Jessi

I straddled my paddle board, my legs swinging through the crystal clear water as the sun warmed my tanned skin causing the smell of sunscreen to float in the air. I loved it here; it was so beautiful. As soon as Nat Geo had asked me where I'd wanted to go, Bacuit Bay in El Nido, left my lips. It had been a no brainer, I'd wanted to come here ever since I found out this is where the lagoon was that reminded me of Harry's eyes. My month-long trip had turned into three months. I completed my Nat Geo assignment two months ago, but I was still here. I stood up and paddled back to shore, ready for another day in paradise. The sand made a hissing sound as I dragged my board up the beach towards the house I'd been renting. I carefully cleaned the sand from my board before leaning it against the wall and heading inside. I checked my phone as I grabbed a banana, to stop my stomach rumbling. I had a message from Lori asking me to call her so I opened up Skype.

"Hi!" Her and Niall waved once they answered.

"Hi, I miss you guys." I smiled at how cute they looked together. Niall's hair was no longer dyed blonde. It made him look older.

"When are you coming home?" Lori whined. I shrugged.

"It's so pretty and peaceful here. How is everyone?" I asked.

"Louis is enjoying being a Dad, you should see Freddie now. We haven't seen much of Liam, he's back in London. Gemma has a boyfriend, he seems nice, although she's freaking out about him meeting Harry, who is in France filming right now." Lori said. My heart lurched at the mention of his name.

"And you two? I heard Niall's song on the radio, it's awesome." I smiled, steering the conversation far away from Harry.

"Thanks." Niall blushed.

"We're good. When are you coming home? I miss my Sissy." Lori pouted.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll just stay in paradise forever." I laughed, although I'd been considering it, it was the coward's way of dealing with my problems.

"Not funny. Please come home?" Her eyes filled with tears and I immediately felt bad.

"Aww Lor, don't cry. I was joking." I didn't mean to upset her. "Maybe another week or two?"

"You promise?" Lori pouted.

"I promise." I knew I couldn't hide here forever as much as I'd like to.

"OK. Well we have to go. I'll speak to you soon." 

"OK. Love you guys." I smiled.

"We love you too." They said before hanging up and as soon as they'd gone my phone started to ring again, it was Ed this time.

"Hey Edward!" I smiled as I packed a drink and some snacks in my backpack. 

"Hey Sheerio, just double checking you are coming to my show next week?" His voice sounded light and cheery.

"Uhm. Is that next week?" I asked. I couldn't believe it was August already.

"Don't tell me you're still on that bloody island?" He sighed.

"Yeah but looks like Lori is gonna get me home sooner than she expected." I chuckled.

"Awesome. So you're definitely coming? I thought we could all go out after?" 

"Sounds good. Who's going again?" The only person I knew who was going was Harry, and I didn't even know if he'd be back in time.

"Some of my friends. Jamie and Fred are coming, maybe Harry but he hasn't got back to me yet. You don't mind if he's there, right?" He answered.

"I don't mind. He's still in France, apparently." I gave him the information Lori had given me earlier.

"Ah. You guys speaking again?" Ed asked.

"We're not, not speaking. I mean I don't think we are. I just - I don't know - we haven't spoken in three months." I hadn't heard from Harry since he drove me home from the club that night and I hadn't contacted him either. I'd read that he was seeing somebody and that hurt but I hoped he was happy. He looked happy.

"You should call him?" Ed's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

"Why? He's probably busy." I wanted to reach out to him but I just didn't know what to say or if my heart could take the pain of knowing he was truly happy with somebody else.

"Whatever. You two are hopeless." Ed groaned.

"Yeah. Yeah. I guess I'll see you soon."

"Later Sheerio" He chuckled.

"Bye Ed!" I hung up the phone and shook the lingering thoughts of Harry from my head, time to get back to paradise, the recurring thought of how much Harry would like it here popped into my head, maybe I could tell him about it and he could bring Dallas. My replacement. I bitterly pulled my shorts over my bikini bottoms, pulled on a t-shirt and put on my boots. I turned on my iPod and slung my backpack over my shoulders and started the familiar hike up to the cliff.

