Three days left before I go back to Manila.

I woke up with the sudden noise I heard from the next bunk bed. Pinakiramdaman ko muna kung anong nangyayari hangga't sa marinig ko ang malalim na paghinga. Dahan-dahan akong bumangon sa pagkahihiga ko at sinilip ko ang sunod na bunk bed at doon ko natagpuan ang magkatabing tao sa iisang bunk bed. Mabilis akong napabalik sa kama ko at bumalik sa pagkahihiga.

Sinilip ko ang orasan at pasado alas y cinco na ng umaga at hindi na ako makabalik sa pagtulog ko. Naisipan ko namang bumangon na lamang muli at pumunta sa Catangnan bridge para panoorin ang sunrise. I haven't had a chance to watch sunrise on that bridge before so it would be nice for me to spend a moment there.

When I got up, obviously, they heard me and I noticed how they quickly hid themselves under the sheets. Napailing na lamang ako dahil pwede naman nilang gawin iyon into any other place or some other time. Ang aga-aga. Nang makapag-ayos naman ako ay lumabas na ako ng hostel at madilim-dilim pa ang paligid.

I only wore a jacket and shorts. Medyo malamig pa sa mga oras na 'to. May mga tricycle na naman akong nakikitang bumabiyahe na. Tinatawag nila ako, pero binalak kong lakarin na lamang papunta ro'n. It might took me fifteen to twenty minutes to get there than getting into a tricycle and get there in five minutes, I would just like to spend my time being alone.

I looked at the time and when I thought I was getting closer, I checked the time. It was quarter to six and I almost walked around thirty minutes just to get here. Naabutan ko na rin naman na may mga tao na nakatambay at nag-aabang sa tulay. May mga lokal at foreigner na akong nakita. Karamihan sa kanila ay mga grupo at ako lang din ata ang dumating na mag-isa.

Mayamaya lamang ay unti-unting nagliliwanag ang kalangitan at tuluyang lumitaw ang araw. I sat on the bridge railings and I was just watching it made the sky turned blue along with birds flying around as a new day comes in sight. I recorded it just like the last time. Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga saka ko ito pinakawalan nang dahan-dahan.

I posted the sunrise video on my Instagram story. I was just testing something if he would do the same thing he did the last time. After it was posted, I waited for a few minutes. Some of my mutuals have started viewing it, and later on, as I was expecting, Austin viewed my story, and he sent a heart reaction to it as well. I really don't know what to feel about it. It made me blush, but not really hopeful about something.

When the bridge started to get some crowd, umalis na ako. Tinext ko naman si Marina na dadaan ako sa bahay nila, pero hindi pa siya nag-reply sa akin at ayoko namang mangbulabog kung hindi pa sila gising.

I stopped by a coffee shop and bought my early morning coffee to feed my system some caffeine. I stayed at one of the solo tables and the customers who were coming in I started hearing about the new season of surfing competition that is happening today.

I know there will be a lot of tourists on the island today and I guess in the next couple of days until the end of the new season of surfing competition. I heard there would be popular surfers who would be competing in it. Though I have no idea who would they be, I want to watch and see them compete as well. This would be my first time to witness a competition like this.

Pero umaasa nga ba akong iba tinutukoy din silang ibang surfer? I knew Austin won a placement from last year's competition and that he could snatch a place in the top three once again. Sabi nga nila Marina, he would miss it, but I hope he would enjoy his time back in Latvia.

Naghihintay pa rin ako ng reply ni Marina, sinubukan ko rin naman itong tawagan, pero hindi nito sinasagot ang tawag ko. At this hour, she should probably be up right now. I know Kady and Xander will participate in this year's competition. They said, they weren't as good as Austin, but they said will do their best to win. Naniniwala naman ako sa kanila. I've seen them ride the surfing boards and they were fantastic.

At this point, I just decided to go to their place and gate-crash their morning breakfast. Pagkarating ko sa transient house ay walang sumasagot sa makailang beses kong pag-doorbell. Nakalock ang gate at sinilip ko ang main door at mukhang nakasarado rin. I stayed for a few minutes just to see if anyone was left in the house, I ended up staying for another thirty minutes, and yet no one came out for me.

I decided to go back to the hostel so I could change and take a bath before I could decide on going anywhere again. I texted Marina again that I went to their place and she responded once I got back to my hostel.

Marina: Hey, Danny! I'm so sorry, we're already at Cloud Nine! Meet us here. All of us are here. We'll wait for you, alright? See youuu!

Me: Alright, no worries, Mar. I'll see you there! Anong oras ba magsisimula ang competition?

Marina: 11:30 am! But if you'd like to come early, please do so.

