Jessi

 I stretched out on the sofa, peeking over at Harry sat in the armchair. He had his legs slung over the side and was wrapped in a fluffy blanket. Things between us felt strained. I got the impression both of us were holding something back and feared the consequences of letting it all out.

I heard my phone buzz, and I smiled when I saw Dougie's name.

"Who's that?" Harry grumbled.

"Dougie." I replied.

"Oh." Was all he said, and he went back to gazing blankly at the TV screen.

"Sooo... I will be in New York for New Year, wanna meet up?"

"Uhm. I'm actually in the UK right now."

"When do you go home?"

"The third."

"Do you fancy flying home a little early? Like maybe, tomorrow?"

"Uhm. I'm not sure I can?" I looked over at Harry, his eyes still glued on the TV. I found myself fixated on his curls tickling at his ear, he swung his leg absentmindedly and I could literally reach out and touch him but he'd never felt so far away from me. It made me feel unbelievably lonely. I wiped away the couple of tears that had escaped my eyes.

"What do you want?" He suddenly snapped at me.

"N-nothing?" I stuttered, surprised by his outburst.

"Well stop watching me, it's freaking me out." His voice still had an edge to it I didn't like. I jumped up off the sofa as soon as I heard the door.

"Robin! Can I talk to you for a second?" I smiled as him, Anne and Gemma walked into the Living Room. They'd been shopping. Sale shopping was my idea of a nightmare so I'd given it a miss and when Harry declined to go I had thought maybe we could talk but he just sat there staring at the TV all morning.

"Sure, Jess." Robin smiled, and I followed him into the Kitchen.

"Uhm. Would you mind if I went back home for a few days, maybe a week and then I'd come back?" I asked. I wanted to stay for Robin but I was feeling like I was suffocating here. I couldn't stand the way things were between me and Harry.

"Sure you can Love, this isn't a prison." He chuckled.

"Thank you!" I hugged him tight.

"You're welcome, are you going to spend New Year with Lori?" He asked.

"No, actually, that guy Dougie asked me if I'd like to spend New Year with him in New York, he will be there." I smiled as I thought about it, I knew it would be fun, Dougie was a lot of fun.

"Hmm... that's the first time I've seen you properly smile in days so I definitely can't refuse." Robin said.

"Thank you. I better get packing." I pulled out my phone to message Dougie.

"Jessi?" Robin said.

"Yeah?" I turned to look at him.

"Have a good time." He grinned at me. I smiled back and headed for the stairs. Dougie had sent me another message.

"Ah okay. It's fine. Just thought I'd push my luck."

"Is there still time for me to change my mind?"

"Seriously? You wanna come?"

"Yeah. If it's still okay?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course it is."

Harry

Jessi was being weird. I got the impression she was annoyed at me but I wasn't sure why. Maybe because I kept snapping at her but I couldn't help it. Every time she had that stupid phone in her hand I felt something inside me snap. Fucking Dougie, if I hear his name one more time it'll be once too many.

"You are a prize idiot sometimes, do you know that?" Robin sniped at me when he came back from talking to Jess.

"Me? What have I done?" I asked, was she tattling on me now?

"Nothing. Sweet fucking nothing, Harry. That's the problem." My mouth dropped open. Robin just swore at me, Robin never swears.

"Robin, what's wrong?" My Mum asked.

"Jessi is going home for New Year." Robin replied.

"She's what? Why?" I beat my Mum to it.

"That Dougie guy asked her." Something broke inside me, I got up off my chair and headed for the stairs.

I rushed up them two at a time and literally barged into Gem's room. Jessi looked up at me and then went back to packing.

"So you're just going to leave?" I snapped. She just kept on packing as if I hadn't said a word.

"Jessi?" I hissed. "Fuck sake!" My phone thudded on to the floor, which startled us both as I hadn't even realised it was in my hand. "So you're just going to up and leave so you can fuck some guy? You remember Robin is sick?" I froze at my own words. That was a dick move, but I'd do anything right now to stop her packing her things into that fucking suitcase.

"You're an arsehole." She spat and started shoving things in her case even faster.