-----

The view up here definitely made the climb worth it. I sat on the edge of the cliff, looking down at the perfect bluey green hue of the lagoon. I came here every day. On our first day here everyone had jumped in but not me, something had stopped me and I still hadn't found the courage 3 months later. I flicked my iPod to Green Eyes by Coldplay and pulled a bar of chocolate from my bag. This was my favourite spot on the whole island and I tried to convince myself it had nothing to do with Harry but I knew I came here every day because it reminded me of him. I was no less in love with him now than I was when I arrived months ago. I took some pictures and before I stopped to think about what I was doing I had posted one to Instagram with the caption 'I miss you. Green Eyes - Coldplay'. It wasn't until my phone blew up that I realised I'd posted it to my public photography account instead of my private account. Ah shit! I was about to turn the notifications off when a name caught my eye, Harry had liked my photo and that's when it got really crazy, almost every comment was saying we were getting back together. I turned the notifications off and put my phone away and pulled out my GoPro camera. I took off my boots and socks and stood up, my toes curving over the edge of the cliff. I breathed in and out deeply, my heart pounding in my chest. Why was I so scared? I'd done things like this before. I closed my eyes and his green eyes flashed before me, I felt a breeze blow my t-shirt and then I heard his voice whisper in my ear, "Jump!" I screwed my eyes closed tighter, his green eyes were still staring back at me. "Jump Jessi!" His voice whispered again.

"Fuck it!" I yelled. I flung open my eyes and jumped, the next sound I heard was the breaking of the water before everything was muffled beneath the surface. I had butterflies in my stomach as I popped back up above the water. I let out a loud laugh. That was amazing. Adrenaline surged through me. I swam to the edge and hurried back up to the top of the cliff. After I'd jumped another few times, I dried my feet and put my socks and boots back on, running down to the cafe to use the internet. I think it was time for me to go home.

My phone beeped beside me and my heart raced as I saw it was Harry. I quickly opened the message. "That jump looked like fun!" was all it said. While I booked flights on my laptop earlier, I'd saw pictures of him and Dallas, she was tall like him, long blonde hair, was probably a model. I couldn't pretend that it didn't hurt, it hurt like hell but I just had to suck it up.

"Thanks. I hope you're happy, Harry." I buried my feet in the wet sand as the waves lapped at my feet, the sunset was so pretty tonight, the sky full of pinks and purples.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He replied.

"Nothing. I really do just want you to be happy." He didn't reply to that one. I slid my phone back into my pocket and headed inside to finish packing my case. Time to go home. No more hiding. I had to get on with my life. I would miss this place though, miss the peace and quiet.

----------

My flight was uneventful. When I was travelling alone, I was the person with headphones on and my nose in a book. I didn't like chit chat. My phone started to ring as I waited for my suitcase. I pulled it out to see Zayn's name on the screen.

"Hi!" I smiled.

"Hey, where are you? I've been waiting forever..." He dragged out the words as he began to chuckle.

"I only landed ten minutes ago Z!" I rolled my eyes at his impatience.

"I've been waiting three months for you J. I missed you. You're so selfish sunning yourself on a desert island and leaving me here!" He whined.

"Oh, shut up. I'll be there in a few minutes. Just spotted my bag." I hung up the phone and grabbed my bag from the carousel. I rushed towards the exit, excited to see Zayn. I'd missed him. A few years ago and nobody would have missed me at all, apart from Lori and Danny. I waved like crazy when I saw him and started running. I laughed when he pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling happy.

"So how was paradise?" He smiled.

"Amazing and quiet. You smell nice. What you wearing?" I said letting him go.

"Gucci! Baby!" He exclaimed, making me laugh.

"So tell me all the gossip. What's been happening? How's Zayn's world?" He grabbed my bag, and I held onto his arm as we walked to the car.

