Nothing was all right.

The instant I'd swallowed my last bite of delicious crème brulée, letting the caramel goodness melt on my tongue, panic set in again. But this time it was a fiery panic, a slow-shifting rage when I remembered Axel's nonchalance, his absolute disregard for what he'd done to me. It was as if the sweetness of the dessert brought me back to the sweetness of his hot mouth on mine, and reignited the anger I'd experienced earlier, when finding out who he was, how he'd tricked me.

I took advantage of Chi having to take a phone call, and ran. The guilt I'd been feeling at my mistake had morphed into fear and frustration, and it all bubbled up in my gut with such intensity that I couldn't be in public anymore. Not even with Chi around to ground me.

I probably needed another session of breathing by the beach, but my feet instead carried me back to my hotel room. I threw my purse across the room, escaped my confining high heels, and slumped face-first into my bed. I screamed into the plush covers until my throat scratched and ached.

How had I gotten myself into this? How had I let my libido lead me into being so careless, so damn stupid?

In all my years of being sexually active, I'd never allowed my lust to steer me into danger. Even for a pointless, random one-night-stand, I was always cautious. And for fuck-buddies or friends-with-benefits, I lay down the rules immediately and triple checked that they were single, not off-limits, and had a sturdy head on their shoulders. There'd been mistakes, of course—but nothing like this.

One glance at this infuriating man, and my lower half was drenched. One whiff of his cologne and I was thirsty for his skin, his touch. One minute in his proximity and I had hot flashes and heart palpitations and my legs quivered. And that was before we'd slept together. Now, after having seen him naked, felt him deep inside me—three times—after having laced our tongues and explored each other's depths, the allure to him was impossible to ignore.

And he was my boss. He was the one paying me for his sister's wedding. This was his hotel.

I started hyperventilating again and sat up, wiping my face of the sweat I'd accumulated by storming off and throwing a fit on my covers. My extremities were numbing, and my eyesight was going in and out; another very real panic attack was on the verge of taking me over. And this time, I was stuffed inside my room, not out in the breezy, salty air, which had dissipated my panic much faster. But I was too weak to walk outside now, and didn't want anyone to see me like this.

The wedding planner having a nervous breakdown? No, that wouldn't do.

I got off the bed and limped over to the bathroom, where I sat on the cold floor, pressing my back to the cool, marble counter, pulling my knees to my chest. Eyes closed, I inhaled, exhaled, inhaled, exhaled, waiting for my dizziness to subside, for my wooziness to dissipate. I pressed my bare feet to the tiles, allowing the coolness to slide up my limbs and soothe me.

"You're okay," I said to myself, fanning my face, continuing my deep breaths. "You're not in danger, you're not in trouble, you're okay."

I stayed that way for a while, erasing my mind of all thoughts, shoving my negativity and fear into a corner of my brain, where it would shut up and fester—until the next time I allowed my emotions to get the best of me.

"This can't be happening," I said, standing up slowly, turning to the counter, gripping it tight to keep my balance. My legs were still shaky and I didn't want to collapse from getting up too fast. In the darkness, I studied my features in the mirror, noticing how pallid I'd turned, how red and worried my eyes had become. "I can't let him get to me."

The issue was that Axel had gotten to me. He'd affected me the moment I'd met him, the moment he'd walked up to me and offered me a drink. He'd affected me more the moment I'd decided to take his offer, and followed him up to his luxurious suite to have luxurious sex with him. When I'd woken beside him, craving him still, I'd thought that maybe, maybe I could fuck around with him after the wedding was over and I had more time, if he was still staying at the hotel.

Now, I knew better than to hope I'd ever see him up close again. Not after finding out who he was, what he'd known, what he'd done. Had he purposely sabotaged me? Did he think this was funny?

I snarled at my reflection, fixating on my auburn and brown curls that he'd twirled around his fingers and tugged on as he'd fucked me from behind. I pulled down my jacket and shirt, glaring at the marks on my shoulder where he'd gripped me tight to fuck me harder. My own moans still echoed in my mind, and his as he came with me, as we collapsed side by side in absolute satiation.

That would never, could never happen again.

I meandered back into the main room and fell onto the bed, peering out at the beach beyond my window. Could I slip away for the afternoon? Enjoy the private sands and dip my toes in the water, listen to the waves as I dozed off to forget about the numerous events that had happened in less than twenty-four hours? I'd told Chi we wouldn't have time for such luxuries, but maybe I needed to make time, if anything for my own mental health.

My hands formed fists and I punched them into the mattress. I was back to blaming myself, thinking I was the idiot for this mess, for not heeding my instinct to keep my clothes on.

"Why, why didn't I know it was him? How did he know who I was, and I didn't recognize him?" I groaned, kicking my feet. "What kind of planner am I if I don't even know what my client looks like?"