Me: I will, thank you! See you.

I prepared my stuff when I got to my area. Habang iniisip ko pa kung anong mga dadalhin ko, on my peripheral vision ko, may lumapit at tumayo sa tabi ko. Hindi ko pa agad itinaas ang tingin ko dahil baka may inaabot lang siya sa itaas na bunk bed kaya hindi ako kumikibo sa kanya.

Ipinagpatuloy ko lang ang pag-aayos ng gamit ko hangga't sa ipaalam niya ang presensya niya sa akin. Iniangat ko na ang tingin ko sa kanya at mabilis na nagtama ang mata namin. Umangat ang kilay ko. Foreigner itong kaharap and I think he was on his late 20s. He was wearing a tank-top and boar shorts. He was fit and I was somehow attracted to his beard. He looked very manly.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"I know you saw us earlier," he stated, and his right hand just landed on his crotch and grabbed it. "What do you think? Should we have a quickie? No one's around. You're actually my type."

Napangisi naman ako sa kanya at saka ako tumayo so I could stood in front of him, but he was so tall I still slightly raised my head just to meet his eyes. Hinawakan ko siya sa balikat niya at tinapik-tapik.

"You were gorgeous and I think you really have a good and yummy dick, but I'm not looking for any quickie moments right now. Thank you for the offer. . ."

He groaned and shook his head out of disappointment. As he left my post, I went back to stuffing the things I needed in my transparent tote bag. I just had a quick shower, put some clothes on, and then left the hostel. Tinext ko na rin naman si Marina na papunta na ako and she just replied, see you!

I took a tricycle going to Cloud Nine. Medyo mainit na kaya habang nasa loob ako ng tricycle ay naglalagay ako ng sunscreen sa mukha, braso, at hita ko. Hindi rin naman nagtagal nang marating ko ang lugar nila. Tumuloy ako papasok sa loob at binibilisan ko naman ang bawat paghakbang ko. My hand was gripping on the strap of my tote bag as I follow the path where I could see an area where crowds were getting heavy.

Na-overwhelm naman ako sa sobrang daming tao sa paligid. Mapa-lokal man o foreigner, kahit saang lingon ko ay hindi maaalis sa paningin ko ang iba't ibang lahi sa paligid ko. Napalulunok na lang din ako kapag may nakasasalubong akong six-footer na foreigner na naka-board shorts na lamang at lantarang pinagmumukha ang katawan nila. Hindi naman ako umaangal. I would want this all day, every day.

When Marina informed me they were near a cabana, I went to their spots. Kahit maraming tao sa paligid ay hindi naman ako nahirapang hanapin sila. Ang naabutan ko na lamang sa cabana ay si Marina, Bradley, at Keegan. Si Kady at Xander daw ay naghahanap para sa kompetisyon. Hindi ko rin naman mahanap kung saang banda sila naghahanda, pero dahil kasama ko na naman sina Marina ay hindi na ako pupunta pa sa kung saan lugar.

"Will Kady and Xander do an extreme exhibition?" I asked.

Natawa at umiling naman si Marina sa akin. "I don't think they could do that yet, but they will participate as beginners for the Challengers. Qualifying Series is a different category where professional surfers take the waves competing against competitors from another country. It might be as simple to hear it, but it was quite complicated, but as long as you have understood the rules, you'll get it. And no worries, nandito naman kami, so ask me if you need some clarification because I would love to fill you in with so much info!"

I chuckled. "I would love to, Mar. Thanks, though. . ."

"Yeah, let's just wait for them to start. I think it will commence in a few minutes from now. . ."

We waited for a few minutes until we heard an announcement that the Surfing Cup was about to begin. Na-e-excite naman akong mapanood dahil first time ko ito. It was the first day of the competition and it will run for a few days. Nanonood din naman kami sa TV screen kung saan may live stream. 

They started introducing four of the challengers and as they lay down on their chests on the boards and used their arms to paddle to the area where big waves were coming in, they all positioned there. At first, wala akong ka-ide-ideya sa nangyayari. Tahimik lang din naman ako at iniiwasan ko munang istorbohin si Marina sa mga katanungan. When the first few waves were coming into the surfers, I didn't understand because some waves were just passing through them as they build up into a huge one, not until one of them positioned himself and then play with the waves. Napasinghap pa ako dahil napailaliman na siya ng alon, pero patuloy lamang ang pag-arangkada nito at ipinamalas ag kanyang mga trick. Nang humupa ang alon ay siyang pagbagsak din naman niya sa tubig.

