Jessi

It was early April and my Graduation day. The day I'd been working so hard for. I had mixed feelings; I was glad it was all over and I could begin work on my career but it had been a relief to have something to throw my energy into for the past three months, something to distract me from my feelings. Things were improving though, I didn't feel like I would cry every time somebody mentioned Harry's name. I hadn't seen him since that night in London but we'd exchanged a few messages. I sent him congratulations on getting a part in that Christopher Nolan film he wanted and he congratulated me on graduating top of my class. I still missed him. I still loved him but I wasn't sure that would ever change.

I'd just got back last night from a trip to London, I'd stayed with Ed for a week, it was a lot of fun and I'd even spent a few days with Anne, Robin and Gemma, they'd taken me out for a celebratory dinner. I still spoke to Anne and Robin almost every day and Gemma was still one of mine and Lori's closest friends. She was coming today, with Niall, Lori and Danny. Lori was here helping me get ready. I hoped the dress I'd ordered fit me; I hadn't had time to try it on before I left for London. I pulled it off the hanger and slipped it on; I let out a sigh when I almost dislocated my shoulder trying to reach the zipper.

"Lori, can you help me?" I yelled, and she came crashing into the bathroom like a hurricane.

"I thought you'd fell or something." She exhaled as she guiltily looked at the stuff she'd knocked down.

"I just need you to do up my zipper." I chuckled, turning around. I pulled my hair out of the way and breathed a sigh of relief it fit.

"You look amazing. I'm so proud of you, Jess." She crushed me with a bear hug.

"Me too. We're doing pretty well for ourselves. Both graduated, both have the jobs we want and you're moving to LA with the man you love." I smiled.

"You know you can visit whenever you want, you have your own bedroom and you can call anytime you need me." She repeated for about the hundredth time.

"I know. Stop worrying. I'm a big girl." I smiled. I would miss her terribly but I couldn't hold her back for my own selfish reasons.

"You ready to go? I'll call Niall to come get us." She said.

"Yeah. Give me a second. I said I'd call Anne before I left." I picked up my phone and opened up Skype.

"Oh Jessi, you look beautiful!" She grinned.

"Yeah, scrub up well, Shorty." Robin grinned.

"Thanks, guys." I couldn't contain my smile.

"We just want you to know that we're so proud of you, you worked so hard for this and we know it wasn't easy, especially these last few months but you did it and you should be proud of yourself." Anne said.

"It gave me something to focus on." I replied.

"We got you a little present. Gem has it, she'll give it to you later, okay?"

"Guys, you didn't have to get me anything." I smiled.

"You deserve it." They both smiled.

"Have a great day, Jess." Robin said, and they hung up.

"Niall's here." Lori yelled, and I followed her out to the car, grabbing my bag and robes. The nerves simmering in my stomach.

-----

I lined up at the side of the stage with the rest of my class. I had to go last, and my hands were shaking so much I worried I wouldn't be able to hold my diploma. I looked over and saw Lori, Niall, Gemma and Danny all waving like crazy people and I couldn't help but smile. I loved them all so much. I watched my class collect their diplomas and then finally they called my name. I walked onto the stage, my mind concentrating on not tripping and falling over. I heard lots of cheering and then as I took the most precious piece of paper I'd ever owned I heard a familiar whistle; my head snapped up, and I franticly scanned the audience, my heart pounding when I spotted him right at the back. I couldn't stop myself from smiling, he gave me a little wave, and I looked down to concentrate on not falling down the steps at the side of the stage. When I looked back up, he'd gone. He had looked amazing, his hair was still long. Lori had told me he would have to cut it for the film but he hadn't yet. I ran towards Gemma.

"You didn't tell me Harry was coming!" I yelled.

"Harry's here? I didn't know. He didn't say." She said, looking around.

"Where is he?" Lori asked.

"He was at the back. He's disappeared." I replied. I saw them all glance at each other. "I didn't imagine it." I sighed.

"I'm sure Harry's in LA, Jess." Niall said, but I was sure it was him.

"Come on, let's do presents." Lori nudged me, she had a weird smile on her face. They all did. They were up to something.

"This one's from me." Gemma smiled. I opened a box to find a key inside. "Oh. I believe this opens this one from Mum and Robin." Again I unlocked it to find another key.

"That unlocks this one, from me and Niall." And yet another key inside. I think they had all gone insane.

"And I believe that will unlock this." Danny smiled. I opened his box to find a car key inside.

"Are you guys messing with me? This is some toy key, right?" I yelled. There was no way this was real.

