"Mum! We're late!" Mac grumbles as he jumps out the car. I close the door behind him and lock up as he rushes inside. I'm well aware of the fact that we are five minutes late and that his coach will mark him as tardy. I'm positive this will be his first though so no danger of the three tardies and you miss a game rule coming into play. Madison just would not play ball though, you'd have thought I was shipping her off for hard labour and not just next door with her sister. It seems a week and a half without her Daddy was her breaking point and I can't say I blame her. I'm about ready to blow myself. I follow the route Mac had taken to the gym hall entrance, he's long gone and I hurry to get inside. 

I manoeuvre me and bump through the gym doors and it isn't the noise or the fact that it seems busier than normal that attracts my attention but the smell. It smells like the perfume department in Neiman Marcus once my kids have tested every scent they can get their naughty little hands on. The gang of PTA members to the right whisper as I pass, nothing new there, although they are usually a little more discrete. I spot Mac on the bench and head towards him to give him his water bottle. 

"Where's your Dad? Does he need a hand with something?" Patsy whispers to my son. 

"He's busy so you have me instead." I smile as Mac removes the drinks bottle from my hand. Harry and I alternate weeks at basketball practice since it's on at the same time as Robin's art class, so whoever doesn't come here drops off and picks up our daughter. As soon as practice is over, I will have to rush to pick her and her friend up. 

"Aww," she sighs. "Oh, the cookies sold well last week, did you or Harry make them? It would be nice if you guys could participate more in the actual events though. It was just me and the ladies as usual." 

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Like I said, Harry isn't available, and I am snowed under at work," I bite my tongue so I don't snap at her but I'm not in the mood for her lecture. The twins shuffle around and it feels like one of them is actually sitting on my bladder so I make my excuses and head to the bathroom. 

I pause with my hand on the lock to the cubicle, after three false starts I think my body is finally done peeing or the twins have moved again. "Wait, so you think that story in the magazines is true, they are getting divorced?" I recognise Maria's voice, I should have known she'd be all over that story, I don't think there's a shred of gossip in the state of California her and her sister don't know about. 

"What exactly did she say again?" Melanie spoke this time. Maybe the other parents would be more likely to volunteer if they weren't so bitchy! 

"She said Harry isn't available, not that he's working. Although you can hardly call what he does working, but unavailable? That screams they're not talking," Patsy declares. 

"Oh, I hope so. What I wouldn't give to have that man between my thighs!" Melanie chimes in and I can't help thinking me too. Me too. It had been exactly nine days since Harry had come home at any sort of hour to make that feasible. He slides into bed when I am already asleep and slips out before I am awake, if it wasn't for his scent on the sheets I'd never know he'd been there at all. A few nights ago I woke up with his arms wrapped tightly around me and bump but looking after our four kids had me way too tired to do anything other than wriggle a tiny bit closer to him, his whispered "I got you, baby," enough to lull me back to sleep.

The sound of the bathroom door closing brings me back to reality with a thud. I slide open the lock and head to the sink to wash my hands. I think I'll wait up for my husband tonight, supposing I have to stick pins in my eyes to achieve it. 

"Jessi!" Monica yells and I feel thankful that there's somebody here who doesn't hate me. She works as a make-up artist and I work with her fairly often in the studio. She pats the empty space on the bench beside her and I don't hesitate before making my way there. 

"So has my tired pregnancy brain forgotten there's something happening later?" I ask as I glance around at everyone, they all look way more dressy than normal for basketball practice.

"Not that I know of... oh, wait, this should be Harry's week for practice, right?" She smiles. 

"Right. He's busy at work though."

"Well, that explains it. It's always like this on his Wednesday's. Although, they are even more gussied up than usual. I guess they think they have a chance since that dumb divorce story has been doing the rounds." She explains as she looks around the gym hall. 

"Wait! Are you telling me-" The sound of the phone ringing cuts me off and I quickly retrieve it from my bag. Lori's caller I.D. lights up my screen and my finger stumbles as I swipe to answer. 

"Sorry Jess, she just won't settle." I can barely hear my best friend's words as my youngest daughter wails in the background. "I think having both you and Harry gone, is just too much for her." 