"I'm good. That girl I've been seeing thinks you're hot." He chuckled.

"Isabella? What? She's never met me." I smiled, bumping him with my hip as we walked.

"Yeah, Izzy. She saw your photo." He laughed and I let out a sigh.

"Zayn please tell me you don't still have that photo up?" I was referring to the photo of the two of us he had blown up and put up on the wall in his apartment so it was the first thing you saw when you walked in the door. He seems to find it hilarious that I look naked in the photo, it cuts off just above the top of the strapless top I had on.

"I love it, it's an awesome test for potential girlfriends. If it weirds them out then it's bye byecause then they definitely won't be able to handle you being in my life." He smiled.

"It weirds me out." I nudged his ribs, and he elbowed me in response.

"Izzy's reaction has been the best so far." He grinned. I enjoyed seeing him happy.

"Well come on then, tell me what she said?" I laughed as we got into the car.

"Well, we walked in the door and she suddenly stopped, so far so normal, but then she went 'Fuck me! Who's that? She's stunning!'" He was looking at me strangely.

"Aww, she's a sweetheart, blind, but a sweetheart. For the record that's the tactic I'd go with. Pretend it didn't bother me and compliment the person in the photo in case its family or something." I smiled as I sent Lori a message to tell her I was home.

"She wasn't just saying it to be nice. I think she has a little crush on you." He smirked, his eyes drifting from me to the road.

"What are you talking about?" I smiled as I read Lori's reply. She was asking, well more like telling me to come for dinner later and to bring Zayn.

"She's Bi. Says you're exactly the kind of girl she'd date." He chuckled.

"Z, stop! You're going to make it awkward when I meet her." I could tell he liked this girl and the fact she made him so happy had me excited to meet her.

"How about tonight? I brought her to New York with me?" He smiled.

"Okay. Lori just told me to bring you to dinner at her and Niall's. I'll call and let her know about Izzy." 

"Awesome. I think you will like her." Zayn grinned.

"So long as she makes you happy, Honey Bunny." I let out a happy sigh. It was nice to be back.

"She does. Missed you, Love Cup." He pulled up to my apartment.

"Missed you too. Thanks for picking me up. I'll see you later." It might seem weird but I was excited to see my apartment. I'd missed it.

"Later! You want me to pick you up?" Zayn smiled.

"Nah. I'll meet you guys there." I smiled.

"OK. see you later!" I nodded as a response before I closed the door and rushed up the stairs. It felt good to be home.

----------

I knocked on Lori and Niall's door, impatiently. I was hours early but I couldn't settle at home. I thought about going to pick up Severus from Danny but I knew I'd be best leaving him there until tomorrow. Lori yanked open the door and screamed before pulling me into a hug, almost crushing me. I hugged her back just as tightly. Her scream had brought Niall out from the Living Room. He wrapped his arms around both of us. I couldn't stop smiling, a feeling of warmth and comfort washing over me.

"You're here! You're really here!" She yelled when we finally separated.

"Yep. I'm really here." I smirked.

"Don't do that to me ever again!" She yelled, shoving me in the shoulder.

"Sorry Lor. I feel better though." I smiled. I did feel better. I was comfortable being by myself again and my apartment would feel more homely when I got Severus back.

"You look better. In fact, you look stunning. So tanned." She smiled, spinning me around. "I'm still not sure about this though." She said, running her hands through my shoulder-length bob. If I was honest, I still wasn't used to it either, I still did a double take in the mirror every morning.

"Me either but it'll grow." I smiled.

"Gem's coming later and Louis is bringing Freddie. Oh, and Fred's coming too." She sounded so excited.

"Sounds good." I smiled, following her to the Living Room.

"I like it." Niall smiled, ruffling my hair.

"Thanks Ni! Golf tomorrow while Lor is at work?" I grinned.

"You bet. You're gonna lose though!" He chuckled. That's what he thought. I'd been practising.

