Note: underlined and italicized text is to indicate that text is being read or spoken in english.

—•

8 YEARS AGO

AUGUST

"Hello? Is it working? Can you hear me?" Jeongguk spoke loud, adjusting his webcam so it fit into his view.

After a second of lag, Taehyung smiled wide and nodded. "Loud and clear, baby."

Jeongguk clapped his hand excitedly. "How's America? Your roommates? Tell me everything!"

"Well it's a lot different from Korea of course, but I got two roommates and one of them, Kyle, is Korean-American! He knows how to speak Korean so he's been helping me improve my English. And the other is Isaac who's sitting over there," Taehyung said with just as much enthusiasm.

He moved his laptop screen over to point at Isaac who was sitting on the bottom bed of the bunk typing away on his own.

"Isaac, this is Jungkook," Taehyung said.

Isaac looked up from his laptop screen. Once he processed what was going on, he smiled and waved. "Your boyfriend?" he asked, and Taehyung nodded in response.

"Hi Jungkook!" Isaac spoke again. Jeongguk smiled and waved back.

"Hello I-Isaac?" Jeongguk replied, doing his best to speak without too much of his accent showing through, which in the end sounded more like a question than greeting.

Isaac cooed at the boy's attempt. Taehyung giggled and turned the camera back to him.

"Your english is so good, Taehyungie!" Jeongguk beamed.

Taehyung bit his lip to hold back the smile. "It was just a few words, I still need to improve a lot."

"You will!! You're Kim Taehyung–"

"Jeongguk's boyfriend, afterall," Taehyung finished the sentence for him, both laughing in the end.

SEPTEMBER

The two had finally been able to videos call each other after what seemed like forever (actually 5 days), catching up on everything and anything. Jeongguk went on and on about one of his "rude" lecturers and Taehyung just listened with his chin propped in his hand, nodding along with a soft smile dancing on his lips the entire time.

"And that's all," Jeongguk concluded.

Taehyung nodded, but then suddenly remembered something he forgot to mention earlier. "Oh! Kyle's interning at this company. Apparently it's a clothing brand that came from Korea and just opened up here."

"Which brand?"

"Lee's."

Jeongguk gasped. "Lee's!?"

Taehyung nodded as he had the same reaction. Taehyung knew them for how successful they were in Korean and Jeongguk knew the company for all its juicy family drama.

"He said that they're really biased and hire mostly Koreans. I might have a chance of getting an internship there as well," Taehyung explained.

"Wow, that's so cool. I hope you do," Jeongguk cheered.

"Jeongguk-ah, come eat," Yoongi disrupted the two as he came into the room. "Oh, hi Taehyung-sshi."

Taehyung greeted the older back and turned his attention to Jeongguk with a frown. "You haven't eaten dinner yet?"

Jeongguk puffed out his cheeks and looked away. "I wanted to talk to you, and I have classes in the morning so this will will be the only time we get," he said in a small voice.

"I know. The 13 hour difference sucks," Taehyung said with a sigh, but shook his head to not think about that. "Now go! Eat! You're skinny!"

"Oh my god, no–" Jeongguk started, raising a finger.

Taehyung smiled. "Like a stick. Like the sticks in this chip."

"I hate you," Jeongguk said and dropped his finger, jutting out his bottom lip.

"Well I love you, and I know you do too," Taehyung stated.

"Mm, you got me there. You're getting more and more confident by the day, Kim Taehyung!"

"It's the American air."

Jeongguk laughed but stood up to grabbed at his hoodie. "Alright, I'll go eat while wearing my most favourite birthday present!"

Taehyung chuckled. "You actually like it?"

"You've been asking this the entire month! I'm just scared it's going to get ruined from how much I'm washing it."

"Well it's because you wear it everyday!"

Jeongguk sticked out his tongue, causing Taehyung to laugh that Jeongguk quickly joined in. "Goodnight! I love you!" Jeongguk said, waving his hands.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow! I love you too."