"Tell her I'm coming for her," I exclaim as I hear Madison almost choke on her sobs as she yells "Mummy!" The sound almost carves my heart clean in two. "I'll be there as soon as I can." I hang up and then begin to panic. 

"Hey, go! That sounded urgent. I'll bring the little man home." Monica's kindness has me wrapping her up in a hug. 

"Thank you." I mumble as I gather my things and head courtside to get Mac's attention. "Oh, shoot. Don't take him home, I won't be there. I have to pick up Robin. Can you take him to Harry? Mac will show you where to go!" I smile when she nods. 

"Mac!" I wave to get his attention and he runs towards me. "I have to go. Monica is going to drop you off with your Dad and I'll pick you up from there, once I have Robin, okay?" 

"Okay. Love you, Mum." He hugs me briefly before running back into the game. 

"Love you too," I yell after him and hurry to the door with a newfound respect for women who do this on their own. It's only been a week and a half and I wanna throw myself under the covers and not come out again until tour prep is over. 

-----

"Mummy!" Madison screeches as she comes running towards me, her arms throw themselves around my legs and she holds onto me with that vice like grip of hers. "I wuv you, don't leaf me!" 

I peel her arms away from me so I can sit myself down on the floor in Lori and Niall's hallway. "Come here, sweetheart," I pull her to my side and wrap my arms around her, "I didn't leave you. I'd never leave you. I just took your brother to basketball practice." 

"Daddy leafed me!" I cup her red, tear-stained cheeks in my hands. 

"Hey, listen to me, he would never. He loves you so much."

"I no seen him in FO-EVA!" She yells the words so loud, her entire body is thrown backwards as a new set of tears come flooding down her cheeks. 

"Baby girl," I soothe as I struggle to hold her upright. "That's not true, is it? We took him dinner on Monday night and we called him three times yesterday." 

"I nowannacawl him! I WANT DADDY!" Her body stops fighting mine and her head smacks against my shoulder. I honestly feel like throwing myself on the floor and joining in her wailing. I want him too! 

"It'll be over soon." I repeat the words over and over again as I run my fingers through her hair and over her back, rocking her gently. It'll be over soon. 

-----

"Dad!" The sound of my son's voice distracts me from my conversation with Jeffrey, there has been a delay with the stage, the rig which holds the lights has collapsed, thankfully nobody has been injured, but they were in panic mode about how to strengthen it. 

"Hey Bud!" I grin as he hugs me tight. I miss him and his sisters so much. Their little visit on Monday night properly cheered me up, I was doubting if any of this was worth it. Of course, I knew it would be once I finally got out onto the stage to perform for the fans. It had been too long since I'd felt the high that tour provides and I owe my fans for not giving up on me. Tickets had sold out within minutes and honestly it had brought me to tears to know that they have missed me as much as I have missed them.

"Guess what?" he grins from ear to ear. 

"What?" I smile as I hug him back. 

"Coach Williams said I'm gonna start the game on Saturday." He beams up at me and the pride I feel swelling in my chest is unbelievable. He'd been working so hard on building up his stamina because he is younger and smaller than his team-mates and opponents he tired quicker so he usually came on as a substitute even although he was a much better player than most of them. 

"Bud! That's amazing!" 

"Thanks." 

"Honestly, I'm so proud of you. I wish I could come see the game." It hurt my heart that I wouldn't get to see it but there was just no chance now, we were hoping we'd get to practice on the stage on Saturday and it seemed even more crucial after the accident. 

"Oh, you're gonna be working?" He pulls away from me slightly.

"Yeah," I reply as he shrugs out of my hold. 

"Sucks. I'm going to wait in your office for Mum. She's coming to get me once she's picked up Robin," he says and walks towards the door. 

"Hey good job, Mac!" Jeffrey yells after him and he mumbles his thanks before disappearing. 

-----

I pull up to the studio and turn off the engine. "Okay, I'm gonna run in and get Mac, quickly." I whisper to Robin and Daniella so as not to wake Madison. We'd already dropped off her friend. 

