"H?" Jessi's voice speaks so quietly I almost don't hear her but I definitely feel the vice like grip she has on my arm, stopping me from following our youngest and eldest daughters out to the car. 

"You okay?" 

"No. I don't think we should take the girls." She rushes out and I notice she's started taking little half steps back from the garage door. 

"Jess?" I question but she doesn't stop moving backwards, her knuckles have turned white from how tightly she's holding her necklace and her head slowly shakes from side to side. "You told them yesterday they could come." I reach out and grip her elbow so she can't move any further. 

"I know but what if something's wrong, Harry?" 

My fingers wrap themselves tightly around her arm and I pull her back to me, my other arm hugs her tight. "Baby, what's wrong? Why are you so scared?" I panic as I can feel her trembling. "I don't even think you were this nervous when we had Madi." It's safe to say we were both a bit on edge during the last pregnancy what with it being our first after the miscarriage. 

"I don't know..." Her lie fades into a sob and I hold her closer, her fingernails are digging into my skin but I don't want her to let go. "So many things, H. Too many things. I don't even know where to start." 

"Hey, you don't have to do this alone. Share your fears with me, Jess. That's my job as your husband."

"I can't. You're so happy and excited, I don't-" 

"No, no, no. Wait! Are you saying you're not excited?" I fight to keep my voice calm as I pull her along the hallway and sit her down on the stairs. 

"Of course I'm excited but there's also an overwhelming sense of... I don't know how to describe it, fear? Dread?" She sighs and reaches for my hand as I sit down beside her. "I'm older than my Mum was when she had Daniel and before because I had Robin, Mac and Daniella with no problems I felt almost invincible, like something like that could never happen to me but then it did, H and it hurt so much." She pauses as I wipe away the tears which have fallen down her cheeks. "Then we got pregnant with Madison and it was scary but -" she shakes her head. 

"Come on, Jess. It's okay, you can tell me anything." I force myself to smile even although she's scaring me right now. 

"I still had time Harry. If things went badly, then we could try again." I can barely hear the words over her sobs and she buries her head in her hands. I pull her closer and breathe a little easier as she moulds herself to my body, her head leaning on my shoulder. I can feel the twins kicking as her bump presses up against my body and I wonder if they ever stop, they always seem to be moving.

"That doesn't make you a bad person, baby. I had those thoughts too." I cup her cheeks in my hand and tilt her head up to look at me. "It doesn't mean we wouldn't have been devastatedif anything had happened and it certainly doesn't mean we love Princess Madi any less." I feel my heart sink as the brief smile on my wife's face fades into a deep frown. 

"I'm not invincible, Harry and I don't have time." The pout that appears on her face reminds me of the sad pout that Dani wore for a week when her Kindergarten classes hamster died. "After every check up I remind myself that everything is fine but then I remember my Mum thought that too until it wasn't. As well as being older, we're having twins and everything is different. It's difficult." 

"Baby," I brush the tips of my fingers along the soft curve of her jaw and wait for her brown eyes to meet mine. "I'm here. Let me help you." 

"Could you maybe help me find a tutor for the kids? I'd like to have that sorted before we leave for Holmes Chapel for Christmas. I have a shortlist but they need interviewed and to meet the kids -" 

"Shh..." I whisper to slow her rambling. "Of course I can." I smile as a thought suddenly occurs to me. "How about I delegate that job to Jeffrey and Sara?" I chuckle as she rolls her eyes and I start talking before she can give me a ticking off. "Then I can take this week off work and help you get everything sorted for going home for Christmas, yeah? We can start by running you a nice warm bath when we get back from the Doctors then you can go nap until dinner is ready, how does that sound?" 

"Really fucking nice," she sighs and I can see tears brimming in her eyes again. 

"And as for the girls, how about we get them to wait outside until the sonographer has done all her checks?" 

"I think that could work," she says quietly as she squeezes my thigh. "You are the best husband in the whole world." 

"Well, that's lucky because you are the best wife." I smile, placing a soft kiss to her lips before helping her up off the step. "Come on." I link my hand with hers as we head out to the garage.

-----

"Mummy, I see? I see?" I can hear Madison's little voice before I see her bounce into the room like Tigger. I'm positive Harry's hand is the only thing tethering her to the ground. I can tell from the massive grin on her face that Robin is just as excited although she's managing to stop it exploding from her body unlike her sister. She moves to my right-hand side while Harry and Madison move to stand on my left before Harry scoops her up onto the bed. 

"OK. So is everyone ready? I think we'll start with Baby A because they are at the front," Tasha smiles as she spins the screen towards us. She'd already done all her checks, and I felt more relaxed now she'd given us the all clear. 