"Come on!" Lori squealed, her arms locking around my arm as she dragged me outside. My mouth fell open as I saw the Black Audi R8 with a red bow tied on top. It looked sexy, I'd always loved driving Harry's.

"Well, we thought you'd need a car for carting around all that camera equipment you have." Danny smiled.

"You guys are amazing." I yelled. I felt so spoiled but I couldn't wait to climb inside.

"We'll see you at the restaurant." Danny hugged me tight as they walked away.

"I've to tell you to look in the glove box." Gemma whispered, giving me a hug before she left. I ran to the car and pulled the bow off the top and sat it on the passenger seat. I climbed in and just sat there. I couldn't believe this was really mine. I reached over and opened the glove box. My heart beating faster as I recognised the writing on the red envelope. I snatched it up and tore it open.

Hi Jessi,

I hope you like the car. I know how much you used to enjoy driving mine plus it's much more practical for New York weather. I wish I could take all the credit but it was actually Danny's idea. I'd like to see the smile on your face right now. I miss that smile.

I just want to say that I'm ridiculously proud of you. You are amazing and I know that your photos will spread happiness to anyone who has the pleasure of seeing them.

These past few months without you have been the toughest time in my life. Lately I feel like sometimes I'm doing fine and then other times life just seems to happen around about me. I still love you and I don't see a day where I won't. I was hoping you'd have come up with your plan to outlaw the paps by now. Anyway, this is getting depressing, and that's not what I wanted. Yay! Go You! Enjoy your dinner.

Always, 

Harry x 

P.S. There's another present in the glove box.

I looked back in the glove box and pulled out a blue box with a bow on the top; I opened it up and had to fight back the tears. I didn't want to walk into the restaurant with a striped face. I slipped the star bracelet which matched my sun and moon bracelets, onto my wrist. I'd told him my Mum had planned to buy me this one when I graduated. The fact that he'd remembered really assaulted my feelings. Why did he have to be famous? But then again, if he wasn't then I'd probably never have met him. I tucked his letter and my feelings back into the glove box and headed to the restaurant.

-----

I parked down the street where I found a space and I noticed there were paparazzi outside the restaurant; I wondered who they were waiting for. I walked towards them; I wasn't worried, they never seemed to bother me anymore. I was yesterday's news, so it surprised me when I heard my name.

"Jessi? Is it true that you and Harry split up because you couldn't handle his womanising?" I stopped in my tracks. I knew I shouldn't. I should just keep on walking and ignore it but I couldn't. One of the hardest parts of breaking up with Harry was reading all the awful things the press had written about him.

"Which one of you asked that?" I turned to face them. They all went quiet, stunned into silence, never once in the past year had I even glanced in their direction, now they had my full attention. A woman stuck out her hand, she had a guy with a video camera with her and her microphone read TMZ. I walked towards her. "Harry Styles is the kindest, most amazing man on the planet. He's faithful, loyal and all round just the most perfect boyfriend you could ever hope for." I lectured before I turned to walk away.

"So why did you leave him?" She yelled after me.

"All of this bullshit." I sighed, pointing towards them all camped out here waiting to harass some poor person who just wanted to go out for dinner. I walked into the restaurant and smiled at my little table of friends. Danny, Lori, Niall, Gemma, Justin and Zayn. I walked towards the table and hugged Gemma tightly.

"Pass that on to your brother when you see him, please?" I whispered in her ear.

"I will do." She smiled. I sat down beside Danny.

"I'm so proud of you Jess and I know your Mum would be too." He smiled.

"Thanks, Danny. You know I wouldn't be here without you. Oh, and look what Harry got me." I twirled my wrist from side to side, showing him the bracelet.

"He got you the last bracelet. Your Mum would like that. He's a good man." Danny smiled.

-----

It was late, and we were all leaving the Ace, everyone had wanted to party after dinner. I'd had a good time, but I had missed Harry. Social situations were always the worst, watching all my friends couple up just reminded me I was alone and with no Harry to comfort me I used alcohol to numb the pain, which is how I found myself stumbling out of a taxi, barely able to walk in a straight line. 

I fell into my apartment with one thing on my mind. I pulled out my phone and texted Harry; the alcohol numbing all my senses.

Harry

I saw my phone light up. It was 4am and I couldn't sleep. Gemma wasn't back yet, I knew she was with Jess and I couldn't stop myself from wondering what they were doing. They must be out at a club, my blood ran cold as I thought about guys hitting on either of them. I know I shouldn't have gone to Jessi's graduation, thoughts of her had been haunting me all day.

