Jessi

I sat on the bedroom floor, my fingers swirling random patterns into the carpet as Severus prowled at my feet, I think he could sense my anxiety. I should be getting ready for mine and Harry's anniversary dinner but I couldn't make myself move. I didn't want to go out - I couldn't. The media attention only seemed to get worse. The last time I was out I fainted and Matt had to carry me back inside. I heard the front door and sighed, Harry would be angry I wasn't ready. He'd been out for a lot of the day, busy planning whatever surprise he had up his sleeve, whatever he was up to it had him stressed. He'd been jittery since he woke up this morning.

"Baby, you almost ready? Reservation is in half an hour." He opened the bedroom door and looked down at me. "Jess, are you okay? Why aren't you ready?" The worried look on his face just added to the guilt I felt at what I was about to do.

"Harry, I don't think I can do this anymore." I pushed the words from my lips as quickly as I could before returning my gaze to the carpet. Severus had moved to rub himself against Harry's ankles, purring happily once he received a scratch under his chin.

"Come on baby, we talked about this remember, just smile and wave and ignore what they say." He said walking to my wardrobe.

"No Harry. They make me miserable. They are ruining my life. I can't have this as my life. I can't." I blurted out.

"Fine, we can stay in. I just have to rearrange some things, okay?" He sighed.

"Harry, you're not listening to me." I said.

"Fine. You don't want to go out, I said we can stay in. What am I not getting?" He raised his voice, and I wanted to retreat even further but there was nowhere to go. I had nowhere left to hide.

"I can't do this anymore." I confessed, raising my head to look at him, tears filing my eyes. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I finally said the words out loud but the utter devastation at losing the man I loved weighed even heavier. It felt like somebody was kneeling on my chest.

"No, no, no. You're fucking breaking up with me? You're breaking up with me NOW?" He yelled, pacing back and forwards across the room. "This isn't happening." He ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head. 

"Harry, I'm sorry." I grabbed onto his leg as he passed me, my fingers itching to feel him.

"Oh, you're sorry? Well fuck me, that makes everything alright then, doesn't it?" He shook me off as tears started to roll down my cheeks.

"Do you think I want to do this?" I sobbed.

"Well, fucking don't." He yelled before dropping to the floor. "Please, don't. I need you. My life is nothing without you." He squeezed my hands in his.

"And mine without you. I thought I could handle all this media stuff but I can't, I think it is literally destroying me Harry." His eyes suddenly came to life.

"Fine. Then I'll give it up." He smiled.

"Don't you dare. Don't even think about it. This is what you were born to do, you love it and it makes so many people, including me, happy." I chided.

"I love you more, you're all I care about. We can live in Holmes Chapel, I'll build you a photography studio and we can have a few babies and I'll stay at home with them. Please?" His green eyes were soft and so full of hope, it hurt my heart. As much as I wanted to grab onto the little fantasy he'd just painted, I knew it wouldn't be right and one way or another we'd end up back at this point. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of making him give up the job he loved.

"Harry Edward Styles if you give up your dream then I will never speak to you again." I promised. 

"There's nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?" He sounded defeated, and I shook my head, my heart breaking into a million pieces as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

"I love you, Jessi Monroe." He cried, wrapping his arms around me. I buried my head in his hair, enjoying how soft his curls felt against my damp cheeks. Fresh sobs burst from my mouth as I realised I might never get to hug him like this again.

"I love you, Harry Edward Styles and I always will." I held him as tightly as I could, cherishing every second we had left. We sat there crying for what felt like forever until I decided I had to leave otherwise we'd never move. I let him go and I don't think it was an exaggeration to say it was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life.

"Where are you going?" Harry gasped and pulled me back into his arms.

"I should probably go..." I said while hugging him tighter.

