Lulan ng van papuntang airport, maraming tumatakbo sa isipan ko. Ang gulo-gulo pa. Iba rin ang kabog ng dibdib ko. Puno ng kaba at takot. Sometimes I tend feel so much excited and the nerves just get on me and that I wouldn't be able to function properly. Like it always happen.

"Sis, okay lang you?" tanong ni Cory. Ipinatong pa nito ang kamay niya sa braso ko. Tumango naman ako. "Palawan has been a wild trip for me. Kaya pala bet na bet mo rito, ha?"

She giggled. "There were a lot of reasons that made me stay on the island. Baka ito na rin 'yon for you."

"Ay, hindi ka sure diyan, sis. Hindi pa nga ako sure kung tama 'yong desisyon ko. But whatever, if it something to happen, it will. Ngayon, gusto ko na lang mabuhay with peace of mind. Kahit walang jowa, very favorable for me."

"Sabi nga nila, 'wag magsasalita ng tapos hangga't hindi pa nangyayari. Iyon ang nangyari sa akin. . . So, guess where I am now."

"Hoy, Douglas! Itong jowa mo talaga, kekerengkeng na naman, e."

Natawa naman ito. "Yeah, I got used to it, Dan."

Si Douglas ang nagmamaneho ng van papuntang airport. Van ng tito niya ang gamit namin. It was the same van that they used  to pick Cory up before. Kung saan ako pupunta, it looked like there was something that would Cory tell me about them. When I think about it, hindi rin maalis sa isipan ko na baka kung saan-saan na lang din sila nagse-sex. Ang laswa ng pag-iisip ko ro'n. But possible?

As soon as we reached the airport, my breathing went shallow so I had to calm myself down as if I was going to faint. Bumaba ako ng van at tinulungan naman ako ni Douglas na kunin ang bagahe ko mula likod. Before I entered the airport, they both hugged me.

"Sis, thank you for visiting us here. Ang tagal-tagal ko nang sinasabi sa 'yo na pumunta ka rito sa Palawan, and one week wasn't enough! But I hope this wouldn't be the last time?"

I smiled, shaking my head. "I don't think so. . . I haven't seen much of Palawan, but thank you for taking me around. Ngayon, alam ko na kung saan nagsimula ang greatest love story ni Quarantine at Doggy."

Natawa naman silang dalawa. Si Douglas naman ang yumakap sa akin. "When you plan on going back, let's go to Puerto Princesa or El Nido. You would love to see the lagoons there and the cave. Thank you for visiting and I really hope you had fun."

"I had so much fun, well, kulang ng twenty-percent dahil wala akong masyadong AFAM na nauwi, but anyway. . . It was a good trip for me. I'm going to see you all soon, but now. . . This is me now. . ."

For one last time, they hugged me again, and I grabbed my suitcase and pulled it as I walked toward the airport's entrance. Napahugot ako nang malalim na hininga nang makapasok ako sa loob. Tumayo ang balahibo sa katawan ko at mas dumagundong ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

I quickly searched for my check-in counter and the good thing, they were already open and accepting passengers to check in their luggage. Hindi naman gaanong mahaba nag pila. It just took me fifteen minutes before I walked into the security then went to the boarding gate and waited for my flight to be announced.

My flight would be an hour from now, and I couldn't stay in my seat comfortably when my head was going all over the place.

Panay ang tingin ko sa orasan at sa flight ko. Would it be canceled? Can I still change my decision now? I feel like I've still got time to draw the line here. Once they called my flight for boarding, I didn't have a choice, but to get on board, and let it all unfold.

This was scary for me. I hope the decision I made won't pile up to the same mistakes I did.

As the clock ticked down, I started to feel nervous. Mayamaya lang din ay inanunsyo na ng ground crew ang boarding namin. I grabbed my stuff and lined up as we boarded the plane. Nang makapasok ako sa plane ay hinanap ko naman ang upuan ko. I would be sitting next to the window kaya pabor din sa akin. The flight would only take at least an hour. 

Later on, when the flight took off, I just had to think about all the good things that happened. Hindi na rin ako mapakali, but looking through the window and watching the sea and land we passed by helped me calm down. Ang bilis lang din ng biyahe. I never thought of that. Nabigla pa ako nang inanunsyo ng piloto ang paglapag namin. When we safely landed, I took a deep breath and let it go. Once it was okay for us to get off our seats, I grabbed my stuff from the overhead cabin and joined the others to get off board the plane.

I headed straight to the baggage carousel and I picked up my suitcase. It didn't take too long when it came out and picked it up myself. I found my out of the airport and as soon as I stepped out, there was this feeling inside my chest that made me feel a little bit concerned.

"Well, I guess,  welcome back to me. . ." I uttered under my breath.

I decided to come to Siargao as I felt too bad to decline Marina's invitation again. Walang nakaaalam ng pagkadating ko. I wouldn't even stay in Marina's house dahil hindi ko rin sinabi sa kanya na pupunta ako. I just booked a hotel for a week on the island, and this time I have my ticket back to Manila.

Tumuloy ako sa van na papuntang General Luna. Mabuti na lang ay isa ako sa mga huling pasahero na naka-tiyempo ng van na paalis na dahil ang kasunod na van ay maghihintay pa ulit na mapuno bago umalis. They collected the payments and then we were off the road.

May isang oras pa ulit ako para magnilay-nilay. Pagdating ko sa General Luna, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Kung magpapakita ba ako sa kanila o baka magtago-tago pa ako. Nahihiya ako. Lalo na kay Marina. Hindi ko na rin nakakausap ng madalas sina Xander, Brad, Kady, at Keegan. They must be hating me all until today.

