Monty their bodies would be here. He took them somewhere."

"If you're right, Taylor and the others are there too."

"But where would he be taking them?"

"How does he even know his way around?"

"We brought him here. You were in Mount weather." As she finishes her sentence it looks like she realizes something.

"The airlock." She quickly grabs the radio from my belt and I stay ready with my gun in case there are any surprises.

"Emerson, I know you're listening. We need to talk." Clarke speaks into the radio and a couples seconds later his voice comes through it. "I don't need to do anything. You should've killed me when you had the chance." I hear some grunting in the back and my heart stops wondering if Octavia or Taylor are hurt.

"And now you're here to kill me, is that it?" Clarke questions him.

"Something like that." He says. My anger boils even more at the fact that everyone is paying for Clarkes doing. I take a deep breath and try not to yell at her, it will help nothing.

"Then let my friends go and you can have me." I almost want to tell her no but I know what she's doing and I honestly just wanted everyone to be safe. I wanted my girl and my baby to be safe.

"You're brave, Clarke. Come to the airlock, no weapons." She sighs and hands me back the radio and I strap it back on my belt.

"Here. When all of this is over, take this to Luna. She will know what to do with it." She tries to hand me the chip but I shake my head. "What are you doing, Clarke?"

"Saving them."

"You're outta your mind if you think I'm letting you do this alone. You're family, Clarke." Plus I don't run away scared and let someone else do my bidding. That's my girl in there and my sister. There's no way in hell I'm not doing everything I can to get them out.

"Bellamy, this is my fault. I'm not letting anyone else die for my mistake, okay. So take it." I look down at the chip and shake my head. I'm not letting her do this alone.

"Clarke, I don't know what happened between you and Emerson in Polis. But I do know letting him kill you here today is a stupid plan."

"You got a better one?" I smirk a little at her question. "You distract him, I shoot." She smiles lightly and puts the chip back in her pocket.

"Okay." She nods her head and we walk out and down the halls. I take her weapons from her as we're walking and she gets in front of me as I slowly follow behind a couple feet. Once she turns the corner to face the airlock I stay behind the wall so Emerson won't see me.

"I held up my end of the deal, now hold up yours." She says with her hands us.

"Tell Bellamy to show himself first." Emerson says. Shit.

"I don't know what you're talking about..." There's suddenly a grunt and a cry from Octavia and I come out quickly from the corner. He grabs her and holds a knife to her neck. I swallow hard.

"Good. Now take out the clip and throw it down the hall and then put the gun on the ground and get inside." He states and Octavia says something which I can make out to be the word 'no' through her gag. I see Taylor struggling as well and my blood boils seeing her tied up.

"Please, you wanted me. Let my friends go and I will get inside." Clarke tries to persuade him but Emerson shakes his head. "I was talking to Bellamy." He grips Octavia harder.

"Okay, okay. Just stop." I take off the gun strap and take out the clip from it. I set the gun down and toss the clip away from me. Taylor shakes her head and whimpers but I walk toward them and get inside. Emerson nods to a set of handcuffs linked to the wall. "Those are yours." He lets Octavia go and I start to put them on.

He pulls out his gun and points it out towards Clarke. "Get on your knees, Clarke. Hands on your head." He walks closer to her until he is out of the airlock and then the doors shut. I can't hear much of what they are saying but then Clarke is shoved up against the door. He's choking her and I struggle against the chains to break free. Suddenly the lock goes red and a voice sounds over the intercom. The room quickly starts to get sucked of oxygen and I start to choke from lack of air. I turn to see Octavia struggling to breathe and Taylor is coughing. I struggle harder against my restraints but they don't budge. The air gets tighter and I feel myself getting light headed and I eventually start to doze off.

I quickly regain consciousness once I feel cool air making its way into my system. I open my eyes and I quickly look to everyone else to make sure they are okay. Once I see everyone has woken up my eyes dart towards Emerson on the floor out in the hallway bleeding profusely from his eyes and mouth. He's dead. We're okay. I take a deep breath of relief.

