For the first time in weeks, I tell someone all about my experience in that basement with Bryson. The devastating truth that we probably weren't going to make it out. The acceptance that seemed to so quickly form in our desperation. The agony of suffering and knowing it'd only get worse as our bodies slowly deteriorated until we could no longer breathe. Bryson's confession about Cooper.

Chloe sits sipping a hot mocha latte, attention riveted to me over the rim of her mug. Obviously, she was under the same impression of what took place as Claudia had been. They dimmed down reality in order to boost the excitement and adventure they assumed had been part of the event.

"Holy crap, Ev," Chloe whisper-gasps. "I had no idea you went through all that. I mean, I'd assumed it'd been scary. Heck, you outran a tornado and survived! But, I guess I'd figured that the whole 'surviving' part of it would have made it more exciting. Somehow I pictured the two of you laughing about how you beat death."

"Yeah... no," I say, shaking my head. "Definitely wasn't like that."

Chloe scrutinizes me for several seconds before taking another sip of her coffee and shoving it away from her and crossing her arms on the table.

"So," she begins, words hesitant. "What's this about? You looked like you were about to burst into tears earlier. I know you didn't just pull me away from Devon so you could relive all this crap." She pauses, ducking her head slightly to catch my full attention. "What's really going on?"

"Right." I let out a heavy breath, smoothing a finger over my left eyebrow. "So, um... while we were down there, we kind of... kissed."

"You and Bryson?" She nearly shrieks, but immediately drops her volume and leans forward, repeating the question in a whisper. "It's been two months and you're just now telling me this! But, holy crap! You and Bryson kissed?"

"Yeah." I nod. "I mean, I kind of kissed him—"

"Shocking." She rolls her eyes.

"—but he kissed me back."

Her eyes widen, a giddy grin spreading across her face. "Say what!"

I flatten my lips tight against each other and nod solemnly. "But..."

"Uh oh."

"I just talked to Claudia." My words sound heavy even to my own ears. I find myself playing with a small cluster of crumbs on the table, my eyes refusing to lock with Chloe's even though I can feel her assessing me.

"Okay," she sighs. "Spit it out. What happened? What did she say?"

"She, uh... she said that he told her it was a mistake."

Chloe's jaw drops, words failing to find their way out of her mouth. With several shakes of her head, she clamps her lips shut and growls deep in her throat. I smile at her reaction, loving just how personal she's taking all of this.

"But Claudia's not a jerk," she finally says, face contorted in confusion. "Why would she say something so cruel?"

"Well," I begin, "I kind of implied that it shouldn't have happened—which it shouldn't have. It was my desperate attempt at finally taking what I wanted in my last moments. It was selfish and stupid. But then he kissed me back and, I don't know, I just kind of thought maybe he had wanted it too. But then, talking to Claudia, she made it sound like he'd just sort of gone along with it, so I told her it shouldn't have happened. Guess Bryson agrees."

"So what," Chloe says, barely even letting my words register in her head before forming an opinion of the conversation I'd had with Claudia. "That wasn't honest, right? You don't actually regret the kiss, right?"

"Right," I mumble slowly.

"So, maybe he was doing the same thing," she concludes. "Maybe he enjoyed the kiss but knew it'd been a moment of desperation for you. So, rather than letting himself hope, he's just trying to convince himself that it shouldn't have happened."

"I don't know," I tell her with a shrug, playing with the handle of her empty mug. "I just can't see him believing that it was only a moment of desperation for me."

"And why's that?"

"Because," I begin, voice sheepish as I drop my head and grin insecurely up at her. "I sort of told him that I liked him. Like... really liked him."

"Oh."

Her response is short, a hint of defeat woven into the one word. She's finally understanding that there really isn't an excuse for Bryson to have labeled the kiss as a mistake unless he truly meant it. He knew I liked him, so he had to have known that I wanted that kiss. If I really wanted to warp the situation, I could convince myself that he'd taken advantage of my feelings in that moment. That he's kissed me back because it was fun and nothing else. Maybe there were no feelings involved for him.

But, I know Bryson better than that. He's not the type to use girls for his own momentary enjoyment. If he honestly felt it to be a mistake, he wouldn't have kissed me. And yet he did... and it was a mistake.

If I'm being realistic with myself, I think I know why too.

We were both weak, tired, and hopeless. Clinging to each other was the only form of comfort that we had down there. When he was holding me, he was really just clinging to that comfort. When his lips sought mine, he'd been savoring the warmth and light that that one short moment had offered.

When we'd kissed, I'd been fulfilling a long-lived dream of mine. He'd simply been filling a hole formed by fear and doubt. I can't blame him for reacting the way he did. Had the table been turned, I probably would have done the same thing. But, I can't deny the pain of such a reality.

A reality where Bryson is just another boy who doesn't feel the same way about me. Another boy who's just using me.

———

Chloe and I spend the rest of the afternoon together and she convinces me that it's time I confront Cooper about his actions. I'm not even sure why I've been pushing it off for this long. I've never been one that shy's away from confrontation... until it comes to potentially losing a good friend, I suppose. But, I deserve some answers.

So, the next day, I find him in the school/church hallway and let him know that we need to talk. We make plans to meet up during lunch but when he doesn't show up for the first ten minutes of it, I start to wonder if he's blowing me off. The moment he saunters into the cafeteria, I wave him over. He hesitates, casting a longing glance at the food line, before making his way toward me.