Gano'n din ang nangyari sa tatlo pang surfers. They were really entertaining to watch and I never thought I would love watching them. Tumagal din halos fifteen minutes ang mga naunang kalahok at sinundan ito ng panibagong batch. Napangingiti naman ako dahil lahat ng mga sumali ay sobrang competitive. 

Some advanced already to the next stages. Halos ang bibilis lang din ng iba na parang dumaan lang, or that was what I just thought. Nang magpaalam ako kay Marina na magbabanyo lamang ako ay hindi niya ako pinaalis muna dahil baka isa na kina Kady o Xander ang susunod kaya nanatili ako sa pwesto ko.

I was just looking around until they started announcing the participants for this batch. One of them was called A. Pavelle. Namintig ang tainga ko nang marinig ko iyon. Nang tingnan ko si Marina dahil nagulat ako sa narinig ko, but she doesn't seemed look like one. Nakangiti pa ito nang nakatingin sa akin kaya nang bumaling ako sa TV screen kung saan may livestream ay doon ko lang din nakompirma na isa si Austin sa mga participant.

"Wait. . . Is that really him?" taka kong tanong.

"It is, Danny." Nakangiting sagot ni Marina sa akin. "Well, Xander and Kady weren't really competing. Sinamahan lang nila si Austin, and I just had to reason that because he doesn't want to let you know that he was on the island."

"Oh. . ." Iyon na lamang ang tanging nasabi ko nang sabihin ni Marina sa akin.

"But hey, don't take it in a bad way," paghabol pa nitong paliwanag. "He doesn't want to let you know about it because he wanted to surprise you, and that was also the reason I was pushing you to visit us here in Siargao. It was true he went back to Latvia. I didn't lie about that."

"Wait. . . Kailan pa siya dumating? The last time I went to our room sa bahay, wala pa siyang gamit do'n."

"Yes, kagabi lang siya dumating actually. Sobrang late na. May jetlag pa nga siguro 'yan, but he just wanted to get on to surfing na. I'm sure he would love to see you after the competition. Na-surprise ka ba?" Hagikgik pa nito. "I'm really sorry I had to lie."

"I was speechless. . . I just don't know what to say. . ."

Hinawakan naman niya ang braso ko. "Okay lang 'yan. See him later. He would love to talk to you as well. . ."

We watched Austin compete against other foreigners. Kabang-kaba naman ako habang pinapanood siya. Nakadapa lamang siya sa kanyang board at tila inaabangan ang tamang pagdating ng alon. Nauna ang tatlo nitong kalaban na sumabak at nang makatiyempo na ito ng alon ay kanyang ipinamalas ang kanyang kakayahan. Napabilib ako dahil sobrang steady niya at nakukuha pa nitong gawin ang kanyang tricks na ikinabilib din ng ibang manonood. Muling sumabak ang apat sa pangalawang round at isa-isa ay kanilang hinarap ang alon. Nahuli muli si Austin sa cabana na kung nasaan kami ay maraming napapalakpak nang sumabak ito. Sa huli ay isa nanguna si Austin sa mataas na score at makaa-advance siya sa susunod na stage.

Sabik na sabik naman si Marina na makausap si Austin kaya isinama na nila ako papunta sa kanila. 

"What are you feeling right now, Danny?" tanong naman sa akin ni Keegan habang papunta kina Austin.

Napatulala na lamang ako kay Keegan hangga't sa iwagayway niya ang kamay niya sa mukha ko. "Ahm. . . I don't know. . . Nervous? I really don't know. . ."

"That's alright. . ."

But as soon as we get there, nakita ko na rin sina Kady at Xander na lumapit kay Austin, but someone caught my attention. A girl cheered for him as she ran towards him. Nang makalapit siya ay niyakap niya si Austin at gano'n din naman ang ginawa nito sa kanya. Natigil naman ako sa paglalakad ko papunta sa kanila. Alam kong tinatawag na ni Brad ang atensyon ko, but my eyes stuck there and my feet was cemented where I stood finding out Austin was already in a new relationship.

I knew it.

I should've known it.

Nang tumapon ang tingin ni Austin sa direksyon ko ay namulaklak ang ngiti nito papunta sa akin at gano'n din nang tumingin sa akin ang babaeng kaakbay niya. It seemed like they were already happy and showing up might not be good for me, or them. Baka makasira lamang ako ng mood. So, I quickly told them that I wasn't feeling good now and that I had to go back to the hostel immediately. Tinawag nila ako nang paulit-ulit. Lahat sila ay tinawag ako. Hinabol pa ako ni Bradley kung saan ako pupunta, pero hindi ko sinabi sa kanya ang totoong rason at inalis ko na lamang ang pagkahahawak niya sa braso ko.

