The tips of my fingers drum loudly on the table as I wait for my friend to answer the phone. "Come on, Jeffrey!" I mutter. Why isn't he answering? The phone continues to ring and ring, so I push myself up and begin pacing the room.

"Morning, Harry! Everything okay? You never warned me about the nuclear waste diapers, man! I swear somebody must be feeding Willow something radioactive." My friend breaks into a chuckle.

"Do you have my girls?" I blurt out the question that's been on the tip of my tongue since I dialled his number. "Sorry. Yeah, their poop is pretty luminous in the beginning. Still worth it though, right?"

"Definitely. I just can't stop staring at her, H. She's wonderful. And I just pulled up at yours and Jessi's now. How's prep going? Tommy said you're looking tired." He says before I recognise the sound of the front door bell in LA. I can picture the chaos his action will have caused so clearly. Princess Madi will have immediately stopped what she is doing and will now be trying to outmanouvre everyone else to get to the door first.

"I took my sleeping pills last night so I slept better. Didn't really like it though." I can hear the whine in my voice and I clear my throat to try and get rid of it.

"But it won't be for long, just until Jess gets there. Besides, think of it as you giving her one less thing to worry about, yeah?"

"Hmm..." I fall back into the chair I'd been sitting in earlier. I hadn't thought of it like that.

"Who'sit?" The sound of Madi's voice makes me smile.

"It's only me, Uncle Jeffrey," my friend replies.

"Mum's getting the key!" Dani's voice adds to the mix. The mention of my wife causes a slight pain to radiate from my chest. I think I'd give every penny I have to switch places with Jeffrey right now. I know she's going to open the door and sweep our friend into a warm hug and as I gaze around my empty dressing room the feeling of loneliness swells in my chest.

"Jeff?"

"Yeah?"

"Take care of them for me. Promise. Make sure they don't ask Robi anything stupid or too personal, I -"

"You know I will, Harry. You sure you're okay?" I can hear the concern in his voice so I try my best to sound upbeat.

"I'm fine, man but I gotta go. Got a thing. Tell Jess to call me later, yeah?"

"Okay. I'll let you know how it goes."

"Thanks. Bye." I hang up just as I hear my daughters yell for their Uncle Jeffrey and I force the lump in my throat back down. Come on, Harry! Pull yourself together! I know I'll see them soon.

I stuff my phone back into my pocket and breathe, "now what?" into the darkness. Drive back to Holmes Chapel? Maybe I can see if Mitch and Adam are free? Although not likely, both men were making the most of having their families together before we set off on tour. I could take a walk around Manchester Art Gallery, I'd heard they have a new exhibit.

A knock on the door pulls me from my melancholy. I swear if it's River again I might snap. She's been closer to me than my shadow for most of the time we've been here. I tripped over her twice.

"Mr Styles?" The meek voice comes from the other side, accompanied by another knock.

"Yes?" I force a smile as I answer the door.

"Hi! Uhm - I - your Dad is with security," she whispers. I recognise her as the girl who sits at the security desk to sign people in. I figure she must be pretty new to the job because she seems constantly on tenterhooks, like any second somebody is going to tear her a new one.

"My Dad?" My fingers rub against my left shoulder, I think it's time for a new guitar strap.

"Mhmm." She nods and begins walking along the corridor with no further explanation. I guess I'm supposed to follow her. I grab my coat and bag from the sofa and jog to catch up to her.

"Hey son! Apparently I'm not on your list," My Dad breaks into a laugh as we round the corner.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting to see you here until the show on Saturday," I explain as he squeezes me in a tight hug.

"Jessi sent me, she figured you might be at a bit of a loose end what with your bandmates being busy. She got us hospitality tickets to the footy. Bloody diamond she is." He grins as he pats his jacket pocket.

"Yeah, she is." I nod, biting my lip. Trying to swallow down my emotions once again. Is it normal to miss people this much? I should be able to function without my family for a few days. I used to go months at a time without seeing them. The thought makes a pain pinch in my chest.

"You all right, Harry?"

"I just miss them so much -"

"How do you think we feel when you guys are all on the other side of the world?" Danny's voice booms and my head snaps towards him, stunned that I'd managed to miss the giant of a man. Maybe I'd dismissed him as a member of my security team.

"I've been looking into moving back," I breathe as he bundles me into one of his patented bear hugs.

"Seriously?" He gasps. "Tell us all about it over dinner. Come on." He commands and I follow both men out the door without question. I quickly pull out my phone and send my wife a message declaring my love for her. Even thousands of miles away she's still taking care of me.

-----

"Dad?" My teen exclaims as I answer the phone. Me, Danny and my Dad had just finished ordering our food.

"Hey Robi, everything okay?" I reply, excusing myself from the table. Both men nod before resuming their chat about a new bar they are planning to open. This would be their fifth.

"I'm nervous, Dad. What if they ask me something I don't want to answer? What if I mess up? This is Teen Vogue, it's a big deal." She pauses to take a breath and I pounce.

