After the surprising engagement done by Keegan to Marina, we went straight to a nearby restaurant to celebrate it. As usual, how we get here is how we'll get to the location they said, we waited for a tricycle to pick us up. Sabi nila malapit lang naman daw 'yong lugar na tinutukoy nila, but could get us faster if we were on a motorbike. They wouldn't like to walk when it's starting to get nighttime.

On our way there, Brad and Xander told me how Keegan came up with the idea. The man of the hour has been keeping in touch with them for a few weeks now to help him execute the proposal. They said it went well, but they could also do much more with the preparation they had, but all is well and that's what makes it good for them.

I thought it was nice and real. I'm happy with how they all planned it out and the outcome is how they wanted it to go. Good for Keegan and Marina. I'm not jealous—well, sort of.

Nang marating namin ang resto na tinutukoy nila ay naghihintay sila sa amin. They told us Keegan and Marina were inside asking some staff to get us some seats. I used to be a wild and very loud person when I was with my friends, but this time, I was the quiet one who was just following what they told me to do. Nangangapa pa ako. I've never felt like this before or maybe because I was just trying to accustom myself to the island life.

I feel I can't be attached to them because if I'm going to think about the reality, I'm going to leave the island soon, and leaving was always the hardest part for me to reel in.

"What do you think your first sunset in Siargao, Danny?" Kady asked. 

"It was... nice."

"Really?" Xander questioned. "Just nice?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "I mean, it was wonderful and I think that was the most beautiful I have seen in my life for the past few weeks so yeah, it was nice for me to be part of something beautiful."

"Okay, if you'd continue, you'll go deep so that's okay," Bradley said and they laughed at it.

Later on, Keegan called us in and so we followed him inside. Sumunod lang ako sa mga kasamahan ko. Pauunahin ko talaga sila, but Xander let me come in first. When we reached their table, pumwesto na kami at ang nakatabi ko pa ay si Austin. He didn't look at me when I sat next to him. I feel like he would ask Kady to exchange seats with her so he wouldn't have to sit next to me. I would feel bad about it if he did that.

"Tonight is a celebration, order what you want, it's our treat," Keegan said to us. 

Tuwang-tuwa naman ang apat dahil makalilibre ng dinner. Hindi naman naghintay ang lahat na makapili ng kakainin nila. Pagkabigay pa lamang ng waiter ang kanilang menu ay agad nilang hinanap kung anong gusto nilang kainin. They were like pirates who were trying to find the X's spot.

"What's yours, Danny?" Xander asked.

Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong pipiliin ko. "I think what's the best here? What would you guys recommend to me?"

"Get the Mantap Padang," Austin suggested. "That was the first meal I had in this resto. It was hefty but really good. You should try it."

"Maybe I should," I said. "I'll get that."

Austin smiled and nodded at me, but then put his attention back to the menu card to continue picking what he'd like to eat. For drinks, they got themselves some bottles of beer while I chose to have a mango milkshake. As all were ready for their orders, nagtawag na sila ng waiter at isinabi ang mga napili namin. The waiter said it would take fifteen to twenty minutes for all the orders to be served, and everyone was fine with it. Wala namang nagmamadaling umuwi.

Kady started asking about how Keegan planned the proposal to Marina tonight. We were all enlightened on how he requested Xander and Brad's help in making the proposal a success. Nagtampo naman sina Austin at Kady dahil wala silang alam sa pa-surprise na 'yon. Since Brad and Xander have been with them for a long time, they know the couple so well.

Brad then asked if they were engaged if their plan to live abroad would come sooner, and if they would leave the island after their marriage. Medyo nalungkot naman ako sa narinig ko. Hindi lang din naman ako ang nalungkot sa balitang iyo. I could see it in their eyes, but Marina and Keegan said that we don't have to be so sad about it as it was just a new chapter and they are excited to start this one.

Not sure how would that happen. Baka nga kung umalis sila ng island ay nakabalik na ako sa Maynila. My life was there. This is just a temporary getaway for me. I can't do what Cory did. She had the guts to live and be with the person she loved—I don't have that so I gotta go back and be right on track.

Mabuti na lang din ay wala sa akin ang atensyon ng lahat. All was focused on the new engaged couple and as it should be. Ayokong maging subject ng usapan. May mga topic kasi akong iniiwasan and I'm trying to bring it up dahil ayokong isipin nila na umabot sa ganito ang sitwasyon. A pathetic lonely gay.

Soon after the chit-chats and their plans for their future, the orders come and serve on our table. Austin ordered the same thing I ordered and I guess he was just missing the flavors of it. Based on the menu card earlier, these dishes are inspired by Indonesian dishes and it would be my first time to have a taste of it.

During dinner, everyone seemed to be busy eating. Tahimik lang din ako. The mango milkshake was refreshing for me. Sila, ang panulak nila ay alak. Hindi ko piniling uminom ng alak dahil nitong nakaraang gabi lang, what happened to me wasn't great. Dahil do'n, napadpad ako rito sa Siargao—or maybe it was great as I got to meet these wonderful people. Even though I felt so awkward, they didn't make me feel so out of place.