"No, stay here. It's safer. I'll go find a hotel or something." And before I could say another word, his arms fell from my body and I watched as he slowly stood up and walked out of the room. My eyes blinked rapidly, hoping he might magically appear in front of me again but he was gone and I didn't know if I would ever see him again. I wished I'd spent more time memorising every wonderful inch of him. My entire body shook with pain, I felt like I was dying, I climbed into bed and cried and cried and cried. I didn't think I would ever stop.

-----

Harry

The apartment door closed behind me. What the fuck had just happened? I should have been proposing to her and instead we seem to have broken up? I had to get out of here. I found some sunglasses in my pocket and put them on to cover my eyes and then I headed downstairs and into the car waiting to take me and Jess to the restaurant. I didn't know where to go or what to do so I told Jo to take me to the nearest bar.

-----

I slumped down in the barstool and ordered a drink, chugging it back and then ordering another. Some blonde girl sat down beside me.

"Hey Handsome, you look lonely." She smiled, reaching for my hand.

"Listen Love, I'm really not in the mood. Just fuck off!" I snapped, and she scarpered away. I sat there knocking back drink after drink, trying to numb the pain but it wasn't working. How did I let myself get so lost in planning the future that I couldn't see how unhappy my girlfriend had become? Why did I just walk out like that? I should have fought for her. But fuck she was stubborn, once she'd set her mind on something there was absolutely no budging her.

Several hours later and I couldn't think straight. My head was pounding, and all I wanted was Jessi. I called Jo and asked him to drive around while I tried to sober up. "Mr. Styles. It's 2am. Let me take you home." Jo said. I nodded and rested my head against the window as he continued to drive. 

The car slowly came to a stop, and it surprised me to find I was outside our apartment building. I shouldn't be here. I should tell Jo to take me to a hotel but I found myself climbing out of the car, anyway. I knew just a glimpse of her could make me feel better so I thanked Jo and walked unsteadily inside. My body was twitching like a drug addict who needed their next fix. I craved her touch. I needed to hold her.

I felt like I was going crazy.

I stumbled into the darkness of the apartment. I wasn't even sure if Jess was still here but I felt Severus wind his way around my ankles and I knew she must be. He let out a happy purr as I stood there, trying to work out what I would do. I made my way to the bedroom but bumped into the record player in the darkness, my entire body flinching at the loud noise of the song that started to play. I found myself singing along, hoping Jess would hear me. 

I will leave my heart at the door,

I won't say a word.

They've all been said before, you know,

So why don't we just play pretend?

Like we're not scared of what's coming next,

Or scared of having nothing left.

Look, don't get me wrong, 

I know there is no tomorrow,

All I ask is...

-----

Jessi

I must have fallen asleep because I'm being woken up by what sounds like singing. Harry singing. Tears have soaked my pillow and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again as I realised what he was singing. It was All I ask by Adele. It was heartbreaking. His voice sounded beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than I wanted to rip open the door and go to him but I knew I wasn't strong enough to make him leave again, I'd barely managed it the first time.

If this is my last night with you,

Hold me like I'm more than just a friend,

Give me a memory I can use,

Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do,

It matters how this ends,

Cause what if I never love again?

I felt myself stand up. I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't stop myself. It was like my body had a mind of its own. I pulled open the door and my breath caught in my throat and my heart ached at the sight of him. He looked devastated; he sat on the floor, his eyes red, puffy and full of tears. I'd done this to him and I don't think I would ever forgive myself. He kept on singing. My feet echoed as I walked towards him, my eyes fixed on his. I was sure mine looked just as red and puffy. I stopped a few feet away from him, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt I was wearing.

"Harry, I don't think I'm strong enough to do this." It came out in a whisper.

"I'll be strong enough for both of us, Baby. I promise. Just say yes." He begged.

"Yes." I said, and he pulled me down on the floor beside him before kissing me. His kiss felt even more electrifying than usual, sparks of life shooting through my entire body. He tasted of Tequila and salty tears, an intoxicating mixture that my tongue couldn't get enough of. I tried to push him down onto the floor but he shook his head, breaking the kiss. My heart thumped in my chest, terrified he'd realised this was a crazy idea. It was, but I needed it more than I needed air.