-----

We'd just finished dinner. I was sat between Fred and Gemma, Louis and little Freddie were on Gemma's other side and Lori, Niall, Zayn and Izzy were at the opposite side of the table. I liked Izzy; she got on well with everyone and there was no doubt she was making Zayn happy. Little Freddie was adorable, gorgeous little chubby cheeks and Louis was clearly smitten. I'd laughed when he lectured me on being careful, this was the same guy who used to prank me every chance he got. We'd spoken about everything over dinner except the obvious but I was curious, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.

"So Dallas? What's she like? Is she good to Harry?" I asked, and they all went quiet, eyes darting around wildly. I looked to Gemma who looked at Lori who looked away from me. I was growing frustrated with them trying to protect me and was about to protest when Fred spoke.

"Can't stand her, Peanut." He placed his hand on my back. And I felt myself get angry, I could handle the truth.

"You guys don't have to lie. I'm glad he's found somebody who makes him happy." I insisted.

"Not lying." Fred leaned back in his chair, glancing around the table to get somebody else to join in the conversation.

"It's true. She's a bitch!" Louis covered Freddie's ears when he swore. I looked around and everyone was nodding in agreement.

"Is he happy?" I asked Gemma, my hand instinctively gripping her arm. I wasn't sure which response I was most scared of hearing.

"I don't think so, no but he's never been very good at being on his own." She frowned. I looked down at the table. I didn't know how to feel. There was a part of me that was glad but mostly I was trying to work out how I could watch them together knowing he wasn't happy. I wanted him to be happy, at least one of us needed to be happy.

"Jess, can you help me clear up?" Lori pulled me from my thoughts. Glad of the escape route I grabbed the empty plates and helped her carry them into the kitchen.

"Thanks. Could you put them in the dishwasher please?" She smiled before disappearing. I busied myself doing what she asked and was just finishing when she came back with a bundle of envelopes tied up with a ribbon in her hand. "Your post." She looked nervous as she handed them over as if she was waging some internal war.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, worried I might have missed a bill or something. My fingers tapped on the edges of the envelopes as I quickly flicked through the pile. I paused when I reached a collection of six envelopes, they all matched and I could tell it was expensive stationary. I recognised Harry's handwriting, and the postmarks indicated that they came from France.

"They arrived more or less every week since he left." Lori squeezed my arm.

"What do they say?" I asked, my thumb brushed over my name, I loved the cursive way he wrote the letter J. I spent a whole afternoon trying to emulate it once but I failed so I stuck with my J which Harry described as a fishhook.

"I don't know Jess, they're yours. I didn't open them. Maybe they'll have some answers for you?" She smiled softly. I tied the bundle backup and sat them down on the counter and took her arm and headed back to the table. Now wasn't the time to read them. I didn't want pulled back into the sadness.

"Lou hand over that little chunky monkey. Auntie Jess wants cuddles!" I yelled, sitting down beside him. I smiled as Freddie made little gurgle noises. "I can't believe you made him, he's gorgeous."

"Just like me and stop calling him a chunky monkey. He's perfect." Louis snarked. "Yes, you are." I cooed. A smile taking over my face as Freddie gripped my finger.

-----

Harry

My flight just landed and Dallas was already blowing up my phone.

"Hey Dee." I answered.

"Hey babe, when are you coming over?" She asked.

"I don't know. I said I'd meet a friend. It might be pretty late." I headed for my car. I wasn't actually meeting anyone, but I knew Niall was in town so I figured I'd head there.

"Can you grab me some things from the shop on your way? I'll text you a list. I can't wait for my present." Her whiney voice made me flinch. It drove me crazy and not in a good way. 

"I don't know if I'll be passing a shop." 

"But babe, I need these things!" She said.

"I'll see what I can do." I agreed mostly because I just wanted her to hang up at this point.

"Thanks babe, you could maybe just drop it off when you head to your apartment, I'll be asleep." I couldn't believe her. Yeah no bother love, I'll do your shopping and drop it off and put it away for you because you can't be arsed to get out of bed!

