I take a deep breath as I transition from warrior pose to reverse warrior. My bump feels really obvious today, like I'm smuggling a small watermelon, but my workout pants are holding it securely. It is getting hard to hide, but I only have to make it one more day. The scan is tomorrow and we always like to wait until after that to announce it. I've started working on the photography book but with different publishers, Sara and Jeffrey had found them. Apparently they were offering a much better deal. I've decided to hire a new photographer to take on some more work since I'm pregnant and in a few months I'll be on tour with Harry. I've started to research and plan school work for the kids to do while we are gone, my morning sickness is still kicking my arse, so to say I'm tired is an understatement, tired and stressed. I'm hoping yoga will help calm me down. Relax. I close my eyes and breathe deeply.

"NO FUCKING WAY JEFFREY!!" Harry's voice shatters the peace and quiet as the front door swings open.

"Harry, come on? It'll be great publicity." Jeffrey argues. I stand up slowly to survey the situation.

"READ MY LIPS. IT'S. NOT. FUCKING. HAPPENING!" Harry storms up the stairs, and I'm curious about what is going on. Harry and Jeffrey never argue like this.

"It's all booked Harry." Jeffrey sighs.

"What is going on?" My bare feet pad softly across the floor and our friend jumps about a foot in the air.

"Sorry Jess, I didn't know you were home?" He forces a smile. "Wow, look at you. I think you might have a giant in there." I hope for his sake he isn't saying things like this to Glenne. I know he didn't mean it in a hurtful way but I instinctively wrap my hand around my bump. It's definitely bigger than with Madison and it has me feeling a little insecure about my body. A little worried that something is wrong.

"Uhm... thanks?" I quirk my eyebrows at him. "Why is H mad?"

"I've booked River to go on tour with him. It makes sense, gets her name out there and raises her profile but let's just say Harry isn't her biggest fan, he thinks she's spoiled, selfish, rude. I mean he's not wrong, but it's business." I understood his point but Harry loves touring, I didn't want that experience ruined because of this girl. "Talk to him for me, Jess? He'll listen to you."

"Jeffrey." A puff of air burst from my lips. "I'll talk to him but I'm not promising anything." I'm not even sure I want to change his mind, this is the girl who'd made him come home in a foul mood on more than one occasion this past month.

"Thanks, I love you. And Harry is right, you do have that glow!" He kisses my cheek before heading for the door.

"Bye Jeffrey." I roll my eyes at his less than subtle attempt to butter me up. Once the front door closes behind him I take a deep breath and head upstairs to find my husband. So much for relaxing.

"Harry? Sweetie? Where are you?" I call out when I reach the landing.

"Bedroom." His voice sounds a little calmer as I walk to the room. He is perching on the edge of the bed, his body rigid, hair wild from where he's been running his hands through it and his fingers are clenching and unclenching. I move quietly across the floor, my knees nudging his so I can stand between his legs. His fingers briefly grip my hips before his arms wrap tightly around my body, the right side of his face presses against me, his head nestling in my chest. "You look beautiful today." His face tilts up to look at me and I smile as his eyes soften. "And so do you." He grins before pulling away from me to place a little kiss to my bump.

"And Daddy looks pretty too." I grin, my knee rubbing along his strong thigh, my sudden need for him outweighs my plan to talk to him. "Would Daddy like me to make him feel better?" I cup my hands around his ears and press his head into my breasts so I can place a soft kiss to his hair and I smirk as his growl vibrates through my body. I drop my hands to his thighs, my fingers meander over his clothed muscles and immediately pull away when he squirms, shuffling on the edge of the bed, trying to get my attention where he wants it.

"Baby, you know I don't like it when you tease!" Harry growls and I clench my thighs together. My eyes seek out his and I hold his stare while I lower myself down onto my knees, which I admit could be smoother if I wasn't lugging around a baby bump. "Fuck, you look so pretty. I love the shape of you." Harry's hand gently cups my cheek and I look up at him to question his use of Ed Sheeran lyrics and that's when I see the tears in his eyes.

"Harry, why are you crying?"

