Twenty-Three

Is This Goodbye?

Quinn's POV

My mood had not improved that afternoon, despite Cody's insistence that I acted cheerful during French class. In fact, I spent most of the time between lunch and three o'clock trying not to cry from all the built-up stress and confusion, all while making myself smile brightly at anyone who greeted me in the hallways.

Let's face it: since Andrew Summers and I had started going out, a lot more people than usual had started greeting me in the hallways. I used to admire Julia for being friends with the seniors and gracefully accepting passing compliments from them, but now it was happening more to me than her. I wondered if anyone would have ever noticed my new skirt if it weren't for who I was dating.

Rumor must not have spread about my meltdown during lunch, though, because Andrew didn't text me to ask how I was doing. In fact, he didn't text me at all until 2:58 PM, when I was packing up my Geometry things because Mr. Arellano, kind soul that he was, had dismissed us five minutes early.

Hey, Andrew had texted, Can we talk?

I replied with a sure, when & where? and then kept packing up my pencils and calculator. The smile I shot Cody a few seconds later when he asked me if I was all right was more forced than ever, because I knew it was never a good sign when a boy texted you asking to talk. Boys in general, I had discovered, were creatures who avoided conversation whenever they possibly could, especially serious conversation, and even though Andrew was an elite specimen he had to follow the same general guidelines. Asking "to talk" couldn't possibly be good.

"Are you sure you're okay, Quinn?" Cody pried as I zipped up my backpack and hoisted it over my shoulder, yanking some of my hair in the process.

I winced and pulled it out from under my strap. "I'm fine," I insisted, smiling tightly. "See you tomorrow."

And then, after chirping a thank-you to Mr. Arellano, I high-tailed it out of there as fast as I possibly could in my heels, taking enormous strides towards the parking lot because that was where Andrew had asked to talk.

It was sweltering when I stepped out into the August heat, and I was sweating by the time I made it over to Andrew. He was leaning against his Toyota, spinning his keys around absentmindedly in circles by their Providence Prep lanyard. He was not smiling.

"Hey," I said a little too brightly as I closed the rest of the distance between us. I was now standing right in front of him, craning my neck a little because he was so tall and gripping my backpack straps so tightly my knuckles were turning white.

Andrew ran his hands through his dirty blonde hair, causing it to stick up in such an endearing way that I melted a little inside. "We need to talk."

"Yeah," I said, removing my fingers from my backpack long enough to hold up my phone. "I got your text."

He stared at me for another few seconds, his eyes boring into mine as if what he was about to say physically pained him. I rocked nervously back and forth from side to side, squinting in the bright sunlight as I waited for him to say something.

"Anytime now," I said finally, breaking the silence.

"I think I'm breaking up with you, Quinn."

Of all of the disastrous things I'd been expecting him to say, this was definitely not one of them. It couldn't be happening. What had I done? He still clearly liked me--I could tell because he was still looking at me the way he had when he'd told me I was beautiful and smart. The way he had when we'd been biking on the trail and we'd crashed and laughed until our sides were sore.

So I just stared, waiting for him to take it back, except he didn't. He just cleared his throat and stopped spinning his keys, stuffing them in the pocket of his shorts so that the lanyard still stuck out a little. I hated that lanyard in that second, hated that he was wearing it the same way all those preppy private school boys did, hated that after he was done talking to me he'd get in his Toyota and drive to Chik fil A and get food just like he always did before soccer practice--because his routine didn't revolve around me and whether or not we were still dating.

"You're what?" I asked, choking over my words. My fingers began to cramp as I grasped my backpack handles still tighter. I even sort of felt like I was swaying in place right now, because this could not be happening. We'd barely dated at all!

Andrew was still looking at me steadily, and that made me feel like he was certain about what he was about to say. I wanted him to be unable to meet my eyes, to be nervous and afraid to tell me these things because he didn't really mean them, but it wasn't true. "I'm sorry Quinn," he said. "It's just not working out. You and I--we see things very differently."