"I'm an arsehole? I'm not the one running away!" I snapped back.

"And why do you think that is? We're barely talking and it's killing me." She gestured between us as I saw a tear slide down her cheek.

"Well, fucking excuse me, if I can't just snap my fingers and pretend everything is fine. Maybe next time you throw yourself at me you might stop and think how it affects somebody other than yourself!" Why was I still yelling at her? I didn't want to yell at her. I wanted to walk over to her and wrap my arms around her. I wanted her to stay. I wanted her to choose me over him.

"I never stop thinking how every single thing I do affects you, how it might make you feel, how I feel about how it might make you feel and I'm fucking sick of it! I can't take it anymore." She wiped her tears away harshly. "Get out of my way!" She snapped as she pushed me away from the door so she could leave, her suitcase in her hand.

"Please? Don't go?" I pleaded with her as I grabbed onto her wrist.

"Harry?" Her brown eyes pleaded right back at me, "Please, just let me go?" I felt her arm slip from my grasp and I just stood there and watched her slowly disappear down the stairs. I stumbled back into Gemma's room and flung myself down on the bed Jess had been sleeping in. It smelled like her. Tears were streaming from my face, my heart was racing and I felt like I couldn't breathe. What the fuck had I just done?

-----

Jessi

I spent the entire train journey pretending to be asleep, my hoodie covering my face as I listened to Pink repeatedly, tears nipping at my eyes. I had never felt so low in my entire life and Harry and I had never seemed so far apart. I could feel this great big void opening up between us and I didn't know how to stop it or even if I could. My hand gripped my iPod as if by holding it as I listened to his voice fill my ears, I could somehow keep him close.

"We don't talk about it

It's something we don't do

'Cause once you go without it

Nothing else will do"

Maybe Harry was my own personal drug? And maybe it was time for me to kick the habit? I heard them announce my stop was next, so I wiped away my tears and stood up to grab my suitcase and headed for the door. I pulled my hoodie tightly around me as the chill in the night air nipped at my body, matching my mood perfectly.

-----

I woke up in a massive king-size bed all by myself. Harry's songs had been going round and round in my head all night.

"We haven't spoke since you went away,

Comfortable silence is so overrated,

Why won't you ever be the first one to break?

Even my phone misses your call, by the way"

I picked up my phone and saw I had no messages. I let out a sigh and almost dropped it as it started to ring. Dougie's name lighting up my screen.

"Morning?" I answered.

"Good Morning, Jessi. Did you sleep well?" Dougie's voice sounded way too cheerful.

"So so." I replied.

"Well not to worry, I have plenty Attenborough for the flight, it puts most people to sleep." He chuckled.

"I already told you, I love Attenborough, he's a national treasure." I smiled.

"I know. I'm not sure if you're just trying to impress me though?" He teased.

"Are you kidding? Blue Planet is one of my favourite programs. I love all the creepy, weird fish that live in the dark." I climbed out of bed.

"Like the Angler fish?" He asked.

"Oh yeah, that's the scary one with the big light and all the teeth, right?" I picked out some clean clothes from my suitcase.

"That's the one." He chuckled.

"It's sick!"

"I bet you love the blob fish as well?" He laughed.

"Well, I don't like conventional shit, what can I say?"

"Well, that's an irony coming from the most conventionally beautiful woman I've ever seen." He replied.

"Oh shut up, Mr Drop Dead Gorgeous. I'm about as pretty as that Angler fish, in fact if you could see me now, I think you'd say the angler fish was winning." My hair was standing on end, my eyes were red and puffy, my skin was blotchy.

"I bet not. You had breakfast?" 

"No, just about to get ready." I replied.

"Okay, well wanna get breakfast before we head to the airport? I'll come and pick you up in about an hour?" His chirpy voice was infectious.

"Sounds great." I smiled.

"Awesome. See you soon!"

"See you soon!" I hung up and my feet padded across the floor to the shower, thoughts of Harry still swirling in my head, like water circling a drain pipe.

-----

I climbed into the car, well more of a pickup truck, which meant my short ass literally had to climb, the step was only just within my reach. It was unusual, but it suited him.