"Robi, you are gonna be great. Just be honest and then you can't really go wrong. And if there is anything you don't want to answer then don't and if you don't want to say that you don't want to answer then just give Uncle Jeffrey or Mum a nod and they'll take care of it, okay?" My fingers drum against my thigh as I wait for her response. My thumb automatically moves to play with my wedding band.

"What if I say something I'm not supposed to?"

"Like what?" I smile. This isn't like her, normally she happily fires off a post to instagram without really thinking of the consequences.

"I don't know. Uncle Jeff got pretty annoyed when I posted the name of your album. I mean, I didn't know it would go viral, I was just replying to Mila's post." She sighs.

"He wasn't really mad. He loves you, almost as much as I do. Nobody loves you as much as I do."

"What about Mum?"

"Okay, maybe Mum does but nobody else." I chuckle. "Now there is nothing you can say in this interview that I won't be okay with - well, maybe don't tell them all my embarrassing stuff."

"I've got your back Dad. I'll make sure you sound cool," her giggle warms my soul.

"I love you, Robi."

"Love you too. I can't wait until Saturday. I miss my Dad hugs."

"You miss MY hugs? What about me? I have no hugs!" I exclaim, startling the little kid standing a few feet away from me.

"Shut up! You're staying with Grandma, you're getting plenty of hugs!" She laughs. I can't help but join in. She has a point, I am. "Gotta go. Mum says she'll speak to you when we're done, okay?"

"'Kay. Knock 'em dead, baby girl and give Mum a hug from me."

"A big squishy one. Bye!" She sounds tonnes happier than when we started our conversation and I give myself a pat on the back.

"Buh-bye, sweet pea!" I reply and she hangs up the phone. It's nice to know I can help even if I can't be there.

"Uhm... excuse me? I know you're busy," the stranger nods towards my dinner table, "would you mind recording a little message for my son, he's a massive fan. He'd be here himself but he's just joined the army."

I can't help but sympathise at the misty eyed look that takes over the burly man's features as he talks about his son. I know Mac and the rest of the kids are safe as houses at home but I miss them all the same.

"I'd be happy to. I'm Harry." I smile and stretch my hand out towards the man who shakes it and introduces himself as "Chris".

Chris and I record a message for his son and I find myself sharing details about my own situation as we talk which isn't like me at all. My face falls like a stone falling off a cliff when I realise I've shared that my family are planning to join me for tour. Shit! That is not supposed to be common knowledge. Not yet.

"You okay? That's good news, right?" The man I've known for the whole of ten minutes smiles.

"It is but it's supposed to be a secret."

"Ah. I won't tell a soul. Us Dads have got to stick together, right?" He pats my shoulder and I see no sign that I shouldn't trust him but I decide to give Tommy and Jeffrey a heads up anyway.

"Right. Thanks."

"I should let you get back to your dinner," Chris nods towards my table, "enjoy the match, Harry and thank you again for doing this, Drew is going to love it." He smiles warmly and I return the gesture while telling him it was "no problem".

"So how long is Jess going to be doing the photography for tour?" My Dad asks before I even sit back down at the table. My bum sinks into the padded chair and I pick up my glass of water, swirling it around, wishing it was something stronger but I've insisted on being the designated driver.

"How do you mean?" Danny quirks his eyebrow while taking a swig of his whiskey.

"Well, she's already pretty far along. She's not going to want to run up and down an arena all night for much longer, is she?" He replies.

"Ha! We'll let you be the one to tell her that." Danny chuckles as he nudges my elbow.

"We have a back up. Hélène has agreed to come on board if we need her but at the moment the plan is for Jess to do the whole tour, the twins C-section is a week after the European leg ends and then we have another month and a half before we start the American shows." I explain. To be honest, I'm a little concerned about how she's going to manage too. I mean rehearsals are tiring me out and I'm not carrying around two growing babies. But Jess is confident she can do it and I trust her to know her body's limits, even if I do still worry.

"Taking the kids on tour is madness. How are you both gonna juggle working with six kids?"

"How is it going to be any harder than me leaving them all at home with Jessi?" I snap. It's not like it hasn't occurred to me that I'm being a little selfish bringing them with me but disappearing on tour for months would hardly leave me in line for father of year either. The twins wouldn't even know me by the time I got back.

"You know we'd all help her out. Your sister is doing that right now, isn't she?" His reply is calm but I can tell he's annoyed by the way he throws his drink back. I watch as he orders himself another.

"I appreciate that you are happy to help out but I want them with me. I don't want to say goodbye for months at a time. I don't want them to get used to not having me around. I hate being without them." I sip my drink as I decide whether or not to share the fact that I'm taking medication just so I can sleep without my wife beside me.

"Harry, I'm not trying to have a go at you. I just don't think it's going to be as easy as you think it is."

"Maybe not, Des but they can handle it," My entire body stiffens as Danny claps me on the shoulder and I try to stop my body hurtling forward.

"I know. I just - we're here to help if you need us. That's all I'm trying to say."