"Is this about what happened at the movies?" I demanded. "I told you I was sorry. Why couldn't you just let it go?"

"It's not just that," he said heavily. He rolled up the sleeves of his button down and that made me somehow like him even more, even though I knew that he was pushing me away. "You're not who I thought you were, Quinn. Maybe we should have gotten to know each other better, as friends, before we rushed into this dating thing. I don't know. It's not working, though."

"Andrew?" This was not happening. Andrew Summers and I were not arguing. That was impossible. We were too perfect to argue. It was meant to be.

My hands slipped away from my backpack and fell limp against my sides as my gaze travelled to the asphalt beneath us. I wanted to kick one of the pebbles on the road, hard, and smash his perfect black car with the perfectly smooth paint, even though I knew the rock would hardly even make a dent.

"Can you please give me more of an explanation?" I asked him, finally looking up at him again. "I thought you liked me."

He crossed his arms. "I liked who I thought you were. You're different. The way you've changed--I mean, look at you." He gestured to my hot pink skirt and Vanessa's heels which were strapped firmly around my ankles, the ones I could barely even walk in. "I didn't think this was you, but evidently it is, and I want no part in it."

"This is not me!" I exclaimed. I had to make him understand that this was my stepsister's work. That I hadn't wanted to walk out of the house in these shoes. Who breaks up over a pair of shoes, anyway? "Why do you care what shoes I wear, Andrew?"

"It's not just that. You've started hanging out with Vanessa and Sara and Kennedy--"

"Kenzie," I automatically corrected.

Andrew threw up his hands. "Do I look like I care?" he demanded. "Come on, Quinn. You used to be this carefree, amazing girl who didn't even think about what anyone else thought about her, and maybe that's why I liked you so much. Because everyone's always looking at me and I wanted to be with someone who didn't think of me that way."

I knew I was guilty of that. Running my hands through my hair, I opened my mouth to apologize, but he just kept talking. "I think I'm bad for you," he continued. "It's like dating me has done something to you. You've started acting differently."

"I thought you wanted me to act differently!" I could barely keep my tone level. "I felt like I had expectations, because I was dating you."

"That's where your thinking is so wrong, Quinn. You have me on this pedestal. You don't think you're good enough for me. And the fact that I liked you as you were wasn't enough for you--you felt like you had to fit this mold of what you thought my girlfriend should be." Andrew ran his hand through his hair, too, his eyes tired. "I think it's best if we aren't together anymore."

"Andrew." My voice sounded small and insignificant, like a plea for forgiveness. I saw Vanessa a few cars away, getting in Kenzie's Audi and watching me with an expression half of concern and half of unmistakable disgust. She must have heard the whole thing.

"Andrew, please," I repeated, turning back to him. "I'm sorry."

He smiled at me, but it was without emotion. "You're a great girl, Quinn," he said. "And I'm ruining that."

Before I could say anything else, he had opened the door to his car and hopped in, and before I could shed a single tear, brilliant, athletic, amazing Andrew Summers had pulled out of the parking space and driven away from me.

I slumped down against the car beside me and chewed down on my lip as I watched him steer the car down the school driveway, over the speed bumps that led out onto the main road. And then he turned right at the stoplight and was gone, and all I could do was stare after him.

I stared for a really long time, too, until my vision was beginning to blur and the girl who owned the car beside me asked me to move so that she could leave. Then, because Vanessa and her friends had already left and I didn't have a ride home, and because Mom was still in school, I called Julia and asked her if she could give me a ride.

Twenty minutes later, I was standing up in my bedroom wondering what exactly I was going to do with my life. My entire high school so far had been occupied by obsessive thoughts over Andrew Summers, trying to get Andrew Summers' attention, or lately, dating him. And now he had practically told me to get out of his life?

Groaning, I sat down on my bed, thinking about what I could have possibly done to make him angry. He couldn't have broken up with me just because I wore a skirt and heels to school, right? That was stupid. What if it was because I couldn't run?