I still just think Austin hates me... because he's no longer solo in his room.

Natapos kaming mag-dinner past eight and I feel like these people aren't tired yet. Nagbalak pa silang pumunta sa isang bar para pumarty so they can all continue the celebration there. Tatanggi na sana ako dahil pagod na pagod na rin ako. I woke up early to go to the airport and found out that I booked the wrong flight and now I'm here joining this group of people to celebrate an engagement. I wouldn't like to be the killjoy of the group kaya um-oo na lang din ako.

To get to the bar they were talking about, it would be another eight-minute ride there via motorbike. Kami na naman ang kawawa nina Xander at Brad dahil kailangan naming mag-commute, but Austin suggested they could pick us up back so we don't have to spend any money for transport. We just have to wait for them. Pumayag naman ang dalawang AFAM na kasama ko, syempre, pumayag na lang din ako.

As soon as they left us, we waited for less than twenty minutes before they arrived to pick us up. Dahil dalawa lang naman ang motor, they can only carry one person on each bike. Xander jumped on Keegan's back ride, while Brad said I should go first and so I hopped on Austin's motorbike.

"Are you sure it's okay?" I asked him.

Brad clicked his tongue. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Go, and ride on."

Naunang umalis sina Keegan at sumunod kami. Nakahawak lang ako sa handle sa likod ng motor dahil nakahihiya naman kung ipalilibot ko ang kamay ko sa katawan ni Austin.

"Are you okay there?" he asked.

"Huh?" Natanga ako sa tanong niya dahil hindi ko naman in-expect na kauusapin niya ako. 

"I said are you okay back there?" he repeated.

Tumango ako pero hindi ko sure kung nakita niya 'yon kaya inulit ko sa pagsagot ng, "Okay lang..."

"If you're not comfortable, you can put your hands over my should so in that way, it'll be easy for you to hold on."

"Is that okay?"

"Yes," tipid nitong sagot. Sinunod ko naman ang sinabi niya at dahan-dahan kong nilagay ang kamay ko sa magkabila niyang balikat. "Is that comfortable?"

I nodded once again. "Yes... Thank you."

Nahuli ko siyang sumulyap sa akin mula sa side mirror ng motor pero mabilis niya ring iniwas sa akin ang tinin. I guess, he doesn't really hate me at all. Dahil kung hate niya ako, he would let me fall down on his bike. Masyado lang siguro akong judger. As they said, Austin's a bit shy so I guess he was just warming up around me. Well, I do, too. He was the only one I got too intimidated by the presence.

Sa bilis ng pagmamaneho ni Austin, nauna niya pa nga sina Keegan at narating namin ang bar ng ilang segundo mula sa kanila. Pagkababa ko ay si Austin na raw ang susundo kay Brad kaya umalis siya kaagad habang sina Keegan at Xander naman ay sinamahan na ako sa loob kung saan naghihintay sina Marina at Kady.

The first thing they gave me when I saw them was to hand over a shotglass to me. Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan, tinanggap ko iyon at sabay-sabay naman naming tinungga. I only realized that after my throat suffered from the sting of that alcohol. Hindi ko na inalam kung anong alak iyong ipinainom nila sa akin, but I know that would be the only alcohol I'll drink tonight... or possibly not.

When I looked around, there were already a lot of people around. Karamihan ng makikita ko ay mga dayuhan. Marina said most of these foreigners have been living on the island for years now so they knew this place more than myself. They said this isn't packed yet so later in the evening, more people will come over. Tinanong ko si Kady kung madalas ba sila pumunta rito. She said, from time to time they will come just to have fun since that's the reason they stayed on the island. 

It was like they were free and the freedom they have right now was unimaginable. Walang pumipigil sa kanila. They could do whatever they wanted to do.

Not long after we were swarmed by new arrivals, we saw Austin and Bradley behind them. What I quickly noticed, a girl came up to Austin and got his attention while Bradley came over and joined us on our spot.

"Here she comes again," Kady murmured. Napatingin ako sa kanya at napalingon din siya sa akin dahil narinig ko ang ibinulong niya. "I'm not a hater... she was just so too confident that she thinks Austin likes her whch I don't he does."

"Oh..." Iyon na lang din ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

That girl was a local. She was pretty, had pretty tanned skin, and with very islandy hair. I couldn't see her face from where I was as I could only see her back, but from a glimpse of her side profile earlier, there would be a reason why Kady didn't like her.

"Austin, come here!" Kady called him away from that girl.

He excused himself from that girl who was keeping him from joining us.

"Thank me for getting you out of that," Kady smirked. Nakatingin lang ako kay Austin. "Here you go... just a joke. You're driving so you can't be drunk."

Austin smirked and then looked down at me where I immediately put my attention away from him. That would be the last thing I want him to speculate—that I like him. He's straight, so I can never be with someone who is straight. Magkaiba ang mundo namin. But I'm still too fragile for this... yet I'm not closing any opportunities, as long as it makes me happy, I'm fine with it.

Fuck you, Lukas. Fuck you, Davide. Here's what you lose for breaking my heart.

***