"Thanks, Dad." I take another sip of my water as our food arrives. I shake my head as my thoughts once again turn to my wife. "So tell me about this new bar. Where are you guys opening it?" I force myself to pay attention to their answers. I have to get my mind off Jessi and the kids or I'm going to drive myself mad.

-----

"Hi, love. I just opened this bottle of merlot. Do you want a glass?" My Mum yells from the kitchen as I let myself in the front door.

"Mmm... please?" The words leave my lips in a contented sigh, like I've just sunk into a toasty warm bath but then I remember my sleeping pills. "Better make it a small one though." I throw my coat over the banister and make my way inside.

"Enough?" My Mum's grin shines in the warmly lit kitchen as she stops pouring a third of the way up one of the elegant wine glasses Jess and I had gifted her at Christmas. We had the bottoms engraved with all of her grandkids' names because we knew she'd love it. Her grin continues to shine as she runs her fingers over the etchings as she slides the glass towards me.

"What's got you so smiley?" I find my lips turning up at the sight of her joy.

"I just got off a video call with Gemma and most of my grand-babies," her grin somehow manages to get wider, "Robi says her interview went really well, she seems really proud of herself, as she should be of course. The excited little look on her face reminded me of when you used to call and tell me about all the crazy things you and the boys had done."

My fingers wrap around the glass stem as my mind drifts to memories that feel like they happened several lifetimes ago. "Yeah, her and Jessi sent me messages since I was busy watching the game. They both seemed really happy with how it went. Wish I could have been there though." I take a small drink of the berry red liquid and let it coat my tongue, savouring the slight burn as the alcohol makes its way down my throat.

"Now you know how I felt. Watching from the sidelines as my baby learned how to fly and by god, you fucking flew. Higher than even I dared imagine. You're still doing it now." Her words tug at my heart but she isn't sad, her grin is bright and she reaches a hand out to cup my cheek. "I'm so proud of you." Her voice is quiet as she pulls my face towards her and presses a kiss to my forehead.

"Love you, Mum." I press a quick kiss to her cheek and blink back the moisture clouding my eyesight.

"How was the game? Did you have fun?" She asks as she makes her way to the living room and I follow behind her.

"Yeah. I did actually. My wife knows me well." I flop down onto the sofa, my wine swirling dangerously and earning me a warning look from my Mum.

"Careful, these cushions are new."

The liquid comes dangerously close to escaping the sides as my arse shoots up off the sofa when my phone vibrates in my back pocket. "Bloody thing!" I mutter as I pull it free from my black Gucci trousers.

"Harry!" I briefly hear my Mum complain but I'm not paying attention to her anymore, a grin is pulling on my lips. I have a new message from Jessi.

I swear your kids are trying to kill me!

I let out a loud belly laugh as I read her words.

MY kids? Not ours?! 👀 What did they do?

My fingers tap out my reply quicker than I can form the words in my head. And my smile broadens as she replies with two pictures.

Aw. I'm missing bouldering with Mac? 🙁

Holy shit! Is that Dani? 👀 That's my girl!

My heart didn't know whether to break that I was missing this or swell with pride at my bambinos, either way it was thumping harder than a rabbit's foot. Mac always came bouldering with me when I went, even as a toddler he tried to follow me up the wall rather than play in the soft play area with his older sister.

Are you busy? Can I call you?

Thank you for the flowers, made me smile this morning.

You're welcome. I'm with Mum. I'll put you on speakerphone

Just so, you know, don't say anything dirty

I laughed out loud as I opened up her contact information and pressed the call button.

"You know you're the filthy one!" Jessi laughs from my phone speaker.

"Hey Jessi, love" My Mum adds as I sit myself back down on the sofa and tuck my feet underneath me.

"Hi Anne!" I can hear the smile in my wife's voice. "Oh, I ended up with two little visitors in my bed during the night, you'll never guess who?"

"Madi is a given," I reply and I see my Mum nodding along. "And Mac?"

"No, Daniella."

"Dani? Our little wild child, the one currently scaling a wall?" I shook my head. "Don't believe you!"

"I'll send you a picture when we're done. They are all so clingy, your departure has left a void of lovin'. We can't wait to shower you with affection," I can hear the longing in my wife's voice.

"Me too!" I yell. "God, I wanna hold you sooo bad."

"Shit! I have to go. Sara's calling." She sighs.

"Okay," my heart sinks like a stone falling to the bottom of the ocean. "Call me in a few hours, I liked hearing your voice as I fell asleep?" I don't even try to hide the pleading in my voice.

"I already have the reminder set in my phone. Love you, H! Love you, Anne! Speak soon."

As soon as me and my Mum get out our replies she's gone and I let out a huge sigh.

"I'm so glad you convinced her to come on tour with you, otherwise you'd be in for a miserable nine months," my Mum chuckles as she pulls me into a hug. "I'm so glad you found her, love. She makes you so happy and that makes my heart happy." She presses a kiss to the top of my head and I try to relax and enjoy these precious moments with one of the other important women in my life.