I turn to pick up my glass of water and my arm bumps into my husband. His hand automatically tightening around my waist.

"Where you goin'?"

"Nowhere," my voice clips back, "just thirsty." I temper my emotions and force a smile as I wrap my fingers around my drink.

"You okay?" he says as he moves in closer. His nose brushes along my neck, followed by his soft lips.

"I'm fine, Harry," I reply while removing myself from his grasp.

"You need -"

"I don't need anything. I'm hot. Thirsty. And I need to pee." I shoo away his hands, which are reaching for my hips again as I walk towards the bathroom.

Once I step inside and make sure there's nobody else occupying the stalls, I let out a yell of pure frustration, my palms slamming down on either side of the sink. For once, I don't need the toilet. I just need some space. My eyes flit along the bank of empty mirrors and then come to rest on my own reflection. "What is wrong with you?" I ask before shaking my head. No. This is Harry's problem. He's the one who's been clinging to me for days and I'm not just talking about being affectionate. He literally hasn't let me breathe for three days.

Setting up my cameras. He's there.

Cooking. He's right beside me.

I want to go for a walk. He wants to go for a walk.

Every time I turn around he's bloody there.

I bet he's bloody outside this door. Waiting. My head swivels to the door in question and I wonder how long before he comes in here looking for me?

I haven't even finished the thought when the door swings open.

"Jesus! Fu -"

"Mum! Are you okay?" My middle daughter asks and I have to hold in the scream I want to let go because Harry must've asked that question at least a million times in the last 72 hours.

"I'm okay, sweetie. You?"

"Fine. Just got to pee." Her eyes glance from me to the empty sink and back again before she enters the cubicle and I hear the lock click closed. I doubt she bought that lie.

I run the tap and quickly wash and dry my hands. Run my fingers through my unruly waves and take a deep breath before exiting the bathroom.

I glance left and right and feel a weight lift from my shoulders when there's no sign of him.

"Baby?" He yells less than two steps later and I feel like a balloon that just got pricked with a needle. Deflated.

"Where are you going?"

That's probably the second most asked question after "you okay?"

"I don't know, Harry. Haven't really decided. I might go have something to eat. You?"

"I'm hungry too. Canteen? Or we could go out somewhere? There's this lovely little Italian place a few streets away," he slings his arm around my waist again and I mentally tick through my excuses. God knows I love this man, but I need some space, something which he's usually so good at giving me. Knowing when I need to be left alone and when I need attention is one of this man's many super powers. So why is it failing him now? Anxiety about the twins? Maybe he's still feeling guilty about the time we spent apart?

Maybe it's time I bit the bullet and confronted this problem before my frustration lets it rip from me and some feelings really get hurt.

"Italian sounds lovely," I smile. I hope my courage doesn't falter between now and arriving at the restaurant.

-----

"What do you fancy?" I ask, glancing up from the menu only to realise my wife hasn't even opened hers.

"Harry. I need you to give me space." The words are out of her mouth before she even realises what she said. Judging by the way she's now clasping her hands over her mouth.

"Oh," is the only word I can form.

"H... I - I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm sorry. And it's really sweet how much you care but -"

"I've been like 13.5 tog duvet in the middle of summer," I interject.

"No. Well - yes, but it's not that I don't appreciate you and everything that you do. I just -"

"I get it." I flip open the menu again and begin scanning the dishes.

"Sweetie!" The pet name that she's called me ever since it involuntarily left her lips all those years ago makes me look at her.

"I get it, Jess. Really, I do. I just missed you, and I've been so happy to have you back. Uh - maybe we should just go. I have stuff to do," I sigh. I slam closed the menu and sit it down on the table.

"Oh no, you don't." Jessi's hand on my wrist stops my movement. "You don't get to flip it all around on me and then sulk off. Jesus! Harry!" Her sigh lasts for what seems like an eternity.

I open my mouth to speak, but she holds up her hand to silence me.

"You were waiting outside the bathroom for me, Harry -"

"I was not!" I huff. Crossing my arms over my chest. "I just - I - I - all right. Technically, I was, but I only wanted to see if you wanted to grab something to eat."

"And the time before that?" She quirks an eyebrow at me and I open my mouth to defend myself until I realise she's right. I 100% can recall waiting outside a bathroom for her more than once over the past few days since my party. Shit!

"Maybe I took it a bit far, but I just - I don't know - I wanted to be near you, all right?"

"H -"

"No. Clearly, it isn't all right!" I snap. "You can have all the space you want from now on, okay?" I am up out of my seat before there's anything she can do about it. Ignoring her protests, I saunter out of the restaurant and wave down a passing taxi, leaving Jess with the car that had dropped us off. If space is what she wants, then space is exactly what she's going to get.