Once Clarke unties us all we head outside to reload on weapons and ammunition and figure out what we do from here. Octavia is still giving me the cold shoulder so I needed to do something. I tell Taylor I'll be back and I quickly make my way out of arkadia. They had put Lincoln outside of the camp and I was going to bring him to Octavia so we can burn him. Grounders burn their dead. They had him wrapped in brown cloth and I picked him up from where they had left him so carelessly outside the walls. I walked back into camp and set him down in front of her. She kneels to the ground and unwraps the cloth from his face and starts sobbing. I wish there was something I could do for her, anything. It hurts me so much to see her in pain but not only that, Lincoln was my friend. Until I betrayed him and everyone I loved. I screwed up and now I have to live with it.

We set some logs down and doused them in gasoline and set Lincoln and Sinclair on top. Everyone said their goodbyes and Octavia lit the bodies with a torch. We watch it go up in flames and I pull Taylor closer into my side.

"It's time to go!" Octavia shouts. She won't let herself grieve for even a second which tells me she's more hurt than we know and she doesn't want to show it. I wish I could bring him back. I only want her happiness and now that's gone.

"I'm going to grab some stuff from medical, I'll be back." Taylor tells me and I nod my head. She walks away and I go with Jack, Miller, and Bryan to go load up the ammunition in the rover. After we haul a few boxes and get guns I realize that Taylor isn't back. I make my way to medical and walk in. I see her sitting on the floor clutching a white doctors coat and her head is down. Her shoulders are shaking. She's crying. I quickly rush over to her and sit by her and wrap my arms around her.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I whisper into her hair.

"My dad. Where is he? What if he's dead?" She sniffles and lifts her head up to look at me.

"Listen to me, you're dad is stubborn. Guess you get that from him." She smiles lightly and I continue. "He wouldn't take that chip and he certainly would put up a fight. I bet he made it out of here okay and he's out there right now."

"It's not safe out there. It's not safe anywhere, Bell." She plays with the buttons on the coat.

"Maybe, maybe not. But we have to have hope, without it we've already lost everything." I tell her and wipe her cheeks. I know her dad doesn't like me but I would do anything for him to be here right now for Taylor. I don't want her to know the pain of not having two parents. I don't want her to know any pain.

"And if you don't have hope I have enough for the both of us." I add and she smiles. She places a soft kiss on my cheek and I swear my heart stops beating. Even now she still does things to me.

"It's been an hour since we passed the airplane wreckage. Seeing as we're using a map without any distances, it could be days before we reach Luna's village." Jasper says from the back of the rover. I keep my eyes focused on the terrain ahead of me as I drive. Everyone else decided to stay at Arkadia so it was just Clarke, Taylor, Jasper and me.

"At least we know we're going in the right direction." I tell him. I take a quick look to see Taylor sleeping in the passenger seat. I can only imagine she didn't get any back at Arkadia considering Emerson got a hold of her.

"We're running out of daylight. We should stop and recharge." Jasper continues to talk and I sigh.  "We keep going until it dies." Clarke adds.

"We keep going till we get to Luna." Octavia butts in.

"Okay, and what do you think she will say when we show up wanting to put an AI in her head?" Jasper asks.

"Jasper, let's just get there first and then we can start asking questions." Taylor says. I look over to see her sit up straight and stretch from her nap.

"If you say so." He sighs and I see from the rearview he flicks through Lincolns book. I then set my eyes ahead and stop abruptly once I see the huge tree that had fallen from the rain storm and is now in our way.

"Backtrack." I say knowing that's our option, or walking too. Before we can decide Octavia is getting out the back of the rover.

"Guess we're walking." Clarke says and we all exit the rover and run after her.

"Do you hear that?" She yells. We stay silent and for a second all I can hear is the rain pattering but then I hear rushing water. We quickly follow her up the hill and along the stream of water. I stay by Taylor's side to make sure she's safe. We finally get out of the tree line and into an opening for the ocean. We stop and look around.

"Where's the village?" Jasper asks. Octavia flips through the book and looks at the map again and starts muttering something to herself before she takes off running again. We follow behind.

"This isn't a village, it's just a bunch of rocks. What do we do now?" Jasper asks and I am left wondering the same thing. Before I can say something though Octavia is letting out a loud scream. My heart breaks hearing her in pain. Taylor slide her hand in mine and squeezes and I calm down.

