-Addison-

Every movement, every sound, every face I pass as I follow behind Gabriel on the way up to my apartment, is blurring and becoming more unreal to me. I feel halfway in this world and halfway in another. I'm not sure if I'm losing more pieces of myself. Who will I become once I'm finally gone? Will Gabriel kill me? What if Reuben is still around? If the realm is gone and he's still alive, what will happen...?

How could this be possible? Is he... inside me?

"You said you saw him?" Gabriel asks after opening the door to my apartment, gesturing me to go in first.

I hear him, yet don't reply as I rub my arms and walk forward, through the kitchen and over to sit in a chair in the living room, thinking about these things and hearing Gabriel's voice alone, remembering what has happened between us and what he did to me at James' house, stinging hot tears threaten to drip down my cheeks. My chest aches, my legs are weak, my soul feels like it's going to slip out of my body if I just let go.

He waits for a response, all the while coming in and sitting down on the sofa in front of me. A few seconds pass. He takes out his pack of cigarettes and lights one, getting tired of watching me staring nervously down near his legs.

"I've done well not to read your mind much. Don't make me change that. Just tell me what happened." he blows out smoke, leaning back and throwing his arm over the back of the couch.

I don't even know how any of this came to be. I don't see how it's possible for Gabriel to be what he is, or Jack. I never would have imagined such a thing as Reuben or that place I was at could exist. If I had a reset button, oh how I would do everything in my power to change the paths I've chosen in my life. I would go back to the time I left home and change how I did it, then none of these things could have happened.

"Addison." His sharp tone makes me jerk and shut my eyes, the tears riding down.

"I'm sc- scared." I say in a low shaky voice.

"Of course you are. What happened?"

He's such a selfish sadistic bastard. Why is he like this? Why?

I hear him put out the cigarette and start to get up. I instinctively flinch away with a gasp, balling myself into a defensive position.

"He can't still exist after what I did. Do you have any idea? Did you know I was capable of doing that, Addison? Me, half human and half whatever the fuck I am -- I destroyed that place. He shouldn't be here. Have you been lying to me?"

I bury my face deeper into my arms. "No, I haven't! I think you might know there's- that there's another way this is possible."

He stands there quietly for a moment, thinking about it.

"I know... I know he's still a part of you. I didn't want you to believe that." he says.

He- he knows?! He knows. That's right, he does know. The idea of losing everything that is... me... forces me into more tears; an uncontrollable sobbing. "I really don't know what's real. I'm thrown around, I'm toyed with, my mind is breaking, I hear him, I see him!"

He flexes his fingers a few times before making fists. "I know, I KNOW! ENOUGH! We're leaving for Florida right now! You know what? Let's start packing. I've got the money. You make arrangements with the office." he storms away to my room and I start hearing him moving things around. "Now is as good a time as any!"

Lifting my head, wiping my face and eyes, I sniffle and look in that direction. "No, let me do that!" I quickly get up and go in there.

He takes a few large storage bags out of my closet and tosses them on the bed, an intense expression of stress and anger on his face. "How the hell can this work out if you're going nuts like this? I know what I could do, but-!" he stops what he's doing, slapping his hands on his face, "None of this shit was supposed to happen!"

"Please, Gabriel!" I weep.

"Please WHAT?" he throws his hands down, startling me.

I hold my mouth with both hands, trying to suppress any more of my crying.

He blinks aggravatedly at me, then flings his hand; "All you do is cry and whine! Why can't you just talk to me?!"

"Gabriel, if you can stop this, I don't care what you do! Maybe I'm not that weak -- maybe I can take it!"

"I don't want you to be my puppet! You're not just a girl to me, do you understand that? I don't want to lose you! A body is a body, but a personality is eternal!"

"Eternal," I almost mouth, sorrowfully shaking my head in some kind of disbelieving way toward his way of thinking.

"Yes, eternal! I should know since I'm cursed with eternal life!"

"Nothing... is eternal. Not even you, Gabriel." I step back and lean against the wall, wiping my face again with my shirt sleeve. "Everything fades away and dies."

"I used to believe that too, but my dear, if it were true, I wouldn't be here right now." He grabs a few shirts out of my dresser and shoves them in one bag. 

"Do it." I demand after a moment of him grabbing stuff and angrily mumbling about Reuben, and why he's packing my things.