OCTOBER

"Ah! You look so handsome!" Jeongguk said, brining the magazine cut out to his chest.

"You could barely see me," Taehyung said with a laugh. "I was just an extra. I'm so pixelated that I can't believe you recognized it was me."

"I could recognize you no matter what!" Jeongguk looked back at the tiny cut out, gave it a quick kiss then pinned in back to his cork board.

"So let me get this right. You went with Kyle to the company to meet his supervisor but he said there was no way they would hire a first year so early on in the year, but when you were about to leave, you were scouted to be a model. The supervisor said having experience working with the company by being a part-time model will give him more chances to get a job there, even after you graduate."

"Exactly."

Jeongguk propped his head into his head and closed his eyes. "My hot model boyfriend," he trailed off voice all dreamy that Taehyung couldn't help but laugh at.

Everything was going so well. They were talking everyday, always made time for a least a daily text conversation in their busy schedule. Neither of them knew at the the time that this was the most they would get before the beginning of a mess.

NOVEMBER

They both remained silent, heads buried in textbooks and piles of notes. Neither of them spoke. There was the occasional glances, but other than that, both were very focused on their own tasks.

"Hey Gguk, did you talk to Professor Lin yet?" Hoseok asked as he had been over, also studying in his own little corner. Taehyung looked up a little shocked as he hadn't heard a sound in a while. He watched Jeongguk blink his eyes and think about it, then they widened.

Jeongguk turned around in his chair. "Shit, no! He should be in his office right? You think I'll catch him now?"

"He leaves as soon as his classes finish on Friday, remember? But if you run, you could," Hoseok replied.

"Thanks," Jeongguk said with a nod and turned back. "Hey Tae, I have to go. I'll talk to you later okay? Good luck on your midterm!" he said rushed.

"Oh alright, that's fine. I'll do my best," Taehyung said with a smile, not sounding so cheerful like usual as he was so tired from the all nighters he'd been pulling.

"Bye!" Jeongguk said, waving with both his hands.

"Bye-" Taehyung started, but he couldn't continue as the call was cut. Taehyung sighed. "Love you," he whispered out into the empty space, stared at the screen for a moment, then went back to studying.

DECEMBER

"You're not coming for the break?" Jeongguk asked with a frown.

Taehyung nodded. "They want me to be in a charity runway for Christmas. It's for a good cause and too many models are backing out."

Jeongguk sighed. "What about your birthday! We can call for your birthday, right?"

"Of course," Taehyung said, finally being about to smile about something. Jeongguk grinned wide.

"Well then, I guess I'll have to send your present soon for it to get to you in time!"

"You didn't have to, Gguk."

Jeongguk rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Shut up."

They stared at each other for a moment, appreciating the fact that they both didn't have work to do for once during their calls.

"Jeongguk."

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

Jeongguk's smile faltered for a split second. He didn't realize how long it's been since they've shared that exchange.

"I love you too."

DECEMBER 30

"Happy birthday again!" Jeongguk screamed through the phone as soon as his boyfriend picked up. They had called earlier but it was shortly ended as Jeongguk forced him to go to bed.

"Thank you, Gguk!" Taehyung yelled back. Jeongguk could hear all the loud music in the background, knowing Taehyung was only yelling to try to reach over it all.

"Wait wait, hold on a sec." After a minute, the music was drowned out. "Hey, baby."

Jeongguk giggled. He loved it whenever the other called him that. If someone told Jeongguk a year ago Taehyung would call him his baby, he would've laughed in their face.

"So, uh– about our video call?" Jeongguk asked.

"I've been trying to get away from everyone but they keep finding me somehow," Taehyung replied with a forced laugh. "Can I call you right now?"

"Yeah of course, I want to see you."

"Me too. I– Oh, hey Isaac... Wait give me a– There's a piñata?? Just have them hit it... Cake? Give me a moment... Yeah it's Jeongguk... Thanks, I'll be there in a bit."

