*I hate the canon s8 timeline. Let's say this takes place around season 2? Back when nothing hurt and the only discourse was if Keith was Galra or not.*

TW/ sleepwalking (obviously), nightmares, and self-destructive tendencies

(4566 words) 

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Keith's POV:

Can't sleep.. Damn...

I groaned and sat up, looking at my clock. I knew it'd be another few hours until anyone else woke up. So I decided to get some water and try to sleep again after. I stood up and left my room, too lazy for shoes. I walked down to the kitchen to get a drink. Once I did that, I started to head back. But I heard footsteps coming towards me from down the hall, coming from the opposite side of the ship than the rooms. But I knew it had to be one of my teammates.

"Hey, can't sleep either?" I called out towards the darkness. I didn't get a response, I just heard more footsteps coming closer, "Hello?" I raised my eyebrow a bit, walking toward the dark hall. Lance walked into the light, his eyes closed.

Is he... sleepwalking..?

"Lance, buddy. You okay?" I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder.

He flinched and stepped back, his eyes opening. He looked around, panicking a bit. He even started to cry softly.

"Hey, you're okay. Calm down.." I put my hand on his shoulder again, trying to comfort him.

He looked at me still crying softly, "Keith.. I'm scared..."

I sighed and gently grabbed his arm, "Come to the kitchen.. I'll get you some water." I pulled him the right direction, he didn't protest.

I sat him down and got him a glass of water, "Were you having a bad dream?" I asked as I handed him the glass and sat beside him.

He sniffled a bit before nodding and taking a drink, "They've been getting worse.."

"How long have you been getting them?" I asked, rubbing my hand on his shoulder a bit. I knew physical contact comforted him, he was a very touchy person. He was always going to Hunk for hugs when he was upset.

He sighed a bit, "As long as I can remember.. I've always had bad nightmares. But about a month ago, I started sleepwalking. Two days ago, I woke up in Blue's hanger.."

"You made it all the way to the hangers?" I asked, very shocked.

He nodded, looking down at his glass, "It's scary.. I want it to stop... The nightmares are so awful, and then I don't know where I am when I wake up.. I want it to stop.." he started shivering a bit, his tears falling again.

I pulled him into a hug, setting his glass aside, "We'll figure it out.. I promise... You won't have to be scared anymore..."

He nodded, hugging me back as he slowly stopped crying, "I-I want to go back to sleep now.."

"I'll walk you back, come on.." I stood up and held my hand out to him.

He took my hand and stood up, "Thank you.."

"You don't have to thank me.. Let's just get you back to bed. It'll be a few hours before anyone wakes up." I walked back towards our rooms with him, still holding his hand because neither of us let go.

"Why were you awake anyway? And by the kitchen?" he looked over at me, his eyes all red and puffy.

I shrugged, "Couldn't sleep and wanted to get a drink. I'm glad I couldn't sleep through, you didn't have to wake up alone in some random ass part of the castle this time.. That actually sounds sort of terrifying... That really happens to you every night?"

He nodded, "Yeah, every night for a month now. I thought waking up from a nightmare in my own bed was scary. But when I wake up from a nightmare not knowing where I am or how I got there... It really is terrifying.." He looked down, squeezing my hand a bit.

I sighed, "You should've told one of us.. We can find a way to help you. Sleepwalking can be dangerous. You could get hurt. You could fall down the stai-"

He cut me off, "I know how dangerous it is." he said simply.

"Lance.. Did you hurt yourself sleepwalking?" I stopped walking as we reached our rooms.

"Last night I woke up in the airlock. I was able to get out just before the doors closed.." he kept looking down.

My eyes widened, "Oh my god, Lance! You could've died! Why didn't you say anything?"

He just shrugged, "I don't know.. I just never even thought about telling you guys.."

I sighed softly again, "Come sleep in my room, it's not safe for you to sleep alone.. I'll sleep on the floor or something..."

He looked up at me now, "You don't have to.. I'll be okay."

"I wasn't asking." I pulled him into my room, still holding his hand.

He didn't try to pull away but did protest verbally, "I'll be fine, Keith. Really. It'll just be a couple hours."

I closed the door and looked at him, "You know damn well how much can happen in just a couple of hours. It'd take you less than fifteen minutes to get to the airlock again. You can't be alone at night until we get this worked out. It's too dangerous."