"Not here." Harry breathed as he stood up. His voice was deeper than I'd ever heard it and it made me tingle. He held out his hand and helped me up and then he just stood there gazing into my eyes.

"You are so beautiful." His fingers softly stroked my cheek, and I scoffed.

"Harry... I think it's safe to say we've both looked better." 

"It doesn't matter that your eyes are red from crying or when your eyes are tired or when your skins all red when you get out the bath or the shower or when you're all sweaty from the gym or anytime where you might think you're flawed. You are always the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." He brushed away the new tears rolling down my cheeks. I stood on my tiptoes to reach his lips and kissed him with everything I had. His strong arms picked me up, and my legs wrapped themselves around his waist as he carried me to bed.

He sat me down carefully on the edge of the bed and I slid off his suit jacket and began to unbutton his shirt and for the first time I really took notice of his outfit, he'd gone to so much effort and then I remembered how hard he'd been working all day and I broke down. I was such a bitch. I'd ruined all his plans as if they meant nothing.

"Hey! Stop! Please don't cry, Baby." Harry soothed, bending down to comfort me.

"Why - don't - you - ha - hate - me?" I choked out.

"I could never hate you. I love you Jessi and nothing will ever change that." He kissed me gently. I took a few deep breaths.

"But you've been busy all day, planning something special, and I just ruined it all, I ruined us. I'm losing the best thing in my life and I don't think I can bear it. I hate myself." I thumped my fist against my thigh.

"HEY! LOOK AT ME!" Harry's voice startled me. I looked into his eyes, I would miss those green eyes. "You're not losing me Jess, I'll always be here for you, I live in here." He placed his hand on my heart. "And you live in here." He took my hand and placed it over his heart. "Always." He smiled. I smiled back as he used my favourite Snape quote.

He kissed me with so much passion it erased everything else from my mind, all I wanted was him, he was all I could think about. I finished undoing his shirt and watched it fall to the floor. He pulled his t-shirt over my head quickly. He pushed me down onto the bed and climbed on top of me, placing wet, hungry kisses down my neck and along my collarbone.

"Fuck! Jess, can you undo me?" He groaned, making my skin prickle with excitement. I fumbled with his belt as my mind went fuzzy. I yanked the belt free from its loops and flung it across the room, flinching momentarily as it whacked against the mirror, before getting back to the task at hand. I undid his trousers and smiled as they fell to the floor, his boxers following quickly behind them. "That feels better." He groaned as my eyes lingered on his throbbing dick. I wanted to taste it one last time, but he pushed me back down onto the bed, his kisses travelling down between my breasts. I moaned, arching my pelvis up against his erection as he sucked my nipple. My breathing was quickening as he continued his trail of kisses down to my pants, I ached for him. He slowly pulled my underwear down my legs and then threw them over his shoulder, my pink lace panties joining his belt in the darkness. I groaned as he stood there, his eyes drinking in my body as if it was a fine wine.

"Please, Harry. I need you." I whined.

"Just making sure I have this view saved to my memory." He smirked before lowering his head between my legs.

"Fuck! Harry!" I yelled out as he sucked my clit, my hips bucking up off the bed. He sucked harder, and I ached for more. My moans felt like they were bouncing off the walls and my fingers tangled in his hair as he pushed his tongue inside. "Harry?" I wheezed as he twirled his tongue. "Harry..." I begged, tugging on his hair. His eyes shooting up towards me like I'd disturbed him from his favourite meal.

"What do you want, Baby?" Harry purred.

"I want to cum with you inside me." He crawled up my body before pressing his lips to mine, his tongue slowly tracing along my bottom lip, waiting for permission to enter, which I quickly gave. The mix of Tequila and myself on his tongue had me whimpering, my tongue roaming his mouth, unable to get enough. Our mouths swallowed each other's moans as he slowly pushed himself inside me, my walls squeezing tightly around him. He moved slowly but pushed deeply and my fingers clung to his back, desperate to have him closer.