Jeongguk waited until he heard Taehyung sigh, taking it as the signal to talk. "Do you need to go?" he asked, fingers crossed it wasn't the case.

"Yeah..." Taehyung replied, his voice clearly down. "I'm really grateful, but I can't keep up with this party. I wish they'd told me."

"Then it wouldn't have been a surprise party, silly," Jeongguk said with a short laugh. He paused for a moment, contemplating on wether he should be selfish and make him stay.

He continued. "I'm really glad you found such great friends. You should go! Don't keep them waiting. Send pictures, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Ggukkie."

Jeongguk shook his head even thought the other couldn't see it. "Don't be. Enjoy your day, okay?"

"I'll talk to later."

"Mhm. Bye!"

"Bye..."

Jeongguk hung up the call immediately and fell back on his bed. He was looking foreword to this call the entire day, and now his birthday would be ending soon. He didn't even get to see him on Christmas Day. Of course it wasn't any of Taehyung's fault and it wasn't like they absolutely had to, but Jeongguk couldn't help but want to share all these moment with his boyfriend.

It just wasn't fair.

JANUARY

"Happy New Year!" Taehyung beamed.

"Happy New Year!" Jeongguk replied, clapping his hands.

It's been a four days since New Year and a week and a half since they last video chatted. They hadn't been able to find the chance to call each other, both occupied with their own social matters.

They filled each other in on everything that was going on. It sucked that had to summarize it all into just a few minutes not knowing when they'll have to end their call.

Jeongguk grabbed the magazine that he had ordered online and flipped it to the page where Taehyung got his solo shot to show it off. Taehyung laughed and hid his face, feeling shy and embarrassed.

"How'd you get that?" Taehyung exclaimed. He had told the boy about his big shoot but he didn't even tell him which magazine it'd be published in.

"I have my ways." A.k.a. Kyle.

The door to Jeongguk room opened, getting Jeongguk's attention.

"Hey, Chaewon was totally hitting on you. Why'd you turn h– ohhhh shit. Hey Taehyung!" Leena said, suddenly barging in. She cursed at herself for having such timing. Jeongguk's mouth hung open as she approached them slowly with a guilty smile.

"Umm, I was just saying that... Umm. Fuck, I'm so sorry. I just forgot you had a boyfriend and like..." Leena tried. The girl was forgetful as it is, and she just hadn't been hearing the daily "Today, my boyfriend" or caught them in the acts of smiling like an idiot during call or texts lately.

"I'm... I'm drunk. Yup I'm drunk. I will now exit. Good-night."

The couple didn't say a word during that entire thing. Jeongguk looked at the door, also cursing Leena as she mouthed sorry and left. He turned back to Taehyung who was looking a little shocked.

"Yeah, we went to a club and she went overboard as always," Jeongguk explained, not even wanting to mention who that guy that'd actually been hitting on him not believing he was already in a relationship as "he'd never seen them together" for the past week was.

"Ohh," Taehyung sounded, nodding with his lips pressed into a thin line.

It got a little awkward after that. Then Yoongi's head popped in. "Mrs. Kwon's telling me to bring you down for dinner," he whisper-yelled.

"Be there in a minute," Jeongguk replied, shooting a thumbs up. "I guess this is were I leave," Jeongguk said with a frown.

Taehyung nodded. "Enjoy your meal."

Jeongguk waved, flashing a smile as Taehyung waved back then hung up. Jeongguk looked at how long they'd been talking for. It wasn't even twenty minutes, but it certainly was longer than their past few calls. Jeongguk sighed and headed downstairs.

FEBRUARY

"Why're you sitting here alone on Valentine's day if you have a boyfriend, cutie?"

Jeongguk gulped down his millionth shot and looked at Chaewon, who invited himself to sit beside him. He'd been introduced to him as a friend of Leena's, who he'd also received the green signal from regarding the sexuality of the boy who caught his attention at first sight.

"Leave, Chaewon."

"What? Your imaginary boyfriend dumped you or something?"