"Come here, baby?" Harry mumbles, his hands grasping my upper arms and practically hauling me up off the floor. I allow my body to follow his guidance as he lies back on the bed and pulls me on top, so I'm straddling him.

"H, is everything okay?" I ask as he wipes away his tears.

"Mmm... I think I'm catching your hormones." He chuckles and I briefly join in before looking at him seriously again. I can feel my brows squishing together as I try to work out what the hell is wrong with my husband.

"I just realised that was the last time I was gonna see you like that." He sighs sadly.

"You think that's the last time you are gonna see me on my knees, begging for your dick? Are you planning on sewing my mouth shut or something?" I scoff. He'd finally lost the plot.

"Seriously considering it right now, you're ruining my moment!" His pout just made me want to suck those pretty pink lips into my mouth.

"Well, you ruined mine. You taste so good when I'm pregnant!" I cross my arms over my chest as I stare back at him.

"See that's my point!" He wags his finger. "This is the last time it'll ever be like this. You won't look like this again and I just love how you look while you safely carry around our babies. This'll be our last baby and just like the others he won't be a baby for long. Just let me look at you, please?" Harry's hands wander over my body, gently rubbing my tummy.

"Holy shit!" I exclaim, my hand clutching at my stomach but the sensation quickly settles down.

"What? Is everything okay? Are you having pains? Should I call the Doctor?" His eyes are wide as saucers.

"No. Do that thing again." I grab his hands and press them to my bump. He moves them slowly, and a smile spreads over my face as I feel the familiar feeling, our baby is moving. "I think the little one likes that."

"You can feel him moving? Already?" Harry smiles along with you, his dimply grin making my heart race. "Are you sure you're only 11 weeks?"

"I guess we'll find out tomorrow?"

"I can't wait." Harry pulls me down to lie beside him, his arms enveloping me and bump. I instantly feel the relaxation I'd been seeking earlier. 

"Now you're in a better mood, why don't you invite River for dinner tomorrow?" 

"I knew Jeffrey would try to get you on side." His sigh ruffles my hair. "Fine, I'll invite her for dinner and then you'll see why I don't want her on tour with me."

"Harry, you know Jeffrey is stubborn. It will be much easier if you try to get along with her. Maybe she just needs some guidance?" I sigh.

"I'll get Jeffrey to bring her to dinner tomorrow. Just remember I warned you." I grin as he kisses me gently. I can handle River.

-----

"Baby, I need to pop out and grab some things for dinner. Will you be alri -" My voice trails off as I spot Jess exhausted on the sofa. She hasn't been sleeping well, the nightmares that plagued Robin and Dani's pregnancies were back. It was one of several things I want to discuss with Dr Ross tomorrow.

"Come on kids, come to the supermarket, let's leave your Mum to try to get some rest, yeah?" Everyone nods and follows you to the door.

"I wanna stay wiv Mummy." Madi pouts. I glance over at Jess.

"We'll be fine, we can watch a movie, right Madison?" My daughter giggles in response. I bent down and made sure Jessi couldn't hear. "OK, but you have to promise to be good, you sit and watch a movie with Mummy nicely. If I come back and find you've been misbehaving while Mummy needs to be resting I won't be very happy, okay?"

"P'omiss Daddy." She grins and runs over to Jessi. "Oh! Daddy, how big is baby to-day?"

"About the size of a fig." I smiled at her.

"Wha'sa fig?" Her little face scrunches in confusion.

"I'll bring you one back from the supermarket." I chuckle as she yells in excitement. I walk over and place a kiss to both hers and Jessi's head.

"Hurry back." Jess yells as we all head out the door.

-----

The supermarket trip has taken a lot longer than necessary. Each of our kids wandering off and it seemed like every time I looked away, they'd put more stuff in the trolly. I walk inside with the bags of shopping and my eyes immediately settle on the mess of toys and blankets trailing down the stairs.

"Madison?" I yell.