To my credit, Axel Levine was rarely in any magazines, tabloids, or on TV. His siblings were less discreet—Violet was the socialite of the moment, an up-and-coming fashion designer and trendsetter. Estelle was growing a restaurant empire in southern California and was well-known by many. Even Harvey, though rarely photographed, was known because of his innovations in the tech trade. Had I bumped into him the night before, I'd have eventually figured out who he was. But Axel...Axel was a hermit. One of the richest, youngest CEOs in the hotel industry, a philanthropist from home, they called him. A man of talents and secrets.

"Secrets, sheesh. I should have fucking known, with my luck." I lurched up from the bed and stomped over to my window.

My love life—and by default, my sex life—was always slightly chaotic. Many mishaps and drunken mistakes. And then there was Olivia...

No, no, I didn't want to think about Olivia right now.

I should have researched Axel more. In the dossier my firm gave me, with all the details and the budgetary information, I hadn't flinched at the Levine name, hadn't questioned why Axel Levine himself was paying for all this. I'd only corresponded with his team—or him, apparently—via email. Not once had I been curious and Googled him to see what he looked like. I'd been too busy running around Los Angeles to meet with Violet, or flying overseas to coordinate with the venue.

In any case, it wasn't my thing to sit around and read celebrity gossip or spend hours flipping through magazines checking the best-dressed lists or the do's and don't's of the world of fame. I didn't lust after celebrities like my friends did. I didn't even have a favorite movie star. My time was spent diving into bridal magazines, touring restaurants and hotels and vineyards, or meeting with brides and grooms who had cut-outs of those magazines I didn't read.

I regretted not having wasted my life away exploring the internet for celebrity rumors and pictures to drool over.

Knowing who Axel was likely wouldn't have stopped me from craving him instantly. I'd have been able to refrain from taking action, for sure; but that attraction still would have been there. That enticing feeling he created in my belly would have flurried to life, no matter what.

Had he not been my employer, oh...I would have gone for him, no questions asked. He was one of the most eligible bachelors in America, an absolute catch. I wouldn't have minded a tryst with him, an adventure into a world of wealth that had once left a sour taste in my mouth. Some wining and dining, deliriously hot sex in fancy rooms—I'd had a shot at that before, and it hadn't gone well. But Axel might have given me a better experience.

I would have to seek that experience with someone else. To engage in another leg-tangling night with Axel would be way too dangerous for my career. No matter how I wanted more of him, more of that body thrusting into mine, that soft skin rubbing on mine. That tongue, that dick—

A knock from the door shocked me out of my fantasies of all the things Axel and I hadn't done, and likely could do, were we careful enough to not be caught. Oh, the notion of sneaking around, of exchanging forbidden kisses in dark corridors, of looking both ways before slipping into a closet to—

"Vivi!" Chi's raised voice came from behind the door, using my French nickname. "I know you're in there!"

I padded over to the door and yanked it open. "What?"

We'd just had lunch, and I'd hurried off; Chi knew better than to invade my space again so soon.

Chi's eyebrows shot up. "Whoa, yeah, worse than earlier. I knew I shouldn't have turned away from you for a single second, because you'd run off and have another panic attack." They slipped a drink into my hand—a glass of rosé this time—and squeezed into the room, kicking the door closed with their foot.

"What are you talking about?" I sniffed at the drink, my stomach turning. As much as I loved rosé, I didn't feel up for this, not after the mojito that wasn't mixing too well with the crème brulée.

Chi caught me wrinkling my nose at the drink. "No? I'll throw some bubbly and orange juice in it and call it some kind of mimosa, then you'll drink it, won't you?" They sat on the bed and patted the space beside them. "Come. Sit. Tell me what's up."

I shook my head. "No. I'm on the job, I'm not talking about this, I'm not drinking—"

Chi snatched my wrist and forced me to bring the glass rim to my lips. "You need to drink. Coffee didn't help, and clearly that weak-ass mojito didn't either, and you need to chill out. Rosé always does the trick." As I obligingly chugged a few sips of the wine, Chi guided me to the bed, pushing me down. "We need to clear the air and get you talking now, before all the main events start. You didn't want to vent earlier, but I think you really need to now. Let it out, girl."

I shuddered. As much as I trusted Chi, I wasn't sure if I could trust them with this. With something so monumentally dumb on my part, something that never should have happened.

"I can't talk about it." I set my glass down and hugged myself, thinking of curling into a ball and rolling into the ocean to never be seen again. "Not here, not out loud."

"Vivi," Chi rubbed my back, "you know I'm not going to judge you, nor would I rat you out."

