Harry

"Hey, where did you go?" I pouted once I'd found Jess chatting to Nick and Rita.

"Bathroom and then I spotted Nick, and we got talking." She grinned, wrapping her hand around mine. "Rita has been telling me all about that time you got drunk and fell off a table." Jess laughed. Figures. They loved embarrassing me.

"Jess? Could you come help me with something?" Cal yelled. She nodded and turned to me. "I'll be back in a second, yeah?"

"Can I come?" I refused to let go of her hand, holding her in place. I'd been clinging to her all day, the touch of her skin the only thing which seemed to bring me any comfort.

"He's getting set up out front." She shook her head.

"But they'll recognise you too." I protested. These days our fans were just as likely to recognise Jess as they were me.

"Maybe but I'll be back soon. Promise." She squeezed my arm before she disappeared after Cal and I rapidly began to feel adrift in a sea of people, like a ship without an anchor.

"Jesus, Harry she's only gone to help Cal, she hasn't gone off to war." Nick teased, smacking me on the shoulder.

"I know she'll be fine but I'm so fucking nervous about this performance. I feel like I might puke and she helps calm me down." 

"Yeah? Just spare us the details on what she does to calm you down, right Nick?" Rita laughed.

"Yeah and don't you dare puke on me!" Nick added.

"Ha - ha. You guys are so funny!" I pouted and glanced at the door Jessi had left through, maybe I could just quickly see if she needed a hand? I walked towards the door and was about three strides away from my goal when somebody grabbed my arm.

"Harry! There you are!" Niall pulled me in the opposite direction. "Come on, Rochelle wants to say Hi." My eyes stayed glued on the door as Niall dragged me further and further away from where I longed to be.

I'd lost track of how long I'd been standing here. Nial, Lori and Rochelle were laughing at something so I joined in with a chuckle. How long had Jess been gone now? Was it normal to take this long to set up cameras? My teeth were chewing on my knuckles and I shoved my hand in my pocket to stop the nervous habit.

"Look, I said I was fine. Now just drop it!" I heard her voice and my head whipped round to find her. She was with Matt and he didn't look very happy. I smiled once she spotted me and walked towards me but I noticed that Jess didn't look particularly happy either, she looked fed up, like when she got in after a day of dealing with the paparazzi.

"You okay?" I asked as my feet unconsciously carried me to meet her. 

"Don't you start!" She snapped. "Sorry - I didn't mean to - I'm fine. A couple of girls in the audience yelled at me, that's all." All ten of her fingers entwined themselves with mine and I could tell from the tone of her voice that wasn't all. I wanted to know what they said but Lori yelled for us to join their conversation.

"Hi, I'm Jessi." She painted on a smile as she untangled her right hand from mine and held it out towards Rochelle. 

"Rochelle, I love your dress." And this time when Jess smiled it was a genuine smile. Her and Harry had spent ages trying to find her a dress for tonight, his first picks were all far too extravagant and over the top according to Jess, she vetoed florals, puffy skirts, plunge necks and thigh slits and gave him the brief 'it has to be simple, Harry's suit is so pretty and should be the star of the show but I still want to look nice, you know?' Honestly, I don't think I'd seen Harry look more stumped but I think he pulled it off judging by how excited she was when she showed me this Dolce & Gabbana Lace fitted Midi dress. And I have to say she looked amazing, it cradled her peachy butt flawlessly.

"Thank you. I like yours too." Jessi's cheeks blushed lightly and I couldn't help but place a kiss there and then I remembered there was nothing stopping me from kissing her now we were out in the open and I spun her towards me before sinking my lips onto hers. All my worries momentarily pushed to the back of my mind.

-----

I hugged Niall, Liam and Louis as tightly as I could, this might be the last time I got to do this for a while. We'd just come offstage and I couldn't believe we'd just given our last performance as a band for the foreseeable future. We all had tears in our eyes. I was going to miss these guys so much. We broke apart from our hug and Niall rushed off to find Lori.

"That was insane." Liam sighed. I just nodded.

"Come on, let's go." Louis said as he and Liam walked toward the room where our friends and family were waiting. We were all heading out for dinner. Jessi and Lori had arranged it all, they'd booked out a restaurant so everyone could be together.

"You coming, H?" Liam asked.