"Fine." I groaned.

"Love you, babe." I could picture the victorious look on her face and I didn't like it.

"See you later." I hung up and threw the phone on the chair as I drove off. I drove in silence, slightly more aggressively than usual. Dallas had a way of pissing me off like nobody else. Although it probably wasn't all her fault, it wasn't her fault she wasn't Jess.

-----

"Hey Niall!" I smiled as he opened the door. I could hear other voices.

"Oh. Hey H!" He smiled and then frowned before he smiled again.

"Well, are you going to let me in?" I chuckled.

"Yeah. Right. Sorry." He mumbled, stepping out the way. I passed him and headed towards the sound of all the voices. I smiled, everyone was here. Even Fred and then I paused, sitting beside him was Jess. I almost didn't recognise her, she'd cut her hair. My heart was racing, she looked amazing.

"Harry!" Gemma yelled, rushing to hug me. I hugged her tight. My eyes were still watching Jess. She got up and snuck off to the kitchen.

"I thought you'd be with Dallas?" Gemma questioned, pulling me from my thoughts. I just groaned in response. I quickly said hello to everyone else before going to find the one thing my heart longed for. Lori stuck her hand out in front of me and I paused.

"Maybe you should just go home to your girlfriend, Harry?" She moved so her entire body blocked my route to Jess.

"Please?" Was all I could say. I knew she was right, I should probably leave but I couldn't. I wanted - I needed - I don't even know what I was thinking, but it felt like I'd been drawn here for a reason.

"Don't upset her H." Lori warned, reluctantly stepping out of my way. I stopped in the doorway as I watched Jessi. She had her back to me, her knuckles were white from the way she was gripping the kitchen counter. No wavy hair tumbled down her back, it stopped at her shoulders and I longed to run my fingers through it to see if it was as soft as I remembered. She looked physically stronger and I couldn't stop my eyes lingering on her arse, her skinny jeans hugging it perfectly.

"Hi." It surprised me by coming out in a whisper. She spun round to face me and I swear she'd only got more beautiful in the three months since I saw her last. How is that even possible?

"Hi, I'm sorry. I didn't know you would be here. I'll go if it's awkward." Her eyes were missing that sparkle that they'd had earlier. I cleared my throat so my voice didn't betray me again.

"Don't go. If anyone should leave it should be me, I'm the one who turned up uninvited. So how are you?" I hadn't even noticed I'd moved towards her until she reached out her hand and ran her fingers through my hair, it felt so nice I almost let out a moan.

"I almost forgot you cut your hair." Her hand stopped on my shoulder before she pulled it away and tucked her hands behind her back. I wanted to reach around her and slide my fingers between hers.

"So did you!" I twirled a strand of her hair around my finger, the familiar smell of coconuts drifting towards me, it made me feel relaxed.

"When did you get back?" She asked, and I felt cold as she walked to the opposite side of the kitchen island. I looked down at my watch.

"About an hour ago. You?" I watched her eyes widen at my words.

"Sorry. I'm just surprised you came here. I got back this morning, it's nice to be back. I saw Danny earlier, he's a bit hurt you haven't called him lately. You should call him." It wasn't anything personal against Danny, I hadn't spoken to anyone lately.

My body craved being close to her again, so I walked around the island, my eyes watching her every move. She shuffled her feet, but she didn't back away.

"Did you like my letters?" I asked, my eyes landing on the pile of post on the counter, although I was a little confused about why they were here.

"Uhm. I haven't read them yet. I only got my post a little earlier. Lori's been picking it up for me." She was fidgety. My heart was pounding. We were so close our bodies were almost touching. I wanted to close the space. I reached out and placed my hand on her arm and immediately pulled it away again as I felt a jolt of something race through my body, it was as if all my senses had come to life at once, my body tingled. Jess was looking up at me, rubbing her arm, she'd felt it too.