"Hey StyLes!!!!!!!" Jessi's text read. Was she trying to insult me? I didn't get the capital L, but I smiled, anyway.

"StyLes?" I replied. About five minutes later there was still no answer.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" I wrote and seven minutes after that I was starting to worry. What if she was hurt somewhere?

"Where are you?" I jumped out of bed and started to get dressed.

"Jess?" Fuck! Where was she? I was just about to call Gemma when a message popped up.

"I'm here. Donn't." It said.

"Don't what? Are you okay?" I replied instantly and rushed out the bedroom but she wasn't here. I couldn't hide my disappointment.

"DOON'T Leaf me... I'm dRunked." She replied. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hold on I'll call you. I think it'll be easier plus I won't have to read your atrocious spelling mistakes." I smiled.

"Arite Mary fookin PopPiiiiins!" She replied.

"I said atrocious not Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Idiot!" I chuckled as I pictured her eye rolling that response.

"Tooo maany letterrrs." My fingers shook as I dialled her number. It felt like hours passed as I waited for her to answer. "HARRRRY! I WUV YOU!" She yelled.

"I wuv you too. Where have you been?" I chuckled.

"Ace. It was Ace. Ha! I'm funny!" She laughed.

"You're smashed." I smiled at the image in my head. She was cute when she was drunk, even clumsier than usual and she'd get all giggly while staring up at me with those big brown eyes. Jeez. I missed those eyes.

"NO YOU ARE!" She laughed hysterically.

"I'm not. Where are you? Is Gem with you?" I smiled.

"Gemma's at Niall and Lori's. She ref- refuses to stay here, we fucked all over it." I couldn't deny it, we had. My dick twitched at the memories. "Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not home with no you. I hate it." All the joy had disappeared from her voice and it hurt my heart.

"Same." I replied looking around the apartment that used to contain so much love, now it was just an empty shell, mirroring how I felt.

"I'm sooooo horny. Will you fuck me?" She growled.

"I wish I could." I pulled off my jeans and headed back to bed now I knew I didn't have to comb New York looking for her.

"Haaaaaarry. My hand is in my pants." She sang.

"Fuck, Jessi!" She wasn't making this easy for me. I should hang up before she did something she'd regret. But my dick was throbbing under the bedsheets.

"Play with me. I'm all wet for you..." Jess whispered. I was weak. I gave in to her request, my hand reaching under the covers.

"You win. I have my dick in my hand." I replied, eagerly waiting her response.

"Mmm... tell me does it feel - does it feel..." Her voice trailed off.

"Does it feel what?" I groaned, slowly sliding my hand along my length, as I imagined Jessi's hand there instead. But there was no response, just silence. And then I heard her slow and steady, sleepy breathing.

"Goodnight Jessi." I smiled and hung up the phone before heading to the shower. I was becoming way too used to getting myself off while memories of Jess swirled around in my head, like my personal X-Rated Movie.  

-----

My phone ringing woke me up. "Hey!" I yawned, still half asleep.

"Hey Harry, you ready? I'm downstairs." Jeffrey replied.

"Calm down Jeff, it's still so early." I muttered. I was grumpy at being woken up, I'd been dreaming about Jess.

"No. It's 12pm, Harry." I sat up straight and my eyes flew open. Shit! He was right. That was the longest I'd slept in months. We might miss our flight.

"Sorry Jeffrey, I'll be down in two minutes." I hung up the phone and jumped out of bed and put on the first things that came to me, sprayed on some aftershave, gave my hair a shake and headed out the door.

"So what had you so tired out? Did you have a girl up there?" Jeffrey gave me a hopeful stare. He'd been trying to convince me to move on, or at least be seen out with somebody else. He figured it would get everyone to let up on the questions about Jess and who knows? Maybe he was right? But I wasn't ready for that.

"No. I was asleep." I snapped. He raised an eyebrow. "Would you like my keys to go check?"

"No. I believe you."

"Jessi would be heartbroken." Lori interrupted our conversation. I'd forgotten Jeffrey had hired her to do my hair and makeup for this Another Man shoot.

"Hey, what did you guys do to Jess yesterday? She was wasted." I chuckled before realising what I'd said.

"Jess was with you last night?" Now it was Lori's turn to have a hopeful look on her face.

"No, she texted me a bunch of nonsense, mostly. It was funny though." I smiled.

"She was driving Zayn crazy, she was talking about you all night. Some guy punched him because Jess punched him first." Lori rabbited excitedly.