Jeongguk rolled his eyes and looked at him. "No. And he's very much real, thank you."

Chaewon chuckled. He signalled the bartender over and ordered himself a drink. He leaned over to Jeongguk. "So tell me, why do you look like a sad noodle?"

Jeongguk shot him another glare. "I said leave."

"I'm talking to you as a friend, Jeongguk. Sharing whatever is going on in your mind could help."

The younger sighed. He ordered another shot finished it in an instant, the bartender knowing now to just keep it going. Then, Jeongguk's mouth began speaking on its own, spilling everything. The missed calls and texts, late replies, busy schedules, long-distance, time difference, nothing aligning up for them. Not even on this stupid day. He was right, finally letting it all out did help.

"Damn," Chaewon said. "He couldn't clear up his schedule just for today? There was no way?"

Jeongguk shook his head taking another shot. Screw him for being such a heavy weight, but he'd been starting to feel the world to be finally more drowned out as he went on.

"Said he had some kind of photoshop that couldn't be postponed."

"He's lying."

Jeongguk's head shot to the older, not believing the accusation that'd just been put on his boyfriend. "Excuse me?"

"Oh c'mon. He probably could've if he really tried. He didn't bother too."

Jeongguk scoffed. "Fuck you."

Chaewon sighed. "Listen, I'm not saying this because I'm interested in you, okay? I've seen too many people in the same position as yours. And 99 percent of the time, they're cheating."

Jeongguk raised a brow. "You think he's cheating on me?" he asked, his tone so menacing. He wasn't even considering it as a thought, he just felt triggered the older would even bring it up.

"No, I'm just saying it's a possibility."

Jeongguk saw red. The bartender came with the older's next drink that Jeongguk snatched and drank it all in shot. He ordered the strongest drink in the house next.

"Calm down there, tiger," Chaewon said with a chuckle. He let Jeongguk cool down, and in the time, Jeongguk finally got into a drunken state.

"Long-distance, time difference or whatever. It isn't an excuse. You deserve better."

Jeongguk turned his head to look at him. He hadn't realized how close they'd gotten, maybe an inch distance between their noses.

"It's not his fault," Jeongguk said. Tears prickled his eyes. He didn't know how Chaewon could even hear him over all the loud music from how quiet his voice had gotten.

"Nor is it yours, so why do you have to suffer?" he said back. "I'd never let you feel this way, you know?"

Jeongguk could feel his hot breath fan over him as he budged closer and he just let it happen. He let Chaewon wipe away tear that had escaped, let his hand rest there, let him attach his lips to his. Jeongguk's eyes already dropping low had now shut completely. He didn't kiss back, but Chaewon was surely giving it his all.

It was just three seconds, but it was done. Jeongguk pushed him back, feeling as if someone just dumped a bucket of ice water on him. He felt like throwing up, felt the instant guilt hit.

"What are you doing?" Jeongguk shouted in panic.

"Umm, what do you think?"

Jeongguk got up from his chair and began walking towards the exit. He wiped his lips with his shirt sleeve vigorously, as if that was going to take back what he just did.

Chaewon grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "Jeong–"

Jeongguk pulled his hand away harshly. "Don't–" He took in a breath, shutting his eyes to stop the tears from slipping again. "Don't fucking touch me," he said through gritted teeth. Chaewon didn't try to stop him again.

Jeongguk did his best to quietly get to his room and into bed, not wanting to wake anyone up. He didn't even bother to change. He just buried his head into his bed and cried into his pillow.

MARCH

"I kissed Chaewon," Jeongguk confessed. He'd been keeping it bottled inside of him for over a month and it'd just been eating up at him. Even thought it's been so long since they've had a chance to call and it'd ruin the moment, he just needed to tell him.

Jeongguk didn't know what kind of reaction Taehyung gave as his head was down, too scared to look.

After what felt like forever, Taehyung finally spoke. "Chaewon? Is he the guy who was hitting on you before?"

