Hindi pa rin ako confident sa plano ni Austin ngayong araw, pero sabi nito we should go for it, and if it doesn't work, we'll find another way. What I would do, I wouldn't want to cross our paths again. He understood my sentiment and he wouldn't want to step into my past relationship with them, but since something was developing between us, I cannot just ignore what he thinks.

What happened between me and Austin still confused me though. I think he was just finding himself out on this spectacle we had, but I also don't want to disregard his feelings because, in the first place, he opened up to me which I think he never did to Kady, Xander, Brad, Marina, and Keegan. 

Kung ano man ang mangyari ngayong araw at kung isang malaking epic fail ang plano ni Austin, hindi ko naman siya masisisi dahil in the first, I agreed with his idea.

He came into the room knocking to speak for his presence. "Are you ready?" he asked, lifting my head to see his face. 

Bago ako nagbigay ng sagot sa kanya ay napahugot ako nang malalim na hininga. I think this is normal when I'm about to meet the person who ruined my peace of mind a few weeks ago. When I let it go, I slowly nodded my head giving an affirmation that I was ready for it.

He smiled. "Great, I'll meet you downstairs, okay?"

"Alright, see you. . ." I uttered then he left and brought my posture slouching like a c-word because deep inside of me, I was so scared and anxious. I feel like I couldn't do it, but I feel like this is also my chance to get that peace I was looking for.

When I finally got the courage, I stood on my feet and grabbed my transparent tote bag. I went downstairs and met Austin outside. The others left earlier to go to some beaches, but because Austin has to mentor Lukas' group of friends, he couldn't join, as I too, as I'm joining him at the Cloud Nine beach.

I was only wearing some board shorts and a blue-white ombre top while Austin was on his board shorts and a sando, blatantly exposing the tight muscle on his arms and shoulder. As soon as I hopped behind him on the bike, and got on the road. I was holding onto his shoulder while my head was already flying back to Manila.

At first, hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko to Lukas. Gusto ko siyang suntukin, sabunutan, at jombagin, pero baka isipin niya na sobra-sobra naman ako at hindi pa maka-move on. E, sino bang putangina ang makaka-move on sa panlolokong ginawa niya sa akin? Porque ba gwapo siya at in-secret ang relationship namin, babalewalain na niya 'yon?

Bullshit siya.

But I thought to myself not to make any scene there. Ayokong gumawa ng scandal. Kapag ibang scandal ang usapan, pwede pa siguro.

Aside from him, nandiyan si Quentin na ghinost ko matapos kong umalis sa Cloud Nine kahapon nang walang paalam. I didn't pick his calls nor answer his text messages to him asking where I was. Hindi naman niya kailangan malaman 'yon. Now that I knew, he was just only part of a quick bliss I did.

It didn't take us too long when we reached the Cloud Nine beach, while Austin was parking the bike, I could feel my legs shaking beneath the sand. Austin came up to me when he parked the bike and put his arm over my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked, tumango na lamang din ako kahit hindi naman masyadong okay. He patted my shoulder just to make me feel better. "You'll do good. Just do remember, I'll be behind you or better be beside you."

"Okay. . ." Even though I didn't have a positive outlook for this idea, I knew I had to go through this, too, so I would know where I stand in Lukas' life. It may be too early to confront him, after our break up, but I guess this would help me finally be free from his ghost.

"You got this. . ." he uttered.

When I got close to Austin, I saw a different side of him. Hindi pa siya umaamin sa akin no'n, but I slowly get to know his personality. Siguro nga hindi lang talaga kami nag-match ng personality when we first met, but we're getting there. Seemingly, we're the ones who could be seen getting out much more often rather than the others.

Within a few steps from the entrance to the spot where we were meeting them, my chest was pumping so shallowly that I'm sure once Austin put his hand over my chest, he could feel how loud and fast my heartbeat was.

Austin and I met them in one of the cabanas in the resort. Napahugot ako nang malalim na hininga dahil hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa kanila. But I remained calm and confident. What surprised me next when Austin hold my hand and spring his finger in between of mine. Napatitig pa ako sa kamay naming dalawa. He didn't look at me, but the smile on his was on full radiant.

"Hey, guys!" pagbati nito.

Lukas and his boyfriend, Davide looked in our direction and then there was Quentin who smiled when he saw me. But those smiles quickly vanished when he saw me and Austin holding our hands. I feel like he would come up to me and talk to me, but he remained on his spot after noticing that.

"Is everybody ready?" Austin asked.

"Yes! Some of our friends are already on the beach side waiting for us, let's go there!" Lukas answered. 

I couldn't even look into his eyes.

"Oh, before we go there, I want you to meet my boyfriend, well, we just became boyfriends this morning. . . This is Danny."