"What you smiling at?" Dougie asked.

"Nothing. Just not what I was expecting." I confessed.

"What were you expecting? Some flashy sports car?" He chuckled.

"Well probably, yeah. But I like this, it suits you. It's not great for small people though." I smiled as I glanced over his outfit. Tan YSL boots that looked very familiar, navy skinny jeans, white t-shirt and a beach sunset printed cardigan. He looked ridiculously good as always.

"Thank you!" He smirked. "And I'm sorry, you should have said you needed help, shorty!" He chuckled.

"How come you always look so effortlessly good? It's really not fair." I pouted as I thought about how long it had taken me just to wrangle my hair in to this bun, cutting it to shoulder length in the summer had been a mistake and it seemed to be taking forever to grow. 

"I could ask you the same." His smirk grew wider as he concentrated on driving.

"Oh, please." I scoffed.

"Seriously. You have a cool, grungy vibe." He smiled.

"A grungy vibe? How old are you?" I teased.

"Hey, I'm not that much older than you." He pouted.

"Sure, Grandpa!" I giggled.

"Hey, do you want breakfast or not?" He teased, pulling into a parking space.

"Maybe I don't?" 

"Come on, Sassypants!" He smirked, walking around to help me down from his car made for giants.

"Careful you don't break a hip, old man." I giggled as we walked into the cafe.

"So what do you want?" Dougie asked.

"Ooh, can I have a fruit scone with jam and cream, please?" I smiled as I spotted it on the menu.

"Sure. Tea or coffee?" He got up to go order.

"Coffee. Black. No sugar." I smiled. I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out to find it was Lori.

"What do you mean you're going to New York with Dougie?"

"How?"

"When did this happen?"

"What did Harry say?" Her messages appeared one after the other.

"He asked."

"Harry and I aren't in a good place."

"I'll call you later."

"Call me now!"

"I can't. I'm with Dougie." I shoved my phone back into my pocket as I saw him walking back towards me.

I smiled as he sat down and I realised he'd copied my order, except he had tea rather than coffee.

"So what do you have planned for New York?" I asked.

"I have a couple of meetings. I've been invited to a party that YSL are throwing, you wanna be my date? And I thought we could go to the Times Square New Year party?" He smiled.

"Sounds good." I replied.

"Yas, so I get two dates?" He smirked.

"Mate dates." I corrected.

"We'll see." He smirked, peering over his glasses at me. I wished he hadn't worn his glasses today, men in glasses always seemed to drive me crazy. I poked my tongue out at him and went back to eating my scone.

-----

We were mid flight, when I noticed Dougie had started to get sleepy. His head drooping forward before he startled himself awake. We were in First Class just like my flight with Harry and the partition between us had remained down for the entire time. Dougie had taught me all about how plastics were ruining the oceans and we were watching David Attenborough documentaries on his laptop.

"I think I might sleep now, if that's okay with you?" Dougie stifled a yawn.

"That's cool. Me too." I lied, knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep, but I reclined my seat anyway and closed my eyes. I rubbed my arms as I realised it was chilly and I'd stupidly stowed my jacket away. I instantly felt warmth spreading over my body as I felt something soft being placed over me. I opened my eyes and realised it was Dougie's cardigan. I peeked over at him and saw he was covered with a blanket, curled up in the fetal position. I lay my head back down and smiled as I pulled his cardigan tightly around me, it smelled like Tom Ford, not the one Harry wore but it had similarities. I kinda liked it. I pressed play on my iPod and my body froze as If I Could Fly started to play. I quickly pressed skip, my heart could not take that song, right now. It Will Rain by Bruno Mars played next, and that didn't help either. Skip. Here With Me by the Killers. Skip. Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. Skip. Baby, I Love You by the Ramones was the final straw I yanked my earbuds from my ears by the cord and flung my iPod into my bag, clearly it was determined to torture me. I slid my arms into the sleeves of Dougie's cardigan, my nose seeking out the familiar notes in his aftershave but no matter how hard I tried they didn't bring me comfort. I think I'm losing it. Thoughts of Christmas Eve flashed in my head and I glanced over at Dougie, how in the hell had I gone from there to here? This was a shitting mess of epic proportions.