He groaned, "I'll be fi-"

"You could've died last night, Lance! You almost ejected yourself into space! Don't you get that?!" I didn't mean to shout at him, it just happened.

He flinched a bit and looked down at the floor, "I-I do get that.. I-I'm sorry..."

I sighed, "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted.. I just don't want you to get hurt.. None of us do.. So, please.. Just sleep in here for tonight... Please.. You can have the bed, I'll sleep on the floor.."

You idiot, he's already scared! Yelling at him is only going to make things worse!

He nodded slightly and walked over to the bed, sitting down. He was obviously avoiding eye contact.

I sat down next to him, "Seriously, I'm sorry.. You're already scared enough, I shouldn't have yelled at you." I reached over to hold his hand, "I'm just trying to keep you safe and when you refused to let me help you, I guess I got a bit upset.."

He nodded, "It's okay, don't worry about it.. Let's just sleep.. I just want to sleep..."

"Sure.. Whatever you want..." I went to make a place to sleep on the floor. He was already asleep in bed by the time I laid down, "Goodnight, Lance.." I sighed, looking at him before going to sleep as well.

Lance's POV:

I woke up in the morning and saw I was in Keith's room, him asleep on the floor still. I sighed as last nights events came back to me.

"Damn.." I grumbled softly before going to my room and getting ready for the day.

I was already done eating by the time Keith came down for breakfast. He sat down next to me with his food, "I think we should tell the others about last night.." he spoke softly so the others wouldn't hear.

I shook my head, "I'll figure it out on my own.. Don't worry about it.." I looked down at my empty plate.

He doesn't even care. When it comes to me, all he cares about is if we can pilot Voltron with or without me.

Keith huffed, "Well, I'm telling them either way so suck it up. I was only asking to let you think you had a choice in the matter." He stood up.

"Wha- Keith?!" I pulled his arm, trying to get him to sit down. Now everyone was staring.

Keith kept standing, "Okay we have to have a serious talk because someone has been hiding something very important from us for a month now." He glared at me when he said 'someone'.

I bit my lip as all eyes were now on me. Shiro spoke up first, "Okay, what is it?"

I shrunk down in my seat a bit, wanting to disappear. Keith answered for me, "Apparently Lance has always had nightmares. But about a month ago he started sleepwalking. Last night I found him walking around the kitchen and he totally freaked out when I woke him up. He also told me he woke up in the airlock two nights ago, about to eject himself into space. Obviously, this sleepwalking is getting very dangerous."

I looked down as Keith told everyone. I could feel them staring, like lasers burning into my skull.

Dios mio, I'm going to kill him.

"Lance, why didn't tell us?" I heard Coran ask.

I just shrugged and Pidge spoke next, "Are nightmares and the sleepwalking connected? Like, is your body doing what you are doing in your dreams?"

I had to think about that, "Not exactly.. In my nightmares, I'm stuck. I can't move. And I'm in danger. I usually die in my dreams. I think the sleepwalking is because I'm trying to escape what was happening. I just had to get away. I had to run or I'd die." I felt the feeling of panic wash over my body, my hands started shaking, "I have to get away. I have to go or he'll get me. I have to run. H-He'll get me!" I saw a teardrop land on my lap but I didn't feel myself crying. But I heard my sobs.

"Lance, calm down. You're okay.. You're here with us. No one is going to get to you." Keith spoke softly, grabbing my chin and making me look at him, "You're safe. You hear me? We won't let anyone hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

I nodded slightly but I was feeling lightheaded. I saw Hunk rushing over, "He's hyperventilating. We have to calm him down be-"

I didn't hear the rest of his sentence because everything went black.

Keith's POV:

"We have to calm him down before-" Hunk said as Lance fainted, "Before exactly that happens.."

Coran looked like he had just witnessed death so I'm assuming he'd never seen something like this before, "What just happened to him?!"

"He had a panic attack." I said as I picked Lance up, "As he recalled his nightmare, the feelings he felt during them came back to him. The feelings of panic and anxiety were the strongest. Causing him to have a panic attack. It happened all the time to a girl I used to live with back in foster care."

Coran and Allura nodded, not fully understanding but calmed now that they knew it was a normal human thing.

"I should take him to his room.." I said, standing up with him in my arms.