He pauses and looks at me. "What?"

My eyes lower as I think of this choice.
"I want you to take control of my thoughts."

He stares at me, bewildered. It's like he's never heard that before.

"If it means getting rid of the images and what else is happening to me, I want you to get inside my head."

He puts the clothes down on the bed and walks up to me. Out of instinct, I turn away, refusing to look him in the eyes, and he makes me do it by lifting my chin with two fingers. I can't help shifting my gaze everywhere else but at him.

"Addison... If I do this whenever you have an issue, I swear I think it's going to destroy you. Neither one of us wants that."

"I'd rather be deadened to these things than not."

"Please look at me."

My eyebrows come together and I momentarily do as he requests, forcing myself to maintain eye contact.

"You probably don't know this, but I did wipe those things away once before -- when we went to get breakfast at your favorite little treat shop. It worked then, but you were unusually well and casual. It was like the beginning; how you were before we met. That's good, but is it safe to do continuously?"

I listen to what he says and my mind starts reverting to that time he's talking about. That's why I felt so different. It was a numbness. It was a little unsettling, yet at the same time I experienced this, I was more at ease. There was nothing at all for once; just 'in the moment' emotions. Almost... almost like normal life.

"Safe or not..." I say, "do it... in small doses." I steady my gaze on his strong neck, "When I'm dreaming. We are at our weakest points when asleep. Maybe then, during the day my mind will be somewhere else."

His hand slips from my chin and he tilts his head at me warily. "Quite daring of you."

Daring? Absolutely. Necessary? We'll have to find out.

I look over at the clock. It's 9:15pm.

"I'm willing to give it a chance. I know you don't want to lose me... That, I trust." I move away from him.

He reaches to gently touch my arm, but pauses. He looks at my eyes again.

I breathe out slowly though my nose, then turn my head, "Tonight."

He watches me walk carefully to the bathroom, narrowing his eyes and biting on his lower lip in thought.

As I go in the bathroom, I do what I can to keep away from the mirror and avoid the sink. The slightest glance at the mirror is like a painful electric shock, bringing back so many memories in just a millisecond. And I can feel the stinging sensations shooting throughout my body when I see the broken sink and the blood stains all over.

I start running a hot bath, slowly take my dress off and undo the ponytail I put up at James' house. I remember how my mom used to love brushing and styling it. One morning, when I was about 12, I woke up with a bunch of over-the-top girly clips in it and she and dad were standing in my bedroom doorway with a camera, laughing at me. I was so embarrassed. I wanted to destroy the camera. To this day, they have a few of those photos hanging up in their house.

Stupid, beautiful memories.

There's a tapping at the door, making me finally blink after staring so long at the water filling up the tub. I turn it off and softly answer with a "Yes, Gabriel?"

The door unlocks and I spin around in a little bit of surprise and annoyance, watching the knob turn.

He opens it and I see he took his shirt off. His mist is wrapping around and reforming a part of his forearm. "Addison, I know this is a bad room for you. I gave what you said some thought... Some quick thought. I owe you." His silver eyes have a sort of dark, mysterious glow to them as they start to travel from my head to my toes, and his mouth is falling a little agape, revealing his fangs. The room feels a little cooler all of the sudden and it's causing my hair to stand up.

Covering myself, I ask him, "What are you doing?"

"What you need. Come here." He walks in and grabs both sides of my face, planting his lips on mine, taking me by surprise. His cool breath smells like cinnamon, his hands are cold and strong. He dominates my mouth by parting and tasting my lips. I gasp in between kisses and he wraps his arm around me, pulling me against him and fists my hair; Kitten, let me ease your pain now.

I hear him in my head and my heart really starts pounding. I want to shut him out, but suddenly the bad feelings, all the bad feelings are seeming to be wiped away. He's doing this.

My body feels like it's melting inside. Feeling his fangs teasingly brush over my lips, how sharp they are, brings back memories of how animalistically he bit and fed off me in the past, but none of that frightens me -- it excites me. And he knows it. He smiles devilishly into the kiss.

Atta girl...

I feel like I'm under a spell; everything is feeling so good so quickly and it's not rushed. It feels right. My body is submitting to him like a magnet. I've never felt this before. Not like this. Whatever it is, it feels like being pulled into an infinite place of pleasure. I'm floating and there are no restraints at all.