"I'll be there in a second." I promised as they both disappeared, leaving me alone in the dark corridor. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall. The silence seemed so loud, it made my ears ring. I couldn't believe this was happening, the life I'd known for five years just came to an end. It didn't feel real. I didn't feel prepared. I thought I was. What if I was wrong? What if this was a huge mistake? My breathing was ragged and my body shook with panic. What the hell was I thinking? I was due to audition for a Christopher Nolan film in six weeks! What the hell did I know about acting? What if I failed at everything without them? 

-----

Jessi

"Where's Harry?" I asked Louis and Liam as they walked into the room. I peeked around them to be sure but Harry was definitely not with them.

"Out there. He said he'd just be..." Liam's words trailed off as I walked into the dull corridor and spotted Harry leaning against the wall, his breathing was erratic and the tears on his cheeks glistened brighter than the stars in the sky as they caught beams of light shining through the curtains behind the stage. My heels clicking on the floor echoed through the abandoned space as I hurried towards him. I slid my hand into his and he immediately squeezed it tight.

"You okay?" I whispered. Dumb question, it was obvious he wasn't okay. He shrugged. I rummaged around in my bag and pulled out a tissue, patting it softly against his tears.

"Harry, you're going to be fine. I know you are." I wrapped my arm around him and hugged him close to my body, my head nuzzled against his chest, which was now rising and falling at a much less ferocious pace but he was still sobbing.

"Look at me, Styles!" I commanded. He let out a whimper as I stepped back from him and the noise sent a jolt of pain straight to my heart. "Harry!" I tried again to get his attention, my hands cupped his cheeks, and I tilted his head down to look at me but his eyes were still firmly closed. I lowered my hands to his chest and pressed against it as leverage as I balanced on my tiptoes so I could press my lips against his. They tasted salty from his tears and he let out a gasp which made me pull away from him. His eyes had shot open, and I pressed my fingers to my lips which still tingled from the kiss. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't -" I didn't get to finish my sentence though as he scooped me up and planted his lips firmly on mine. Maybe a kiss was exactly what he needed? 

----------

"Why the fuck are you reading that bullshit?" Harry's voice startled me. I hadn't heard him enter the Living Room. My eyes stayed glued on the article in front of me, Harry Styles Fans Brand Latest Girlfriend a Fame Hungry Phoney. Harry was right, most of the article was complete rubbish but I couldn't help but read over the tweet which had caught my attention.

FYI, Harry's new gf isn't all that. Refused to talk & flirted with Cal in a dress which cost more than my Uni tuition.

I remembered this guy asking me for an autograph and I hadn't refused, I simply asked him to wait until I'd finished helping Cal set up but when I went to look for him later he had gone. I knew I should just shrug it off, but I hadn't intended to hurt this guy and the comments on his tweet had turned into them being mean to Harry and I felt bad. I should have just signed his photo.

"JESSI!" Harry's voice startled me once again as he reached over the sofa and slammed the lid closed on my laptop.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause any harm, I was just busy - I planned to sign his picture, I swear I did -"

"What are you rabbiting on about?" His voice was calmer as he sauntered around the sofa and plopped himself down beside me. He picked up my laptop and unceremoniously plonked it down on the coffee table.

"The fan in the article -" I said before he pressed his finger to my lips. "Baby, it doesn't matter. I've told you not to read those articles, they are full of shit."

"But it's not a lie. I did refuse to, well I didn't - I said I'd sign it later, but he was gone -"

"Jess, it doesn't matter. You have every right to refuse to sign anything, you have every right to ask them to wait. I've done both of those things. You're under no obligation to do anything for anyone you don't want to. Please stop reading these articles? Is this the guy who upset you last night?" Harry hugged me close to him.

"No. Two girls said they wished I'd -" I took a deep breath so I could force the words out, "they said they wished I would kill myself just like my Mum."

"Sorry? They said what?!" Harry stared at me in disbelief as tears flooded my cheeks.

"Please, don't make me say it again?" The words came out in a whisper so soft, I doubted Harry even heard it.

"Baby, I'm so sorry you had to go through that." He wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me onto his lap. "I know it's rubbish advice but you just have to try to ignore it -"

"Ignore it? That's your advice?" I shrieked before I calmed my voice. This wasn't his fault. "How do I ignore it when it's everywhere, Harry? Nasty comments fill my Social Media, articles about us fill my news feed, paparazzi scream the worst of the headlines at me when I leave the house. I feel like a pincushion, every day somebody jabs in another few pins and I don't know how much more I can take..." My words trailed off as I dried my tears against Harry's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I'm so so sorry." He cooed as his fingers brushed through my hair but the calming action failed to bring me any relief. "It will get easier. I promise."