Jeongguk nodded. He took a big breath, knowing he'd need it. "I'm sorry. I was drunk and upset, and-and he was there and it just happened. I don't even know how it happened, and when I realized I stopped it immediately. I'm not trying to make excuses or create a reasoning. I understand if you're mad at me, or disappointed, I am too. B-But, this meant nothing to me and it never will. You're the only one I could see in my eyes. I'm just– I'm sorry. I couldn't keep this from your for any longer."

"Why were you upset?" Taehyung asked, not an ounce of anger in his tone.

Jeongguk finally looked up, confused and not being able to read his face. He didn't want to keep any more lies, he told him the truth. How he was feeling that day, leaving out the part of telling him he still felt like that, but that would count as lying, would it?

"Oh," was all Taehyung was able to say. He wet his lips and looked away. "I'm sorry."

Jeongguk almost laughed. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Why didn't you tell me? No, I should've known. I'm a terrible boyfriend, aren't I?"

"Shut up. I literally kissed another guy, what does that make me? Why aren't you upset about this?" Jeongguk started, honestly getting a little mad.

"Because, I know you'd never consciously do that. I can imagine how terrible you must've been feeling for your subconscious to let that happen."

There was a long moment of just silence that Jeongguk broke first. "So, what now?"

"Should I come back? I can continue my studies there. I should've never left you. I can't keep making you feel miserable like this. I'm sorry."

Jeongguk's hand slammed on his table as he pushed himself closer to the camera. "What? I told you this before and I'm saying it now, Tae. This is your dream, I'd never be able to live with myself knowing I ruined that."

Another period of silence.

"I miss you," Taehyung said.

"I miss you too."

Jeongguk apologized again. Taehyung did too. They couldn't talk about anything more that day, nor after that. They both knew what was going on, they both felt the same way, and now that it'd finally been spoken out, something definitely changed.

APRIL

"Oh Taehyung-sshi, it's been a while," Namjoon said picking up the call.

Taehyung greeted him back. They talked a bit, an ordinary conversation. About his life in America, his modelling job, Namjoon's graduation and his plan for the future. Then it got to the main topic.

"How's Jeongguk?" Taehung asked.

Namjoon chuckled. "He's alright." He knew what the younger was trying to get at, but he didn't know if he should exactly say.

"Really? Is he– Is he happy?"

"Hm." Namjoon sighed. "You've noticed it too? To be honest, he's not the cheerful kid I first met. He's been all gloomy, skipping meal, crying himself to sleep. It really hurts to watch."

"C-crying?"

"Mhm. And whenever we ask what's wrong, he always brushes it off. I've been meaning to talk to you actually, see if you knew."

"It's me," Taehyung said without hesitation.

"I was hoping it wasn't. What happened?"

And so Taehyung told him everything except about Chaewon. Namjoon listened attentively, not interrupting him anywhere.

"It sounds to me, or to just anyone who would've heard you two's story, like your relationship is slowly falling apart. You love each other too much to fall out of it, but the time and situation is not right or in your favour. Now both of you are stuck in this awkward and frustrated stage of having the title of boyfriends but confused if it's even there."

Taehyung was speechless. It was exactly that.

"What are you going to do?" Namjoon asked.

Taehyung didn't understand why Jeongguk had asked him that before, thinking their fates were not in his hands anymore. Hearing it again from Namjoon made him realize that it didn't matter if he couldn't control his fate. That was the point of it, what is meant to happen will happen.

But, he couldn't do nothing at the same time. Taehyung or Jeongguk had to do something about it or the situation would only get worse, and by seeing how Jeongguk's been clearly avoiding it, Taehyung knew it all was piled onto him.

MAY

"Let's break up," Taehyung said, making sure not to look away from the screen.

"Your joking. W-what?" Jeongguk stuttered out. He knew something was wrong as soon as he saw Taehyung's face, but he surely wasn't expecting this. Well, at least not now.