"Hey, you guys want to come play? We're playing truths mixed with spin the bottle?" Fred interrupted and my eyes shot towards him in anger.

"Sure." Jessi replied as she followed him and I was left with that cold feeling again. I felt my phone vibrate and pulled it out to find a message from Dallas. Her list of demands, well the things she wanted from the shop. I should just go get them. Get out of here. I was in a mood to fuck her senseless but I didn't leave, my heart pulled me towards Jessi like it couldn't help itself.

Everyone was sat on the floor in a circle. I wanted to sit beside Jess but I sat beside Gemma instead, Zayn's new girlfriend on my other side, I'd forgotten her name.

Before I knew it, it was my turn. The bottle landed on Niall.

"So do you want to kiss me or do you want a question?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Not in front of everyone Niall. Gimme a question." I chuckled.

"Are you going to abandon us now you're a big shot movie star?" He smiled.

"First chance I get." I laughed.

"I should get going guys." Louis said, and I pouted when I noticed Freddie was asleep. I hadn't even had some squishy baby hugs.

"I'll help you Lou." Jessi got up and helped Louis pack up Freddie's things.

-----

Jessi

"You know Harry got an injunction on the Paparazzi, right?" Louis blurted out.

"What?" I almost dropped the Diaper bag. The sudden change of topic from Freddie's favourite food caught me by surprise.

"They're not allowed to wait outside his homes or follow him when they spot him. That's why you left, right? If you're dating, he can get that extended to you." He replied.

"No paps follow me now." I laughed nervously. Harry had moved on.

"Whatever, love. I'm not the one pretending to be happy when half her heart is missing." He rolled his eyes at me and kissed Freddie on the nose when he stirred from his sleep.

"It's not missing. I know where it is." I sighed.

"You belong with him." Louis said. 

"He's with somebody else." I chuckled to hide how much that hurt.

"Well, why is he here then?" Louis sassed. Truthfully I had no idea why Harry was here but I definitely planned to stay away from him. I wasn't anywhere close to being over him and my heart couldn't take anymore fucking around. I shrugged at Louis before we said our goodbyes and I headed back inside. I was feeling pretty tired. 

-----

Fred grabbed my arm and pulled me into the office, softly closing the door behind him and standing in front of it.

"Get out of my way Fred!" I groaned, trying to push him out of the way. I wasn't in the mood for him teasing me about being small.

"You still love Harry!" I wasn't sure if he was asking me or telling me.

"Always." I said, my hand instinctively running over my tattoo.

"You're an idiot!" He sighed, leaving me in the office alone. What the hell was that about? I was about to follow him to find out but as I rushed out the door I collided with something hard and fell on my butt.

"Shit! Jess! Are you alright? What were you doing in the office?" Harry pulled me up one handed.

"Ask your stupid friend, he just confused the hell out of me and wandered off. Do you ever watch where you're going?" I groaned. I was getting pissy.

"Still get bitchy when you're tired, I see?" He smirked. I ignored his question and walked around him and towards the rest of the group.

"I'm going to head to bed guys. Tonight was loads of fun, thanks Lori and Niall." I smiled saying goodnight to everyone. Everyone else decided to head home too, and I left them all to it. I walked to the spare bedroom, glad I was staying here tonight. I closed the bedroom door and quickly got undressed, tossing my clothes everywhere. I sighed as I slid my naked body between the sheets. There was another reason I was pissy, I was horny, so fucking horny. Harry had looked so good, his biceps were bigger and I longed for him to wrap those arms around me. I slowly closed my eyes.

I was back in the kitchen, Harry's hand on my arm. His green eyes watching me, I ran my fingers over the perfect arches of his brows. I smiled as his eyes closed. I pulled him down and pressed my lips to his. 

I let out a moan as my fingers slid down my slit; I was already soaked. I bit my lip to stop myself from moaning as I rubbed my clit, my head falling back against the pillow as I continued to picture Harry as I explored my body. I jumped as I heard a knock at the door.