I was stunned.

Completely my mind was blown away.

I looked straight into his eyes finding some sense of why he did it. The way his eyes communicated to me brought so much confusion to me. I couldn't understand it. As he let his hand go from my face and kept his glance straight to me, I could feel a baffling swirl inside of my stomach which I never felt before.

A second later, a smirk was shown on his face and shifted his attention to the view where the sun started to set. I was out of words as I couldn't even begin to compose myself. My feet were glued to the floor and I couldn't even move my body, but could only feel how fast my heartbeat ran. 

"I'm sorry, Danny, I didn't mean to do that. . ."

"Oh, no, don't be," pagpigil ko. I raised my hand and put it on his shoulder, but I was taken aback he might jerk my hand away. "I didn't expect that. . ."

"Me, too," he uttered, and let out a big breath as he leaned on the rails. 

Agad ko naman siyang hinawakan sa braso niya at napansin niya 'yon.

"You might fall," babala ko pa. "You can't trust the rusty rails."

Napangisi naman ito at saka niya binawi ang kamay at saka ito humalukipkip. "I think I already did. . ."

"Huh?" Napakunot na lamang ang noo ko. I don't Austin. I think he was just playing on me. Alam ko namang straight siya so doing this to me might've been a planted idea he had. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. . ." he uttered then looked at me, shrugging off his shoulder. "You tell me."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. "I don't get you, Austin. Why did you do that? I'm not sure what you mean by doing that to me. Why. . . Would you kiss me? Is there something should I know?"

He smirked then threw his attention again away from me. "I just wanna know. . ."

"Wanna know what?"

"If I like you."

"Oh. . ." Mahina kong tugon at namilog na lamang ang bibig ko dahil hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinabi niya sa akin. I was trying to understand if he was true to his words. I looked straight into his face, but I couldn't read him at all. This time, I put my hand on his face and made him look at me. "Is that true?"

He shrugged off, killing me with a sneaky smile on his face.

"Why? I mean. . . You're straight, right?" I questioned him, more likely an interrogation. "Let me ask you. . . Do you like men by their faces or sexually? Is it the same for women?"

"All I could say, I was attracted to you. . ." he admitted. "I haven't been sexually attracted to men, I think you were the first one."

"But you like women?" I asked and he nodded to confirm it. "Oh, so you're bisexual? I mean, that's what you're saying."

"Probably," he answered. "I'm sorry if that kiss offended you in some way."

Agad naman akong umiling. I never felt that way. Nagulat lang ako sa ginawa niya. If I was expecting it, hindi ko siya pipigilan, but for someone like him, I wouldn't ever imagine Austin kissed me.

"Hindi—I mean, you didn't. In anyway. No, no."

He smiled. "Yeah. . . Sure. Did you know why I brought you here?"

Napamaywang naman ako sa tanong niya. "That's one of the questions I would like to ask, but you blew me away with the kiss. Why would we go here? It's like we're an hour away from General Luna. It'll be dark soon when we get back there."

"Sure is, but look at the view," he said, pointing to the sea and the sun as it kissed the horizon. "It's beautiful. I've been here once, so this is just my second time. The first time I was here was in the morning and I told myself that when I returned to the same spot, I would want to watch the sunset. So, here we are now. . . I'm happy to share this moment with you."

"Why me? I'm sorry to ruin the mood with that question, but I was confused. . ." I explained.

He shook his head, chuckling. He put his arms over my shoulder and I could smell his natural scent, it was very manly. I could sniff his armpit all day.

"I don't know, there was something in you that I thought made you special in my eyes. . ." he expressed, and listening to him, I was trying to keep it all inside of me. 

"Really? Because the first time I met you, I thought you hated me. I thought you hated me because I was gay."

"Funny you say that!"

"But that was the truth! I feel like I wouldn't be able to know you and get close to you. You would only hang around with Brad, Alexander, or Kady, and wouldn't talk to me, but only ask me a few words and then that was it!"

"Because I was shy," he answered, giggling. "And I thought you wouldn't like me."

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked him, but he only answered shrugging his shoulder off. "That's not the answer I want, but fine. This was shocking to me. . . You know, it wasn't easy for me these days. . ."

"Yeah, I understand. . ." he said and removed his arms from me. He pressed his lips together. "But I want to let you know, I'll be here with you. I would support you. I would be your guide. I would be wherever you want me. Friends. . ." He showed his pinky finger as if he meant to make a promise thingy with it. "Or more than friends?"

"Loko!" Tawa ko pa. Natawa rin naman siya. "Friends. . ." I locked my pinky with his pinky finger as well.

We watched the sunset together. As usual, he didn't forget to take a snap of how the sky turned purple-pink to dark. It was such a moment for me to keep forever knowing that the person who brought me into this place saw something in me I couldn't.

Naiinis pa rin ako sa nangyari sa akin at kay Quentin. I wouldn't ever want to meet him in person again. I hated him. I hated Lukas and his fucking new boyfriend.