-----

"Harry? Where's Jess?" My Mum asks as I march by her.

"We're not joined at the hip. How would I know?" I reply, knowing full well that she's probably exactly where I left her when I stormed off.

"Could've fooled me," My mum chuckles, "You've been super glued to her since your party. I'm surprised she hasn't told you to do one yet."

Don't you start, I think to myself.

"I'm just glad to have her back, that's all. I've been a shitty husband these past few months and I -" I pause, wondering why the hell I'm telling my mum this and not Jessi.

My wife gave me the perfect opportunity to open up to her and all I did was get defensive and throw it in her face.

"Oh, Harry," she sighs, pulling me into a hug, "stop beating yourself up. Jessi knows you are only doing your job. She understands, sweetheart. She doesn't expect grand gestures or an apology for something you can't help, just like you don't expect one from her when her job takes her away from you. Right?"

"Well, she might expect one now..." I sigh. My mum pulls back from me and grips my shoulders, her withering stare making me feel like a child being scalded.

"She tried to tell me I was being a bit much, and I didn't exactly take it well." My eyes fall to the tiled floor so I don't have to see the disappointed look in her eyes.

"Oh, Harry. What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter. I know how to fix it. Thanks mum!" I grin while rushing off to put my plan into action.

-----

I waltz back into the venue after having eaten a delicious lunch of fried gnocchi with broad beans, Parma ham and a ricotta and sage sauce. If that idiot husband of mine thought I was going to come chasing after him then he was sorely mistaken. A girl's gotta eat after all.

I head for the dressing room which has become our little family hub and am very surprised to find it empty. My eyes are immediately drawn to the vase sitting on my husband's dressing table. Gorgeous, lilac peonies bloom from the silver vase and my feet take me towards the little card with my name on it. My husband's handwriting is instantly familiar to me.

"Baby, I'm so fucking sorry. For sticking to you like honey," I laugh at the reference to his own song. "For having a bit of a strop when you tried to talk to me. I left you a little surprise in the bathtub. Enjoy! I also plan to apologise tonight, when we're alone in bed. Until then you won't see me, except when you have to take pictures of my handsome face on stage, I promise. Love you, H."

I'm still clutching the card when I come to a stop beside the tub. I reach in and grab the gift basket. Little "oohs" and "aahs" escaping my lips as I take in the contents. My favourite bath bomb, which turns the water the same pink colour as my husband's self-titled album cover. Coconut bubble bath because the bomb never makes enough bubbles. The most delicious swiss chocolate and a bottle of apple juice - with a note which says "since you can't have wine. Also shared a playlist with you x".

I open up my music app and smile at the list he's curated. Our favourite love songs mixed with a few love songs from my husband. Some released. Some that will never be. Those are the rare ones that he declares belong to me, even though I can't write a song for shit. I did try once and I know the nonsensical ramblings are immortalised in one of Harry's many journals. Hopefully never to be found again.

I hit play while I run the bath and add the bomb and bubbles. My hips sway in time to Coming Home by Leon Bridges as my clothes are discarded on the floor and I move to lock the door to Harry's private bathroom. I plan to make use of this little slice of heaven that Harry has gifted me and I don't need any little people barging in.

I turn off the taps when the water reaches the perfect level and as I sink into the delightfully toasty water; I close my eyes. For the first time in days I am able to appreciate the feeling of missing my husband. He's a buggar but I bloody love him.

-----

"Race you!" Daniella yells to her siblings as we hustle our way out of the venue. And almost immediately I'm alone as they run to catch up to her.

"Hang on, Dad's not -"

"Dad's not what?" My insides light up at the sound of his voice in my ear.

"Here. I was gonna say, here." I smile as I turn my head to find him looking right back at me. He's so close I can kiss him and my eyes begin to close as I plan to do just that.

"Well, here I am," He says and I open my eyes to find that he's straightened to his full height.

"Hey... I have something for you." I wiggle my eyebrows and speak in my best seductive tone.

"So, should we go get our kiddos? They're probably running rings around Mark by now," He holds out his hand and I take it. Wondering if I even spoke at all.

"H?"

"Come on, let's get out of here!" He announces and walks on ahead of me. My hand almost slips from his grasp and I immediately twine our fingers together. The little smile that tugs at his lips makes me realise he wasn't smiling before. Not for the entire time since he joined me in the corridor.

I think back over the show. I'd definitely captured smiles. The genuine ones. And some flirty ones too when he caught me taking his picture. One in particular springs to mind and it was downright sinful. It was definitely my favourite shot of the night but I haven't decided yet if it'll be the one I share with his millions of followers.