Shiro nodded, "Okay, but come back once he's in bed. We have to talk about this."

"Shouldn't someone stay with him?" Allura asked skeptically.

"He should be fine. We're all awake so we'll see if he gets up. And seeing him sleepwalk might help us understand it." Pidge said as she typed away on her laptop.

"Well, I'll be right back." I left the room and brought Lance back to his room. I put him in bed and took his shoes off of him before pulling his blanket over him. I sighed slightly, "Good luck, buddy.." I left the room and went back to the dining room.

Everyone watched as I sat down again. Pidge spoke first, "I have a camera in Lance's room, it's set to record now. All cameras are. When he wakes up, we'll know. And we'll have footage of him sleepwalking to look back on later."

Shiro smiled and pat her shoulder, "Good work, Pidge." he looked over at me, "You said you saw it happen last night?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I was getting a drink in the middle of the night and I heard footsteps coming from a dark part of the hall. I called out but got no response. He came into the light and his eyes were closed."

"He wasn't scared?" Hunk asked.

"Not until I woke him up.. He looked around in a panic and started crying. He told me he was scared. After I got him to calm down and explain everything, I took him to my room and made him sleep there for the rest of the night. I was scared to leave him alone after he told me about the airlock."

Shiro nodded, "It's strange he wasn't seemingly scared until you woke him up.."

"Not exactly." Pidge corrected, "He was woken up by Keith this time, he didn't wake up himself. Whatever was happening in his dreams at that point wasn't scary enough to wake him up yet. It wasn't scary enough to show until he was conscious again. But he says he dies in his nightmares. That's what scares him to the point he wakes up. That will definitely show even in his sleep."

We all nodded, realizing she was right. But, come on, when is she ever wrong?

Coran frowned, "So next time he sleepwalks we just observe him? We don't try to wake him up? That seems a bit cruel, he's suffering. And he's endangering himself."

Hunk sighed, "We could start locking him in his room at night until we find a better solution. If he can't leave his room, he can't get in any danger."

"He's getting out of bed!" Pidge exclaimed, enlarging the camera feed of his room, "His eyes are still closed, he's sleepwalking again."

I leaned over and looked at the screen too, watching as he left his room and started walking down the hall, "We have to follow him."

Shiro nodded and we all left to find Lance. When we caught up to him he was near the control room. He was just walking as if he were awake, he didn't need to open his eyes to navigate the castle.

"Strange.." Allura whispered.

We nodded in agreement as he kept walking along the corridor. He was heading to the observatory.

"Look, his breathing is starting to speed up.." Pidge pointed out, "His fear is showing."

He kept walking and entered the observatory, that's where he stopped walking. We all moved so we could see his face. He was crying, his eyes still closed and his breath fast in a panic. It escalated to full on sobbing before he opened his eyes and fell to his knees. He looked around, still crying. Then he looked at us, "Hazlo p-parar, hazl-lo parar.. M-Make it stop!"

Allura kneeled in front of him and pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back and hushing him softly, "You're safe, Lance. You're safe."

It must be like this for him every time... Waking up in an unfamiliar room, already terrified. He must just sit there sobbing all alone.. Every night for a month....

He clung to her like his life depended on it as he continued to cry. Eventually, his sobs turned to sniffles, and he let her go.

I kneeled down next to them, reaching over and holding Lance's hand "Why don't we get you some water, crying can make you dehydrated.." I helped him to his feet.

Lance nodded, "O-Okay.. Water sounds good.."

We walked with him to the kitchen. I sat down with him as Hunk got him a glass of water. He drank the whole thing in seconds.

"Th-Thank you..." he set the glass down, his hands were shaking a bit.

I reached over and held his hands to steady them, "Are you okay?"

Lance shook his head slowly, "N-No..."

Hunk pulled him into a hug, "You're not alone in this, Lance... Not anymore.. We'll figure out a way to stop it."

Lance chuckled half-heartedly, "There's no way to stop it.. So don't even bother trying."

Pidge frowned, "We don't know that. Of course, we're going to try! This is dangerous. We can't risk another incident like the airlock happen. You almost died!"

Lance pulled away from Hunk and shook his head, "Maybe I should've."

I felt my heart break a bit, "Lance, you're still shaken up.. You don't mean that..."