"I think it's best for you, for us, if we end our relationship," Taehyung repeated.

"But it's not. Our relationship is just fine," Jeongguk said, his voice getting smaller.

Taehyung did his best not to break his stern face, but his voice came out soft. "Really, Jeongguk? There's nothing wrong with this relationship at all?"

Jeongguk went quiet. He avoided answering that question. "Is it because of what happened with Chaewon?"

"No. This is just between us. We both know how difficult things have been."

"We don't have to break up."

Taehyung got closer. "Bay– Jeongguk, we cant keep doing this. It's hurting both of us. I miss seeing you, hugging you, kissing you, just being with you. I can't take it anymore, I think I might go insane."

"Me too," Jeongguk whispered out.

"So, let's end it before one of us do go crazy. Before it gets really bad."

Taehyung could see the tears welling up in Jeongguk eyes as they were in his. He didn't want to do this either.

"We could fix this, Taehyungie. It doesn't have to end. Please," Jeongguk said, his voice cracking.

"How? We're just holding onto loose threads here, Gguk. Thing's aren't working now and they won't if we keep doing what we're doing."

Jeongguk saw the tears start to roll down Taehyung's face and instantly, he was crying to too.

"I know it'll be hard, but you'll be happier this way."

Jeongguk shook his head. "No I won't."

"Jeongguk," Taehyung pleaded.

Jeongguk wiped away his tears even though fresh hot ones kept coming after. "I'm sorry, I know this is hard for y-you too. And I'm not gonna play dumb and pretend not to know how much this all hurts, how much pain there is trying to keep this going, as if I didn't think about breaking up too. But I never did it, I never wanted to. I thought we could still work through this."

"Be we can't."

"We can try."

"We have, Gguk. For the past few months, we've been trying. I'm not saying long-distance relationships never work, but it just doesn't for us. Then school, and work... It's good to have space in a relationship, but we barely have any time for each other. It hasn't even been a year, and we're at such a low point. This is it, we've hit rock bottom."

Jeongguk bit his lips to silent the sob threatening to leave his lips. Taehyung wiped away his tears to, except he was able to stop them.

"You understand, right?" Taehyung asked.

Jeongguk nodded. "I do. I know it's what's best. I know. Okay." He sniffed and put the back of his hand on his lips to stop them from quivering before he continued. "Okay. Let's break up."

Taehyung heart shattered into a million pieces watching the boy force himself to say those words as tears spilled through non-stop. "I'm sorry," he whispered out.

"Yeah, me too." Jeongguk sniffed again and wiped his cheek.

He steadied his voice before looking at Taehyung again. "I'm ready to keep trying, I just wish you would've been too."

"I'm sorry," Taehyung breathed out. He wanted to say he was. He really was. He would've kept this going for as long as he could, but he knew it would've just gotten worse.

"It's fine. Let's just–just hang up now."

"Jeongguk–"

"Goodbye, Taehyung. I wish you the best."

Taehyung didn't know what else to say, what else he could do to make this any less painful. But all this was momentary, everything will be okay later. He also knows they can't be just friends after this. They'll eventually move in with their lives, they have to.

"As do I. I love you, and I always will, Jeongguk."

Jeongguk reached out and shut his laptop not being able to take it anymore, immediately breaking out into loud sobs. He covered his mouth, not wanting to alert anyone in the house, he wanted to just be alone and cry himself out before he preparing himself to interact with another human being.

Jeongguk cried harder as he regretted not saying those three little words back for the last time.

The same situation was going on in the other side of the world. Taehyung put his head down, wondering if he did the right thing. It was only right to end a relationship that brought more pain than joy, no?

And that was it. That was the end of their first love and the start to their first heartbreak.

—•
OKAY IDK WHY I STARTED CRYING WHEN I WROTE KOO SAYING LETS BREAK UP IM SUCH A WIMP (OR MAYBE CUZ ITS 4AM AND I NEED SLEEP)

but yAh this is how shit went down im sorry oof

Bye<3