Tahimik lang ako sa biyahe at nakikinig ng music. No'ng isang araw ay nagtanong si Marina sa akin kung pupunta raw ba ako ng Siargao. Ang sagot ko na lang sa kanya ay pag-iisipan ko pa. She might not be expecting me right now, but I'm doing this as a surprise as well. She might like it or not, at least I showed up. 

Nakatulog ako sa isang oras na biyahe. I still remember the time when Austin and I went on the road on just a motorcycle. We've almost gone on a daily stroll wherever we would like to go. Alam kong hindi na ulit iyon mangyayari ngayon. Austin might not talk to me. The last time we saw each other, he was crying and that he might realized a lot of things pouring all those emotions for me.

Narating namin ang General Luna. Sumakay lang ako ng tricycle para pumunta sa hotel na pagtutuluyan ko. I knew a great hotel for single person to stay in Siargao. Mga hostel room kung saan sa iisang room ay may mga backpacker din na nag-stay. I really don't mind it. I was looking for a cheap, but with great amenities for a hostel and this one was the place I've seen before.

I found my place to stay. It was a bunk bed, but definitely had more space and the place was air-conditioned so I didn't mind if I was staying with people I didn't know. I did it the last time so I could do it again.

I spent a few hours in the hostel deciding if I should go and see my friends today. It was almost noon when I decided to leave the hostel and go to the transient house. Kinakabahan pa ako dahil hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon nila sa akin.

Sumakay ako ng tricycle papunta sa bahay nila Marina. Hindi rin naman nagtagal. Halos three minutes lang din ang itinagal ng biyahe. Nang harapin ko ang bahay ay napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at ang kabog ng dibdib ko ay ang bilis. Inabot ko ang doorbell saka ko pinindot iyon. Later on, someone came out to the door shouting my name as she saw me.

It was Marina.

Hindi siya makapaniwala na nasa Siargao ako ngayon. Lumabas din si Brad na nagulat pa nang makita ako.

"Danny! I'm so happy you're here. This is a surprise!"

"Yes, it is a surprise!" Ngiti ko pa. "I'm sorry if I didn't tell you about it and I came unannounced."

"Oh, don't be sorry, Dan. I'm just so happy you were here today!"

"Where's your stuff, Dan?" Brad asked me.

"Oh, I stayed at a hostel now. . ." aniko. "I won't be staying long. I would only be here for a week."

"But you still stay with us," sabi ni Marina.

"I know, I know. . . Maybe next time?"

"Okay, next time." Ngiti pa nito. "Let's go inside. . . Have you eaten? I've cooked some lunch."

Umiling naman ako. "Not yet. . ."

"Perfect! Let's go inside. You know where to find the dining table."

Pumasok naman ako sa loob ng bahay. It was still different, but has a different kind of vibe. Nang tanungin ko naman kung nasaan 'yong iba ay sinabi nitong pauwi pa lang din galing sa Cloud Nine at nag-training dahil nga malapit na ang simula ng competition. We were all talking during lunch.

When they asked me something, I would answer it, but they didn't bring up Austin in the conversation which weirded me out. I guess, he really had a boyfriend or a girlfriend at this time. Hindi na nila kailangan pang ibalik ang past at ungkatin iyon. After lunch, Marina told me that some of my stuff was still in the bedroom I was in before, if I wanted them back, I could just go and grab them myself.

She didn't make me feel like a stranger even though I won't be staying in her house. Dahan-dahan pa akong tumungo sa second floor kung nasaan ang dati kong kwarto. Nang marating ko ang pinto ng kwarto ay dahan-dahan ko ring tinulak ang pinto saka ako pumasok sa loob. It was quite, but windy. Naiwang nakabukas ang bintana sa balcony.

Pagkabukas ko naman ng drawer ay doon ko lang napansin na ang naiwang gamit lang do'n ay ang akin. When I looked at Austin's side of bed, malinis iyon at halos ang iba niyang kagamitan ay nakaligpit na. Para akong binalutan ng malamig na hangin nang ma-realize ko na wala si Austin dito sa isla.

"Austin left." Napatingin ako sa nagsalita at nakita ko si Marina na nakatayo sa may pintuan. She pressed her lips together and I could see she was sad about it. "Two months after he came back from Manila, he left the island and went back to Latvia. I would love to tell you about it, but he didn't want me to tell you that was going back to Latvia."

"Did he say why?"

"He said it was personal, but that's all. . ." Marina said. "I'm sure wherever he is right now, he's happy. I wish he was here because he loves competing in the surfing competition."

"Yeah. . . I hope he's okay. . . Also, I came here for you and to the competition so. . ."

"I still don't believe it, but thank you so much for coming! I really appreciate it."

"No problem, I'm happy to be back. . ."

Later on, we heard from downstairs that the others were back from Cloud Nine. Nauna nang bumaba si Marina at naiwan ako sa loob ng kwarto. Sinabi ko na lamang na susunod ako sa kanya. Napaupo na lamang ako sa kama ko at inaalala ang mga nangyari no'n.

This time it was different. This time I am alone. 

Am I disappointed that Austin wasn't around anymore? Well, kind of. But I guess, everything happens for a reason, and maybe we were never meant to see each other again. I hope everything is well for him. But I'm happy to be back. For one last time, I'm going to make unforgettable memories alone.

***