"Hey, can we go?" Mac grumbles as I almost collide with him on my way inside the building. 

"Yeah, where's your Dad?" I ask. 

"Inside," he quirks his head backwards and heads outside. 

"Hey, be quiet. Your sister is asleep and I can't handle another tantrum if she finds out we're here." 

He nods to confirm he heard me as I head in search of Harry. 

"Baby, you okay? You look tired," my husband's voice barely reaches my ears before he's bundled me up in a warm hug. 

"I'm good." My fingers spread out over his soft t-shirt, "it's been a long day - the kids - we all miss you," I mumble into his chest, puckering my lips to place a soft kiss there. 

"Mmm... miss you too." His fingers brush along the waistband of my trousers as he presses three quick kisses to the top of my head. 

"I gotta go," My fingers slide down his muscular body and into the back pockets of his trousers. 

"No."

"I have too, if Madison finds out we're here I'll never get her home." 

"Is she giving you trouble? I'll stick around for breakfast and take her to daycare tomorrow, okay?" His fingers stroke through my hair and I wish I could just close my eyes and stay here forever. 

"I think that could help. Can you come home before I'm asleep tonight, please?" I squeeze his bum just in case there's any doubt as to why I need him home. 

"I'll do my best," he whispers and I know it's the most honest answer he can give me but I'd hoped for a promise even if he did end up breaking it.

"Okay." I nod and let him go. 

"Hey, baby, I love you!" His fingers wrap around my wrist and the sincerity in his voice makes my heart sting. I didn't mean to make him think I doubt that. 

"I know. I love you too." I force my mouth into the biggest smile I can manage. Right now, his job or rather prepping for his job came first and I can handle that for a little while longer. It won't be forever. 

He presses a kiss to the back of my hand and I smile as I leave him to it. More determined than ever to stay awake for him.  

"Mum! What's for dinner?" Daniella asks before I've even gotten the car door open. 

"I made a roast, in the crock pot." I sigh as I climb inside. 

"Sounds yummy," Robin adds. "I think you should go relax when we get in. Mac and I will plate up and Dani and Madi can set the table, right?" I see her nudge her brother in the rear-view mirror. 

"Yeah, we got it, Mum." He smiles and I feel like I just won the lottery. Harry and I raised some awesome kids. 

-----

My phone startles me as it vibrates across the table. I snatch it up to silence whoever is calling but my eyes widen as they land on the time. Midnight! Shit! Jess! 

"Jeffrey, I've got to go!" I exclaim as I stand up and head for the door. 

"Harry?" He yells after me. 

"It'll have to wait until morning and I'm gonna be in later tomorrow, promised I'd take Madi to daycare." I don't wait to hear his response. It won't change anything anyway. I hope Jessi is still awake. 

-----

"Jessi?" I yell as I swing open the front door. I throw my keys at the table but they miss and fall to the floor. The house is dark and quiet except for the path of candles flickering along the hall. I quickly toe off my shoes, my stomach tingles with excitement as I follow the light, around the corner and into the cinema room. 

The opening chords to If I Could Fly begin as I cross the threshold. My version, the demo version, the one only she had. The version I played her all those years ago in the back of the tour bus, the version she walked down the aisle to. The thought brings a lump to my throat. 

It's dark in here too. Only a couple of candles glowing on the table. I scan the room and my eyes widen as they land on her laptop with the hot pink flash drive poking out the side. The flash drive which is password protected and encrypted because it contains all our naughty photography sessions and videos. My wife is not fucking around here and my dick is already excited about it. 

I continue to scope out the room until I find my wife, sitting on the sofa and I move closer. She's wearing a black lacy babydoll, and it forces a groan from my lips. My eyes travel down her smooth tanned legs but then a thought hits me like a bucket of icy cold water. She hasn't reacted to my presence at all and as I step closer still my heart sinks as I realise she's asleep. 

I reach out to brush her hair away from her face and she doesn't stir, I don't think a bomb could wake her. She looks so peaceful, her eyelashes resting softly against her skin. I step away from her to remove the flash drive and close the laptop just in case any of the kids stumble across it and I slip the device into my pocket. 