"Wow!" Robin exclaims before Madison screams, "It's a baby!" 

I can't help but chuckle but quickly try to stop as our sonographer moves the transducer around to try to get a good look at Twin A. I smile as my husband's hand squeezes mine and I sneak a quick peek at him, his eyes are glassy just like mine, although it's not surprising, we both blub like babies when it comes to our children. "So, it seems like you are just too good at making baby girls, Harry." She smiles.

"It's a girl?" Harry grins and maybe it's just my imagination but I feel like he's a little disappointed. 

"A sisser?" Madison claps. "I wuv her." 

And as if acting on command I can feel the babies squirming around. 

"Well, don't you have a couple of little performers?" Tasha smiles. 

"Just like Dad!" Robin steals the words from my mouth and I reach for her hand to give it a squeeze.

"Baby B seems to be a little shy." Our sonographer speaks in that way where I'm not quite sure if she's talking to us or herself. She palpates my bump and wiggles the transducer before she exclaims, "a-ha!" We are all staring at her expectantly as she carries on with her movements oblivious to our impatience. Finally, after what feels like hours she smiles, "congratulations, you're having a little boy." 

"A BRUDDER!" My daughter seems unsure what to do, her little hands grasp towards the screen and my bump as her head pivots from side to side, between me, Harry and the image of her new siblings. 

"A-are you sure?" I let go of my loves hand so I can brush away his tears and then I'm suddenly being suffocated by three bodies, six arms hug me tight as I try to make sure I'm holding a piece of each of them. I sigh happily as I realise Twin A and B are gonna be showered with love no matter what happens. 

-----

Mac's hand wraps around my wrist as he pulls me towards the kitchen. "You okay, bud?"

"Can I have a banana?" He says quietly as he walks toward the fruit bowl. The slump of his shoulders and the way he's dragging his feet tells me something else is bothering him. 

"Sure, how about I make us one of my amazing banana smoothies?" 

"Yes please," he replies and I watch him as he carefully climbs onto one of the chairs at the breakfast bar. "Can I help?" He asks as I gather up the rest of the ingredients. 

"I'd love that. You wanna chop the bananas for me?" I smile as I slide the chopping board towards him and a knife. 

"How many?" He looks up at me as he plucks two bananas from the bunch. 

"Depends. Is this just a Mac and Dad treat or do you want to share with your sisters?" It feels like I can see the actual cogs turning in his head as he mulls over his decision. 

"Can it be just us?" 

"No problem, bud," I wink. His little smile makes me smile in response. 

He barely says another word as we make our treat and as I sit myself down in the seat next to him I'm beginning to think I'm wrong, maybe he doesn't want to talk? I watch him as he cups the glass in both hands, staring at the liquid inside as if it might suddenly reveal some mystical secret. "Mac?" I question at the same time he says, "Dad?" 

"You go," I gesture towards him and his gaze drops back to the counter. 

"What are you gonna call my brother?" His voice is soft and measured, the same as his Mums when she broaches a subject she's apprehensive about. As for why my son feels this way about his brother's name I'm completely baffled. 

"I don't know. Me and your Mum haven't discussed names for the babies yet, although I have some ideas. Do you have -" I pause as he shakes his head. 

"No. I mean what are you going to call him?" He looks up at me and I feel a stabbing pain in my chest as his hazel eyes shine with tears. 

"Me?" I feel completely lost, I try to pull him into a hug but he shrugs me off. 

"Are you gonna call him bud, like me?" His eyes drift back to the countertop and he takes a massive gulp of his smoothie. I breathe a massive sigh of relief as my feet plant themselves firmly on the ground. I fling my arms around him and lift him from his chair. 

"You're my bud, only you." I squeeze him tighter as he wraps his arms around my neck. 

"Promise?" He whispers in my ear. 

"I swear it, Mac. I haven't given any of your sisters the same nicknames so why do you think I'd give your brother yours?" 

He shrugs and I can feel the hurt and anger rising in my body, how can my son not know how much I love him? 

"Maybe he'll be cooler than me, stronger than me -" 

"Hey bud, stop that!" I sigh as I sit him down on the counter. "You are the coolest little dude I know and one of the bravest. It takes true strength to forgive somebody who has hurt you and you did that so easily with Sammy." 

"I didn't do any -" 

"You did. You and Robin forgave his mistakes and now he has somewhere where he can just be himself. Somewhere safe and that is so fucking cool." I smile as he shrugs like it's no big deal.