I left Cloud Nine and went back to my place, quickly thinking of packing up my stuff to leave. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na i-lock ang sarili ko sa common bathroom at mapaupo sa sahig habang bumubuhos ang lahat ng emosyon sa akin. 

He looked so different right now. He was growing some mustache, his golden hair was long and getting its curly strands. It was so much different now that he had a girlfriend, so whatever happened between us six months ago felt like didn't even happen.

Nag-stay ako sa hostel at ilang beses na akong tinawagan nina Marina at Keegan na bumalik sa Cloud Nine para mag-lunch din kaming lahat. Hindi ako sumasagot sa tawag at texts nila sa akin at nagpalipas lamang ako ng oras. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Gulong-gulo ang isipan ko dahil sa nakita ko. I really thought we would be able to talk and continue what we had before, pero ako na lang din ata nag-iisip no'n.

Nang may mga dumating sa hostel ay binalak ko munang lumabas at maglakad-lakad sa kung saan hangga't sa dinala ako ng mga paa ko muli sa Sunset bridge. Sa puntong ito ay marami na ulit ang tao sa paligid at hindi magkamayaw ang pagdating ng mga turista. Lahat ay naghanap ng mga pwesto habang inaabangan ang paglubog ng araw.

Humugot ako nang malalim na hininga habang tumatakbo sa isipan ko ang mga pangyayari kanina. Napakabilis at hindi ko inaasahan.

Saglit lang din nang may tumabi sa akin sa gilid ng bridge railings. Hindi ko naman ito nilingon dahil wala ako sa mood na maki-isyoso sa business ng iba. I just wanted to end this night and never would want to show my face to anyone again.

"Why did you go?"

Nabato ako sa pagkatatayo ko nang marinig ko ang boses nang taong tumabi sa akin. I didn't move my head to have a glimpse of who he is dahil sa boses pa lamang niya ay nakilala ko na 'to. I could feel his presence now. It made my heart beat so fast I felt like I couldn't breath anymore. Nang makahanap din ako nang lakas para umalis sa pwesto ko ay gagawin ko na sana, pero naramdaman ko ang paghablot niya sa kamay ko para pigilan niya ako. Napahinto ako at napalunok ng laway. Hindi ko pa rin siya binabalingan ng tingin.

"Sunset's not happening yet," he said. "Don't go. . ." babala nito sa akin. "It has been a long time. . . We haven't talked since, what? I left the city, right? That was a rough time for both of us, but we all passed from that moment. Now we're back in the place where we met."

I was quiet for a while until I found the courage to speak. "Yeah. . . Did you go back to Latvia? That's what Marina told me."

"I did," simple nitong sagot sa akin. "I went back because my visa was about to end and I couldn't extend it further so I have to fly back to Latvia. There, I continued training to surf while I was trying to save some money to go back to the Philippines, which I did. Like last time, I stayed for six months, this time, I won't be staying for too long. I'll be on the island for thirty days only and I have to go back to Latvia."

"I see. . . You came with someone else this time so staying too long won't make sense."

"Yes, I came with someone else," he said. "Her name's Liene Ivanova. She's from Latvia, too.'

"I thought so," aniko. "She's gorgeous and has a pretty smile, just like your type."

He smirked. "Yeah, what do you think I am to her, Danny?" he called my name and I couldn't resist glancing at his face. It was true, up-close, he grew a mustache and his hair was a bit longer than the last time. "What do you think she is to me?"

"Your girlfriend. . . Both of you looked good with each other, though. . ."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "You really thought of that, huh? Was that the reason why you ran away earlier? I didn't understand why. I've been wanting to talk to you personally. I wanted to hug you. I wanted to feel your touch once again. But you still chose to run away."

"I think that would be the best decision to make when the person I've loved found his new person."

"You loved me?" he asked. "Do you still love me?"

Ako naman ang napangisi sa tanong niya. "I can't answer that question. I don't want to ruin something good in your life right now. I don't want to be the reason she would hate you forever. i don't want to take this happiness away from you because I know I couldn't give it to you since the last time when we were together, I treated you badly."

"What if I told you I still love you?"

Muli akong napangisi at umiling. Iniwas ko na ang tingin ko sa kanya. "Please, I wouldn't believe it. Don't love me, Aust. I don't deserve it. I think I don't even deserve to be you friend or just talked to you right now."

"Why were you so hard on yourself, Danny?" Iniharap naman niya ako nakayuko ako dahil hindi ko siya matingnan nang maayos. "What happened six months ago, it was in the past now. We were over it. We've learned from it. I don't want you to feel the burden and put it all on yourself. It wasn't your fault. It was over. . . Even though I was hurt, I let it go because pain wouldn't do good in me, but I still do love you and that's what I was holding on to even if it will take us too long to get back with each other because I believe you'll be back. . ."