"Shhh... Mummy and baby sweeping!" Her head pops up from the sofa, her finger pressed against her lips. I walk over to the sofa and my anger immediately subsides as I take in the sight in front of me. Jessi is asleep on the sofa, Madi's pillow propped under her head and her duvet is tucked neatly around her Mum and bump. My smile widens as I spot Madi's favourite teddy bear perched on top of the bump.

"Did you do all this?" 

"Uh huh." She nodded. "Madi do good job?"

"Perfect, do you want to help Daddy put away the shopping?" I nod towards the kitchen, noticing everyone else has disappeared.

"You fly me?" She giggles, skipping along behind me.

"Always." She loves the game where I make her fly so she can reach the higher shelves.

We've finished putting away the shopping and there is only one thing left, the fig.

"I have a surprise for you." I sing, hiding the fig behind my back.

"Sho me!" Madi giggles, swinging her legs over the edge of the kitchen worktop.

"It's a fig." I cup it in my palm as I stretch my hand out towards her.

"Purple! Mac's fa-bo-rite!" She squeals, her finger poking it carefully.

"Wanna see inside?" At least one of my kids still thinks I'm cool. She nods excitedly.

"RED!" Her little hands slap against her cheeks. "An' bumpy, baby bumpy?"

"The baby doesn't look like a fig, he's just roughly the same size." I ruffle her wavey hair, it's so much like her Mum's, except it's blonde just like her brothers.

"Oh!" She picks up one half of the fig and holds it in her hands. "I wanna see baby."

"Well, you'll get to see tomorrow, me and Mummy are gonna get a special picture taken." 

"You are?" She claps her hands.

"Mhmm. There's a magic camera that can see in Mummy's tummy."

"How?" She pouts. "Madi see?"

"Well, they put some magic jelly on Mummy's tummy and they have a special little wand, a bit like a camera on a stick and it can see into Mummy's tummy. And you can come next time. I promise." I smile.

"O-kay." She sighs. "I go play?"

"Yeah." I scoop her up off the counter and place a kiss to her head before putting her down on the ground. I take a peek around the corner and smile when I see Jess is still sleeping. 

Dinner is almost ready when I hear Robi scream Madi's name from the living room. I walk towards the absolute racket to find our youngest daughter in tears while our eldest yells at her.

"What's going on? Why am I blue?" Jessi's sleepy voice is only just audible.

"I try - see - baby!" Madi is bawling her eyes out as she runs towards me and I immediately notice her hands are covered in what looks like blueberry jam.

"She's nuts, look what she did to my phone!" Robi yells, holding up a sticky mess that could be her phone and I note the selfie stick attached to it. Oops. 

"Is somebody going to tell me why I'm blue?" I can't help but chuckle as Jessi stands up, her t-shirt has been tucked into her bra and her tummy is covered in blueberry jam.

"Because your daughter is a psycho, and it's not funny, how am I supposed to communicate?" Robi huffs.

"I not si-show!" Madi yells back.

"Robin, sweetheart. We will fix your phone, now calm down. Besides, I have a sneaking suspicion that this is your Dad's fault." Jessi smirks.

"I think we should get grumpy Robi!" I chuckle, running towards Robin as I get Madi to hold out her jammy hands.

"Dad!" She whines as her sister grabs her shoulder, leaving a blue handprint. "Mum, please get him to stop?"

"Come on Sweetheart, it's pretty funny. I mean I look like a smurf." Jessi giggles. "How about you and I head out and see if we can get your phone fixed after dinner?" She wraps her arm around Robi.

"Madi come wiv?" 

"We should ask Dani too, she needed new trainers." Robi grins.

"I no see baby, Daddy." Madi sighs.

"You need a special kind of jelly, Madi and a very special camera." I kiss her cheek as I carry her to the sink to get cleaned up.

"Like... swaberry?" She pouts as I wash her hands under the tap.

"No, not strawberry. Only Doctors are allowed it." I brush the wispy strands of hair away from her face.

"Oh." She frowns, her bottom lip jutting out.

"What's wrong, Angel?" I ask, I don't like seeing her sad, she is always such a happy girl.

"I wanna see baby." Her lip quivers as tears began rolling down her cheeks.