Lance stood up, "You don't know what I mean, Keith. When have you ever tried to understand me? When have you ever cared about me?" he lowered his voice to a whisper, "Dios mio, no puedo creer que pensé que te importaba. Debo estar perdiendo la cabeza. No, definitivamente estoy perdiendo la cabeza. Lo he estado durante mucho tiempo."

We all looked at him confused, none of us understanding, "Lance, talk to us. We can't help you if you push us away." I tried to hold his hand again.

He yanked his hand away, "No! Just leave me alone!" he stormed out of the kitchen.

Pidge frowned, "He's just still upset from his nightmare. Let's give him some space..."

Shiro nodded, "That's what he needs right now."

I frowned, "Did anyone understand what he was saying in Spanish?"

Pidge nodded, "A little bit of it. He was talking too quietly. But I'm pretty sure he said he's losing his mind..."

Coran frowned, "If he's mad then shouldn't we be there to make sure he's okay?"

Allura shook her head, "No, they're right. He needs time to himself to get his thoughts together. We'll give him until dinner before we go bother him."

Hunk obviously didn't like the idea but he nodded anyway, "Okay.." Then his face lit up with an idea, "I'll make his favorite for dinner! That'll surely cheer him up a bit."

Shiro smiled, "Good thinking, Hunk. We've got to keep showing him we care, then maybe he'll stop pushing us away."

I nodded, "But what are we going to do about tonight? We obviously can't let him go to bed alone. He could hurt himself. And you saw the state he was in when he woke up, he was terrified. He shouldn't have to go through that alone."

Everyone thought for a few moments before Hunk spoke, "I don't think there's much we can do if he won't let us help..."

I refused to believe that, "There has to be something. He almost died two nights ago." Then I got an idea, "I'll stay up all night and make sure he's okay. If he starts sleepwalking again I'll wake him up and take him back to his room." I stood up, "I'm going to sleep a bit now so I won't doze off tonight."

No one opposed, "Alright," Shiro said, "We don't have any better ideas."

I stood up, "Wake me up for dinner." I left the kitchen, heading to my room.

I refuse to believe there's no way to help him. We've got to help him.

Lance's POV:

I walked down the corridor by our rooms.

Keith has never liked me, never cared about me. Yeah, he took care of me last night, but that doesn't change anything. He hates me and I hate him. I can't believe I thought he might actually care about me, even if I only thought it for a few minutes.

"Lance?"

I looked up and saw Keith walking my direction, "What do you want?"

Keith shrugged, "I was just heading to my room and thought asking how you're doing was the polite thing to do."

Of course, he's only asking due to common courtesy. Not because he cares.

"It's no business of yours how I'm doing." I turned around to walk the other direction.

"Lance, wait! Please don't go. I'm worried about you..." His voice sounded sad.

Sad? No, I'm just reading to much into it. Why would he suddenly start caring about me now?

I turned to look at him, "Worried about me? Ever since we met you've done nothing but fight with me, you've never cared about me. Never! And now all of a sudden you're pretending like we don't hate each other? ¡Mierda! I can't believe I actually thought last night that you actually care. You're probably only worried because without me you couldn't form Voltron. ¡Vete a la mierda! Even when you were taking care of me last night you still yelled at me, you don't really care about me! You never have and you never will! I was stupid to think you ever wo-"

All of a sudden Keith was hugging me.

When did he get this close?

I didn't know how to react at first, I just froze.

"I never hated you. Yeah, you can be really annoying sometimes. But I don't hate you. I'm worried about you because I really do care about you. I feel so bad about shouting at you last night, I was just scared. Scared of losing you... It hurts my heart so much to know you're suffering, I want to help you. Please let me help you..."

I pushed him away, "Stop playing games! You keep screwing with my head!"

Why does he keep acting like he cares? It's confusing! Yesterday afternoon we were fighting so bad that Shiro had to intervene. But last night he took care of me, even if he did yell at me. And today he hasn't picked any fights, he's.. He's trying to take care of me.

Keith tried to reach for my hand, this time I let him hold it, "Lance, I'm not trying to mess with your head. You're going through a lot right now, I just want to help... Let me help. Please."

Maybe I should give him a chance...

"How would you be able to help me?" I looked at our hands.