That had to be it. Maybe it wasn't enough that I biked. Maybe Andrew wanted an athletic girlfriend who would run the 5k he was planning with him and go on hiking trips to obscure mountains with him. It was pretty evident that I wasn't going to be capable of that anytime soon.

Angrily, I stood and went to my closet, rifling through my various drawers for a change of clothes. I'd finally tracked down some athletic shorts and a t-shirt that said "I'm Sorry for What I Said When You Were Wrong."  Julia had gotten it for me for Christmas last year--she had an obsession for graphic tees--and I figured it suited my current mood.

Without even thinking, I went downstairs to the mudroom and unearthed a pair of tennis shoes from the closet near the door.  Once I'd double knotted them and grabbed my phone and sunglasses, I slipped out of the house.

I'd never trained to run before, but it couldn't be that hard to run around the neighborhood, right? I figured I'd start small: building up from a twenty minute run until I was perfectly capable of whipping through a 5k like it was nothing. Then I'd show up at Andrew's fundraiser and make him wish he'd never broken up with me.

My sneakers thudded on the pavement, creating a surprisingly relaxing sound, and I found myself wishing I'd worn earbuds as I turned down a street and started heading towards our neighborhood park. The September heat was beating down heavily and I was already sweating through my thin shirt, so it was probably best to head for the shade.

I prided myself for running for a good ten minutes down the trails of the park before I started getting a stitch in my side. Still, I kept running, telling myself that there was no gain without pain. My pulse began thudding in my temples but still I ran, focusing on putting one Nike-clad foot in front of the other and getting to the next tree or post.

I probably ran for another ten or so minutes, passing several families who were running together or with their dogs. After another five minutes I realized that I'd forgotten water and that the sun was really, really intense. Two minutes later I could barely see straight ahead of me and my pounding headache had increased exponentially.

I'd read about heat exhaustion before, when I'd been forced to take a first aid class in middle school, but I didn't think anything of it until I had to slump against a tree because I couldn't breathe properly. Suddenly, my brain felt all fuzzy, and I couldn't remember how I'd gotten here or why I'd ever gotten the stupid idea to run in the first place.

It was a lucky thing I'd decided to sit down against the tree, because a minute later black spots overcame my vision and I was pretty sure I fainted.

Fainting is a very weird sensation. It was like I knew it was happening, but I couldn't stop it, and then next thing I knew all my consciousness was gone.

I didn't know how long it was until I slowly realized where I was, but the first thing I heard was an extremely loud and magnified voice and then I felt something really, really cold spraying my face. Slowly, I opened my eyes, and I saw someone who looked like Cody Marlett crouching in front of me, duplicated.

"Cody?" I mumbled as he continued to pour water from his water bottle onto a towel and drench my face. "That's gross, please stop."

He capped his water, but I couldn't see what his face looked like because my vision was still blurred. "Sorry," he said. His voice sounded ten times louder than usual. "That's what it says you're supposed to do when someone passes out from heat."

I stared up at the sky for a few seconds, blinking as the intense sunlight glared down on my eyes. I couldn't remember what had happened. What was I doing surrounded by trees? Why was Cody with me?

"We need to get you home," Cody was saying, but now his voice just sounded distant. "Can you stand up? You can lean on me if you want."

I could barely even keep my eyes open, much less stand, so I managed a groan to voice my disgust with his plan. My pounding headache, which had not left when I regained consciousness, intensified.

"You need some water," Cody was saying worriedly, pulling out his water bottle again. "Here, drink from this."

Barely comprehensive thoughts chased themselves around in my brain. "No," I muttered, blinking slowly. "Can't drink after you. Julia."

"Quinn." Cody pressed the water bottle into my hands, and the plastic felt cool against my palm. "Please drink this."

"No..." And then, before I could explain that it was necessary I didn't drink after him because he was Julia's boyfriend and not mine, I passed out again.

A/N: Hey ninja readers, I know you're out there XD Kindly drop by in the comments and let me know you're reading, please! Many thanks.

Also, sorry if I'm blowing up everyone's notifications with all these updates!  I'm trying to go on and finish this story up.