Since the day I decided I wouldn't go to Siargao with Austin, I didn't post any advertisement for selling the condo unit. I had a hard time dealing with all the trauma that was left in me. Lukas and I's conversation back when we met in Siargao was good for me. It was a way for both of us to close that chapter so we could get a new book where we could flip pages and run through exciting yet thrilling new stories.

That was what I expected, and yet I felt like it was overturned.

As I resigned spontaneously in my previous job, I looked for a part-time which was okay, enough to sustain my needs and wants. I didn't even joke when I told Cory I would be selling feet pics. It was just an idea, and I posted it online on an anonymous profile. I didn't show my fave, only my feet in different angles. I was surprised when there were people paying to see it, so I actually don't need to have a full-time job at this moment.

A few weeks ago, it was a surprise for everyone in Siargao I didn't come back with Austin. Marina called me numerous times and I ended up letting it go through a missed call. I've only got the courage to talk to her when I finally can. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang ang nangyari at ang reason ko. She understood them and she respected my decision. She even told me that if I decided to come back to the island, her house would always be open for me.

I've left a few things in her house, she thought about sending it over to me, but it would be a little expensive for some clothes and stuff that I barely used this time. Hinayaan ko na lang din naman. Pinanghawakan naman ni Marina iyon na kaya ayaw ko raw kunin dahil babalik daw ako sa isla. I was hoping I would. Sana sa time na rin na 'yon ready na ulit akong harapin si Austin.

When he left, he was emotional. Alam kong ayaw niyang umalis nang hindi ako kasama. From that moment, hindi na ulit kami nagkausap. We still followed each other on Instagram, but we only get to see each other's posts and not with any interaction. Madalas kong makausap si Marina. She still would want me to be in their wedding next year. If I didn't come, bahala na raw akong maghanap ng matutuluyan sa Siargao kapag bumisita ako.

She was just joking and I still hope I could come to her wedding. I wouldn't dare miss it.

For the past few weeks, going to bars and clubs was my time killer. I made out with many people I don't even know their last names. Sometimes, they would just pull me to the corner pin me to the wall then kiss me like there was no tomorrow.

I made out with many men, but I haven't had sex with anyone since Austin.

When I met Kersh and she found out that me and Austin was no longer a thing, she was actually sad about it. Nabanggit niya nga na na-meet niya si Austin no'ng gabing 'yon. Para pa nga raw nawawalang bata si Austin dahil hinahanap niya ako until Kersh noticed him. At that moment, I jokingly said to her if she had a way to get some access to CCTV footages from that moment. She said, she will try, but no promises. Hindi naman ako umaasa kaya dumaan ang ilang linggo ay nakalimutan ko rin, until last week, Kersh called me that she got some access from footages that night.

There we watched Austin and I separated to meet Kersh. He went to the restroom while I went straight to the backstage to meet her. The footage remained focused on the restroom door for three minutes until he left, and then he got lost. In the other footage, nakita namin iyong isang gay na narinig kog nag-uusap no'n. They got out of a room and it was followed by this foreigner who was fixing his belt on his way out. Bumagsak ang balikat ko matapos kong mapanood iyon.

But who could blame for thinking about it? I've been through this situation where I was lied to and led on to something I thought was an honest relationship. Natakot na ako na gano'n ang ginawa ni Austin sa akin, thus my reaction to him. All this time, he was just being truthful to me, and I regretted how I treated him that night until he left Manila.

I was so stupid, but if anyone was in my position, they wouldn't just let it go. Like what I did.

Austin and I talked. I believed in him, so when I watched the footage, I knew that I should've trusted him right away, but I didn't. He was hurt and confused. And because of that, I'm sure he wouldn't go back to seeing me again.

Like ever.

Today, instead of making myself feel deprived of what happened to me these past few weeks. I kept myself entertained by talking to guys online. I was just waiting for someone to talk. Send dick pics and all. No sex for now. If this trend kept going in my life for the next few months, I wouldn't know what to do in my life.

I even contemplating moving into a new condo. I haven't had a chance to talk about that with Cory, but I think she will support me. As always, I was lucky to have her as my best friend.

Later on, I received a notification for a follow request. When I found out who it was, my eyes widened. I accidentally deleted his request before when I was cleaning out the request inbox.

Quentin Andreas sent you a follow request.

I accepted his follow request, but I haven't followed him back yet. A second later, he sent me a message which I opened.

Quentin: Hey, Danny! How are you?! It's been a long time!

Me: Hey, Quen! I'm good. . . How are you?

Quentin: I'm feeling great. What are you up to today?

Me: Nothing much. . . Kind of a boring day for me.

Quentin: I've got nothing to do as well. How are you with Austin? Are you guys still together?

Me: No comment. . . 😬

Quentin: Oh, I see. . . Wanna come over to my place?

Me: What are we gonna do?

Quentin: What do you think? 🍆 🍑 💦

Me: 😏

Me: Alright. Send me your location. I'll be there.