As we left the lighthouse, we were so careful not to be pricked by bushes we passed by. When we head back to his motor, nauna siyang sumakay saka ako sumampa sa likuran. Hindi pa nga ako nakahahawak sa motor o sa balikat niya, he was already insisting me to put my hands around his stomach. I did it the way he asked for it.

We stopped by a local resto on our way back dahil aabutin din kami ng isang oras sa daan. While we were out eating, I was so wary of my surroundings that I could possibly find Lukas around. Tinawanan na lang ako ni Austin nang sabihin ko iyon dahil napapansin niyang palinga-linga ako sa paligid. I didn't tell 

"What do you think of me, Austin?" I asked him.

He sipped on his apple juice while I intently looked at him, waiting for an answer to satisfy my curiosity. "I think you're a great person. You looked so gorgeous and kind. What else do you want me to say?"

"Say dirty things to me, Austin."

"What?" he was surprised, but I laughed it off. "I know you're kidding, but we could try when we got back home."

"Hoy!"

"I'm just kidding! Calm down, Danny," aniya. "I think you were an honest person. You've got a strong personality in you. You're so confident and proud of yourself. That's what I think of you. What do you think of me, Danny?"

"I think you have a big dick," direkta kong sabi sa kanya.

"Oh, don't challenge me. I might show it to you. This might be bigger than Quentin," he confided which made my eyes roll at me. "Okay, I shouldn't have said that. My bad. I'm sorry. . . I didn't mean to."

"No, that's alright. . ." wala kong ganang sagot. "But to answer your question seriously, I think you pick your friends and who you will get along with. I think you're nice, and kind, and you've got this pretty nice that made me question myself why don't you have a girlfriend? Like, there were a lot of pretty locals on the island and you haven't got one for yourself? Remember, you had one coming at you like she was glued to you."

"I haven't got one because I wasn't looking for one," he stated.

"You're not looking for a girlfriend. . . Maybe you were looking for a boyfriend?"

"Hmm? Care to be my boyfriend?" he jokingly said. I know it was just a joke since he smiled so sneakily.

I laughed. "I don't that'll ever happen and until those people are on the island, my life here in Siargao won't be good the same as before—well, a week ago. There were a lot of places, dito pa talaga."

"Hm? What's that?"

"Nothing. . . Just an internal commotion going on in my head right now."

"What are you thinking? Do you want to share?"

"I don't think you'd understand it."

"Try me," he dared, leaning his arms on the table as he got close to me. "What about it?"

Napabitaw naman ako nang malalim na hininga. "As I told you, I'm not even sure if I told you about it, but I really believed that Lukas would be the person I would end up with. I was so in love with him, but knowing the limitations of our relationship also made me doubt it, but I still believe in him. I was so blinded by his love that I didn't care about anything and then he cheated on me. It was rough knowing that you trusted that person your whole life would only end up lying and cheating on you. Now, he was happy with someone else while I'm here feel like I'm still picking up pieces of my broken heart."

"Let me pick those pieces up with you," Austin said. Napangisi ako sa sinabi niya as it sound so too good to be true. "No, I meant it, Danny."

Inabot nito ang kamay ko. I was about to pull it back away from him pero hindi ko rin nagawa.

"Tomorrow, they'll be at Cloud Nine for another surfing lesson. I want you to come with me."

When he said that, I finally pulled my hands back together as I shook my head out of disagreement. "I don't think so. . . Don't you remember what happened yesterday? I hated how it all happened."

"I know and I saw it all, but give it a try. . . If you accept the truth, you may finally find yourself and what you need. Come with me tomorrow. I'll be there with you. And you know to yourself that you didn't do anything wrong."

Napahinga ako nang malalim saka ko iyon pinakawalan. "Okay. . . Promise, be there with me, okay?"

He smiled and nodded his head. "I will."

When we left the resto and headed back home, it took us over half an hour of a ride to get home. They started asking where we went, but I let them swarm Austin with their questions. I headed straight to our room and sat on the bed. A moment later, Austin came in standing by the door.

"Tired?" he asked. Tumango ako. Isinarado naman niya ang pinto at saka lumapit sa akin. "You should take a rest now. We'll leave by morning. . ."

"Alright. . ."

Austin came to me and hugged me by the side of his body as he was standing on my side. He rubbed his hand on my shoulder and then on my head, and later on, I felt him planting a kiss on my hair. When I looked up to see his face, he continued disheveling my hair.

"Sleep tight, Danny. . ." he smiled and then watched him walk out of the room.

I slowly lay down on the bed with my hands on my chest and my mind traveling somewhere. Lately, everything has been so overwhelming for me that I thought putting my attention and emotion to some other guy would make it less hurt, but it's not. I hope Austin was right, I hope I'll find my peace in here.

But he was too confused with me, I have no idea what his intention was, but I could only be careful because I've only known him for almost two weeks. I've known Lukas for 3 years and yet he did all those things to me.

What life had made for me? Sucks to be me.

***