"You keep saying that, Harry but when? When will it get better?" My fingers bunched up the fabric of his shirt and I gripped it tightly, begging for any sort of answer which would make this entire nightmare stop.

"I don't know for sure. I'm trying to keep our movements under wraps, I really am but nothing is working. Somebody has to be leaking information, it's the only explanation but I don't know who." Harry sighed. His voice was smaller than I'd ever heard it and he was clinging to me just as tightly as I was to him. The guilt hit me like a tidal wave. I'd done this to us.

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have bugged you to make our relationship public, I messed everything up." I confessed like a sinner and prayed that my love would forgive me.

"Hey, don't say that. I'm happy that the entire world knows you're mine. I love you, Jessi Monroe and I'm so proud that I'm the one who gets to love you, that I'm the one who gets to come home to you. You make me happier than I've ever been and I promise you we will get through this." Harry hugged me tight, and I sobbed, my body incapable of doing anything else.

----------

"You're sure you don't want me to come with you?" Harry looked down at me with pleading eyes. I knew he had a bag packed in the wardrobe upstairs just in case I changed my mind and honestly, I wanted nothing more than I wanted to give in and let him come with me.

"Hey, you know I want you to come but I think Matt is right, it'll be easier if I go on my own. Plus, I'll be back to drive you crazy before you know it." I buried my nose in his hideous brown patchy jumper, breathing him in until my lungs were bursting with his scent.

"You better be. Fuck! Why do you smell so good?" He groaned, his hands gripping my hips as he nuzzled his nose in my hair.

"Ditto." I chuckled, my nose squishing against his unyielding chest as I pressed my nose deeper into his scratchy jumper. The knock at the door barely disrupted our embrace as I reached out my hand and unlocked the latch.

"You ready, Jess?" Matt's voice bellowed as the door hit Harry on the back. "Shit! Sorry, I didn't see you guys there. You okay?"

"We're fine. But I need to talk to you for a minute." Harry replied before he pulled Matt back outside and closed the door behind them. I hoped Matt was enjoying his lecture on keeping me safe while I trudged upstairs to get my bag. Although, I wasn't entirely sure how I'd gotten away with just taking Matt, at one point Harry had wanted to send me with an entire team of security. I felt grateful that Matt had managed to talk him down.

----------

"So Harry thinks there's a mole?" Matt said and I couldn't wait to get to my apartment and shut out the world. Matt had been incessantly talking for the whole flight and now for the entire car journey too.

"He seems fairly certain, actually." I replied as I stared out the window, my back stiffened as I realised where we were heading. "Why are we heading to Tribeca?" I yelled to Jo.

"That's where you live?" Matt shook his head at me.

"With Harry. He's not here. I want to go to my apartment. Take me to my apartment, please Jo?"

"It's okay, keep driving Jo. Harry wants us to stay in Tribeca. He was very clear." Matt replied.

"Yeah, well, Harry is not my bo - hold up! Did you say us?" My head snapped towards Matt.

"Yeah. Harry wants me to stay with you while you are here." Matt said calmly. I furiously shook my head as I pulled out my phone from my pocket. I couldn't do ninety-six hours with Matt, apart from Harry even the people I loved started to get on my nerves after twenty-four. But Matt? I didn't want him in my space at all.

"Hi Bab-"

"Don't you fucking Baby me, he's not staying in our apartment, Harry." I replied, hoping this was all just one of Matt's weird little jokes.

"Jess! Just hear me out, yeah?"

"Like you did when you made this decision without me?" I snapped.

"Baby -"

"I said don't!" The pet name which usually comforted me and made my heart soar now just felt patronising. I was a grown woman capable of making my own decisions. I wasn't a baby.

"Please, Jessi? Just listen?"

"I'm listening." I sighed.

"I didn't talk to you about it because I'm a coward and I knew you'd argue with me and I know you don't need him there but I'm selfish, I need him there. I need him to make sure you're safe while I can't." His voice was gentle and pleading.

"Harry, it's our home. If you don't think I'm safe there then why are we even living there?"

"I do - look, I didn't claim that it made sense." He chuckled nervously. "Please, just do it for me and I'll do whatever you want?"