He dips me over his arm and smiles wolfishly at me with a suave simper, amused at how I'm responding to his touch. Do I like this or not? His eyes capture my full attention... It really is just like a spell. I place my hand on his cheek and then let it fall over his chilly, muscular chest.

I watch as he then lowers his head to my neck and I gently, naturally, tip my head back, letting out a long exhale. He bites down very carefully, tenderly, and I can't help the soft moan escaping me. He starts gently sucking on my neck, drinking my blood. I close my eyes, giving in to him. He touches just above my collarbone and starts trailing one sharp nail down my chest, sending shivers throughout my body. His nail traces my skin down to my belly button, below it, and circles my pelvic area, causing me to squirm a little in his grasp. He smiles wickedly at that.

Come now... my kitten.
I hear him say.

He licks the bite and it starts healing. Looking into my eyes again in a lustful way, he rubs his bloody lips together like asking if I want to taste them... and I do thirst for it.

He takes my hand and lifts me back up, holding it and resting his other hand on the small of my back as if in position to dance. He leans in and places a chaste kiss on my lips, leaving a bit of the sticky substance for me to try. He watches and nods once, reassuring me. I run my tongue over the spots of blood and make a slightly sour face to the rustiness of it, which seems to entertain him.

"Being what I am, it doesn't taste repugnant like that. My body craves it; therefore, it's delicious and even sweeter than any candy you'd ever find. Now, come on... It's bath time." He releases me and motions toward the tub.

I blink at him and go ahead and step in the water.

He begins removing his clothing, studying my every expression as I'm lost in a world of so many emotions and my body is aching for more of his caress. Where did the pain go? Where did any of these horrible things go and can this last? For how long? This is what I need... This is what I want. But, how does he feel about this? Is it all a trick, or a dream?

He joins me in the tub and sits down first, then takes my hand and helps me sit down in his lap. My cheeks heat up as I feel him underneath me and he wraps his arms around my body, resting his chin on my shoulder. "I know you like this, kitten."

"Yes..." I reply.

"This is what you need and want, I heard."

Damn it, I didn't know he's been listening to my thoughts.

"Maybe we can make some kind of deal. I don't want life to be as it was here when we move."

"What kind of deal...?" I ask.

"You understand I'm not right compared to other people, and that I need to satisfy my needs in a 'brutal' way -- as you'd put it. I can't do those things to you, like I've wanted -- yes, I will admit that. I have to do it, Addison. I can't stop that part of me."

I think about what he's telling me; this man-creature who has been romantic to me for the past few minutes is a cold-blooded killing machine. He's the very definition of evil... and I'm in the tub with him. I can't get away from him -- even if I try to kill myself. After all of these terrible things, with just the right touch, he makes me ache so unbelievably bad for him. Is he asking me for permission to use others to satisfy his sadomasochistic needs, or is this a warning?

"What are you saying?" I turn my head slightly.

"When we're in Florida, I'll need to hunt. That's part of who I am. I'll need to do that, but I won't do the same things to you... ever again."

There is no escaping Gabriel. I can't refuse this. This fact repeats in my head.

"This is difficult for me, because I always had something particular in mind for you. I never change course. If I have an idea, I stick to it until it's finished. You -- you're different. So, I want to make you a promise. I won't do to you those things you saw me do to others."

This is the strangest, most disturbing thing I've ever heard in my life. I don't know how to reply.

I give a slow nod.

He pulls my head back and kisses my neck. "You're a prize to me, kitten. I only want what's best."

His cool breath on my skin, his amber and whiskey scented cologne, the sight of his bewitching gaze tonight, and the words he says... I don't know what will become of me if this continues. Either way, I will never be the same ever again. I hope that whenever I have those nightmarish episodes and he decides to help, it doesn't ruin my mind.

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Author's Note:

Hey! Alrighty, so Gabriel was pretty forceful at first... but everything got better. He's just awkward sometimes. And very shifty (NOT A GOOD THING AT ALL). Lol

I can also say, he's more old-fashioned vampire in this chapter! ;)

I hope you enjoyed it! We'll have more on Jack in the next one, possibly.

Thanks for reading! Please vote, comment, and share if you want! :)