"What's up?" he asks, sliding into the chair across from mine.

I pull out a granola bar and a banana and pass them to him before clearing my throat and crossing my arms on the table. He mutters a 'thanks' as he tears open the package and takes a bite, his eyes landing on mine as he chews.

"So," I begin, "I've avoided topics of the tornado simply because I really don't want to think about it anymore, but something happened that I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"Okay." He angles a brow, lips puckered in thought as he waits for me to continue.

"As you know, Bryson and I had two days together down in that hole and we had a lot of time to talk."

I watch Cooper shift uncomfortably in his seat before he nods in the affirmative.

"Well," I say, "he mentioned something interesting to me and I've been dying to understand exactly what it could mean."

I could come right out and say it, but a part of me is enjoying Cooper's obvious unease. He keeps fiddling with the wrapper of his granola bar as his eyes flitter from his hands to my face and back down again.

"I'm getting the feeling that you might already know what this is about."

Cooper drops his food on the table and leans back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest as he lets out a dubious sigh.

"Yeah," he mumbles, running a thumb along his jaw.

"So," I challenge, "Are you ready to explain why you've warned guys to keep away from me all these years?"

He groans at the ceiling before leaning forward again to rest his elbows on the table. "Look," he says. "We've been friends for a long time, so the fact that you haven't already figured out the answer to that is, quite frankly, baffling to me."

"How so?"

"Ev!" he breathes out in exasperation. "I like you. I've liked you for so long that it just feels normal to feel this way." He doesn't give me a moment to even process his confession before he's talking again. "The truth is, I only told like three guys to keep their distance from you and that was one time like four years ago. It wasn't something I was reminding the male student body of on a daily basis."

I stare at him—dumbstruck—but again, I don't get a chance to respond before he's blabbing again.

"Somehow, that warning just kind of spread around the school. Rumors started—ones I didn't create, by the way—and suddenly you were off limits to everyone. People were creating their own reasons as to why they couldn't, um, 'pursue' you." He scratches the back of his neck. "And yes, I know I never should have let those rumors start in the first place, but a part of me didn't care. If guys believed you to be one of those types of girls who couldn't give a crap about their feelings, then I'd just have that much less competition."

"You are..." I shake my head in disbelief, "an idiot."

"Yeah." He nods. "I've been told."

"Oh yeah," I say, a sinister smile gracing my lips. "By who?"

Cooper laughs but it lacks humor. "Bryson, actually. Just after he returned to school. Guess he figured he needed to knock some sense into me."

"Welp," I say, slapping my hands down on the surface of the table. "Didn't seem to help. Why didn't you come to me, Cooper? I mean, what you did all those years ago was insane and cruel, but I'm talking about recently. When you learned that I knew about all this, why didn't you do anything? Why not try to defend yourself—your actions?"

"There was nothing to defend," he says, shoulders dropping a hair in defeat. "It was true. I really did tell guys to stay away from you, and all because I wanted you for myself."

Seconds tick silently between us before a I let out a sigh and reach across to run a hand over his forearm.

"Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt?"

"Because," he shrugs. "Why bother when I already knew you didn't feel the same? I mean, you've been after Bryson for years, so if would have been a pointless conversation. I already knew your response and didn't care to feel the sting of it."

I feel something stir beneath my chest. Something hot and sharp.

"You're a hypocrite," I shock myself by saying, my words sizzling with years of hurt. "You didn't want to feel the 'sting' of my rejection." I use air quotes to exaggerate my point. "And yet, your actions were the very reason I had to experience years of rejections." I scoff at the regretful look on Cooper's face.

"Do you have any idea how many times I've been humiliated over the years?" I question. "Guys I think might actually like me are really just thinking they'll get a little fun with me, all because of some stupid rumors you're ultimately responsible for starting... and yet, you never once denied them to be true."

"I know." He nods his head, shame burdening his shoulders. "I'm sorry, Ev. Things just went too far and it just felt like the opportunity to right everything slipped from my hands."

I shake my head in disgust.

"I understand you're pissed," he says. "But please don't give up on us. You're one of my best friends and I hate seeing how much I've hurt you."

I sigh, clamping my hands together and staring at my thumbs. "You're going to have to give me some time," I tell him. "I'm more than pissed, Coop. I feel betrayed and it's going to take me a while to find trust in you again."

Standing up, I glance down at Cooper where he's watching me from his seat.

"I forgive you," I assure him. "It'd be stupid of me to throw all of this away over a silly choice you made, but you've got a long road ahead of you if you want to prove yourself again. Until then," I shrug, puckering my lips in resignation. "I just can't trust you."

He nods solemnly, not bothering to stop me as I walk away. It's not until I reach the other end of the cafeteria that I peer over my shoulder at him. He's playing with the uneaten banana I offered him, but hasn't bothered to peel it. His eyes look distant, clouded over with remorse.

I've always known Cooper to be this calm, cool, and confident guy, but right now, he looks broken. It's not even an observation that I've come to be able to read simply because I know him so well. His face looks shattered, like I've just torn his heart into tiny pieces and then flung it back in his face like confetti. For the first time since I've known him, he's not bothering to disguise the hurt. It's obvious to the entire world.

I just broke Cooper's heart... and even though he deserves it, I hate how painful it feels to watch.

---

Anyone feel bad for Cooper? Do we like him? Hate him? Let's hear that feedback!! :D