"Let's get a fire going." Clarke suggest and I go off to gather wood. Once we have enough Clarke and Taylor put them together and Octavia and Jasper start rubbing sticks together and create enough friction to get a flame going. It stopped raining but we were all wet from it coming down earlier. My hair was soaked and a little bit covered my eyes but I didn't bother moving it.

"It's going to be dark soon. We need to talk about what we're gonna do." Clarke states.

Octavia continues to rub the sticks as she talks, "we wait until first light and then we split up and search the shore in both directions." She finally gets some heat and blows on the shredded up wood and quickly puts it under the logs. She blows on it a little more and finally the flames engulf the wood.

"I agree." I say as I go to grab Lincolns book from the floor to look at it but Octavia snatches it from me.

"Don't touch that!" She yells and I swallow hard. I look at Clarke and Jasper and they look away. Taylor shakes her head. I sigh and crouch down by Octavia as she continues to throw sticks in the fire.

"Come on, O. How long?" I ask her. "I don't know. I can't even look at you. Because every time I do, I see Pike putting that gun to Lincolns head. I hear the gunshot. I see him fall."

I clench my jaw at her words. "I didn't kill Lincoln." I say.

She quickly gets up and I do the same.

"No, but he is dead because of you." She grits her teeth and I can see the tears in her eyes already forming.

"I came to you. You didn't take my help. If you had just trusted me..." I explain. I catch Taylor from the corner of my eye shaking her head. Octavia doesn't say anything and continues to build the fire up. I sigh and walk away and down the shore.

I wanted to help. I had changed my mind and I wanted to help. Maybe if I hadn't of changed my mind so late she would've trusted me and Lincoln would be alive right now and Octavia wouldn't be in so much pain. I see why she blames me, and yeah, maybe part of it is my fault. But I never intended for him to die. Helping Pike kill three hundred grounders was on me, and I have to live with it everyday. Looking back on it now I wish I would've listened to them. I wish I would have never done it. If I could I would take it all back in heartbeat. The grounders didn't deserve it and I hurt everyone I loved by betraying them. If my mom could see me now she would be disappointed. If she saw who I have become...

Even if she would be disappointed in me, I'd still want her here. I'd want her to meet Taylor. I know she would love Taylor so much, I can just feel it. I'd want her to see that I'm having a baby with the love of my life and that she would be a grandma. If there's one thing I didn't screw up it was choosing Taylor. Choosing Taylor to love. And although we never chose to have a family together I know it would've happened in the future because there isn't anyone else for me. She's the only thing that keeps me going. The only person that calms me down and gets me through my demons. She's the reason I want to wake up in the mornings. Even on shitty days like this one, just seeing her makes me feel better. She's the one I'd want to spend my last day on earth with and whether that day is right around the corner or years and years away, it will always be her. I always choose her.

A/N:

Hey guys! I know it's been two weeks and I can't tell you how sorry I am! But like I've said before I'm a senior and I've been super super busy with studying for finals and getting all my graduation things together. Thankfully, my last day of high school is tomorrow! It's really bittersweet but at the same time I'm ready to get the hell out. And then my graduation is in 4 days and Prom was just 2 days ago so it's been a crazy two weeks. But since I'm practically out of school that means more updates! So yay! I've also been working on another project and I won't release it for another couple weeks maybe but I'm really excited about it. It doesn't have anything to do with The 100 fandom but it does involve another fandom...just think superheroes... 😉 I would actual love to hear who you think the main guy is for my superhero project. 😏 so leave comments.

I also want to clear up any confusion. I am NOT going to stop writing. What I meant last chapter was sometimes I get a little discouraged because I feel like no one is reading this book but I didn't mean I was going to stop writing. I'm still going to be writing. I love this book and it's characters and I'm not ready to say goodbye just yet. So once again. I am NOT stopping.

But thanks so much for all the love and support on these books as well as the Bob Morley Social Media one. I can't tell you how much it means to me. Also please keep commenting, I love your comments! Again sorry for the really late update but from here on out it should be better.

SPOILER ALERT:

Jasper freaking Jordan is dead. I cried so hard. My baby is gone and the way he went out with Monty had me on the floor sobbing. I wish it didn't have to end that way. But for any of you struggling with depression or any mental illness, I am always here if you need to talk and just remember that you won't know if it could get better if you don't at least try.

R.I.P Jasper Jordan. ❤

Much love, xoxo.