"Anything?" I asked, glancing at Matt. I suppose he hadn't been too annoying lately, and it was a large apartment, I could avoid him if needs be.

"I promise." He replied.

"Okay. I'll text you my demands." I smiled.

"Why do I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this?" He chuckled softly, the sound vibrating across my ear and warming my heart.

"You'll enjoy it, just not as much as I will." I smirked.

"I love you." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"I love you too." I grinned. "Hug Severus for me?"

"Will do, he's been looking for his Mummy all day." He'd spent a few days clearing Customs, so he wasn't thrilled with either of us but I didn't want to leave him in New York for Christmas so he'd travelled with me and Harry when we flew to London for the X Factor. I was glad my boys were together.

"I miss you guys." The words left my lips without my permission but they were true. Being here without either of them didn't feel right, like something foreign was bobbing around in my stomach.

"Fuck, Baby! You have no idea how much I wish I was with you. This has genuinely been one of the hardest goodbyes, just knowing I won't be there for you if you get scared is eating me alive. Hurry back, yeah?" He sighed.

"I'll be fine. I have no problem sacrificing Matt if I need to." I chuckled as Matt raised his eyebrows at me and scoffed. "I better go, that's me home." I replied even although it didn't feel like home without my loves.

"OK. I'll call you later." Harry promised. I said goodbye and hung up the phone, giving myself a pep talk, I could survive a few days with Matt. It wouldn't be so bad.

----------

My heart thumped in my chest as my eyes flew open and I gasped for air. I'd just had an awful dream about Harry being in a car accident, they didn't know if he was going to make it. My hand snatched for my phone and my heart jumped into my mouth as I spotted the shadowy figure standing in the doorway.

"Harry?" I gasped even although I knew it couldn't be Harry, the body was too big, and he was still in London.

"Sorry. You were yelling out Harry's name, I could hear you next door." Matt replied.

"You scared the shit of me." I groaned.

"Same. You okay?" Matt replied.

"I had a nightmare. Harry was hurt. I have to talk to him." My heart was still thumping, like a prisoner trying to break free of its chains.

"Okay, come on, I'll make you a hot chocolate and call Jeffrey. Harry said he'd be in the studio today, remember?" I nodded. Harry always turned his phone off when he was in the studio. I pulled a pair of Harry's gym shorts under his vintage Queen t-shirt and walked to the kitchen to find Matt busy getting the items he needed. He'd learned his way around the kitchen quite well in three days. "Here." He sat his phone down on the table, it was already dialing Jeffrey's number.

"Matt? Is everything okay?" I could hear the worry in Jeffrey's voice.

"Hi Jeffrey, I know he's probably busy but can I speak to Harry please?" I was all too aware of the pleading tone in my voice and I coughed to try to clear it.

"Hi Jess, is everything all right? Isn't it late?" I could still hear his worry.

"I had -" I paused, not wanting to share the fact I was calling, like a big baby because I had a nightmare. "I just need to speak to Harry about something, I'll be quick." There was a long pause before I heard muffled voices and then more silence.

"Baby! You alright?" Harry exclaimed.

"I had a dream you were in an accident, you were hurt really badly. Just needed to hear your voice." I felt such a huge sense of relief that my eyes filled with tears. He was okay.

"Aww. You don't have to worry, I'm good. About to head home soon, actually. I can't wait to see you tomorrow." His voice soothed me, like the sound of waves crashing against the beach.

"Me too. Promise to wear your seatbelt!" I shuddered as the vision of him lying in a hospital bed clawed its way back into my brain.

"I always do. Have the Paparazzi still been leaving you alone?"

"Yes." I nodded even although he couldn't see me. Apart from when they caught me leaving the gym yesterday I hadn't been aware of any Paparazzi, whatever new strategy Harry and Jeffrey were trying, it seemed to be working.

"See? Told you they'd get bored with us." Harry chuckled. "Oh, a fan gave me a drawing of you today. She said you are so cool."

"You better believe it!" I giggled as Matt placed a mug of Hot Chocolate down in front of me, teeny pink and white marshmallows floating on the top, just the way I like it. 'Thank you' I mouthed as I wondered when he'd stopped hating me. He nodded and then headed to the guest room, leaving me to enjoy my little bubble of comfort. The smooth drink and Harry's deep voice warming my insides.