"I like Sammy, he's fun. He doesn't complain about hanging around with my sisters like my friends. Taylor said Dani was a jerk-face because she wouldn't let him borrow her favourite jumper." He sighs.

"Is that why Taylor hasn't been around lately?" 

"Uhm. Sort of..." My son's cheeks turn slightly pink and I'm curious about what has happened. "Taylor likes Daryl but uhm... I guess she kinda likes me," he shrugs. "I mean I don't even like her so I don't know why he's mad about it. She's mean."

"He'll come around, bud. And if he doesn't well, then he isn't much of a friend if he's willing to let a girl come between you. A good friendship should outlast many girlfriends." 

"Many girlfriends? You had more girlfriends than just Mum?" His eyes have grown to twice their size as he looks at me like I've just sprouted an extra head. I smile as I wonder what my life would have been like if I'd have met Jess at school, would we have ended up together? I'd seen pictures of her when she was younger, she was definitely cute but maybe a little too cool for me. 

"Dad?" He questions and pushes my shoulder. 

"Yes. I had girlfriends before your Mum and she had boyfriends before me too." 

"I don't get it. So you have girlfriends or boyfriends that you don't love until you meet your soulmate? What's the point?" He scoffs. 

"Uhm. Not exactly, see at the time you don't really realise you're not in love and sometimes you do love those people but for whatever reason things just don't work out. You know?" 

"Wait! You love other people?" The angry look on his face lets me know I'm doing a terrible job at explaining this.

"Not anymore, well not in the same way I love your Mum, obviously I love you and your sisters and your grandparents. And our friends." 

"Dad..." 

"Sorry. Yeah, see it's hard to explain. Your Mum just kinda walked into my life and it felt like everything shifted, like somewhere deep inside I knew I had to see her again, just the very idea that she could slip out of my life scared me like nothing else I've ever known. So I put myself out there, something which was quite unusual for me at the time, and I hoped she would give me a chance. And with a little help from your Auntie Lori she did." I can't stop the wide smile that takes over my face. 

"Did Mum like you straight away too? How come you loved her more than the others? What was different?" My son rushes his questions. 

"Not straight away, no. Your Mum is what is different, the way she cares for me is different, she loves me for the person I am in here," I lift his hand and place it against my heart, "not the person who prances around a stage in a shiny suit. But at the same time she has always understood that that is my job and supports and encourages me so I can do it to the very best of my abilities even although it can sometimes make her life more difficult." 

"So you're saying Mum loves all the things about you, even the bad ones? Like when you make a mess in the office or leave your shoes on the floor? Even although you chopped your hair?" I stop him as he's counting out a fourth finger.

"Yes. Even although I do all those things. And we all love her back the exact same way, right?" 

"Yeah. Mum is awesome. Are your birds you and Mum?" He says pointing at my swallow tattoos. 

"No. I had them before I met your Mum." 

"Oh. Are they for a different girl? Do you have any tattoos that are for Mum?" He asks.

"Uhm... I have four." I smile as I turn to show him the always tattooed on the left side of my chest. 

"Oh yeah. Mum has that too!" He exclaims.

"Yeah. We got that after we'd been dating for a year and then we each got a heart added once we'd been married for a year. I got this a few years ago, your Mum was furious about that one." I chuckle as I point to the letter J beside my birdcage, it's written in the same style as my G and A tattoos on my shoulders. 

"Why was she angry?" My son gasps. 

"Well, bud, it's not a very clever idea to get your girlfriend's name tattooed on you then if you break up it's there forever, you know?" 

"But you and Mum are married and you're gonna love each other forever, right?" He grabs onto my left arm to make sure I'm paying attention. 

"Not going anywhere." I smile and place a kiss to the top of his head. 

"What anniversary did you and Mum get the cross?" He says as he presses his finger to the tattoo on my hand. 

"We didn't get that at the same time. I already had that tattoo when I met your Mum. She got it after we'd been dating for..." my voice trails off as I realise we'd only been dating for a month. Shit! I don't think I realised how big of a deal that was. 

"How long?" He nudged my arm. 

"Huh?" I cough. "Oh, we'd been dating for a month. A day after my Birthday. I also have the peony." I lift my right arm up to display the flower on the same spot as my rose tattoo on my other arm. 

"Mum's favourite flowers," he says quietly. I smile at the fact that he knows this. "Do you think I'll find somebody who loves me like you and Mum love eachother?" 

"I'm sure you will, Mac. And whoever gets your heart will be the luckiest person in the whole world because you have a massive wide open heart just like your Mum." I smile as I wrap him up in a hug. 

"Love you, Dad." His voice is muffled against my chest as he hugs me back. 

"Love you more, bud."