An awful morning greeted me as I opened up my eyes. Not gonna lie, it was the usual feeling I have been dreading for days since the news broke out. Over and over. I have to get used to it, but no one would get used to the feeling of having a deep sinkhole in your heart that you wish you could fill with it something else, but the emptiness keeps drilling and it's hurting me.

Oh, I wish I could've done better.

Was it my fault? Bitch. I wasn't the one who cheated.

Sleeping past 2 AM thought could help me get over it, talking to other guys over a gay app could mend it, but never did.

I bring my body up from the bed even though it was pulling me back to it. I really had no energy to do anything right now. Some say that this was devastating for me, but no one knew about it—except a very few people close to me and that's all. They were the only ones who quickly rang my phone so crazy after hearing what happened.

But it was just a boy, I shouldn't be so devastated, right?

When I checked my phone, I saw a text message from Cory who has been with me—even though she was an island away from me.

Cory:
Good morning, Danny! Call me if you woke up soon!

When Cory left for Palawan, ako ang tumira sa condo niya, and the plan for Lukas to move in with me somehow wasn't smooth as I thought it would be. I co-owned the unit as it would only be the possible solution for now as the principal might take months and with lots of paper, but I am working on it.

Lukas was about to share the unit with me and move out of the condo he was staying with his roommate. He wasn't able to do so, so I got frustrated about it and I let it go for some time while I live alone in the unit for weeks.

He was visiting me and I visit him in their condo as well. Now that I gotta pay the monthly fees for the unit, it would be so much more helpful if Lukas was here with me, to support me 'cause working and just paying the bills was fucking ridiculous.

In the end, I stayed alone in the unit and will be, forever.

Obviously, when Cory decided to live in Palawan, she had to live everything behind. Her city life, friends, and family. Everyone supported her decision, I do, too, because it was a new way for her to discover more about the truth and wonders. She was in love with the island, and of course, sino bang hindi ma-i-in love sa boyfriend niya? 

Douglas made her feel at home when she came back to Palawan. Kinakabahan pa ang gaga no'n na baka maling desisyon na iwanan ang buhay niya sa Maynila. It was hard, I get that, but she also wanted to be free, so I pushed her to do what she wants. Ginawa niya and she's living the best life now.

Kulang na lang anakan ni Douglas ang kaibigan ko.

I dialed her number and it rang after a few seconds.

"Danny! Good morning," maligalig nitong pagbati sa akin. "Kumusta ka na?"

I sighed. "I'm fine... kagigising ko lang talaga."

"It's ten na. Kaninang eight pa ako nag-text sa 'yo, ha?"

"Ay, sorry naman. Girlfriend ba kita para dapat mag-reply rin agad ako?"

She chuckled. "Loka. How are you feeling na?"

I laughed hysterically. Nababaliw na ata ako. "Ayoko na magtrabaho, girl. Lilipat na ulit ako ng condo. Ikaw na uli magbayad dito o ibenta ko na lang kaya?"

"Ibenta? Ba't mo ibebenta? Namamahalan ka na ba? Grabe ka naman. Saka wala namang bad memories ako riyan."

"Wala nga, pero muntik na sa akin. Should I move on na ba? Kailangan ba mag-move on? Uso ba 'yon? Tulong naman diyan, girl! Nasa Palawan ka lang, hindi na kita ma-reach."

"Anong hindi? Panay nga kausap ko sa 'yo. Mas mukha pa kitang boyfriend kaysa kay Douglas."

"Buti hindi nagseselos si Douglas, 'no?"

Natawa siya sa tanong. "Tinanong ko rin 'yan sa kanya! At alam mo ba kung anong sabi? Bakit naman daw siya magseselos sa 'yo kung hindi naman daw hiwa ang gusto mo kung hindi hotdog."

"Puta! Loko 'tong si Douglas, a!"

Napahagalpak si Cory sa kabilang linya at saglit lang ay narinig ko ang boses ni Douglas do'n. Nag-usap ang dalawa pero hindi pa rin matigil si Cory sa katatawa. 

"Hello?" boses ng lalaki at nakilala ko naman agad ito.

"Hoy, Douglas!"

"Danny!" energetic nitong pagbati sa akin. 

"Loko ka, ha? Porque malayo kayo sa akin ngayon ay pupwedo mo na ako i-dogshow. Ikaw kaya i-dogshow ko riyan, Doggy, ha?!"

Natawa naman ito sa kabilang linya. "Do'n lang tayo sa totoo! Saka hindi mo naman talaga gusto ang ham, 'no?"

"Kaloka ka!"

"Oh, 'di ba?" Tinawanan lang ako nito. "Alam mo, pumunta ka na lang dito sa Palawan. We'll give you free activities para naman makalimutan mo na 'yang si Lukas. Alam mo no'ng first meet ko sa kanya, alam kong may something, e. Lalo na no'ng nag-Singapore sila."

"Manahimik ka," saway ni Cory sa kanya.

"Ay, sorry," usal ni Douglas na parang nabigla rin sa pagkukwento niya.

"Ayos lang," aniko.

Inagaw ni Cory ang phone mula kay Douglas at dinig ko pa ang bangayan nilang dalawa.

"'Wag mo 'yong pansinin, pero I agree ro'n sa sinab niya. Why don't you come and visit us here sa Palawan? You haven't been here, 'di ba?"

"I did before pero teenager pa ata ako no'n?"

"And this could be the best time to come back! Mag-book ka na. Go ka na rito sa Palawan. We'll have a space for you to stay so no need na mag-book ng hotel. So, keri?"