Quentin: 📍 Click to see Quentin's Location

***

After six months, in October 2024, I moved out of the condo. Finally ay nagkaroon na ako ng lakas ng loob na sabihin kay Cory na lilipat na ako sa mas maliit at budgetarian na condo. I decided to get a small unit for myself. One of my friends suggested to get a shared-condo unit so it won't be too much for me when paying monthly.

I would love to, but I also wanted to have some peace of mind kaya mas pinali kong magsarili.

Go na go naman si Cory sa decision ko. I know it was her condo unit and it was her place since she moved out from her past relationship with Derek. There were memories there, and we knew we would miss them, but for our peace of mind, it would be better for us to let them go. That's why I flew to Palawan and see them, this time I booked the correct flight.

I stayed in a hotel. I thought of staying for a week then I'll be back in Manila. Iyon ang inilatag kong plano sa kanila at wala namang problema sa kanila 'yon. They even suggested for me to stay with them, but I'm in my single era right now. Mas bet kong mapag-isa nowadays.

"Let's go for a walk here. . ." Cory said. "This is the beach where I met Douglas. Alam mo na naman kung anong nangyari no'ng time na 'yon. But this is where it all happened. Now, he's a senior diver instructor in their diving school. And I'm just here, admiring him, but some days, may mga kinaiinisan talaga akong haliparot na babae kung makadikit sa kanya." Nagawa pa nitong umirap. Mukhang malaki ang galit ni Cory sa mga mahaharot na babae. Good thing, hindi ako babae.

"What do you think if you didn't come up to him and do CPR?"

"Oh, my gosh! Konsensya ko na lang, sis. Baka hindi ako patalugin sa buong trip ko rito sa Palawan at inisip ko na lang bakit hindi ko siya tinulungan. Baka masisisi pa ako kung namatay siya."

"Agree! Kaloka nman kasi. Hihiga sa tabi ng dagat?"

"Kapag naaalala ko talaga 'yon, naiinis pa rin ako sa kanya, pero bigla niya akong babawian ng kiss. Kaasar."

"Ay! Ang landi, sis!" Tawa ko pa habang siniko ko siya. "Mapapa-sana all na lang talaga ako."

"Darating din ang tamang guy for you, sis," ani Cory. "Pero anong balita ro'n kay Quentin? I know you said. . . Hmm. Alam mo na. Do you still hang out with him? Hindi mo na kasi nababanggit."

"That's it, sis," pagkompirma ko sa kanya. "Kapag hindi na nababanggit ibigsabihin wala na. I guess, I was just bored that time and we hooked up. After that time, I never went down with him again. We never talked again. I think he unfollowed me na. I didn't really think that I would do it again with him, pero something just came to me that day. And boogsh. But let's forget about him."

"Oooh," she swooned. "Bakit meron na bang bago?"

Umiling ako. "Wala naman. . . I am in my single era, sis. I don't think I would ever be in a relationship soon enough. I know it has been six months since I had something with a guy back in Siargao, but we haven't talked since. Like a single word."

"Why don't you take the first move?"

"Girl? Ako pa ba gagawa no'n?" Ngisi ko pa. "I don't think he would ever turn his head back to me. Baka nga meron na siyang bago ngayon. I don't know about it."

"Would you ever come back to Siargao?"

"I would, to see the beaches again."

"The person?" she asked, grinning. Napakibit balikat na lang din naman ako. "Well, if there was something that you need to prioritize that is yourself."

While we were sitting on the sand by the beach, I received a message. When I checked it out and found out who it was, I started to wonder what her message was all about.

"Sino 'yan?" tanong ni Cory.

"It's Marina. . . This is what she said. . . Hi, Danny! How are you? I know you wanted to see this in person. The Surfing League Competition is about to happen. I know this is late notice, but if you want to come, please come! We would love to have you back again and experience the surfing competition! Hope to hear from you soon."

"Huh. . ." I uttered.

"Anong plano mo?" tanong ni Cory sa akin. Napalinon lang ako sa kanya at parang tumagos lang ang tingin ko sa kanya. "If I were you, go na ako ro'n. Nainvite na ako. And who cares kung nando'n si Austin, 'di ba? Baka its about time na rin for your guys to talk about. . . Pero it's all up to you. Kailan ba mangyayari 'yong event na 'yon?"

"That would be the last week of October."

"Oh! Lapit na. Next week na rin 'yon. You should make a decision na. Sila na nagyaya sa 'yo na bumalik ng Siargao. If Douglas has no work, sasama kaming dalawa sa 'yo."

"I don't know. . . Bahala na. . ."

"Whatever you think is the right thing for you, I would support you."

"Thanks, sis. . ."

Muli kong binalikan ang message sa akin ni Marina at binasa ko iyon. Ang dami lang tumatakbo sa isipan ko ngayon, pero hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa kanya. I knew I broke Marina's heart when I didn't come back with Austin six months ago, and now that she was looking forward to see me again, she might hate me forever. 

I just have to think about it because if Austin were there, I don't know what to do. Sex Gods, help me get through this.

***