Of course, they don't need to know my name as they already knew me beforehand. I tried to fake a smile and wave my hand in front of them, they did the same thing as if they didn't know me at all. What shocked me the most was when Austin introduced me to them as his boyfriend. Kitang-kita ko rin ang pagkabigla sa mukha ni Quentin. If this is how it is gonna go, sasakyan ko na lang din ang plano ni Austin.

The five of us went to the beachside and met the others. I knew some of Lukas' circle of friends, but this wasn't the usual people he hangout with. These people could probably be friends with Davide or maybe I wasn't just informed for a long time that he hangs out with these people.

I stayed in one spot while Austin started instructing them what to do. I didn't know Austin was allowed to teach locals or even foreigners to do surfing, he just mentioned, that one of his good mates on Cloud Nine asked him to be one of the freelance mentors since his runner-up place back in a previous surfing competition he had last year.

While everyone was preparing, Austin came up to me.

"How are you doing? Are you okay? Do you want to join us? You know, I could also teach you surfing. I know you've been wanting to do that."

"Hm. . . I guess next time?" sagot ko. "I think it would be better if we do a solo session rather than a group one."

Austin nodded his head. "I like that. I'll book you in my schedule."

"Loko ka talaga, but go. . . I'll watch you guys here."

"Alright, just watch me. . ." He put his hand on my hair and mixed it up which I hate how he does it, but cute.

Later on, everyone was ready, but I noticed that Lukas' was coming in my direction. I quickly panicked dahil hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. I could run the same thing I did yesterday. I could just ignore his presence or whatever. But I couldn't do anything. My feet and body are frozen in the same position.

As soon as he got close to me, he said, "I should've left my phone left. . . Could you please look at it while we're out there?" he asked.

I didn't say anything but looked at his face. He was so gorgeous, I couldn't deny how I fell in love with him so easily. I still do think that I'm still in love with him.

"Danny, are you okay?" he asked, waving his hand in front of my face. 

I shook my head when he did that and looked into his eyes. "I am, of course, I am."

Lies.

"Okay." He chuckled. "I didn't expect to see you here. I thought Quentin was talking about someone else, that he met someone named Danny. I didn't think it was you because out of all the places, there could be one more Danny, and yet here we are. . ."

I am still silent, now I am looking away from him.

"Once and for all, Danny, I'm sorry for what happened. I didn't mean it. It just happened. Davide and I are just good friends. Back in Singapore, it all just happened."

"So, you guys were hooking up before even Singapore?"

Lukas took a deep breath.

"You can be honest with me. There's no harm in being truthful."

"Ah, yes. . ." He let out a deep breath. "But it was one time when things went sideways between us. Thought it was no longer working and I did it with Davide. It was pathetic and stupid, you call it. I shouldn't have done that to you, not to keep you a secret."

"Well, that sucks because it was over. . ." I uttered. "But did you know I was hurting and in pain while you were having the best time of your life out there? People supported you coming out, which I'm not against, but letting the public know you were in a relationship with Davide broke my heart into pieces."

"Ah, fuck. . . I'm really sorry, Danny. . . I know apologizing to you won't be enough."

"Yup, it won't. . . But all I gotta do is to move on and forget about us. Forgot about what happened between us because no one really knew about it so it's really easy to forget."

A silence comes through to us for a second. I feel like he didn't feel so guilty about it.

"What are you doing here in Siargao?" he asked, changing the topics. 

"Forgetting you."

"Oh, okay. . . I see. . . It was a surprise to me when Austin said you were his boyfriend because Quentin—"

I quickly cut him off before he could say anything that would totally wreck me. "I just realized, I don't have to be with any men when Austin was enough for me. I shouldn't have done that."

"But was that your way to take some like revenge on me?"

I laughed when he asked that question. "In your face, Lukas. I'm out here to have fun, not just to forget about you. Don't make it look like the world revolves around you. You were just a piece of my past now."

"Oh, okay. . . I didn't mean to say it like that. I apologize."

"Stop apologizing. . . I'm not even sure if you really meant it."

"Well, if this is how it is gonna go, I just hope the best for you, Danny. I hope you and Austin could have the best time of your lives. I hope he won't do the same thing I did to you. If you still hate me, I accept that, but I hope when that day comes, we could be friends again. . ."

"Lukas! Come here!" Napalingon kami sa tumawag sa kanya. It wa Davide.

"See you around, Dan. . ." he said before turning his back to me. "I'm coming!" he shouted to his friends like he always uttered when we used to be in bed together.

I thought I could close that chapter of my life with Lukas. It seemed like he was already happy with Davide and clearly forgot about me. Sure, people love them for who they are, as they all got the support they needed.

But for me, I only got myself, my bestie in Palawan, and Austin. I'll get that kind of happiness, too, I don't know when, but I'm positive about it.

***