-----

The pilot had just announced that we were ready to land when Dougie eventually woke up.

"It suits you." He smiled when he spotted me wearing his cardigan.

"It's so cozy and soft." I smiled, reluctantly starting to take it off.

"It's all right!" Dougie shrugged. "I don't need it right now."

"Thank you." I pulled it tightly around me. I shook the thoughts of Harry wearing it from my mind. I couldn't seem to get rid of him today.

"What are you reading?" Dougie's voice pulled me from my thoughts, I tilted my book towards him, even although I'd reread the same page at least ten times.

"Romeo & Juliet. I've never read it before." I replied. I'd watched the film twice. Once with my Mum and Lori and once with Harry.

"Nice. Love Shakespeare." He took the book from me and put his glasses back on and started to read out loud. I curled up in my chair and watched him. Dougie was definitely hot, and I liked him but I wasn't feeling those sparks I got when I saw Harry nor the feeling of warmth that spread through my body. Maybe I'd never experience that with another human again? 

----------

I looked in the mirror at my outfit. I had on a YSL suede mini skirt with a YSL t-shirt and my favourite pair of Louboutin boots. I hoped it was dressy enough, but this was the only YSL outfit I owned and it seemed rude to turn up to a labels party wearing an outfit from a different label.

I heard my phone ring and assuming it was Dougie coming to pick me up I rushed to answer it.

"So explain, how did you end up in New York with Dougie?" Lori said, not bothering with a hello.

"I told you, he asked me and I said yes." I replied.

"What do you mean? What about Harry? I know you guys slept together on Christmas Eve." Lori sounded irritated and I have to admit I was feeling kinda irritated too. Harry had blabbed.

"Well then, you'll know that it was a mistake." I said bitterly.

"Oh yeah, you just keep accidentally having sex?" I could tell she was rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, it was unbearable afterwards, we're barely speaking so when Dougie asked me if I wanted to go to New York with him I went for it. I don't care if you hate me for it, I couldn't stay there while Harry was there. I really think I might have lost him for good this time Lori, I don't know how to fix it. We keep papering over the cracks, pretending they're not there and then they just open up again twice as fucking wide, well I can't do it anymore." I finally paused for a breath.

"So you thought running off with Dougie was the answer? What is your plan there by the way?" Lori said.

"I don't really have a plan, we're just friends. Besides weren't you the one telling me I should hit that?" I sighed.

"That was before you almost slept with Harry at my engagement party and did sleep with him four days ago! Dougie likes you and he's a nice guy, you can't just lead him on." Lori said.

"I'm not." I snapped at her. I had made myself quite clear.

"Okay Jess, I just hope you know what you're doing." She sighed, and I grunted in response. I had no fucking idea. "Okay, well have fun. I guess?" She sighed some more, and my heart twinged as I felt her disappointment.

"Lori?" I could hear the pleading in my voice, my entire world felt like it flipped upside down when she wasn't on my side.

"It's fine. I'll see you when Niall and I get back. Bye!" She said.

"OK. Bye!" I replied and hung up the phone. I didn't have time to dwell on my conversation for very long as the door buzzed. It was Dougie. I let him in and unlatched the door before I rushed off to find my bag and threw in all the things I needed.

"Wow! You look amazing!" I heard his voice as he closed the door behind him. I spun round to face him and couldn't help but smile, he'd gone for a more casual look too. Black boots, ripped skinny jeans, a patterned shirt and a black leather jacket. His hair the perfect mix between messy and styled. And no glasses.

"Ditto." I slid my bag strap over my head. His eyes were still fixed on me.

"Shall we?" He smirked, holding his arm out.

"Lets." I smiled as I linked my arm through his.

-----

"So, what do you want to do? Do you want to dance?" Dougie asked as he politely declined a drink from the woman holding a tray of Champagne. His eyes widened as I did the same. I knew he'd been sober for about five years now so it just felt wrong to drink when he couldn't.

"You can have a drink if you want to. I don't want to kill your fun." He ran his hand through his hair nervously.