"I've already volunteered to stay up tonight to keep an eye on you, to wake you up when you sleepwalk before the dream gets too bad. That's the only way I know how to help.."

I looked up at him, he did look sad, "You really want to help me?"

He nodded, "Yes, because I do care about you. Even if we bicker all the time. I care. I really fucking care. Too much. Everyone I've cared about has been taken away from me. I didn't want to get attached to you just to lose you too. But I got attached anyway, and now I'm afraid I might lose you now. If you keep going on like this you could die... You'll definitely get hurt."

He only fought with me because he didn't want to get attached to me?

"Y-You actually care about me..." I felt myself tearing up a bit.

He hugged me again, this time I didn't push him away. This time I hugged him back. "Lance I will do everything I can to help you overcome this. I promise..."

Giving him one chance couldn't hurt..

Keith's POV:

Hours had passed since everyone went to bed. Lance let me stay in his bedroom tonight so I could watch over him better. Every time he so much as shifted in bed I would stand up, thinking he was about to start sleepwalking. But it was always a false alarm. I still stayed on high alert.

I can't let myself get comfortable. I can't fall asleep.

"Tengo que correr.." Lance whispered in his sleep before he sat up, his eyes closed.

I immediately rushed to the bed and held his hand, "Lance, wake up! It's just a bad dream." I shook him a little bit.

Lance gasped softly as he opened his eyes, his breathing quickened as he looked around, "I-I have to run.. I have to run!"

I grabbed his face and made him look at me, "Lance, you're safe here... It was just a dream.. I won't let anything hurt you..."

Lance calmed down a bit, "Keith?"

I smiled at him, "Yeah, it's me... You're safe with me.."

He put his hand on top of my hand that was on his cheek, leaning into it, "Lay with me," his hands were shaking again.

I nodded, "If it'll make you feel better then sure," I got in bed with him.

He cuddled into me, "Hold me.."

He must be really craving physical contact for comfort. He'd never ask this if he wasn't.

I wrapped my arms around him, "I'll protect you, I promise.."

He nodded, falling back asleep with a smile on his face.

He didn't get any more nightmares for the rest of the night.

Lance's POV:

I woke up with Keith's arms wrapped around me, I was pinned between him and the wall.

I've never been this close to him before... He's warm.. And he smells good... I would've thought he'd smell like sweaty boy, but he must use good soap... Dios mio, what am I thinking! This is Keith, a huge jerk. ...Even if he does keep trying to take care of me.

I tried to get up without waking him, but he woke up anyway.

"You okay?" He asked as I climbed over him.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm just awake now and want breakfast."

"Yeah, food sounds good right now." Keith sat up.

"You didn't have to sleep in bed with me last night," I said as I changed my clothes, we've changed clothes in front of each other when putting on our paladin suits so it wasn't a big deal, "I know I had a nightmare but once you calmed me down you could've just left it at that."

Keith frowned a bit, sitting up and putting his shoes on. He was still wearing his clothes from the day before, "Well, you asked me to. You asked me to hold you. I figured you must've been scared to the point you needed physical reassurance. So I did what you asked me to do."

"I.. I don't remember that," I said as I pulled my jacket on.

Damn, I can't believe I did that!!

Keith pulled on his stupid cropped jacket, "Doesn't mean it didn't happen. I won't tell anyone, don't worry."

I sighed, "I don't care if they know, you already spilled my secrets to the team once so I expect you won't have any trouble doing it again."

Keith stood up, "You're seriously still mad about that? Lance, you were putting yourself at risk by keeping that a secret. You almost died the other night, need I remind you."

"You don't have to remind me of shit!" I snapped, "I know perfectly well what was going on. It was happening to me, not you. You just happened to witness it. Stop pretending you care, I already know you don't!"

I stormed out of the room, but he followed me and grabbed my arm, "Lance! I care, I really do care. Remember all the stuff I told you yesterday? I meant every word of it. You've got to stop pushing us away! You are going to get yourself killed!"

I pulled my arm away, "And what if I did? It wouldn't be that much of a tragedy."

"What? Lance, don't say things like that." He looked sad again.

Does he care? He has done nothing but look after me since the night before last... Maybe he does..

I looked down, "Just... Nevermind, leave me alone," I walked away. This time he let me go.

What is happening to me? To us?

*This got way longer than I intended, part 2 coming soon.*