"Sweetie, are we okay?" I whisper as we reach the car door.

"Mhmm..." he nods emphatically, his fingers tighten in mine, so hard it borders on painful but when his eyes become glassy, I forget the pain and squeeze back.

"Can you move it, please? I'm tired." Our moody tween groans and I'm stunned to find all four of our kids strapped in and ready to get back to the hotel.

"Coming," Harry's voice croaks and I climb into the seat beside him. Madi is on his other side, fast asleep.

"Right, let's roll." Mark says from the front seat as the car speeds off to beat the traffic. Although, the police escort helps too.

Harry shakes his head as I try to remove my hand from his, only agreeing when I offer him my other one. His fingers quickly lock between mine and I'm not sure I could remove it even if I wanted to. I slide my now free arm around his waist and shuffle as close to him as I can, without actually mounting him.

My head rests against his chest and when I feel his cheek brush against my hair, I can only hope that I am giving him whatever it is that he needs from me right now. I want to tell him I've got him. That everything is going to be alright. But knowing three sets of little ears are listening from the seats behind us, I settle for squeezing his fingers impossibly tighter. Pressing a kiss to his clothed chest and whispering, "I love you."

-----

I'm not surprised to find Jess waiting for me when I finish saying goodnight to the kids. Neither am I shocked to find she's made me a sandwich but the bottle of wine and tequila on the coffee table raise my eyebrows.

"Wasn't sure if you wanted some dutch courage?" She shrugs, following my gaze.

"Baby - I -" I grab at her before remembering she asked for space and pull back.

"Hey, it's okay. Let's sit down, okay?" She holds out her hand and I gladly take it as we make our way to the strange sofa and my eyes quickly flit around the hotel suite. I swear these all look the same.

"I'm sorry I keep fucking everything up," I sigh.

"Uh, I'd have you lie down with your head in my lap, but -" she cradles her bump, ignoring my outburst, "hang on let's try this." She sits herself down cross-legged on the sofa and gestures for me to do the same so we're facing each other.

"So -" she links both her hands with mine, "what's got you feeling this way? Oh, please don't tell me it's what I said earlier, H. I didn't mean to upset you or to make you feel you were doing anything -"

"Shh..." I soothe. Turns out I'm not the only one with anxiety about this conversation.

"You were right. I was crowding you. Even though I know it gets too much for you. I just - you know touch is my comfort. Yours especially. I need that right now." I take a deep breath and Jessi takes the opportunity to squeeze my hands, calming me further.

"I figured. But why? What's wrong, H?" One of her hands slips out of mine and I visibly tense until her hand brushes my cheek and the scent of her perfume hits my nostrils. I take a huge inhale, like a coke head that's got their long awaited fix.

"I don't know," I whisper against her wrist on my journey to kiss her open palm. "I feel like I've been a shitty husband and dad lately. And now I'm trying too hard to make it up to you guys and getting on everyone's nerves. I didn't enjoy being without you all-" I appreciate my wife keeping quiet to let me continue, "- I know you were without me too but you all had each other. We've never been split like that in years. Not since before Dani was younger than Madi and I didn't fucking like it Jess. I don't want to lose you -"

"Sweetie..." she replies and before I can do anything else, she's climbed into my lap. Her bum nestles between my crossed legs and her arms wrap me in the tightest hug. "Where the hell do you get this idea that I can live without you any more than you can without me?"

"When we broke up, you handled it so much better than I did. When we -" I take a deep breath as I know it's a sore subject for both of us, "When we lost our baby, you were so strong. You did everything for all of us, you didn't need -"

"Don't you dare say that!" The volume and strength of my love's voice startles me. "Fuck you! For even thinking that, Harry."

I feel Jessi's tears soak into my worn t-shirt and I want the world to swallow me whole. Shit! I didn't want to upset her. Squeezing her body impossibly closer, I'm shocked to realise she hasn't let me go either. I wouldn't blame her for storming off and banishing me to sleep right here on this sofa.

"I was in pieces, Harry." She takes a breath. "Both times. When we lost our little squish -" I press a kiss to her head as she uses the little pet name we'd given our angel baby. "The only thing that held me together was you. Okay, you were a bloody mess too. Hungover or drunk. But you were there and the only person on the planet who knew how much it fucking hurt. And we might've handled it in different ways but we hurt together, H. Always." Her fingers press against the tattoo on my chest that bears the same word.

"And breaking up with you taught me one thing, and one thing only, Styles."

"What's that?" My fingers trace circles on her upper arm until she lets out a little shiver.

"That I, one million percent, cannot and will not do any of this without you. And don't you ever forget it." She pinches my side and I hug her closer still, my tears falling softly into her curly hair.

"You're the only one that I want."