"I'll try... should I do a one-way or round-trip?"

"Ay, may babalikan ka pa riyan sa Maynila?"

"Ay, gaga. Of course, 'yong trabaho ko."

"E, pwede ka rin namang mag-work from home, e. You can also work anywhere naman, so keri! Oo, tama, benta mo na 'yang condo unit natin diyan o baka wise decision would be, ilagay mo na lang sa airbnb and have someone look after the unit habang wala ka."

"Sino naman? Ba't ang dami agad plano? Nangbibigla, girl?"

Muli itong tumawa. Naasar na ako. "Joke lang naman! Do one-way muna and until you find that peace and have the decision to come back to the city again, book the flight to go home. Maybe we could really put the unit sa Airbnb while you were away talaga, if that would be a thing for you to earn then. I guess, hire someone na lang to clean the space every now and then. I think the condo has its own housekeeping staff naman."

"Pag-isip ko na lang muna, girl. Ayoko rin magpabigla-bigla, e."

"No, it's okay... basta sisihin mo na lang si Douglas kapag natuloy ka kasi napagastos ka dahil sa suggestion niya."

"Ay, naku! Always!"

"So, may ganap ka ba tonight? Or stay-at-home na naman ang peg mo?"

I checked my phone calendar and I had it booked—not for a guy.

"I was invited sa birthday ng friend ko. That would be in BGC sa isang club do'n. Should I go ba? I don't think it would be okay for me to go there."

"I think you should go," demonyong panunudyo ni Cory sa akin. "Put yourself out there and live the life you wanted. 'Wag ka na muna mag-worry about anything else! Mas lalo ka lang ma-stress and that wouldn't look good on you."

"'Kay. Close friend ko naman 'yong may birthday and not close to him so I'll be there."

"Hayaan mo na 'yon si Lukas. Piniling tumusok sa iba, e."

I smirked. "Girl, xiao long bao na ang kinakain mo, pero pinili mo pa rin 'yong fishball diyan sa kalye. So low, 'di ba?"

"I would totally agree! Kaya go ka na lang nang go."

"Ruffa Mae is that you?"

She laughed. "Wait! Tawag ako ni Douglas. Need ata ako."

"Mag-sex lang kayo, e."

"Gaga, naka-loud speaker ka. Narinig ka!"

I heard both of them laugh on the other line. "It might be, but sure it will be. Anyway, goodbye! Talk to you later!"

"Later!"

"See you soon, Dan!" pahabol ni Douglas bago ibaba ni Cory ang tawag.

When they hung up, I put my phone down and my shoulder dropped. Muli akong humiga sa kama at tiningnan ang kisame. All I could think about was all the good things I had with him, but now it all ended when I watched that news.

It wasn't even a week.

I played some loud music inside the room and hopefully, no one will report me for being a disturbance. It lasted I think for about three hours when no one did. I prepared myself to go to the party. I only wear something comfortable for me. I picked tight skinny jeans in my closet and a white tank top under a blue pastel mesh net. I thought I would look so weird, but when I get there, they all said I was blooming.

"Slay, girl! You look so charming and cute, Danny. I like this on you!" Kersh complimented.

"Thanks, darling! You know, I gotta bring my A-game to this party, 'cause it's your birthday! You slay the night, Kershibells!"

"Thank you, sistar!" He hugged me which I felt was more than a hug as he knew what happened to me and Lukas. When he parted himself away from me, he put his finger under my chin. "Now, you gotta have fun tonight and forget all those things that happened. I want you to own this night, even though it was my birthday, you deserve to be happy, alright?"

The only thing I could give to Kersh was a smile. He was so concerned about me and that he shouldn't be thinking about it when it was his birthday. I am glad I've found friends like them.

As the night goes on, I was drinking here and there. I don't care if it had strong alcohol content. Kung anong ibigay nila sa akin, I would drink it. Some come up to me and grabbed my butt. I would just laugh at it and some would want to snatch a kiss on me and I put my finger on their faces saying no to them.

And later on, I heard some people talking about me and I saw those two gays laughing when they glance at me. I know they were talking to me so I rushed towards their reaction and greeted me with a small finger wave.

"Hi, dear! How's single life?" he laughed at what he said. Anong nakatatawa ro'n?"

"We really feel bad for you, but a good thing for Lukas, 'no? He really found himself with that guy. He was so proud of him, unlike when he was around with you."

"Anong pinagsasabi mo?" I acted confuse.

"Girl, don't act like you don't know what we're talking about. Medyo kalat na kaya? Some people don't really believe in it, but we saw you before with him... and I think, confirmed. Waley na nga kayo."

"And should that be your business?"

"If it's a gay thing, it's our business."

"Fuck you!" And I spilled the wine on my glass to their faces.

They were about to come to me, pero may mga dumating at pumagitna agad sa amin. When I saw Kersh on my side, I couldn't understand what he was saying, but he was rubbing my shoulder and guiding me out of the club until a car stopped in front of us. Inalalayan niya akong makasakay sa loob ng sasakyan at saka ito umandar.

I'm not sure what happened, but while I was on my way back home—if that what was Kersh said to me, I grabbed my phone, and check some flights for tomorrow. When Cory and Douglas said I should go there, I think that was what I really needed.

So, I booked a flight tomorrow morning and I'm not sure if I'll be waking up on time, but who knows, I'd like to get away from this drama—forever.

Shame on you, Lukas, and Davide. You don't deserve the public's love.

***

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