"You'll see tomorrow when Daddy and I bring home the photos." Jessi interrupts.

"I WILL?" Her head snaps up as she sniffs loudly.

"You will." I smile, wiping away her tears and snot. After four kids I'm pretty sure nothing grosses me out anymore. She let out a cheer and stood up and hugged me, her hand reaching for Jessi.

"No hugs until I'm not blue." Jess giggles.

"Madi, go find your sisters and brother and get them to help set the table, yeah?" I pick her up and place her on the ground.

"They no listen." 

"Well, tell them Daddy says so and if it isn't done by the time I get through there, then there will be trouble." I say, and she skips off out the kitchen. Jessi coughs quietly beside me and I turn to find her holding out her jam covered hands. "Yeah?" 

"Clean me, please?" She pouts. I can never resist her pout and especially while she is pregnant. I pull her hands over to the sink and cover them in soap before wrapping my own hands around hers and cleaning all the sticky blue mess from her soft skin.

"Oh, oh! Oh, oh!

Be my baby,

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, oh! Oh, oh!

Be my baby,

I'll look after you"  

I sing as I finish cleaning her hands. She quite often makes songs appear in my mind.

"There now, steady love, so few come and don't go,

Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around,

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down" 

I grinned as Jessi sings the next verse back to me.

"I wasn't sure if you'd remember that. I found it while scrolling through random songs the other day." I pick her up and sit her down on the counter where our daughter had been just moments ago.

"I love that song. You used to sing it to me when I was pregnant with Dani."

"I'm sorry I left you alone." I sigh, guilt clouding my mind. I concentrate on cleaning her stomach, unable to look at her.

"Hey, stop that." Her hands cup my cheeks and she lifts my head so I'll look at her. "We both made that decision and even although you were on the other side of the world you were still more involved than a lot of guys. I never felt alone." Her coffee eyes are glued on mine.

"We were wrong. I should have been there. Maybe then we wouldn't have lost-" She cut me off with a kiss.

"Shh..." She whispers, her forehead presses to mine. "That's on me, I knew I was stressed out but I didn't do anything about it and I was shutting you out. I was still pissed that you finished your show and so you almost missed Dani being born. I was being selfish and childish and..." Her voice trails off and I wipe away the tears that have rolled down her cheeks.

"Okay, we're both assholes." She half laughs, "Or maybe the Doctor's were right and nobody was to blame, these things just happen sometimes?" I squeeze her tight.

"Harry, I'm scared." She says it so quietly I almost can't make out what the words.

"What are you scared of?" I hold her tighter, being careful not to squish the baby.

"I still have morning sickness, it's supposed to be dying down now. I'm so tired, I fell asleep when I was supposed to be looking after our daughter, anything could have happened to her and I'm fucking huge. What if there's something wrong?" I can feel her trembling in my arms and I wonder how long she's been bottling all this up.

"Baby, pregnancy doesn't really have strict rules, I mean cravings are supposed to die down too, but you had cravings right up to the end with all the kids. And I'm not surprised you're tired, you're not sleeping at night and when you do you have nightmares, maybe Dr. Ross can recommend something for that. And Madi was fine, she busied herself looking after you and the baby. You should have seen how she had you wrapped up. I took a picture. And you are not huge. I'd say you're only a little bigger than you were with Madison at this stage, plus you look absolutely stunning and finally, I don't think there is anything wrong. I think you're worrying about nothing but if something is wrong then we'll get through it together, yeah?" I gently kiss her forehead.

"Thank you. What would I do without you?" Her hands grip my biceps tightly. "You're amazing."

"Cry. Fuck me a few times. Fuck a popstar a few times. Cry some more. Fuck me again. Get pregnant with my baby and then realise you absolutely cannot live without me?" She chuckles at my brief recap of our year apart. "And I'm not amazing, you're the one carrying our fifth baby. You're amazing."

"I love you." Her lips press softly to mine in a sweet kiss.

"I love you more. Now come on let's get this dinner served before it's ruined?" I pick her up and place her down on the floor, gently. I don't think I'll ever tire of being able to do that.