"I know, but..." I gulped, holding on to myself so tight I constricted my own breaths. "Everyone is so ruthless in this industry, and if you decided to use this against me—"

Chi gasped. "I'd never, and I'm offended that you would even imply it." They pulled their legs onto the bed and crossed them, turning to me. "Come on, tell me what's keeping you locked in here instead of darting around rearranging all the details to tame your stress."

I glowered at Chi. "You know what's going on. You were right there, you saw him, you saw us, and I told you earlier how we—"

"—you fucked him. And this hot guy you hooked up with last night is none other than Axel Levine, the sexy, rich as heck CEO hotel chain owner who's paying us for this gig." Chi sighed, deflating, shoulders moving forward. "And you're so flustered because he was an ass about it all, probably shrugged it off like it was no big deal, but you're more hooked on him than you wanted to be."

I growled. "I am not!"

Chi studied their nails and snorted. "Lie all you want, but the issue is that he's your boss, and you want to fuck him again. And now that you know who he is, you can't, but you're considering breaking the rules because the sex was so good—was it good? You didn't tell me that part."

"I'm not considering breaking the rules!" I smacked their arm and hopped off the bed. "And I can't tell you anything else. I can't talk about this with anyone."

"Vivi, no one will know—"

"—yes they will! They don't trust me, and I guarantee they sent someone to spy on me!"

"Even if there is someone from the Association here spying on you, you do realize there aren't hidden cameras in the rooms, right?" Chi scoffed. "Pretty sure that's illegal. And Mr. Levine wouldn't hand those tapes over without a fight." They shucked their dark locks to one side, letting them cascade down their shoulders. Not a sweat broke over their tanned forehead, not a hint of nerves about to fray on the inside. So calm, so composed.

This is why they're my assistant.

"Regardless," I aired out my shirt, perspiration coating my upper body to the point of my clothes sticking to me, "we can't discuss it. It's too risky."

"Is it?" Chi arched an eyebrow, a sly smirk spreading over their burgundy-painted lips. "Would it really be that big of a deal?"

My nostrils flared. "It's illegal, and you know that."

"Illegal, or frowned upon?" Chi squinted at me, watching me squirm at their words. "What?"

I felt the urge to stomp on something. "That's exactly what Axel said when I reminded him what we'd done was wrong! And he...that bastard...that super fucking hot asshole...he knew who I was!"

"Oh?" Chi sat up straight, interested. "So he was well aware you were the wedding planner he was paying for his sister? Naughty boy."

"This isn't funny!" I eyed a sculpture on the TV counter-stand and considered throwing it at the wall. My heart started racing again, and that nausea associated with a panic attack seeped back in. "I'm fucked!"

"Hey." Chi slithered over and grabbed my hands, squeezing them. "I'm not saying anything. And I doubt Axel would; he doesn't seem the type to willingly screw people over. Maybe," they chuckled, "he likes a bit of danger here and there. But he wouldn't get you fired two days before his sister's wedding, would he? Not after all the work you put in. Even with all that money he has, he couldn't find someone else at the last minute."

I shrugged. "I don't know, because I don't know him at all. Except for his," I swallowed, "um, what's underneath his clothes. And the way he tastes..."

Chi's cheeks lit up. "Oh, so it was good, huh?" They squeezed my hands again. "That good that being around him might be a problem?"

I nodded. "That's what worries me the most. I'm usually so careful with controlling my urges, my libido, but with him..."

Chi pulled me into a hug, pressing me to their hard torso, letting me absorb their lavender perfume. "It's going to be okay. I'll help you."

"That's hilarious." I sniffled. "You're the one who pushed me towards him in the first place!"

"Okay, yes, I did." Chi's heavy exhale blew through my hair, cooling down my overheating neck. "And I won't stop you if you want to fuck him again, and he consents, and you're discreet about it. But you're not going to lose your job over this; I won't lose my job." They patted my back, their touch grounding me, pushing away my anxiety, my panic. "And if you do get with him again, it's not like you're going to publicly fuck him, right? No one needs to know—except for me—and no one will know."

I bit my lip, nuzzling into Chi's shoulder as I flushed, thinking of how desperately I'd craved for Axel to shove me atop the check-in desk and slide my skirt up, rip my panties down, and jam himself into me. Had he been anyone else, someone not involved with my career, I'd have possibly implied it to his face. I'd have whispered in his ear that I wanted more, I needed more. And with the flicker of lust in his gaze, I knew he'd have obliged. Deep, quick, almost violently taking me right there, with the pool patio in the background and the lobby of people watching us, awed, intrigued, turned on. Hot.

"No," I said, breaking free from Chi's embrace, shaking my head. "No, it can't happen anymore, and it won't, Chi. I will not sleep with Axel Levine ever again."

☼☼☼