"Wait wait, hold on. Jess punched a guy? For what?" I asked, I'd never seen her lose her temper like that. 

"Yeah, he was in a band that was playing. I think he was the drummer -"

"Fast forward to the good part." Jeffrey interrupted. Irritated by the topic of conversation. He didn't think talking about Jess all the time was helpful either. He was probably right about that too but I couldn't stop my heart from clinging to every second when somebody brought her name up in conversation. My entire body filled with an ache to know every detail about what she'd been up to. Then came a different ache, would this be the time when I'd hear she'd moved on?

"Well, he couldn't take his eyes off Jess and despite our entire group drawing him dirty looks, he wandered up to her, anyway. You have to admit he had balls. So he squeezed in beside her at the bar and says 'Hey princess, you look really good in that dress' and without even looking at him she puts her hand out and says 'Not interested!' and then she turned to Zayn and said 'I miss, Harry'" I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

"So anyway he pushed her hand out of the way and said 'Styles? I didn't think you suited him, I mean he can't even play an instrument' so she turned to him and Zayn swears she said 'Well he can play me pretty fucking well'. The guy's mouth fell open and then he grabbed her ass and she punched him, properly made him stumble back, burst his lip. So now he's furious, calling her a bitch. Zayn pushes in front of her as the guy tries to grab her. So the guy pushed Zayn, knocking him in to Jess who fell over, Zayn helped her up and when he turned back to the guy he swung for Zayn and smacked him right in the eye. Next thing we know Danny has lept over the bar and lifted the guy up by his collar and carried him outside. It was quite an event. Niall and Gem were furious, they missed everything when they were at the toilet." Lori chuckled.

"I should have been there to protect her." I muttered.

"Terrible plan!" Jeffrey scoffed.

"Yeah, you'd be in jail for murder." Lori laughed. They were probably right. It wouldn't have ended well.

"Lori, was she interested in anyone?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to know the answer.

"No Harry, I told you all she spoke about was you and apart from that creep I never saw her talk to anyone who wasn't in our group." Lori smiled. I lay my head back against the chair.

"How did things get so fucked up?" I sighed.

"It'll get better, Harry." Jeffrey replied, but I didn't believe him.

-----------

I knew Harry was in New York this week. Maybe that's why I felt so on edge? I still hadn't seen him properly since London and the last time I spoke to him was a few weeks ago, after my Graduation, although for the life of me I can't recall a single thing I said to him. Maybe that was for the best? I had been really drunk.

Severus purred at my feet and I scooped him up into my lap and chuckled as he nestled himself into Harry's hoodie that I was wearing. When he was smaller he used to hide himself in the pocket, I currently had my hands buried in. "You miss him too, huh?" I pulled my right hand from the pocket and brushed it through his soft, smooth fur. Happy little whimpers left his throat as I continued my movements.

My phone destroyed our quiet pining. Anne's picture lit up the screen as Severus gave me a glare. "Don't give me that look, I'm answering it, okay?" I chuckled.

"Hi Anne!" I spoke quietly as Severus snuggled back into the hoodie.

"Hey Sweetheart, could you do me a massive favour?" She sounded worried, and I knew I'd do whatever I could to help her.

"Sure, what do you need?" I received another glare from Severus as I disrupted him while I stood up.

"Well, you might want to hear what it is first. I need somebody to go check on Harry. He's sick and you know what he's like, he won't be taking care of himself properly. Could you just make sure he has something decent to eat? I'm sorry for asking you this but you're the only person in New York I trust to do it." Anne pleaded.

"It's okay. I'll do it. What's wrong with him?" Worry was consuming me. He shouldn't be alone when he's sick. I pulled on a pair of my yoga leggings and slipped on my trainers.

"Throat infection. Thanks Jess, you're a lifesaver. Oh, and I've been getting messages about a little boy who's sick in Mount Sinai Children's Hospital, can you make sure he knows about that?" Anne replied.

"Yeah, Benji? I got a message about him too. I sent him a teddy bear this morning." He looked a lot like Bob except his fur was brown and curly. I always admired Harry for being able to visit and speak with the sick kids who reached out to him, it wasn't an easy thing to do.

"Aww, Love, that was sweet. I'm sure he appreciated that."

"I know it's not much, but I figured he'd like it. Anyway, I'll call you once I've checked in on Harry. Love you." 

"Love you too, Sweetheart!" I hung up, quickly grabbed my bag and headed out the door, ignoring Severus' protests. I thought about taking him with me but in my worried state that felt like it would take too long.