"Don't be stupid. We make the fun, not alcohol." I smiled.

"Thank you." He grinned and pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.

"DOUG!" I heard a guy yell way too loud.

"Hey Stan!" Dougie smiled, making sure I had a hold of his arm before he walked towards him.

"You're looking great, man. And who is this?" The man I now knew was Stanley smiled at me.

"This is my friend, Jessi." Dougie placed a protective arm around my shoulders.

"Nice to meet you, Jessi." Stan smiled, but I scooted closer to Doug as his eyes looked me over.

"Hi." I held out my hand, not wanting to seem rude.

"She's very pretty Dougie. You two would make a cute couple, you look great together." Stan shook my hand.

"Jessi is rad." Dougie smiled at me.

"You should come in and do a shoot together, that would be incredible." Stan clapped excitedly.

"Jessi is a photographer." Dougie smiled, his arm holding me tighter. It made me feel protected but still no sparks.

"Interesting. Have I seen your work?" Stan queried.

"Oh, most definitely." Dougie answered before I could even get a word in. "My phone screen is one of hers." Once he'd shown Stan his screen, I took his phone from him and stared at the image in disbelief. It really was one of mine, it was a picture of a Kimodo Dragon with a beautiful sunrise in the background, the bright glow of the orange sun seeping into the soft pink sky.

"Do you have a business card?" Stan asked but I still couldn't believe Dougie had even seen my pictures, nevermind having one as his lock screen. I found my purse in my bag and handed Stan a card at which point he smiled and wandered off.

"Come on, let's dance?" Dougie took his phone back and pulled me towards the dance floor. I smiled as we danced together. I was having a good time.

----------

Harry

I glanced up at the ceiling in my bedroom. Jess had been gone for four days now. It was New Year's Eve and the thought of celebrating the start of a new year without her by my side just felt wrong. Why didn't I stop her? Why did I have to behave like a dick after we slept together?

"Harry?" I heard my Mum's voice.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Sweetheart, we have to leave for dinner in an hour, you should get ready."

"Okay." I sighed. I sat up on the bed and pulled out my phone. I scrolled to Jessi's name and opened up our chat. "Please come home. I need you." I typed out before deleting it and throwing my phone on the bed. I don't think I'd ever felt this empty and sad since we broke up, I felt like I was falling into a black hole and the person I needed to pull me out was slipping further and further away from me. I jumped in the shower to try to clear my head, I couldn't ruin everyone else's New Year just because I was unhappy.

"Harry?" Gemma nudged my side.

"Huh?" My eyes drifted towards her, not knowing what I'd missed. My mind was elsewhere.

"Call her!" She demanded.

"I can't." I whispered, every time I tried I chickened out.

"She loves you and you love her and without each other you're both a mess."

"Then why is she off with Dougie?" I huffed.

"You know why. You were behaving like a dick, he was just the easiest way out of here." Gemma stared at me.

"I asked her to stay, and she left anyway. She chose him, Gem and I'm surprised she didn't leave sooner with the way you were encouraging her."

"Well Little Brother, I was trying to spur you into action but it didn't work so beg again, plead, cry, physically pick her up and carry her home if you have to because she is the best thing that's ever happened to you and if you let her get away, then it's all on you." Gemma got up to go get a drink. It was almost midnight. Dinner was, well I don't really know how dinner was. I was physically there but mentally I was somewhere else. I tried hard to pay attention and join in the conversation but my heart just wasn't in it.

-----

Now everyone was back home and some of my Mum and Robin's friends were here too. I heard the first stroke of midnight and rushed out of the room and pulled out my phone.

Pick up, Jess!

Please, pick up!

But she didn't. I thought about leaving a voicemail but I hung up. I scrolled to our chat and quickly began to type.

"Happy New Year, Baby!"

"I miss you. Celebrating just doesn't feel right without you."

I waited for a little while to see if she'd reply but she didn't. I tucked my phone back into my pocket and went to get a drink. I needed to forget.

Jessi

I sat across the dinner table from Dougie. We were having dinner before we headed to Times Square.

"So, what's been your best New Year ever?" He asked.