Her bump looks bigger than I remember and as my fingers brush over it I freeze as I feel the twins move around but it seems even that isn't going to wake Jess tonight. "Come on, upsy-daisy!" I whisper as I lift her up with a little more effort than normal. 

"No wonder Mummy is tired, you two are heavy!" I chuckle as I navigate our way through the door so I don't bump Jessi's head. The only sound I can hear is her gentle breathing and I can't wait to snuggle in beside her. 

-----

I open my eyes to once again find I am alone in bed. I glance down to my body and sigh when I find I'm still wearing the babydoll I put on last night. I shuffle my body over to my husband's side of the bed and breathe deeply. It's still warm, so he hadn't left too long ago, my eyes fall closed again until I realise I can hear the shower.

I practically jump from the bed and have to grab the wall as I feel dizzy but as soon as I feel steady I rush into the bathroom. The warmth in the air has me instantly feeling sweaty and I can see the blurry outline of my husband through the steamed up glass. 

"Mmmm... fuck!" His strangled moan makes me pause. "Jess..." he drags my name out with a hiss and I can picture his thumb dragging over his slit. I rub my thighs together to try to relieve the ache building between my legs. 

"Mummy?" Madison's quiet little voice makes me jump about a foot in the air before I scramble from the bathroom and pull the door so it's almost closed. 

"Hey sweetheart," I reply as I spot her standing in the doorway, I grab Harry's t-shirt from the floor and throw it on over my underwear. "You okay?"

"Hung-y," she yawns. 

"Okay, well why don't you head downstairs and I'll come to make you breakfast in a second, yeah?" 

"O-kay!" She says and disappears from the doorway. As soon as she's gone, I pull off Harry's t-shirt and the stupid sexy underwear and rummage around in the wardrobe for something to wear. 

"Oh, you're awake!" His voice makes me jump almost as high as our daughters did. 

"Fucking hell, does everyone walk around here on tip toes?" I snap. 

"And naked." He ignores my outburst and I shiver as his arm wraps around me, his wet body pressing against my back. "Awake and naked," he repeats as he kisses my shoulder. 

"Yeah, well, somebody doesn't know how to be quiet in the shower," I smirk. 

"Been spying on me, baby?" He chuckles and his teeth nip the spot he'd kissed. "If my wife wasn't so sleepy I wouldn't have to please myself in the shower. Should have joined me." His lips ghost over my skin before he presses a kiss below my ear. 

"Should have asked me," I pout as his hands move to cup my breasts. 

"Couldn't help it, you looked so pretty when I got home, been driving me crazy all night. I thought you would never wake up." 

"Dad? Do you have the day off?" Daniella's voice yells and Harry's body literally nudges me inside the wardrobe. 

"No, heading in later. Why don't you head downstairs and I'll come to make you breakfast when I'm dressed?" 

"Yeah. Okay." 

"Are you working today?" He asks as he moves by me to get a pair of gym shorts. 

"No. I'm going to work on my book at home or try to," I reply as I begin my search for something to wear again. 

"You want to come visit me at the studio around lunch time? See if I can't make it up to you for showering alone?" He presses a kiss to my cheek as he switches the towel for the shorts. 

"No," I shake my head. 

"No?" 

"No," I repeat. "I don't want a quickie on your office desk or against the wall or whatever. I don't want you to squeeze me in between meetings or a crisis. I want you to make time for me Harry, I want you to put some thought into it. I want to feel that you care." I immediately want to claw the last sentence back because it isn't really what I mean. I know he cares.

"Baby, that's not fair-" 

"Look, I didn't mean to suggest you don't care. I know you do. It's just - I miss you. I fucking miss you. Way more than I thought I would, and I thought I'd miss you a lot. I miss having you squeeze my hand when you notice I need a little encouragement. I miss having you to hold me when I've had an awful day. I miss having you sweep in and entertain the kids when I need a little space to breathe. I'm not my best when you're not around." I feel the tears roll down my cheeks and I feel myself calm as he cups his hands against them and brushes the wetness away. 

"I'm sorry. I miss you too." He pulls me into a hug. "I miss you too."