-----

I juggled the coffee and the soup, from Sam's, in my hands and knocked on the door, my heart was pounding out my chest. Calm down, Jess! It's just Harry. The door swung open and my whole world suddenly stopped. Like I'd drove my motorbike straight into a brick wall. Fuck!

"Hi." Kendall smiled down at me. "Are you Harry's assistant?" She said, looking me up and down. I couldn't make my brain focus on anything else except the fact she was standing there in nothing but one of Harry's t-shirts. "Hi!" She repeated, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Can you give this to Harry please? And make sure he eats it. Oh, and make sure he gets this note." I walked around her to copy down Benji's name and ward number on the pad on the table beside the door, asking Harry to go visit him. I then calmly walked out and closed the door behind me. I could feel the tears building in my eyes. I ran to the lift and pressed the button but it was taking too long, I couldn't stop the tears so I headed to the stairwell and ran down several flights of stairs before giving up and sitting down and sobbing. I called Lori, but she didn't answer so I called Zayn. He patiently listened while I explained, between sobs, what happened. It's not like I didn't know this was coming but did it have to be now? and why with her? Did he have to replace me with somebody so fucking perfect? She got along with his friends, Jeffrey loved her, she'd look amazing stood next to him at any function he'd have to attend and she had zero problem being in the spotlight. I curled my body against the wall of the stairwell, my heart felt like it was trying to tear its way out of my body, I'd never felt pain like it.

-----

Harry

Fifteen minutes earlier:

"I like this place. Those photos are awesome and I like the furniture better than your LA house." Kendall said, looking around after I'd invited her in.

"Thanks. Jessi picked most of it." I sighed, my throat pinching with the effort of speaking.

"What happened with her? I thought she was supposed to be the one? Are those her pictures?" Kendall pointed towards the giant prints Jess had made from her photos of the river in Holmes Chapel. I think they'll forever remind me of Christmas.

"She is. They are and none of your business. Look, Kendall, I don't mean to be rude but I already told Jeffrey I don't want to be 'seen' moving on." I wasn't ready, and I especially didn't want to be, "seen moving on," with Kendall. I feel like that would be a huge slap in the face to Jess after the whole AMA's fiasco. My fingers clutched my throat, the slight raise in my voice made my throat hurt more.

"Oh, come on Harry. We have fun together, right? And I need some new artwork for my hallway, do you think Jessi would be interested?" She asked moving closer to the photograph's so she could have a better look.

"I don't know, why don't you ask her?" I walked to the table beside the door and pulled out one of Jessi's business cards. "I'm gonna go have a shower and when I get out, I expect to find you gone." I headed to the bathroom and locked the door before getting undressed. I stood under the faucet, letting the warm water wash over me, the steam would help my throat and I wished it would wash away all my other problems too.

-----

I wrapped a towel around me, my stomach rumbled and I sighed, I had meant to go shopping earlier but it had completely slipped my mind. I walked towards the kitchen and stopped when I spotted Kendall was still here. I'd heard the door so had assumed she'd left. I saw she was holding soup from Sam's and coffee and my mouth watered.

"Where d'you get that?" I asked and then I noticed she was wearing one of my t-shirts.

"Some strange woman dropped it off, I assume she was your assistant." She placed it down on the table.

"Emma? She's in London. Why are you still here? And why are you wearing one of my t-shirts?" I grabbed a spoon and popped the lid off the soup, I didn't even care it was lukewarm, I was so hungry and it still tasted delicious. Green Pesto Minestrone, my favourite. "Mmm..." I hummed.

"We both know I'm staying." She smiled. "She was short, long brown wavy hair, dressed for the gym. She looked terrible, actually." 

"Did she look anything like this?" I snapped, shoving a picture of Jess in front of her. My throat tensed at the tone of my voice.

"Yeah, way more tired looking though. She's actually quite pretty in that photo." She smiled.

"Get out!" I raised my voice. I can't believe she answered the door to Jess in one of my t-shirts.

"What?" Kendall replied, looking at me like I was crazy.

"GET OUT!" I yelled, opening the door. I spotted her clothes and threw them out the door.

"Harry, come on." She chuckled. As soon as she was outside, I closed the door. I tried to call Jess, but she didn't answer. My throat finally gave out and a coughing fit took over my whole body, making me feel like I would puke or maybe that was the thought of Jess thinking I'd slept with Kendall? Either way, I propelled myself towards the bathroom feeling much worse than I had this morning.