"Last year." I blurted out without even thinking.

"Oh yeah. What made it so good?" Dougie smiled.

"Uhm. I - nevermind. It's not important." I tried to get him to drop it.

"Harry?" He guessed.

"Partly, yes. We spent the holidays with his family and after my Mum died, I never thought I'd feel like I was part of a family again but they made me feel so welcome and it was like I belonged somewhere." I glanced at the floor, trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't mean to upset you." He placed his hand on top of mine and gave it a squeeze.

"It's ok. I'm good." I forced a smile. "What about you? Your favourite New Year?"

"Probably the first time my Mum let me stay up until midnight, everyone seemed so happy and properly excited about the year ahead. It was infectious." He smiled, his hand still on top of mine. It wasn't bothering me, it felt comfortable.

"That's nice." I smiled.

"Who knows, maybe tonight will beat them all?" He smiled back at me.

"You're persistent. I'll give you that." I giggled.

"Anyway, we better be going" Dougie smiled as he waved over the waitress to get the bill.

The walk to Times Square was nice. It was cold out, but we were both wrapped up well, besides which Dougie seemed to be one of those people who was always warm. He was like a little radiator.

"Have you ever done this before?" Dougie asked as we reached the edge of the crowd.

"Uhm. No. Never. I'm actually not too good in crowds." I confessed.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry. I thought it would be fun. We can go somewhere else if you'd like?" His voice sounded stressed.

"It's cool. I'll be fine" I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards a quieter part with not very many people, "here is perfect."

"Are you sure?" He squeezed my hand, and I nodded. "Do you want something to drink?" He pointed to a stand selling food and drinks.

"I'll have whatever you're having." I smiled, and he headed off towards the stand. I watched as a group of girls shamelessly checked him out and I couldn't help but laugh at how completely oblivious he was. I lost sight of him in the crowd of people waiting to be served and as if a switch had been flicked in my head my thoughts immediately turned to Harry.

I still hadn't replied to the message he sent me earlier, he'd probably be asleep now. His messy curls fanned out over the pillow, his perfect green eyes hidden behind his smooth eyelids, his arms folded across his chest, like they always were when he had nobody to cuddle. The thought of him being alone bothered me, it always had. I pictured myself climbing into the tiny single bed beside him, wrapping my arms around him and holding him tight. I liked to hold him, protect him.

"I got you a Coke?" Dougie nudged me, making me jump a little, which of course he noticed. "Are you sure you're okay here?" He frowned.

"Yeah. Sorry. I was in my own little world." I forced another smile. Suddenly it got quiet, and I heard somebody announce that it was almost time to start the countdown. Dougie held my free hand in his and I turned away from the crowd to face him. Still no sparks.

"TEN!" The crowd cheered.

Stop thinking about Harry.

"NINE!"

Stop. It.

"EIGHT!"

I forced my eyes up to look at Dougie.

"SEVEN!"

His smiling face felt at odds with how I was feeling.

"SIX!"

I stared into his steel-blue eyes wishing they were green ones instead. Stop it, Jess!

"FIVE!"

I wished I could be happy like Dougie was.

"FOUR!"

Maybe he could make me happy?

"THREE!"

My eyes flickered down to his lips.

"TWO!"

He was counting down along with everyone else.

"ONE!"

Oh Shit! I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his. 

His lips slowly moved in time with mine and he pulled me closer to him. It wasn't a bad kiss, but it was exactly that, just a kiss. There were no sparks, no butterflies, no rush of emotions. It was just a kiss.

Dougie's hand cupped my cheek as we pulled apart and Harry's face flashed before my eyes. My heart started racing as I felt like I'd betrayed him somehow. No. Stop it. Harry isn't mine and I'm not his.

"Wow, I wasn't expect -" I cut him off and pressed my lips to his again. Maybe the sparks would turn up, eventually? 

-----

"So, here we are?" Dougie smiled as we stopped at the door to my apartment building.

"Indeed." I replied.

"So I'll call you in the morning, maybe we can meet up for breakfast?" He was still smiling.

"Yeah. That would be nice." I smiled back.