"Fuck! Baby, you feel so good." He broke our kiss and sucked a love bite just below my ear and then his tongue soothed over the spot.

"Harder, H." I begged, wrapping my legs around him, my heels pressing into his bottom. My nails clawed at his back, every thrust bringing me closer. Harry suddenly yelled a string of swear words as I felt him release inside me, his final juddering thrusts sending me plunging into seventh heaven. His body collapsed on top of me and I wrapped my arms and legs around him like a Koala, savouring every second I had with him while my body came down from its high. "You're amazing." His breath tickled my ear. I couldn't speak, so I kissed his neck.

After about 10 minutes his body was getting heavy on top of me but I didn't want to let him go. I suddenly had an idea, it was a crazy idea, but I didn't care.

"H?" I whispered.

"Hmm..." He hummed against my neck, it tickled.

"Let's go get a tattoo!" I said.

"What?" His green eyes were wide as he lifted his head to look at me.

"You've always wanted us to get a tattoo together so... let's do it?" I smiled.

"Are you serious?" His brows furrowed together.

"Yeah. Why not?"

"Jess, it's like 4 in the morning." He complained, shuffling a little further down my body so he could lay his head down on my chest.

"Please? I really want to do this. Please let me do this for you." I pleaded. Harry groaned as he rolled off of me and sat on the edge of the bed. And my eyes widened at the sight of his back, it was covered in scratch marks. He stretched out his limbs as he stood up and my eyes gazed at his ass until he pulled his trousers over it, not bothering with any underwear. He spun round to face me.

"Well, are we going to get these tattoos, or what?" He grinned. I looked at him blankly as my mind lingered on his tush. I smiled as I remembered the plan, getting up and throwing on the first things that came to hand.

"I hope you don't plan on getting anything on your back." I grinned.

"You're a naughty girl." He smirked, looking at his back in the mirror. He put away the white t-shirt he was holding and pulled out a black one.

-----

The girl doing my tattoo smiled at me as she finished off the simple tattoo I'd requested. I skipped with excitement towards the mirror and couldn't stop smiling when I saw it. It was perfect, exactly like I'd imagined. It was on my left side, just under my breast and it said, always, in white ink. It felt like the perfect tribute to him because no matter what happened my heart would always belong to him. I knew I'd never be in love again but that was okay because I'd always have him in my heart, I'd always have the memory of us.

"All done." His tattooist yelled, and I bounced with nerves as Harry got up and walked towards me. I had no idea what he'd gotten, but I was excited to find out. He'd gotten something on the left side of his chest too, his large hand cupped over it. 

"OK. 1, 2, 3, go!" He said, and we both lowered our hands. My mouth fell open as the word always in white ink was carved into his chest. I looked up and saw that he looked just as shocked as I did.

"Let's get you guys bandaged up." My tattooist said.

"You guys are so cute together." A girl waiting in the tattoo shop smiled. I forced a smile back at her and tried to push the thought that we weren't together from my mind.

-----

"I love that we got the same tattoo." Harry smiled, his fingers dancing with mine until he wrapped them around mine and held my hand tightly. Jo was taking us back to our - Harry's apartment.

"My heart will always be yours, Harry." I leaned my head against his arm.

"And mine yours. Why did you go with white ink?" He asked.

"I don't know. Black just didn't seem right. My love for you isn't black. Why did you choose white?" I said, enjoying this quiet intimate moment way more than I should but I wasn't ready to burst the bubble yet. I wanted to keep him for just a little bit longer.

"I didn't want it to be the same as my other tattoos, it means more to me than all of them." He placed a kiss to my head.

We walked up to the apartment hand in hand and we made love again before I settled down in his arms and as I drifted off to sleep I wondered if I'd have the strength to leave him.