I looked up and met his eyes. "Aust, why are you even saying this to me? You have a girlfriend now. . . Please, don't do this to her."

He scoffed. "What if I told you Leine wasn't even my girlfriend?" Napatitig ako sa kanya at bahagyang umuwang ang bibig ko sa sinabi niya. Ngisi ang namungad sa labi niya. "Leine was my childhood friend back in Latvia. We grew up loving surfing and all sorts of stuff back then. When she found out that I was staying in Siargao, she wanted to visit because she wanted to try the waves and surf there, but she wasn't able to do so. When I got back, I promised her that once I got back to the island, I would bring her with me. I did. You don't have to worry about Leine. She has a boyfriend back in America. They were in a long-distance relationship, but they made it work for three years now. . . Did you think she was my girlfriend?"

Hindi naman ako sumagot dahil obvious na naman na.

Napabitaw siya nang malalim na hininga. Medyo magulo pa rin ang isipan ko ngayon at gustong kumalma, pero paano ako kakalma kung si Austin ang kasama ko ngayon. I even looked around to see the others, but they weren't around. Austin said he just wanted to have a glimpse of the sunset and luckily, he saw me which he took the chance to talk to me.

Humarap kam sa dagat kasabay nang panonood namin sa paglubog ng araw.

"What's your plan now, Danny?" tanong nito sa akin.

Napakunot ako ng noo. "I don't know. . ."

"How long are you going to stay on the island?"

"Two more days. . ." simple kong sagot.

"Oh, I see. . . You'll be leaving again," anito at ramdam ko ang poot sa tono niya. "But I wouldn't stop you from leaving or going anywhere you want. I'm not the kind of person who would force someone else to stay if they don't even want to." Gusto kong magbigay ng komento sa sinabi niya, pero nanatiling tikom ang bibig ko. "I never really wanted to leave you before, but I know I had to. . . I hope from the months you were away from me, you've had a good time. You have to live and enjoy your life because that's all I ever wanted for you. Did you have fun?"

Dahan-dahan naman akong tumango sa kanya.

"I'm happy to know that. . ."

"Did you?" balik kong tanong sa kanya.

He shrugged off his shoulder. "It was rough. I really wanted to talk to you, but I knew I couldn't just send you a message and tell you that I was missing you. I forced myself not to talk to you, but I've seen all your stories and posts, you were happy, and I was contented to see you happy with your life."

"I'm sorry for everything, Aust. . ."

He smiled. "You don't have to be sorry. . ."

"But you know that I had to. I didn't trust you. I pushed you away. It was like I didn't want you in my life anymore after everything we've been through. I was ashamed of myself for doing that to you. I was so embarrassed that I also wanted to talk to you, and I just thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore and you moved on with your life, so putting myself back in your life wouldn't make sense anymore. So, I didn't reach out to you because I was scared. . ."

"We were both scared," he said. "We don't want to hurt each other again, but over time, we were both healed. . . And maybe this time, we can go over back to what we have and continue what he had."

I looked into his eyes. It was longing and surely mine was apologetic. 

"The sun sets about to be over. . . I want to know if you are okay to let me love you again?"

My lips were shuddering and my eyes started getting blurry from tears that I didn't want him to see. Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko hinagkan ko na lamang siya. I could also feel how he responded to it. Ang higpit ng mga yakap niya sa akin. There were tears running down my cheek when I searched for his eyes. He was teary-eyed as well, and he was smiling at me as if everything we'd been dealing with for the past months just got its resolution with a simple hug.

Austin leaned his face closer to me, locking our lips with a kiss, and I knew at that point, I would never doubt this man who came into my life, all the way from Latvia and showed his passion for his love for me. I'm not sure how I could repay all the love he was giving to me, but this time, we are making it real. No doubts. No mistrusts. No threesomes.

Austin stayed on the island until the last week of November. He won the Surfing Cup. I extended my stay on the island until he went back to Latvia after his thirty-day visit. Now, I was the one who was boarding the plane to go to Latvia to meet him again and his family and would spend there until the end of January next year.

We are working on our relationship. . . And I'm planning to make it official with him as soon I land there. I know I'm making the right decision. I've been a fool once, but I would never be a fool twice, because this man never made me feel so stupid of loving someone else even though we were a thousand miles apart.

Eight months ago, I was looking to get away from the all problems I had, and there I wandered onto an island where I found some kind of wonder I wouldn't ever want the world to discover because what I found was something that I would cherish forever.

And that's Austin Pavelle—my kinky wanderer.

***