"Night, Jessi." He placed a gentle kiss to my cheek and backed down the steps. I waved at him as he got back into the taxi. I liked that he wasn't pushing me. I opened the door and headed up to my apartment and my phone started ringing. I pulled it out and smiled as I saw it was Lorena.

"Happy New Year!" Both her and Niall yelled when I answered.

"Happy New Year!" I yelled back as I closed my apartment door behind me.

"So... how was your date?" Niall chuckled.

"Ni, I told you -"

"I know. I know they are just friends. I just like teasing you, Lor." Niall cut her off.

"Uh. Actually... I kissed him." I confessed.

"What?" Lori snapped.

"Nevermind her, so you kissed huh?" Niall said.

"Yeah. It was nice. He's fun to be around." I smiled, glad that at least somebody wasn't pissed at me.

"Yeah. Doug is a good lad."

"He is." I smiled.

"Does he make you happy?"

"Well, I think happy is ambitious. He can make me smile and that feels nice." I didn't really know how to describe how I felt. Chilled? Calm? They weren't exactly exciting terms to describe how you felt about somebody. Maybe Lori was right, maybe this was just a shit storm waiting to happen?

"Well, nice is nice but before you do anything you should be sure that this thing between you and Harry is really over because I don't know if there's a way back from this and I wouldn't want you to trade in something that sets your world alight for something that's just nice?" Niall's words caused tears to prick my eyes. I didn't want to lose that feeling either but I didn't feel like I had a choice.

"I think it's about time I faced the facts, Ni. Me and Harry are over and I have to learn to deal with that." I sighed.

"Please, Jess? Just talk to Harry. Be sure?"

"I will Niall. I planned to talk to him, anyway. I don't want him finding out about this from anyone else." I didn't want to speak to him about it but I knew I had to.

"Okay. Well, I should let you get to bed. See you soon." Niall said.

"Bye Jess!" I heard Lori yell, and I was glad she wasn't too mad at me.

"Love you guys." I smiled.

"We love you too." They both replied, and I hung up the phone. I glanced at the clock and realised it was 4am, Anne and Robin would be awake by now so I called Robin.

"Hi Shortstuff. Happy New Year!" Robin answered cheerfully.

"Happy New Year!" I replied.

"Is that Jessi?" Anne said.

"Hey Jess!" Gemma added, and I knew he'd put the phone on speaker. My stomach suddenly twisted into a knot as I waited to hear Harry's voice.

"Hold on, Sweetheart. Harry is still in bed, I'll go get him. I know he'd love to talk to you." Anne said.

"Oh no. Don't wake him." I almost yelled. I wasn't ready to tell him what had happened yet. "I'll speak to him later."

"Okay, Love. But he'll be sad he missed you." Robin said.

"How was your dinner?" I asked, I was sorry I had missed it.

"It was alright. We missed you." Gemma replied.

"I missed you guys too. How many times did Janice and Robert fall out?" I giggled, they were Robin and Anne's oldest friends but I swear they had argued every time I saw them.

"Surprisingly just the once." Robin chuckled.

"Poor Harry ended up stuck between them." Anne added.

"Oh, dear." I giggled. "What was it about? The holiday in Marbella again?"

"No, Robert had bunked off work early and went to the pub and came home roaring drunk. He fell asleep before midnight." Robin chuckled.

"Uh oh." I smiled and let out a massive yawn. "Sorry guys."

"Oh gosh! It's like 4am there. We should let you go to sleep!" Anne exclaimed.

"4am? That's still early, right Jess?" Gemma laughed.

"Indeed. You'd be disappointed in me Gem." I smiled. "Wish Harry a Happy New Year for me, yeah?"

"Will do, Love." Robin replied.

"He missed you." Anne added. I missed him too, but I shook that thought from my head.

"Go get some rest. And call me when you're back in London." Gemma said, breaking the awkward silence.

"I will. Love you. See you soon." I smiled.

"We love you too." They replied. I threw myself down onto the bed after I'd hung up the phone. I really was pretty tired, not even the jumble of thoughts about Harry and Dougie could stop my eyes from falling closed.